


The Primary Colours

by littlelooneyluna



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, M/M, Slow Burn, Stick with it, kindergarten cop, self harm tw, teacher!Aaron, undercover cop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2019-08-11 00:09:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 40
Words: 143,464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16464959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlelooneyluna/pseuds/littlelooneyluna
Summary: Robert’s job is to track down a fugitive, becoming a school teacher in the process just so happens to be the case this time around





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> No you’re not going mad, I’m actually finally writing another multi chapter fic again lol. It’s been a while. So this one is a bit out there, it’s based on a film if you were unfamiliar and I’ve tried to keep as true to it as I could but the background plot it a tad messy.
> 
> Anyways enjoy the first chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert is forced to undertake a secret undercover role.

 

The bloke is already tackled to the ground by the time the police rock up to take over or whatever it is they convince themselves that they do.

He’s a wriggling mess and Robert grins over him, makes sure to dig his knee in just a little more to get the twat screaming.

“That’s enough of that Sugden.” It’s Harriet’s voice calling over towards him, head of the department and with enough shiny badges to make Robert release his suffocating grip. 

“Just detaining him, like procedures says.”

Harriet raises an eyebrow. “Procedure also says that you should wait for backup before you chase an armed assassin through a shopping centre.”

And the thing is Robert doesn’t like having to adhere to those rules. So he doesn’t. And he does a good enough job so that nobody complains all that much afterwards.

Anyways, he’s not a police officer the way she is. He’s more than that, he actually gets the job done instead of focusing on strategies and logistics of a case.

“Yeah well,” Robert stands awkwardly, shoving the man further towards the ground and folding his arms over. “When he’s waving a gun about, I just act.” 

He’s so smug it’s a joke.

But he gets to, considering the psycho he’s just managed to put behind bars.

“Yeah. You do.” Harriet says, all stubborn and annoyed but she smiles and he’s grateful for her admiration.

Not as much as the blonde hair stylist at the front of the crowd waving at him. 

He makes a note to get her number as soon as the psycho is carried away.

 

—

 

He knows he’s done good but he doesn’t expect to be called into the office and asked for a word about the case. His involvement. His bravery or whatever.

It turns out though that he’s gone and involved himself into something way more deep than he realised.

And his boss wants him to take the reigns.

“I’d like you to head the investigation into what’s taken place with the man you detained. He’s name is Simon and we’ve got reason to believe the man he killed was an informant, someone trying to track down his late girlfriend’s previous boyfriend.” Lawrence clears his throat, stretches his hands out a little further like he’s about to carry on but Robert is already too bored to concentrate.

“This all seems a little —“

“Messy? Indeed.” And Robert could do without all the dramatic pauses and sighs before Lawrence is actually getting to the main event.

Why the fuck he’s dragged Robert here anyway.

“We’d like you to find him. The man who Simon’s tried to look for.” 

“Why?” 

“Because we have reason to believe he witnessed Simon killing another man in a drug exchange. And Simon _was_ looking for him, _and_ he’s taken a child with him on the run.”

“His child? Who cares?”

“Simon does. So we do. We need to know why he’s been on the run in the first place. He must be petrified of Simon. Enough to not want to testify in court. You find him, convince him to testify and Simon gets sent down for the rest of his life.”

Robert rubs a hand over his eyes and groans inwardly. “So this bloke I’m finding, how comes Simon couldn’t get round to doing it himself?” And apparently there’s been a whole name change thing or whatever and Simon’s thicker than he looks.

“If we find him, then we get more information on Simon from someone who knows him and it can make this murder charge stick.” 

Only it’s all so far fetched and has nothing to do with him at all. So what if this Simon has been searching for this bloke who happens to have his step son with him.

He couldn’t give a toss.

But apparently that doesn’t matter because —

“So we’d like you to go undercover on this one, track him down with DCI King.” That earns another groan and his eyes roll against it until Lawrence is pulling a file towards him. “Aaron Dingle?”

He sounds like even more of a thug than Simon did. He can tell how they knew each other. Same circles and all that.

Lawrence nods. “That’s him.” 

And oh, 

How marvellous is this going to be.

 

—

 

The engine is rolling and he’s waiting for Nicola to get a move on and stop blowing kisses at her stupid kids.

You’d think they were going to Australia for a couple of years.

For a second he thinks about the possibility of Jimmy joining him on this road trip up north to find this mystery man instead of his shrieking wife but then his stomach turns a little.

“Alright. Love you.” Nicola finally slams the door shut and Robert breathes harshly, eyes firm on the bowl of pasta she’s currently holding. 

“You’re not eating that in my car.” 

Nicola scowls suddenly. “Hello Nicola. How are you? Isn’t this exciting?” She teases before deadpanning. 

And Robert already knows he’s going to be incapable of staying quiet. He’s known her for way too long now and the thought of having to spend even more time with her feels him with joy. Not.

“I’m just here to do my job.”

And that job involves stalking about a sleepy village and seeking this mystery man out whilst Nicola plays teacher at some school to try and find the sprout. 

“Hm, well you’re going to have to work on that smile of yours.” 

“I’m not smiling.”

“Exactly. You’re playing a nice normal person and I know that’s a bit of stretch for your deep _mysterious_ little brain but —“

“Alright I get it.” Robert says, watches her pull her seatbelt across and smile widely. 

“Good. Put your foot down then and we can get going.”

Robert arches an eyebrow, watches her tuck in and he sighs hard.

The car is going to stink of tuna isn’t it?

 

—

 

The plan is simple enough until it isn’t.

Nicola’s supposed to be the one finding the brat in the school, becoming a _teacher_ in the process and dealing with all that shit.

Only she’s rolling around in bed like she’s just been told she has days to live.

He’s standing above her, hand on his hip and this scowl on his face. 

“Get. Up.” He says, but she’s only whining more and he realises that he’s going to lose it if she doesn’t get a bloody move on.

“Robert. I’m dying.” She says, like that’s going to sway him in any way.

“Well that’s a shame ‘cause you’ve got to be at the school in about half an hour.”

Only apparently she can’t, she’s too far gone, and the way she rushes towards the bathroom makes him suddenly panic.

Because surely _he_ can’t —

 

—

 

He’s standing there with a briefcase and a scowl on his face when a kid thumps straight into him and nearly knocks himself out.

He’s got these big glasses on, an even bigger rucksack and he looks right up at Robert with his mouth open.

“Are you a soldier man?” The kid asks, and it’s great to know that he’s fitting in so well then.

“No. I’m a — I’m a teacher. A new teacher here.” He says bitterly, and it tastes so sour in his mouth now that he thinks he’s going to be sick.

Fuck Nicola King and her dodgy immune system.

The kid backs away slowly and doesn’t say anything else but then Robert’s forced to go through it all again with the headteacher.

She seems nice enough, unassuming and smiley until she realises that he’s not a parent with a query.

“You’re — you’re Mrs Thomas’ replacement?” She checks once, and then twice and he nods both times because yes, it’s unfortunately true.

“That’s correct.”

She arches an eyebrow and he reads her name written out against a wooden block.

Diane.

It sounds naive.

“Well, I’ll have to show you around won’t I?” She gets up and smiles again as she looks at his suit. “I’d try and find something _different_ to where mind.” 

And he doesn’t understand her point until he crosses down one of the corridors and sees this bloke circled around a group of kids covered more or less head to toe in paint. 

And yet he’s still smiling like mad. Like it’s _fun_. 

“Depending on what class I have surely?” Because he’s worked this out on the way here, five year old brats are a lot more brattier than ten year old ones.

Diane huffs slightly like she’s amused, then turns round to face him. “You’d like to think that.” She says.

The bloke is still laughing away when he looks right up at Robert and then looks away again, gets back to getting paint everywhere.

And yeah, this is exactly why he wanted to become a police officer all those years ago.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert struggles on his first day until he meets a certain other teacher at the school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter yayyy, hope you guys are enjoying this <33

Robert remembers being younger, his dad poking at him until he was out on the fields and feeding the cows and being a ‘proper farmer’ 

He remembers hating every single second of it.

He remembers running away when he had the chance, starting a new life and being proud of himself for once.

So having to wake up at seven o’clock to catch a bus into town for this stupid school isn’t something he had in mind whatsoever when he thought about the thrilling adventures of a police officer.

It’s why he’s got a frown on his face when he walks through the doors, his head _aches_ and he blames Nicola practically turning him into her wet nurse.

He’s been up half the night with her moaning and the coffee in his head isn’t even helping matters.

The kids screaming their heads off about absolutely nothing isn’t really doing a lot of good either. So all in all Robert wants to die.

And then some idiot steps out in front of him and manages to knock the cup of coffee right down his front. 

You know, for all the kids to see.

“ _Mate_ , I’m sorry.” 

Robert turns bright red and shoots his head up.

“Don’t _mate_ me, do you know how much this —“

He suddenly realises that he’s talking to the teacher he saw yesterday, the overly enthusiast one with the paint all over his face.

He doesn’t have paint there anymore, no, he’s just got these bright blue eyes.

He looks all embarrassed. “I didn’t mean to —“

“Yeah well you did.” Robert says, bites down on his lip hard. “On my first day n’all.” He says to himself, pushes past whatever apology the bloke tries to get out.

 

—

 

Nicola’s given him some tips with the kids. Apparently it’s all really simple, speak clearly and let them do what they like until one of them is crying.

And then you give them a look.

Robert adjusts his tie as he waits for them to pile in, he’s already got his name on the board and everything.

Everything’s quiet for a second and then it starts.

There’s a rustling and then feet and —

About twenty screaming kids run in.

“Hello. Uh, children. Students. Young people.” Robert is so out of his depth that he feels sick, naturally though, he straightens his back and reminds himself that he’s on a mission. “Your teacher, she’s had a kid so I’ll be here for a bit. Any questions?”

“Are you an assassin?”

And that’s just the _start_ of the inquisition.

 

—

 

The kids are even worse than he thought.

They stick things in their ears and cry about it two seconds later like they didn’t know it was a stupid thing to do.

He realises that he’s been stuck with the six year olds, who don’t do anything other than paint and draw and slam things together until it’s home time.

He’s more out of his depth by the time lunch rolls by and he gets to sit outside for a second staring at the kids running around like hooligans.

His phone vibrates in his pocket and it’s Nicola wanting an update as if there is one. He’s exhausted and there’s absolutely no way he’s been looking out for kids who meet any _description_.

It’s what makes him type back rather passive aggressively that it’s his first day and he’ll let her know.

“How’s the first day been?”

When he looks up again it’s the paint covered teacher staring at him. Only he hasn’t got paint on him now. Robert actually looks at him this time, sees that he’s wearing a green jumper and a pair of jeans. 

Suddenly Robert looks so overdressed that it hurts.

“I’m sorry?” Robert decides, because it’s not that he’s rude but he doesn’t understand the point of what’s happening here.

“It’s your first day right?” The teacher has a whistle on a string around his neck, hair fluffed and natural and Robert finds himself nodding. “I wanted to — to say sorry about the shirt again.”

Robert’s face drops a little. “Yeah well, good thing the kids didn’t really care all that much.”

He arches an eyebrow. “Yeah, they’re good like that.” He says, smiles a little before he frowns. “You don’t look like a teacher.”

“Neither do you.”

The man shrugs slowly. “I’ll give you that.” He says, eyes soft for some reason and Robert clears his throat against it. “I’m Mr Livesy.” 

Robert nods. “Mr Sugden.” He says, “I’m — I’ve got the six year olds.”

Livesy makes this face like he knows exactly what that means. “Ouch.” He says, this smile on his face that fades as he arches an eyebrow. “You’ve probably met my son then.”

“Your —“

And the kid who thought he was an assassin suddenly runs past, he’s waving his hands out in the air and clearly pretending to be an airplane. Livesy points right at him and Robert will never understand how proud parents look at their kids.

Maybe because he never had it in himself.

Which is really fucking depressing and something not to dwell on.

He’s got curled hair like Livesy’s and these deep green eyes that only marginally make up for what a fruit loop he acts like on most occasions.

He can’t imagine the teacher having a kid, he looks too young to be tied down. It makes Robert rightfully annoyed.

“Oh. Well, he thinks I’m in assassin out to kill him so.”

Livesy looks more than a little embarrassed. “He has a really wild imagination.”

“Or a good judge of character.”

And Robert needs to get a grip. He stands as Livesy smiles and looks towards his watch. “I should be calling these lot in now. You ready for round two?” He says.

And Robert couldn’t think of anything worse.

 

—

 

The day ends with Robert picking up building blocks off the floor and trying to get the glue out of the carpet.

“You know, that’s what we have cleaners for?”

He spins around and sees Livesy standing there again.

And okay, maybe it’s because he’s tired and bored but he’s looking ten times more fit with gym clothes on. He’s got his kid by his side in a miniature gym kit so they’re probably running home or something together. Robert would say it’s quite cute if he wasn’t a bastard.

“Daddy do you know Mr Sug’un.” And it’s the first time Robert’s actually heard the kid speak quietly rather than shout his lungs out.

“Yeah bud.” Livesy pulls a hand through his kid’s hair and smiles. “How was the second round?”

“Worse than the first, if that was possible.”

“It’ll get better, I - I should go.”

Robert nods, and then he feels something hit his stomach in this weird way. “I didn’t actually catch your — your name Mr Livesy?”

And he nearly doesn’t get one because the bloke looks like he’s just turned deaf. “Oh uh ... sorry, it’s — Liam.”

“Liam.” Robert says, and he can’t help the way his stomach flips a little.

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert becomes distracted on his search for clues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those who have left a comment on this story, I’m not really that confident in it so it’s been a massive help!

 

Liam Livesy has a ring to it.

And his kid, well he’s not _that_ much of a little shit.

Robert’s mind ticks, he needs to get a grip.

Again.

 

—

The first thing he hears when he gets back to the cottage is someone throwing up.

Nicola’s barely made it to the toilet and he wants to turn right back around again but it’s already too late.

“How were the kiddies?” She manages to get out about half an hour later.

“Vile.” Robert says, flicks the switch up on the kettle and sighs. “Did met a fit teacher though so ...”

“That’s exactly what we’re doing here isn’t it? Meeting fit teachers.”

Robert rolls his eyes and he feels like he’s talking to Lawrence. He tells her as much before he sighs and shrugs his shoulders. “Nah don’t worry, he’s got a kid I have to see everyday so his fitness should die down soon.”

“Hmm. Let’s live in hope, ‘cause as well as puking up all day I’ve managed to scale the search down a little.”

And maybe Robert will get to be a proper detective after all.

 

—

He sets a plan in motion the very next day because he needs to pull himself together and not be beaten by a couple dozen kids.

They’re already having the time of their lives when Robert rocks up to get them all sitting down and ready to actually pay attention.

Nicola’s already given him what he needs, narrowing down information and making it something that the kids will actually be able to understand.

He can hardly play ‘who hasn’t got a mum raise your hand’ so he skirts around the subject after they’ve done some reading. 

“We’re going to play a game so if you’d just like to sit down everyone.” He tries, and fails to get them in order but after nearly an hour of trying he’s got this little girl April telling him all about her dead mum.

So it’s going great.

“She’s up in the sky.” April says, like she’s at peace with it or something and all he manages to think is that children are too weird for him to handle.

“So is mine.” It’s Livesy’s kid speaking now and he suddenly forgets what exactly his name is so he just stares at him for a second. He really is quite cute when he’s not throwing himself off chairs.

Robert nods, “That’s — that’s a shame.” He says, only the kid doesn’t really exude the whole dead mum thing and it makes Robert think of his dad.

He doesn’t really look the type to be a widower either.

And it really isn’t any of his business at the end of the day but Robert is that bastard who thinks about Livesy not having anyone to come home to doesn’t he?

 

—

He’s a prick but not the sort of one to torture kids about not having mums anymore so he starts talking about who has brothers and sisters and tries to narrow down the search as best he can until it’s break time and he can breathe again.

The only good thing about these stupid break times is that he has the chance to actually see Livesy.

And it’s not like he’s developed a thing for him in the grand total of two days into knowing him but —

There’s definitely something about him isn’t there?

He’s got his own kid stuck by his side as he does the rounds and checks that no one is nearly killing themselves on the monkey frames and Robert can’t help but look at him.

He keeps looking until Nicola’s sending her daily pointless message. This one is about Lawrence contacting them tonight about news of Simon. It makes him straighten his back a little, remember why exactly he’s pretending to be a _teacher_ in the first place.

“Gabe said he had fun this morning in class.”

Livesy’s standing over him when he looks up, just like yesterday. He’s got a smile on his face, half they, half sort of hidden, and Robert doesn’t mind what he’s wearing either. Robert can’t help but frown.

“Who?”

Only Gabe is Gabriel, Livesy’s kid.

Right then.

“My kid. The boy you teach?”

Robert nods suddenly. “Right. Sorry. Yeah, I’m glad.” He says and Livesy just smiles at him until the moment is broken and one of the teachers yanks him to the side to have a word.

Her name’s Bernice and apparently she’s also the school counsellor so if he _ever_ needs a word about how daunting little kiddies are, he can visit her.

And so the day just keeps getting better.

 

—

He’s not being a stalker or anything, but he is slowing his pace down as he passes Livesy’s class and sees the kids singing their hearts out as Aaron sits on the side with a cuppa and lets the music man do his thing.

He catches Livesy looking at him and then gets another grip, does the decent thing and looks away again. 

Only he somehow lands right into someone, she’s wearing a pink suit and has her hands waving about the place like she’s just been attacked or something.

It was hardly even a shove.

“Sorry.” He says dryly, battles with her huffing and puffing before she looks up and shakes her hair in his face.

“Don’t be.” She says, “Well actually _do_ be, you could have had my eye out.” She’s carrying roughly twenty sheets of paper so the likelihood of her getting harmed in any way is laughable but still.

Robert’s whole life is pretty laughable right about now.

“It was an accident.”

“Yeah, ‘cause you were gawping at Mr Livesy.”

Robert’s eyes widen. “I wasn’t _gawping_.”

She huffs. “If your mouth was open any wider you would have caught a fly.” And with that she struts straight past him. “Good thing he’s into that though isn’t it?” She turns around again. “It’s Leyla by the way, receptionist, you can thank me when your mouth is wide open again, for _another_ reason mind.”

And then she winks and Robert has no idea what to do with himself.

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert’s ‘distraction’ collides with the case itself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update here, thanks to those of you who are still reading and have left lovely comments!

Finding out Livesy is gay is a sign.

It’s a sign from above that someone is trying to make this nightmare that little more bearable.

Basically the thought of being able to sleep with a fit member of staff whenever they are free is too good of an opportunity to let down.

He’ll ignore Gabriel’s whole existence for the time being.

—

 

After hearing the music man sing another round of ridiculous rhyming, Robert allows himself to venture into the staff room for the first time.

The kids are in semi capable hands and he could do with a second to sort his life out and think about what his next steps are.

Lawrence was in his ear last night, literally spitting down the phone that they’re not acting as quickly as they should.

Which you know, isn’t the best thing to hear when your main goal each day is not getting play dough stuck in the soles of your designer shoes.

The whole looking for the only person who can help send down a criminal thing is firmly at the back of his mind.

Especially when Livesy walks in on him fucking up the coffee machine.

“Be careful with that, it’s our only life line.”

Robert blinks quickly, remembers the whole gay thing and something sparks in his stomach.

“You’re telling me. I don’t know how you lot survive in this place.”

Livesy frowns, “The job has its perks.”

“Really? I can’t think of any.”

And that’s naturally exactly what a new teacher would say right? It gets Livesy frowning even more and Robert jumps to change the look on his face.

“What do you do for fun then? To wind down?”

It’s not even that forward but Livesy looks like he’s just been asked to drop to his knees for Robert’s pleasure.

“Um.” And maybe Livesy’s just not good at the whole flirting game, or he’s recently come to terms with being out. Or _something_. Because he’s just staring. “Well I mean there’s a few bars around town.”

And that’s lovely and vague.

“Fancy showing me around?”

Because he’s already stunned him enough, he might as well go straight in for the kill right?

Only Livesy just blinks at him, mouth gaping over and Robert hasn’t had this before with _anyone_. Woman or man.

“It was only a suggestion.” Robert says, palms suddenly sweating because this bloke is a right prick isn’t he?

It’s why he’s walking out of the room and practically racing back to the class and deciding that he’ll be focusing on being a fucking officer and nothing else.

Which is why when he hears a knock on the door at the end of the day and sees Livesy just standing there, he doesn’t know where to put his face.

“If you’re not too — too busy or something, I could show you a bar that has a happy hour right about now?”

And normally, Robert would be that dick to just scoff and walk straight past, proper cut his nose off to spite his face sort of thing.

But he’s missed someone, something, and this teacher who refuses to wear a suit to work might just be it.

 

—

 

He’s ignoring Nicola’s messages on purpose because Livesy’s already bought him a drink and the place isn’t actually that bad.

It’s a little less classy than he would usually like but he’ll roll with it.

“Cheers Livesy.”

The younger man pulls this face, makes Robert look at him funny. “How comes you call me Livesy even when I told you my name?” He says, like there’s something good about it.

And Robert doesn’t actually know, well he does, it sounds fitter.

He’s a joke.

“Dunno.” Robert says. “I like to be different.”

Livesy arches an eyebrow. “Is that why you became a teacher? I mean, you _do_ stand out.”

Robert gulps, sips at the beer he’s got in front of him and then smiles. “Is that your way of calling me the fittest teacher at school?”

And okay, Livesy’s not exactly been giving him the eye or anything but Robert wants him to break out of that shell of his a little and this is his way of making that happen.

Only Livesy practically turns bright red and chokes on his drink. He really isn’t used to the attention then.

“You’re something you know.” He says, half to Robert, half to his pint, almost like he can’t look up and face him.

Robert smiles a little, watches him play with his bottom lip nervously and then sigh.

“Enough about me, what about you? I mean I know you’ve got a kid but that’s about it.”

Livesy clears his throat, swings his legs a little uncomfortably and shrugs. 

“Not much to say.”

Robert stretches his face out awkwardly. “How about why you wanted to be a teacher?”

“My mum said I’m good with kids, and I have one so.” Livesy shrugs, and he’s still a little tense like Robert’s stepping over his toes or something.

“Yeah. Gabriel, he’s — he’s really confident isn’t he?” That’s the only word Robert can get out, because frankly he’s loud and annoying and his cuteness doesn’t make up for it.

He’s not sure what would make up for it to be honest.

“It’s not a problem is it?”

And Robert backtracks because this might not be anything at all but he’d rather like to get a good time out of it. 

Charm this bloke into bed and make the remainder of his undercover detective stuff a little better.

“Nah he’s great.”

And he’s a liar. 

Livesy nods a little though like he’s pleased, takes another sip of his pint and then gulps.

“How comes you’re looking at me like that?” He says, and he’s got these wide eyes like he doesn’t actually know that he’s fit or something.

“Just because.” Robert says, shrugs a little and smiles down into his drink. “Why? You not a fan?”

Livesy scrunches up his nose a little and there’s something in his eyes. “Nah, you do what you like Mr Sugden.”

And getting Mr Livesy out of that shell wasn’t so hard was it?

 

—

 

He’s got him where he wants him, Livesy’s actually laughing about something he’s said and he’s actually telling him stories about himself.

He’s not lying or trying to keep undercover. Which is stupid and ridiculous and yet also something he doesn’t want to stop.

“No seriously.” Robert says, pint firm against his hand as he leans a little closer and sees that Livesy’s got a smile on his face again.

He remembers when he was smiling with the kids when he first saw him. He thought it was only reserved for them.

“You’re still looking at me like that.” Livesy says gently, rubbing at his left eye and letting his shoulders relax.

“You’re smiling. Like proper smiling.” Robert says, “It’s nice.”

Livesy looks a little shocked, eyes flickering and face hidden a little suddenly like he’s crawling back into his shell or something.

“Nah don’t, it’s like — like the way Gabriel smiles.” He says, and mentioning the kid again is enough to get Livesy looking at him all soft.

He looks touched or something and then Robert leans in.

He leans right in and Livesy looks right at his lips, wide eyes and shaky breath and everything.

His phone goes off naturally, Livesy goes and swears under his breath before reaching down and answering.

“Shit sorry, it’s my mum, she’s — she’s looking after Gabe at mine and —“

“Because his mum died. I know about that. I’m sorry.” It’s the sort of word vomit that can only get you into trouble. The sort that only comes after a few too many pints when everything is looser.

Suddenly it’s like Livesy’s just pushed the barriers up as high as they can go and completely trapped himself, made sure everyone else is locked out.

He’s gone and shut the door, kept the key out of sight.

“Have you been finding out about me and Gabe?” He looks petrified suddenly, like he’s about to be sick sort of petrified and Robert’s head feels a little woozy as he tries to reach out and grab his hand.

“Hey, don’t worry. It’s nothing —“

“You need to stay away from us.” Robert hears him say, he sees his hands shaking a little as he backs right away and he’s standing up before Robert can get any words out.

“Hang on. He just _told_ me, I — I didn’t go —“

“I mean it Sugden. This was a mistake.”

“What was? We’re just having a drink.” He leaves out the part of trying to get in his pants because for some reason that seems off the table at the moment.

“Well I don’t have drinks with blokes I hardly know.”

Robert frowns suddenly. “ _You’re_ the one who invited me.”

And that makes Livesy’s eyes flicker, hand hovering over his coat and then he’s shaking his head. “Like I said, a mistake.” He says, and then he’s rushing right off again and Robert’s losing his head.

 

—

 

He slumps back to the cottage half an hour later and walks in on Nicola sitting in an armchair waiting for him.

She looks like she wants to rip him apart.

“Did school over run then?”

And the last time he checked, she wasn’t his mum so he walks right past her and tries to climb the stairs as fast as he can. 

It turns out he’s more pissed than he realised so he goes pretty slowly and gets an earful from Nicola in the process.

“I know you think I haven’t been pulling my weight but that doesn’t mean you get to —“

“You’ve been hanging over a toilet all day. I’m the one who’s been — been around screaming kids for hours and hours. Sue me if I wanted —“

“Wanted what exactly?” She scowls as she rises from the chair and Robert slumps against the wall.

“A good time.” He says, a ghost of a smile on his face because he can’t help it. He _was_ having a good time, until he put his foot in it. “You know, remember what that feels like Nicola?”

She just looks like she’s swallowed a lemon.

“With who?” Robert doesn’t answer, just thinks about what a prick Livesy is. “That fit teacher you were on about?” She guesses, and maybe he has been talking about him quite a bit then. 

His silence says it all and he waves a hand out as he tries to get up the stairs.

“Well I hope you did have a good time then, for both of our sakes.”

And yeah he’s a little passed it but that really doesn’t make any sense. He frowns at her, waits for the sense to come back into her words.

She rolls her eyes instead and then sighs.

“I checked the teachers out, narrowed it down. Livesy is Dingle. Aaron Dingle.”

His face falls and he wants to wallop himself because the whole making Aaron comfortable enough to get on the stand against Simon is really going to go down well.

‘ _You_ _need_ _to_ _stay_ _away_ _from_ _us_.’

“I didn’t — know that.” He settles on saying, gulps down something else as he pictures Aaron walking out the door, _away_ from him.

“The fact that you’re _here_ smelling of larger doesn’t give me much hope though.”

And Robert just rolls his eyes at her. “Well done Columbo.”

 

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert struggles to put things right with Aaron.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for those still reading!!

Nicola’s extra loud the next morning because she’s the she devil and doesn’t know when to quit. She’s up and active, feeling loads better than before which doesn’t mean anything at all.

He’s already stuck with the kids every day and nothing can actually change that.

“If you could be any louder, that would be marvellous.” He’s got a banging headache and she’s only making it worse whilst she makes a cup of tea for herself and doesn’t even stop to offer him one.

“Oh _sorry_.” Nicola snaps, slams the fridge. “It’s just you know, you had Aaron right where we wanted him and yet you _still_ messed up.”

Robert sighs hard, Aaron’s a lot better than the name Liam. But that’s besides the point. He needs to get a grip. Needs to stop drifting off at the mention of his stupid name.

He’s been up half the night thinking of how much of an idiot he is for not being able to spot him. Aaron stands out for a number of reasons really, and being reserved around most new adults should have been something that he realised. But he hadn’t. He’d been way too interesting in that chest of his, those eyes.

“It was going well and then —“ To be honest he doesn’t actually remember that much, just that one minute Aaron was laughing and the next he was all stoic. “We nearly kissed and everything, and then I mentioned the whole dead mum thing.”

And yeah, that might have not been the best idea but he was too far gone at that point. 

Nicola just tuts, rolls her eyes dramatically and slams a file down across to him. “Holly Barton. Overdose. _Not_ pretty.” 

And that apparently is enough description. Nothing else needs to be said.

“Right.” Robert nods slowly, leans against the cabinet and then slumps down a little. “So it’s a sensitive subject, I get that now.”

Nicola’s eyes widen annoyingly again. “Well it doesn’t take a genius to think realise that does it?” She huffs and Robert sighs and they’re so ridiculously not able to get along like adults it’s a joke.

“I’ll talk to him today.” Robert says, although the idea is strangely daunting. “Get him back on side with this.” He points to his face and Nicola just stares at him, blinks once and then twice before she’s out the room again.

He makes his own bloody coffee.

 

—

 

The thing is, Robert should be pissed at Aaron for lying to him. He knows why he is, heck he’s lying to Aaron too but still. In his own logic, he has every right to be annoyed at the twat for lying to him, leading him on it one way or another.

Imagine he did actually like him, imagine he actually wanted more than to just get into his pants. He should be so bloody annoyed.

Which he is. By the way.

“Mr Sugden.” He’s in his own head when April tugs at his trouser leg and asks for his help with some reading and for the first time since actually doing all this rubbish, he actually doesn’t mind it.

He’s not a natural or anything but he certainly is smug when break time rolls by and he gets to kick his feet up and eat a fucking granola bar in peace.

He should be outside trying to see where Aaron is, give him the eyes, whilst hitting with him with the Sugden charm and saying he’s sorry. Then maybe take him for a quiet drink and explain who he really is and what he’s doing.

But he’s earned this break so he closes his eyes instead, cuts out the world until he hears Aaron’s whistle from outside and he can’t help but peak a look through the window.

And then skirt about outside, nearly scuffing his shoes as he sees Aaron collecting his class and lining them up the proper way that he can’t be arsed to do.

Robert only spots his class because they’re the ones running around still like headless chickens or something. He claps his hands together a few times to get their attention and feels all the other teachers looking at him like he’s a joke.

Bernice stands there with this pained expression and he genuinely wants the ground to swallow him up. Even Doug is there, poking his head out from the allotment round the back of the school, a proper sorry look on his face and everything.

Eventually they get their acts together and Robert’s heart does something weird when he sees Gabriel grabbing everyone’s hands and lining up frantically.

“Cheers mate.” Robert whispers down to Gabriel, shaking a hand through his hair and awkwardly shoving his hand in some ginger kids hand as they walk back the classroom because that’s what your supposed to do apparently.

The embarrassment of him being unable to control a group of kids nearly clouds the way he sees Aaron walking in front of him. His eyes widen and he lets go of the kids clammy hand to walk ahead a little.

“Can I have a word?”

“Sorry, I’m busy.” He doesn’t even look around as he walks, all Robert can see his shoulders as they get into the corridor.

“It won’t take —“

“Mr Sug’un?”

And Heath has decided to try and pick up one of the guitars and play it for himself. 

Duty calls then.

And Aaron disappears.

 

—

 

Robert makes sure to catch him after the bell rings, Gabriel’s already in baking club or whatever so he knows that Aaron doesn’t need to race off to find him.

He decides to lean against Aaron’s door half suggestively, half awkward and just wait for him to turn around.

And when he _does_ , Robert’s clearly caught him off guard because he turns with a small smile on his face. Then it fades into nothing at all and Robert tries not to be offended.

He is, but he tries not to be.

“Just wanted to have a word.” His hands are half raised and Aaron doesn’t look like a dear in headlights anymore. Instead he just scratches the back of his head and starts opening his bag up.

“I don’t have the time.”

And it’s a bit funny really because Aaron’s a school teacher not a brain surgeon.

He has the time for a quick chat surely.

Robert huffs, walks further into the room and manages to step on a teddy, and nearly knock himself out on one of the tables.

Aaron only looks up and frowns at him.

“Mr Sugden...”

“It’s Robert.” Robert frowns back, and he knows people can blow hot and cold but this is on another level.

And Robert knows _why_ , it’s just —

He’s not very good at chasing people and he’d just rather Aaron was laughing into a kiss like last night basically. Because he liked that guy, he was fun, he actually made him feel happy in the middle of all this lying.

And now he’s this cold person, unfeeling and unmoving and just making Robert feel uncomfortably hollow.

Aaron looks up, just _looks_ at him, goes to speak and then doesn’t.

“Look, I’m sorry about last night. I was hoping we could put it behind us, maybe I could make it up to you.”

For a second, Robert expects what he’s used to. A flash of a smile and the fluttering of eyes and everything forgotten about. And then Aaron goes and looks at him like he’s just asked if he wants to have sex over the kids artwork.

“I don’t want you to make it up to me.” He says instead of all the lovely normal things Robert thought were coming. “Didn’t you hear what I said last night?”

Robert gulps, something turning in his stomach. It’s disappointment, but he doesn’t want to call it that just yet.

“ _Yeah_. It just sounded a tad dramatic and I thought you’d have calmed down a little.”

Aaron scoffs. “You’re unbelievable you.”

“It’s been said.” Robert says, hands in his pockets now as Aaron just stares at him and scowls. “I said I was sorry.”

“Yeah and _I_ said —“

“To stay away from you _and_ your kid, which is a little hard considering I teach him.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.”

And he’s lucky Robert’s not an actual teacher or that would just be rude. 

“Cheers.”

“I’m sorry.” Aaron says, gulps hard, eyes flickering. “I just — I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. I’d — I’d rather you just left me alone.”

And it’s like he’s trying to be polite about it all, like he’s actually sorry of something.

“Noted.” Robert says bitterly, half because Aaron’s still annoyingly fit and the other half because he knows he’s got to do the exact opposite if Nicola’s got anything to do with this.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should be uploading again on Tuesday!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert struggles with his class until Aaron comes to his rescue, despite still clearly wanting to keep his distance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter alert, thanks for those still reading!

Leyla must be bored or something because she drapes over the reception desk and calls Robert over when he’s just about to leave.

“Oi. Mr Sugden.” She’s practically stage whispering and Robert wants to roll his eyes and keep walking. “Hello.” She waves a hand out to make it even more obvious and Robert has no choice but to look her way.

“Yeah?”

“How comes Mr Livesy just snatched some reply forms out of my hand without so much as a thank you?”

And Robert really doesn’t have time for this. Or the whole Mr Livesy thing. He’s such a bloody liar.

“Why should I care?” It’s a question that makes total sense considering it’s been a few days already and Aaron’s taken to just scurrying past him without a single care in the world.

It’s like he’s invisible or something and it fucks him right off, not just because Aaron’s fit, but also because he’s got a dragon breathing down his neck telling him to get some balls and just get on with it.

Apparently according to Nicola his pride is in the way. Apparently he’s acting like Aaron’s  _actually_ hurt him in some sort of way.

Which hasn’t happened at all.

Leyla arches an eyebrow. “I thought you two were keeping each other’s beds warm.”

Robert backs the whole ‘if only’ swirling around his mind because he doesn’t want to sound pathetic.

“You know, just because we both happen to like men doesn’t mean that we’re sleeping together.” He keeps his tone tight, tries to act offended, like he’s fighting something.

Leyla scowls. “I saw ya standing there with your tongue basically hanging out.”

Robert’s eyes widen. “Well he ain’t interested.” He relents. “So leave it.” And he goes to leave before he spots an opportunity, walks slowly back to her. “Has he uh — is he recently out or?”

She smiles before she leans across. “He had a thing with the school doctor, but I heard it fizzled. Apart from that, nothing serious. I take it he doesn’t like getting too close.”

Robert gulps. “Yeah I gathered that too.” He sighs a little and Leyla pulls a face.

“I say keep trying.” She says, “Fit bloke like you will have him like putty in your hand in no time.” And he isn’t even sure why she’s so invested in it but she’s definitely got an engagement ring on her finger so he knows she isn’t trying to get to him at the end of all of this.

“Yeah. Whatever.” He says, looks up and sees she’s laughing at him. “What?”

“You’ve got a bit of — of glitter in your hair.”

And Aaron definitely did look up at him a little before walking past so he saw the glitter there too.

Marvellous.

 

—

 

He’s out of his depth.

That’s the short answer as to why April is currently filling up one of the sinks with water and trying to let Gabriel and Charlie climb up as far as they can on the cupboards just to see what will happen.

They’re supposed to be getting on with work, reading or something but it’s not working out the way it should be because they’re stupid and they don’t listen to him when he speaks. There’s a tug starting on his shirt now and he’s trying not to thinking about it, he tries to tell himself that it’s not the last thread.

He huffs, clearing his throat as he looks down at it and then at the work thrown across his desk. Papers upon papers of acceptance letters for trips he doesn’t know about and staff meetings that he couldn’t give a shit about. They’re everywhere and he should really sort it out whilst they’re all preoccupied with being crazy shouldn’t he? He rolls his eyes against the mess and ruffles a hand through his hair before having a peak at his phone and seeing that Nicola’s had the nerve to send him a picture of herself watching This Morning with a packet of digestives and a cuppa. He suddenly wants her dead.

“Gabriel down please.” He says after looking up and seeing the kid swinging about the place. His voice is hoarse, he’s been shouting all day and it’s all their bloody fault. He shouts even louder and genuinely feels his throat scrapping as he speaks.

But it doesn’t make the slightest bit of difference to the little gremlins. They don’t fear him anymore considering he’s made sure to tell them that he’s not a killer or a soldier or any real danger to them.

It’s definitely where he went wrong.

They just own the place now, take part in group discussions when they feel like it, use the paint when they want to and basically make Robert want to die. Now constitutes as one of those times.

He sighs hard, decides to leave the messy desk in favour of getting the noise to die down a little. He makes the effort of rolling up his sleeves, sticking his neck out and almost trying to smile.

“Right — we’re doing some maths problems. Everyone back in their — their seats.”

The thing is Robert would rather they were all police officers he’s in charge of, lined up in a row so he can give them a proper talking to or something. Anything but _this_.

“Moses. Kyle —“

And just like that something topples over and there’s mess of building blocks scattered across the floor that he’s only going to have to clear up when they’ve all pissed of back home.

“For f—“

“Alright kids. Could you settle down for Mr Sugden please or they’ll be no music man visiting later.” It’s Aaron’s voice filling the room suddenly in this commanding way and it’s a joke the way they all turn around and look at him.

Moses drops the toy train.

Kyle isn’t trying to hide in the coats anymore.

And Gabriel is yanking Issac down and tapping April on the shoulder to turn around.

There’s this sudden peace and Robert has never been so grateful in his life.

“Come on, everyone sit down.” Aaron claps his hands together again and they all sit, swinging their legs and whispering to each other and just —

Sitting.

Robert’s mouth is gaped open for a second or two before he looks around to where Aaron is still standing by the door. He looks shy all of a sudden and his cheeks redden a little before he dips out again before Robert can even off his thanks.

“Can we start Mr Sug’un?” Gabriel asks and —

The fucking cheek of it makes Robert’s head spin.

 

—

 

Gabriel’s a little legend sometimes.

He manages to leave behind his pencil case so Robert takes the opportunity with both hands and runs out to give it to him.

Which naturally means he also gets to see Aaron trying to get Gabriel into the car and handling a bunch of folders as he goes. He’s struggling with doing both and Robert has a slight frown on his face as he watches him.

“Gabriel.” Robert calls out and Gabriel manages to wriggle his head out of the car, parting the curls from his face and waving. “You left Mr dinosaur.” He says.

And Aaron puts his head up, looks towards the floor again just as quickly.

“What do ya say Gabe.”

Gabriel shouts out a thank you with a grin on his face like usual and then shuffles back down into his car seat like a good little boy. Bloody typical.

“See you tomorrow!” Gabriel says through the glass, slamming his hand down on the window and making Robert wince a little and think about having a kid who’d ruin his car like that.

“Same.” Aaron says, doesn’t even look up as he gets to the driver’s seat.

Robert gulps, takes the chance, tries to get his shit together quite frankly. “I should say thanks, for getting them in line.”

Aaron’s not even looking at him, he’s got his back turned but he pauses and the man is a bloody enigma isn’t he?

“You don’t need to mention it.”

“Well I did.” He says, hand in his pocket. “I wanted to say thanks. You didn’t need to do that.”

Aaron turns, eyes flickering and he looks at Robert in this odd way that Robert isn’t used to.

“I know that.”

“But you did?”

Aaron just keeps staring at him and maybe this is the whole putty in his hand sensation. Just maybe Robert hasn’t lost his touch and Aaron’s going to melt altogether in a second. He wants it so badly, wants to be able to go home to Nicola and rub it in her face that he’s still a charming fucker who can get what he wants. 

For a second he almost feels on top of the bloody world and then —

“Bye Robert.” He says, facing the car door and Robert’s jaw tenses against the rejection. And it’s not like Aaron’s really rejecting _him_. This is ‘Liam’ rejecting this obviously overbearing new teacher who wants to know him for unknown reasons. 

He sighs a little against the idea and then comes forward a little, almost traps Aaron.

“Hey, what’s _stopping_ ya?” And it’s dangerously vague, he doesn’t say what he wants to say but he can see that Aaron clearly wants to say far away from him as possible. For a second he thinks Aaron might know who he is, that he’s worked it all out or something but that suspicion dies as Aaron shakes his head.

“It’s nothing.” Aaron says and then shakes his head again like he’s trying to forget something. “It’s _you_ , you’re in the way so leave.” He whispers, like he hardly means it at all and means it all at the exact same time.

It makes Robert back away from the car.

He can’t help but watch as he drives off. 

 

—

 

Nicola’s making herself a curry when he gets back and he downs the wine she’s got on the side for herself before she can get a look in.

“He’s impossible.”

Nicola tuts, shakes her head a little. “I’m sick of hearing that.”

“Yeah well you try and get him to even hold a conversation with me for longer than five minutes. It’s —“

“ _Impossible_. I heard.” Nicola stirs and has a hand on her hip whilst Robert scowls at her. “I thought you were planning on seducing him a little,” she shimmies her shoulders suggestively and he wants to be sick.

“Well it’s not working.” He admits. “Either I’ve lost my charm or he’s literally petrified of me.”

Nicola turns the hob off and gets herself a plate whilst Robert steals some naan bread and she tilts her head up.

“You have to admit, it all pretty much went down hill since I popped your cheery.”

Robert nearly chokes and that’s reason number one hundred and forty five why everything about this set up is plain wrong.

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert finds himself supporting Gabriel and Aaron through a difficult time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A biggy sort of chapter coming!

He’s having a pretty good start to the day considering Nicola’s made him a coffee and actually just put up with him calling her his waitress. 

And then Lawrence decides to ring him and basically make his head bang for about ten minutes.

“I hear he’s stubborn.” Lawrence says, a massive understatement but Robert just lets it be. “But I thought you were too.”

Only he is.

But he’s also not a magician. He can’t just magically make Aaron spill all his secrets and agree to testify against Simon.

“I’m trying boss.” He settles with saying, voice tight like he’s trying to hold down his bite.

“Well.” Lawrence clears his throat. “So is Simon. We’ve got him for the murder of the informant but they’re appealing due to the lack of evidence. So he could be out soon and —“

“After Aaron and the kid again.” He doesn’t like that thought suddenly, it makes him nervous. 

“Exactly. So we _need_ Aaron on side, not just fleeing to the next town. He _needs_ to testify against Simon.”

Robert gulps hard and thinks for a second. “Has he actually said why he’s after him, is it really just for the kid?”

And apparently Simon was there for Gabriel before Aaron was even properly around, whatever that actually means. Robert knows he was with Holly, knows that he was Gabriel’s step dad or whatever but _still_ , it all screams a little desperate, like there’s something he’s missing.

“He reckons he’ll do a better job than Aaron would. He has it in his head that if we lock him up, we’re ruining Gabriel’s life.”

Robert gulps again, rubs a hand over his forehead. It all sounds pretty dramatic and he can’t get his head around it. “And you still want Aaron to take the stand? He could bring up stuff about Aaron, _destroy_ him, get the kid off him if he wants.”

Lawrence doesn’t say anything, just blows out a breath.

“Just do your job son. Get Aaron to testify against Simon, get him firmly behind bars and leave the rest to me.”

 

—

 

Aaron’s on the phone in the staff room when Robert walks in, he’s speaking lowly, almost trying to make himself invisible in the corner of the room.

Only Robert is trying to listen in, he’s perched on the edge of one of the sofas and pretending to be waiting to use the coffee machine.

Bernice doesn’t seem to understand though, lightly taps his shoulder and waves to get his attention and ask if he’s settling in okay like she really cares.

Robert sighs out a smile. “I’m doing okay thanks.”

“Well you know I’m here if you need a talking to.” She says regardless, a beaming smile right on her face that only makes him think she’s deluded.

“That’s nice.” He says awkwardly, manages to scoot past her and stand near the counter where Doug is. He’s completely out of his depth with the thing and Robert despairs for a second before he hears Aaron’s voice again.

“Yeah I will do mum, we’ll be okay.” Aaron says softly, his voice is everything Robert once heard.

That one night.

Which feels like it happened a million years ago considering the way Aaron looks at him now.

“Love you too, I’ll ring you later okay?”

“— Robert?” He looks forward and sees one of the other teachers looking at him with a frown on her face. She’s wearing a flowery blouse and he vaguely remembers her name starting with R. “Did you want to use the coffee machine then?”

Robert gazes for a second and feels Aaron staring at him before he disappears and Robert’s left trying to think of this bloody woman’s name.

He settles for Rachel? Rosie?

Rhona. It’s definitely Rhona.

Result.

 

—

 

Gabriel’s always the last to leave because of Aaron, he’s usually in after school clubs or whatever but today he hangs around at the back of the room with his head in a book and not saying a thing.

And Robert just wants to go home.

“Hey mate, no after school silliness you got going on about right now?” He’s trying, only Gabriel’s head just hangs low and he shakes it slowly.

Robert stops what he’s doing, frowns slightly and looks at the little kid. He’s not shouting and screaming the way he usually is, hasn’t been all day really and Robert’s not been complaining or anything but —

“Gabriel?” He says slowly, walking closer towards the kid, taking small steps because this is once again nothing he is used to.

The kid isn’t even attempting to look up but when Robert comes closer he sees his little chin starting to wobble and he has no idea what he’s supposed to do about it.

“Are you — do you want a tissue?”

Gabriel shakes his head, looks right up and Robert’s eyes widen as he sees how sad he looks. “I want a — a —“

“A what?” Robert tries to keep him talking, his knees aching from the way he’s sitting and he doesn’t expect the kid to suddenly wrap his arms around him and hold on for dear life.

A fun fact that Robert learns almost instantly is that he’s never ever been hugged by a child before. It’s not like he’s got an awful relationship with kids or anything but —

It’s weird and odd and yet he rubs Gabriel’s back and lets him cry into his shoulder and ruin his shirt.

Eventually Gabriel pulls away, rubs at his eyes and Robert’s starting to wonder if he’s just tired and overly emotional and questioning if that actually does happen to kids.

“What was that for?”

He doesn’t say anything again and then he looks down at his wrist, there’s a small bracelet there, bright yellow with an M dangling on it.

“This was my mummy’s favourite ever colour.” He says, extends his arm and shows Robert.

“That’s nice.” Robert looks down at it and then up at Gabriel again. This wasn’t how he planned to get to know the situation better but he can’t turn back now. “I bet you miss her.”

Gabriel nods slowly.

“It’s a special day today because she’s not here again for another whole year.”

More commonly known as an anniversary.

It stings at Robert’s chest and he sighs a little. “It’s hard isn’t it?”

And he doesn’t expect to go here but he is. He’s thinking of his own mum, the years that stretch past, the fact that she suddenly left his world and his whole life was never the same again.

“But she’s watching over you. She’s watching, and she’s always with you isn’t she?”

Gabriel plays with the bracelet and doesn’t look up. “Daddy says it too.”

“Well he can’t be wrong can he? He’s a good man your dad.” Robert says. “And I bet your mum was lovely.”

Gabriel looks almost proud and Robert gets the feeling, he feels his chest open a little and he grabs Gabriel’s hand and squeezes.

“It’s okay to be sad.” He says, speaking from experience, making everything inside himself feel that little more hollow. “But you can close your eyes and she’ll be there won’t she?”

Gabriel blinks quickly and Robert nods.

“Go on, give it a go. I promise she’ll be there.”

And Gabriel does, and his eyes are closed and he’s not crying anymore. There’s a smile on his face and somehow Robert’s put it there.

“She is!” Gabriel bounces up and down like normally and Robert blows out a breath, laughing just a little and then Gabriel’s yanking him into another hug. “Thank you Mr Sug’un.”

Robert rubs his back again and then let’s go to see Gabriel looking straight past him.

“Daddy, Mr Sug’un helped me see mummy!” He says, toothy grin and voice sweet and tight and Robert turns bright red as he turns around and sees Aaron leaning against the door with tears in his eyes.

He can’t help but wonder how long he’s been there for.

 

—

 

Gabriel gets up and naturally races to his dads side and Robert tries to raise to his feet without looking like a twat.

“I just needed to close my eyes.” Gabriel says, like he’s discovered the cure for cancer, like he’s on top of the world really. It sort of makes Robert feel like he’s achieved something, that the whole being a teacher thing actually does involve the teaching thing.

It feels pretty good.

“Yeah?” Aaron bends his knees a little, squeezes the little boy and then tells him to wait for him outside.

Robert’s half expecting a grilling to be honest but he doesn’t get one.

Instead Aaron makes this soft sound and then blows out a breath before clearing at his throat and looking at Robert.

“I was going to take him for some ice cream, if you — I don’t know, wanted to come too?”

It’s Aaron’s special way of wanting Robert there he supposes.

He can’t help but look shocked though considering the last few days, the way everything has been going wrong. “Me?”

Aaron looks right into Robert’s soul again. “You.”

Robert gulps hard, “Alright then.”

He fancied a sundae anyway.

 

—

 

Gabriel’s back to his usual self by the time they get there, he’s got his mouth smeared with chocolate ice cream and Robert can’t help but laugh at the little nutter.

“Oi, you need to go and wash your face monkey.” Aaron taps at Gabriel’s leg softly, strokes a hand through his hair and Robert just admires how soft he is. Especially when he watches Gabriel with this intensity as he goes toddles away towards the bathroom.

Robert stares down at the melted mess of ice cream in his glass and when he looks up Aaron’s looking at him.

“I haven’t said thanks.” Aaron says, scratches his eyebrow and turns a little so that he’s looking at Robert. “You were —“ And he stops like he doesn’t exactly have the right words or something. “You helped him.”

Robert wouldn’t go that far really, well actually maybe he would. He helped him deal with his grief which is sort of massive but also too much for him to think aboutso he doesn’t really answer the question it. “He’s a good kid, it was pretty weird seeing him like that.”

Aaron licks at his lips and then shuffles further into the booth like he’s trying to disappear. “He was, at first. He was — he was a scared little mess of a boy really and then I came along and helped him out of it.”

Robert can’t help but realise that he’s given some of the game away, revealed that he wasn’t always around, revealed that Simon had his place first maybe in Gabriel’s life.

So he backtracks and Robert just lets him because he doesn’t want to ruin anything again with his big mouth. Aaron almost looks like he wants to be here with him, wants to tell him things which is a start. 

“The bracelet’s a nice touch.” He offers, and Aaron smiles a little, it almost meets his eyes.

“It’s so he has her close. That’s — I always wanted that for him, to know his mum properly.” Aaron looks all serious but there’s no anger on his face, just this deep thought almost like he’s trapped in his head. 

“Well he has you.” Robert shrugs, tries to shake him out of it or something. “You’re one of those proper fun dads aren’t you so.” He laughs a little and Aaron almost cringes against it.

“I’m also working at his _school_ , it’s going to get a bit embarrassing for him sooner or later.”

“Fair point.” Robert says, looks down and then up again more seriously this time. “For what it’s worth, I’m really sorry about — Gabriel’s mum.”

Aaron just stares like he’s wondering whether or not to say anything honest at all. “Holly. Her name was Holly.”

He looks almost as startled as Robert does with his honesty and there’s so many layers to this conversation it’s pretty mind blowing. The fact that it’s taking place at a desert bar is just adding to the oddness of it all.

“Oh.” Robert says, bites down on his gum as he tries to think of how to go from here. “Sorry, I don’t want to pry again and —“

“It’s not prying, it’s caring I suppose.” Aaron shocks him again, eyes flickering a little. “We’re not used to that, me and Gabe. It’s — I might have gone and overreacted a bit to you knowing about his mum. I’m sorry for that.”

He looks like the type of bloke who doesn’t say sorry an awful lot, like he can’t bring himself to apologise for all his mistakes because he’d be here all day.Robert can’t help but appreciate it.

“You don’t — you don’t have to be sorry.” He says, looks right up towards Aaron and smiles a little. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not.” Aaron says suddenly, and there’s tears in his eyes again. “It’s not _okay_ that I shut out people who care.”

And this is sort of turning into a therapy session but Robert’s not bothered about that really. He’s worried about Aaron crying his eyes out in a desert bar.

“Hey.” Robert leans forward and then sees Gabriel running up towards them again, frowning slightly as he looks at his dad. “Gabriel, how about you go play in the kid’s den thingy for a bit?”

Gabriel goes willingly and Aaron sniffs a little as he sees him go.

“You don’t need to get upset over it. I was a git who was tryna know too much about ya. It wasn’t fair.” 

Aaron looks up again. “Yeah because you — I don’t know, you _wanted_ to get to know me. Simply as.”

And yeah, if only and all that rushes through Robert’s head suddenly.

“I’m not used to that. It’s cliche and stupid but ... it was me not you.”

Robert’s eyes flicker a little. “I think I was a tiny bit of an arse to be fair.”

Aaron squints a little. “I think you’re always a little bit of one to be honest.”

“Nice.” Robert says, and he’s rolled up his sleeves and ran a hand through his hair because he’s getting way too relaxed. It makes Aaron look at him again, something different written across his face this time. Aaron just keeps looking at him like he wants to kiss him, or something.

Or something.

“We got off on the wrong foot didn’t we?” Robert decides to say. “Well an okay one and then —“

“I did pour coffee down you the first time we met though.”

Robert gulps. “You did.” He rolls his eyes a little. “I could have killed ya.”

“And then the kids.” Aaron actually laughs. “But you came into it, you’re getting better, even helping Gabe.”

Robert huffs. “I’m not heartless.” He says and Aaron looks at him strangely again.

“Nah your not.” Aaron bites at his lip slowly, Robert watches. “I should have — should have known that.” He says, head down again and Robert scoots closer.

“Stop beating yourself up about it.” He says, lightly presses his knuckle towards Aaron’s arm and then pulls away again.

He’s starting to feel something in his chest. Something a lot like guilt.

“I don’t trust people.” He says, shakes his head a little. “I’ve got my reasons.”

“Everyone does.” Robert whispers, looks at the space between them and then shudders nervously.

“But I don’t want to shut you out. I can’t — can’t do it anymore.” Aaron looks up again, and Robert’s been mistaking his hate for something else hasn’t he?

Aaron’s gone and actually somehow _liked_ him.

“Shit I’m just babbling here, feel free to stop me.” Aaron says. “You can talk you know.”

And the thing is, Robert knows this is morally fucked up but he holds at Aaron’s hand under the table.

“I know.” He says smugly. “And I want _you_ to know that you can trust me.”

Aaron looks down at their hands with worry in his eyes and Robert’s heart thuds.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah okay.” Aaron says slowly, there’s this flicker across his face and his eyes are almost bluer than before. And then he goes and leans in and Robert does it too. And Aaron’s lips are firmly placed on his within a matter of seconds.

And it _only_ lasts a matter of seconds really because Gabriel starts running back to the table and Aaron pulls away and Robert just has to sit there trying to stop the feeling growing in his stomach.

 

—

 

“You look ill.” Nicola says as soon as he’s through the door. “How comes you’re so late?”

Robert drops his bag and slides against the wall a little. “Aaron asked if I wanted to go get some ice cream with him and Gabriel.”

“The kid?”

“Yeah. Gabriel.” Robert says, hardly really hearing her. It feels like he’s almost under water or something.

“So how did it go then?” Nicola says, she looks so pleased suddenly. “Have we got him?”

Robert frowns slightly. “He uh — kissed me.”

She still looks pleased when he looks up.

“You were right about that Sugden charm then.” Nicola walks past him and he follows her into the kitchen. “Granted it’s not moral but you can convince him to stand now.”

“What when he knows I’m an officer and not some stupid teacher? He’ll really trust me then.”

And it’s like it’s only just dawned on him.

“Yes. Because you’ll be _convincing_ Robert.” She snipes a little and he backs away as she passes him again.

The sound of the kettle brewing fills the room and Robert can’t hear anything else until he gets a text from Aaron.

‘Sorry if it was weird. I’m not good at stuff like this. You’ll be pleased to know you are.’

And Robert shouldn’t be smiling because Aaron’s just called him a good kisser in his own little way.

But he is.

He really stupidly is.

 

 

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron opens up about his past whilst Robert struggles with his guilt

 

Aaron’s smile is proper blinding the next day and Robert doesn’t know what to do against it when he first sees him.

“Morning Mr Sugden.” Aaron says, and he looks different. He looks like there’s been this weight that’s been lifted off his shoulders, like he’s free, happier now that he’s let Robert in.

Which is ironic really.

“Hey.” Robert scratches his head a little and then gulps hard, smiles back a little until it starts to fade and Aaron looks towards his feet.

“You alright?” Robert lifts his head as Aaron looks up at him and he feels like he’s back at school again or something. 

“Yeah I’m fine.” Robert says gently. “I’m great actually...”

“Listen ... about yesterday,” Aaron says, “I didn’t — if it was too much —“

“It wasn’t.” Robert says and Aaron acts all surprised like he expected Robert to bolt or something.

It makes him feel sad, there’s this punch to his stomach and he needs to get a grip.

“Really?” Aaron’s eyes widen and Robert nods.

“I know Gabriel already don’t I? It wasn’t weird or anything.” Robert squints a little. “It was nice, I don’t really like kids all that much but —“

“You’re a teacher?” Aaron says, and thank God he’s more amused than anything else like you know _suspicious_. 

Robert turns bright red and he nods a little. “Yeah, yeah I guess.” He smiles awkwardly and then the bell rings and Aaron’s walking backwards away from Robert, waving a little and looking like he’s just embarrassed himself or something.

Robert can’t look away.

He should.

 

—

 

The thing is, the kid’s don’t actually do his head in today and maybe it’s because he’s got Aaron smiling and this could all be wrapped up soon but he’ll take it.

He actually finds himself on his knees with them, doing some maths exercises with building blocks and actually trying to teach them a thing or two.

“If you all just get into a circle then I won’t have to speak so loudly.” It’s phrased differently, has less bite or frustration and as if by magic they actually listen to him.

April actually sits cross legged and Moses looks almost ready to do something other than climb as high as he can.

“Uh well done kids.” He says, shy and awkward and almost proud of himself and he has every right to be when Diane comes past the door with a smirk on her face. 

She takes him to the side after a few minutes of watching and he doesn’t know what she wants until she unfolds her arms and smiles.

“I was just passing, I was _going_ to ask if you needed any help with anything but I think you’ve settled in pretty well.” She’s got an air about her, she reminds him of his mum and it’s like someone’s prodded at a softness within him because he can’t control the way he sees her.

He sees him mum smiling at him, flowery apron on, sleeves rolled up as she stands by the oven.

He feels _her_ approval and wants it to go away.

“It’s been — it’s had it’s challenges believe me.” Robert says after a few seconds, eyes wide a little as he looks at her and then looks back at the kids.

Somehow they’re all still sitting there cross legged and piling the building blocks up as high as they can.

He smirks a little as he looks at them, sees Gabriel wave back at him with a smile on his face before he taps Isaac’s shoulder and tells him to be quiet whilst he’s talking to Diane.

It makes something warm spread over his chest without him wanting it to.

“Oh I do.” Diane says, nodding slowly and then smiling again. “But you’ve fought against them haven’t you? Realised they’re not that scary after all.”

And he wasn’t _scared_ of them _but_ —

Let’s just say he’s more comfortable in their presence now which is good.

“Suppose so yeah.” Robert says, an odd realisation hitting him. 

“Well, I’ve got to go and look at the lunch menus so I’ll leave you to the maths.”

Robert smiles a little as she goes, feels a weight leave his shoulders.

 

—

 

He feels like he’s achieved something, he’s proud of being good at his pretend job and that’s why he’s knocking on Aaron’s classroom and seeing if he’s free.

“I was wondering if you’d like to go out for a drink?” Robert says, does his special lean and smile thingy and Aaron’s eyes flicker against it.

“Tonight?” Aaron says, and Robert makes sure to nod his head.

“If you’re not —“

“I could ask my mum to have Gabriel. I don’t know, meet you at that bar in town?”

Robert squints slightly. “Hasn’t got the best memories has it?”

Aaron sees the funny side thankfully, rolls his eyes a little. “I’m sure it’ll be better this time.”

 

—

 

“Yes I’ll make sure to.” Robert is practically hissing down the phone as he heads into the bar. Nicola’s sprouting absolute nonsense down the line about getting information from Aaron about Simon, about how it all started, creating some sort of background that will help in court or whatever.

“And don’t have too much fun okay.”

“Is that your way of saying don’t sleep with him? It’s a school night.”

Nicola scoffs a little. “My _God_ you really do sound like a teacher don’t ya?”

He tries to respond but he sees Aaron waving at him from one of the stalls and he nearly drops his phone.

Robert’s not seen Aaron in a blazer before, making an _effort_ before.

Aaron needs to stop making him feel so bloody stupid.

 

—

 

It gets to the point where it’s too late for either of them to do anything other than just sit where they are and talk about shit.

“I should be getting back you know,” Aaron’s got this soft hum about him, like an invisible little orb that makes him glow a little. It’s shining around him as he leans against his elbow and looks up at Robert.

Robert looks at his watch and then his eyes widen a little. Nicola’s probably losing her shit. “Same here.” He says.

“Not back to anyone though.” Aaron says, and Robert’s eyes flicker a little.

“No.” He says, because it’s easier than mentioning Nicola sitting on the sofa with probably a large glass of wine and a cheese board next to her. “I’m not like that.”

“Like what? A cheat?”

“Well not anymore.” Robert crinkles his nose and it’s probably not going to keep Aaron on side, knowing he’s capable of lying but he’s not thinking properly now. “I’ve been through all that, it’s not that fun.”

Aaron nods a little. “I hate lying.” He says suddenly, almost whispering, almost like he can’t stop himself.

Robert holds his breath against it.

“Sometimes it’s easier, right?” And Robert just looks straight into Aaron’s eyes, sees how long he can hold his gaze for before Aaron looks away.

Six whole seconds.

Aaron clears his throat. “And sometimes it ‘urts people.” He clings to the fabric at the bottom of his blazer and Robert watches tentatively. “Proper badly.”

Robert gulps. “Yeah, sometimes.” And he’s trying to coax him, and it works doesn’t it?

Aaron goes and shudders, starts to speak. 

“Holly used to lie about stuff.” Aaron says, and he’s staring into the table like Robert’s not actually there. “Bad stuff. It made everything worse.”

The music in the bar doesn’t fit how sad Aaron suddenly looks and Robert doesn’t know what to do. He can only listen.

Aaron’s eyes flicker and he frowns. “Shit sorry. I — I shouldn’t be telling you this.”   

“Why not?” Robert shrugs.

Aaron twists at his lip. “Because we don’t know each other that well. It’s — I’ve only known you for —“

“Didn’t stop the kissing did it?” Robert tries to make light of it all but Aaron scowls and he can almost feel his heart pounding.

“This is _different_.”

“Because it’s about you?” Robert asks. “I get that. But _you_ need to get that I’m still here, I’ve not walked out yet have I?”

Aaron turns red, eyes watering a little. “Yeah and the minute I do start talking, you’ll do one. Just like — it’s happened before.” He’s talking about the school doctor then, Leyla’s already filled him in.

“What has?”

“It’s all gone wrong. Become too much. _I’ve_ been too much. And I’d rather it didn’t happen again.” Aaron’s playing with his hands and Robert genuinely feels his heart go out to him. 

“Hey.” Robert says gently, and Aaron stops fidgeting. “How about you try me eh?”

And Aaron stares at Robert for what feels like forever before he nods.

“Okay, but not here.” He frowns a little as he looks around and Robert nods slightly.

 

—

 

He finds out that Aaron doesn’t live far from the village he’s in which is unsettling and exciting all at the same time.

They pull up to find his mum by the door with her arms crossed over and bouncing up and down a little against the cold.

“Hiya.” Aaron says awkwardly and she sighs at him.

“No later than ten.” She mimics and it’s suddenly crystal clear where he gets all his sarkiness from.

“Yeah sorry, it — overran.” Aaron says, leaning away from her slightly as if he doesn’t want her to know how much he’s had to drink.

“Hm, and the cab.” His mum says as it pulls away. “It was needed was it?”

Aaron’s mouth gapes open and she rolls her eyes again.

“I’m only messing.” She says, only she’s bloody frightening when she wants to be and Robert stands awkwardly away from the scene until she spots him. “Oh, hello.”

“Hi.” He says, clears his throat, straightens his back a little.

“This is Robert. He’s — he works at Elmhurst as well, Gabriel’s teacher.”

“What? Mr _Sugden_.”

And Aaron looks totally embarrassed like he doesn’t want Robert to know that him and Gabriel talk about him when he isn’t around.

“Yep.” Aaron says hastily. “This is my mum, Chas. She’s leaving now.”

“What and he’s —“ Chas gestures at the door and Aaron hooks an arm around her back, walks with her towards her car.

Robert waits by the door of the house, head rested against it, fighting the urge to eavesdrop and losing. 

“Is this a good idea?” Chas whispers. “You might slip up, you’re supposed to be keeping yourself to yourself aren’t you?”

Aaron rubs a hand over his face. “Yeah I am. He’s just a friend.” He lies. “So stop assuming.”

Robert feels something twist in his stomach before Aaron comes towards him again.

“I just need to check in on Gabe.” Aaron whispers as he gets up the stairs and leaves Robert alone. 

He should probably be doing something, looking for something to latch onto to gain Aaron’s favour. There’s just pictures of him and Gabriel, some with his mum, most without.

And it makes Robert smile a little.

He sees that there’s letters addressed to Liam Livesy, that Gabriel’s certificates have Livesy printed on them too. 

He can’t help but feel sorry for him suddenly and then he’s standing back by the door of the living room and making Robert freeze.

“He’s still out like a light.” Aaron says as he comes into the room and slumps against the sofa. “You can sit you know?” He says.

And Robert does, and now it’s his turn to play with his hands awkwardly. “Your mum seems nice.” He says, tries to push for a reaction and he gets one.

Aaron rolls his eyes. “She means well, she can be a little overbearing but — she’s here for me.”

Robert wonders if she put her neck on the line to be this close to her son still, if Chas is her real name, if she’s escaping Simon too.

“That must be nice.” Robert slips out.

“You and yours not close?”

Robert gulps, sends a sensation flowing through him as he speaks. “Uh she died when I was fifteen so.” 

It makes Aaron sit up right, “Shit sorry.” He panics. “I remember you telling —“

“It’s weird though, it’s like I still feel as close to her in some ways. It’s what I told Gabriel when I saw he was upset.” Robert says, clears his throat against what’s building up inside.

“You were amazing with him.” Aaron says, voice soft, almost filled with wonder.

“I’m a teacher after all.” Robert says, offhand, voice hardly there really. “ _Just_ a teacher according to your mum right?”

It slips out and he’s an idiot but Aaron looks more guilty than anything.

“You could have told me you didn’t tell her you were on a date you know? I could have done more than just stand here like a lemon.”

Aaron goes to speak and then sighs. “Like I said, she’s overbearing.” He says. “She’d want to know your blood type ten minutes into knowing who you are, trust me.”

Robert lets it slide, he _has_ to let it bloody slide because it’s not like any of this is actually going to lead anywhere.

“Anyway, who said it was date?”

Robert shrugs a little, leans into the sofa. “Me.” He says, “Until it got all serious.”

Aaron shuts his eyes. “Yeah.” He says. “My bad.”

“No.” Robert rubs a hand across his jeans and shakes his head. “Don’t think of it like that.”

“It’s hard not to.” Aaron says before trying to smile. “But it’s okay. I’m okay.”

“You don’t have to pretend or lie or —“

“I hate lying.” He says again, like it’s plagued on his mind, something he hates to carry around with him.

“Like — like the way Holly did?”

It makes Aaron look up at him, eyes filled with tears suddenly and he can’t help but think he’s over stepped the mark.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t —“

“Yeah, like the way she did. But in a different sort of way.” He frowns a little before blowing out a breath. “She lies about something she couldn’t stop, the drugs.” He peers his head up like he’s waiting for Robert to slowly stand, back away, leave like he’s already heard enough.

“She was an addict?” 

Aaron nods, “A really bad one yeah.” Robert suddenly wishes he had a pint in his hand. It would make this a little easier. “She hadn’t always been though, I knew her from when were just kids and she was — funny, talented.” He bites his lip. 

“And you — you uh —“

“Slept with her? Yeah. Once. To prove that I could. I wasn’t that smart though ‘cause we didn’t use anything.” He rolls his eyes like he’s remembering. “We were stupid kids.”

“We’ve _all_ been there.” Robert hears himself speaking and he wants to tell himself to shut up.

“And then I realised I couldn’t stop being _gay_ so we went back to just being mates. I thought we were good mates, I had no idea that she was — that she’d been taking drugs for a laugh.” Aaron’s chin threatens to wobble but he stops himself. “And that’s all it was at the start, she said it was a bit of fun. Nothing too much. So I let it happen.”

Robert blinks quickly. “You didn’t know what would happen.”

Aaron gulps hard. “Maybe.” He shrugs. “But it got worse and I didn’t stop it. I couldn’t stop it, so I just left her to it. And then she —“ Aaron shuts his eyes and Robert just watches. “She had an overdose, ended up in hospital and we found out she was pregnant.”

“With Gabriel?”

Aaron nods.

“She said he wasn’t mine, and I believed her. I was a kid, I didn’t — it was a lucky escape, it was _meant_ to be a wake up call for the both of us but it wasn’t for her. The minute my back was turned she had some bloke in her room.” He’s suddenly angrier and Robert knows to expect something. Something that will explain things better.

“ _Simon_.” He looks like he’s going to be sick and hit someone at the same time. “She said he was her boyfriend, left out the bit about him being her dealer too.”

Robert should have read up on Simon more, should have been more prepared for Aaron pouring his heart out, telling him everything. 

He can’t help but feel inadequate as Aaron keeps on.

“I told her to stop, for the sake of the baby but she wouldn’t. She couldn’t. So she carried on using right up until he was born, fucked up because of her.” Aaron chews his lip. “My little boy was hooked on it all too.”

Robert can’t even try to imagine, just listens because that’s all he can do.

“But he’s fine now?”

“No thanks to them.” Aaron scoffs. “I was still worried about her after it all happened, after the social got involved, but she _swore_ she was okay. She said she was over it, that her and Simon would look after Gabriel. Be a proper little family.” He rolls his eyes. “I believed her.”

“Until?” Robert says slowly.

“Until Simon started hitting her. They owed some big shot for a score or two and instead of telling me, her _mate_ , Holly —“ Aaron’s crying now, and it’s clear that he hasn’t told anyone all of this in a while. Robert feels instinct take over and he grows closer to Aaron, puts a hand on Aaron’s knee, squeezes it slightly. “She overdosed again. It got too much and she tried to escape, maybe just for a little but — this time I couldn’t save her.”

“I’m so sorry.” Robert says, voice soft now as he thinks about it all. Aaron’s shaking, he’s a mess and Robert can’t imagine him standing up in court at all. He’d crumble.

Suddenly he doesn’t want to have anything to do with this anymore.

Aaron shakes his head. “As she was dying, she told me — she told me Gabriel was mine.” He shakes his head again like he’s relieving it. “She was laying there in that hospital bed and she wanted me to know, she said Simon was dangerous and I had to take Gabriel and run.”

“Shit.”

Aaron wipes at his eyes, leans forward and then stares down at Robert’s hand still pressed down on his knee. It’s travelled up to his thigh and Robert pulls it away awkwardly.

“I don’t know why I’m telling you this.” Aaron scrunches his face up and blows out a breath.

“I’m glad you are.” Robert says. “I — Simon, did you get away from him?” 

Aaron tightens up again. “Eventually. I decided to leave the village, clear my head.” He says it like he didn’t run with the kid and never look back. It sticks out and Robert tries to avoid it as best he can. “My mum came and helped me because I was a mess but —“

“You’re brilliant.” Robert says, like it’s obvious.

“I’m really not. I’m — I failed him.” Aaron says honestly. “For months I didn’t even try to find out if he could be mine, I just accepted what she said, let that _monster_ raise him instead.”

Robert remembers how manic and fucked up Simon was when he caught him. He feels a chill race through him, feels helpless. 

“But look at you now. I’ve never seen a kid so happy.”

Aaron rubs at his eyes again. “I’ll never know why.” 

“Because he’s got a dad like you.” 

“Stop being so nice.” Aaron says, holding onto the ends of his jumper again, eyes filled with frustration.

“What?” Robert can’t hide his confusion, just frowns back and then he doesn’t expect what comes next.

Aaron’s practically pouncing on him, biting down on his lips, leaving bruises, tugging at Robert’s belt.

“Woah.” Robert pulls him off abruptly and Aaron looks right into his eyes.

“This is why right? You want this?” Aaron’s nose is practically touching Robert’s and suddenly Robert learns that he’s got more willpower than he ever gave himself credit for.

“Honestly? Maybe when we first went to  that bar, but — not now. It’s not the only reason.” 

Aaron just blinks at him, confusion scattered across his face that Robert has put there once again.

“Oh.”

“Oh indeed.” Robert says, strokes at Aaron’s arm and then feels the younger man smile at him like he’s genuinely happy.

It makes something tingle inside him.

“I like ya.” Aaron says, doesn’t look at Robert, just looks everywhere else.

Robert feels himself blushing and before he can say anything, Gabriel’s appearing by the door with a pair of train pyjamas and a toy rabbit under his arm.

He’s rubbing his eyes and they widen when he sees his dad scrambling off —

“Mr Sug’un.”

And yeah he’s really cute.

“Hiya mate.” He waves out and Gabriel decides to jump down on Aaron’s lap, squeeze down to the middle of them.

“Are you teaching my daddy?”

Robert looks across at Aaron. “No.” He says before arching an eyebrow. “I’d like to teach him a thing or two though.” He says and Aaron’s bright red within seconds.

“You should be in bed.” Aaron rustles Gabriel’s hair and pokes at his side before Gabriel’s looking at him again with a frown on his face.

“Did you cry?”

Robert holds his breath as Aaron lies.

“Mr Sugden was making me feel happy not _sad_.”

It makes Gabriel’s face nearly split open as he grins at Robert.

“Can we have a massive amazing sleepover now?”

“Uh. Not tonight okay.” Aaron says as he scopes Gabriel up and pulls him across his shoulder.

“Sorry bud. I’ll — I’ll see you tomorrow anyway won’t I.” Robert says, can’t help but smile as he sees Gabriel way goodbye to him as Aaron practically pushes his son up the stairs. “I’ll see you tomorrow too.”

Aaron nods a little. “You will yeah”. He says, head down again and he really is bad at the whole flirting thing isn’t he? Yet still adorable with it.

Robert opens the door and leans against it as he watches Aaron start to climb the stairs. 

“Liam?” He turns around quickly. “For the record, I like ya too.”

It makes Aaron smile again and then Robert’s shutting the door and trying to figure out how much of tonight was for the sake of the case.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron gets cold feet and Robert rethinks his role on the case

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A fairly big chapter coming your way. Happy reading!

His alarm the next morning nearly deafens him and it’s aided by the sound of the television blaring downstairs when he eventually gets there.

Nicola’s tapping away on the laptop too and making him want to turn right back around again and pull a sickie because heck he’s entitled to one. He nearly does but then she raises her head and actually spots him and he’s forced to engage with some sort of conversation with her.

“Heard you come in _pretty_ late last night.” She says, “I thought you weren’t going to sleep with him?”

She’s so frank that he almost cringes and then rolls his eyes as he potters about the kitchen and watches her laughing at his reaction.

“Busted.” She says under her breath and she looks like the cat that’s got the cream.

“For your information, we _didn’t_ sleep together.” Robert calls out, flicking the coffee machine on and walking back towards her. “You know if Lawrence found out you were encouraging that, he wouldn’t be best pleased.”

Nicola tuts dramatically. “Oh _please_ , let’s not pretend it would be the first time you’ve slept with someone for a case.”

And the thing is Robert doesn’t even disagree, just shakes his head and keeps his mouth shut.

“Yeah well, now we’ve established that —“

“You’re a bit of a slag?”

Robert sighs. “I didn’t sleep with Aaron.” He finsihes off his sentence as she laughs and then runs a hand through his hair. “He did tell me about Simon though, if you’re interested.”

It perks her attention up and she leans over her laptop with wide eyes. 

“And?”

Robert thinks for a second. “It all sounds pretty grim.” He admits, because it does. Aaron had to try and escape some psycho who was after his kid, who basically drove the mother of his child to her death. “If I was Aaron, I’d have probably killed him by now.”

Nicola pulls a face. “Probably couldn’t say the same about Jimmy.”

Robert’s eyes widen. “Yeah well we all know Jimmy’s a bit of a coward.” He says, smiles at he sees how offended Nicola looks. 

“Shouldn’t you be going?” She says. “Making sure he testifies. When do you think you’ll be done with all of that?”

She says it like he’s a magician. He tries to pretend like he hadn’t got this massive knot in his stomach about the whole thing but it’s difficult. Every time he closes his eyes he remembers last night, how honest and wrecked Aaron still is about what happened so many years ago. He’s not ready and he doesn’t want to admit the fact that maybe he never really will be. 

“I don’t know.” He says. “I don’t think you’re appreciating how hard this is going to be.”

Nicola rolls her eyes. “Why? Because you’ve _kissed_?” She puts on this childish voice and it makes his cheeks turn bright red. He doesn’t know why she’s making all of this out to be something silly, funny even. It’s really fucking not. 

“No.” He says, but it is a little of that too. “Because he’s not going to testify against him, if you really think Aaron’s going to be a character witness or whatever he has to be for this trial then — then it’s not going to work.”

Nicola rolls her eyes for the millionth time. “You kiss a bloke a couple of times and suddenly you know his inner workings do ya? If Simon is getting sent down for the drug dealer’s murder and —“

“He hasn’t told me any of that.” Robert cringes and feels numb suddenly, Aaron hadn’t even really gone into detail about everything. He’d stopped at the bit where he took Gabriel and made out like he’d never seen Simon again but that couldn’t be true.

His head bangs and Nicola looks like she’s sucking on a lemon.

“Well you’re going to have to get him to offload about that too.” Nicola shrugs.

“He’s only known me for five minutes!”

The fact that she starts talking about seducing him makes Robert want to crawl into a ball and die and he can’t even think against her words until she eases up and brings it right back to the whole kissing thing. 

“Is it _really_ ‘cause he kissed ya? Jesus Sugden, get a bloody grip.” Robert visibly cringes as he realised that Nicola’s subconsciously become the mean voice in his head telling him to get a grip every five minutes. It sort of makes him hate her even more.

“ _No_ , it’s because Aaron doesn’t tell anyone anything. He doesn’t trust anyone and —“

Nicola leans over again and sighs. “Well he’s told you already hasn’t he?”

“Not about being on the run.”

“More or less.” Nicola pulls another face and he wants to throttle her. “Look he trusts ya now doesn’t he? It’s not much of a stretch for him to trust you about being protected if he stands against Simon.”

The fact that she’s got it all worked out just makes it even harder because he can’t stop thinking about what Lawrence said. It’s all being left up to him and no one has _any_ guarantee that Simon is getting sent down for anything just yet.

He sighs against whatever she’s trying to say and decides that he’ll ignore everything for today.

Yeah, just ignore everything. 

 

—

 

The whole plan to try to ignore everything collapses as soon as he walks into the gates and sees Aaron jogging towards him. He’s wearing this gym get up and yanks out his headphones as soon as he’s in front of Robert.

“Hi.” He says, awkward as ever and making Robert’s knees weak annoyingly. He’s got to the point where he’s not going to deny the fact that Aaron is still making him feel all sorts of things. Admittedly he absolutely hates it but he’s not going to straight up lie to himself over it is he?

“You run as well?” Robert says, and the scarf he’s wearing around his neck is suddenly getting tighter. He tugs at it a little as Aaron shrugs out this look like jogging a few miles before work is not only absolutely doable but very much normal as well.

“When I need to think about stuff I do yeah.”

Robert gulps hard. “Did you need to think about me?” Aaron just looks up and then down again. “Sorry, that was a bit —“

“Are you free after school? I need to speak with ya.”

Robert didn’t expect that and it shows because he just sort of nods nervously and Aaron picks up on it.

“If you’re not then —“

“No, no I am. It’s — is everything okay between us?” Robert says, because he can see the way Aaron’s looking at him, he looks guilty and torn or something and that coldness is there. He thought he had thawed that all away, clearly not. 

Aaron’s mouth gapes a little and then he nods.

“I should go get changed before school starts.” He gestures, obviously deciding not to offer any real answer to the question and Robert just nods a little as he watches him leave. 

 

—

 

Lawrence manages to suck the fun out of music man time by calling him like he actually thinks Robert is free. He clearly doesn’t know how schools work which just makes Robert hate him that little bit more.

He manages to take the call outside though, sneaks away just as the chorus kicks in and he doesn’t even want to pick up but he’s not prepared for the grief of not answering at all.

Robert clears his throat, sighs and then answers.

“Sir. I’m teaching at the moment sir.” Robert says, pacing up and down the hallway as he waits for Lawrence to sprout his nonsense.

“Very good. I was just checking in on any updates. I wouldn’t want this to all just be some sort of extended holiday for you.” He chuckles like he’s just made this fantastic joke or something. 

Robert clicks his tongue against his gum.

Heaven forbid.

“I’m working on it.”

“Maybe so.” Lawrence says, quick and to the point and making Robert sigh. “But time is ticking away. Have you formed a sort of bond with him? Does he know who you are at least?”  

And the fact that he’s wandered to right outside Aaron’s classroom isn’t helping him form sentences very well. 

“Uh — yeah he knows me.” Robert eventually says, mouth a little dry suddenly.

“Well then what are you waiting for?”

Aaron goes and laughs at something one of the kids have said and he’s all smiley for a second too long. Robert sees and melts and he knows exactly what he’s waiting for.

This feeling to stop growing in his chest.

 

—

 

He meets Aaron at the end of the day whilst he’s packing away his stuff and he doesn’t expect to see him by the door just staring at him.

“You alright?” Robert asks again, because Aaron looks like he’s in his own head half the time and now is one of those times.

Aaron looks up, eyes flickering a little as he sits on one of the desks and Robert watches one of the little legs wobble.

“How about we go get a coffee or something? Beats you paying for a replacement.” Robert points to the now crooked chair and Aaron has a ghost of his smile on his face.

“Good idea.” He says, and he looks like a bag of nerves until they’re sitting in some coffee shop with terrible lighting and Robert can’t hold his tongue anymore.

“Did I do something?” Robert asks, “Last night? Or — I don’t know, you just look pretty nervous.”

Aaron gulps, looks like what he is feeling is justified, makes perfect sense. “But you don’t.” He says bitingly, a lot more edge in his voice than Robert was expecting suddenly and he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to say.

Or where exactly it’s come from either. Aaron just keeps giving him a million mixed fucking messages and his head is really starting to hurt now.

“What does that even mean?” Robert says, and his heart is thudding in his chest as he leans forward on the wooden table.

Aaron’s eyes dart around a little. “What I told ya last night, you look like it ‘ardly fazed ya.” He’s all jumpy and nervous and Robert’s mouth gapes open a little. “Like you already knew or summat.”

And yeah the whole Aaron being suspicious of him was _bound_ to kick in at some point wasn’t it? 

He just would rather it never did. He scrambles slightly before he remembers what he does for a living and gets a grip on the situation.

“What did you except from me? To run out of your house and never talk to ya again?”

Aaron scowls a little and nods his head. “He did.” He says, hardly even meeting Robert’s eyes as he bounces up and then down again like a bag of nerves.

Robert can only frown at him, think about all that insecurity that Aaron has bubbling inside of him. He wants to make it stop, he wants Aaron to be okay, not this worried mess. He wrings his hands together, knuckles reddening as he tries to get his words out.

“I don’t know what to say.” Robert says, heart beating out of his chest again but for a different reason this time, not because he’s scared about Aaron’s suspicions but because he’s sad about how insecure Aaron is.

Anyone else would have been relatively happy about last night. But Aaron’s different isn’t he? He has the right to be insecure. Robert faintly remembers the school doctor Leyla mentioned, instantly feels worse.

Aaron looks up suddenly, likes he’s just come back from being wrapped up in his own thoughts. “I shouldn’t have said anything.” He shrugs.

“Is that what the school doctor did? Walk out on ya?”

And yeah maybe he’s over stepping the mark once again but he can’t help himself when Aaron’s like this. He feels this need to help him, protect him, which is pretty weird considering he’s hardly known him for very long.

Aaron bristles a little almost like he’s forgotten he only told Robert yesterday and then he’s nodding his head. “Pretty much yeah.” He says. “S’not like I blame him or anything. He heard the word drug dealer and decided he couldn’t do it. You know, be with me like that.” 

Robert almost cringes against the image forming in his head, Aaron laying his heart out and this twat deciding that he didn’t have the time for it after all. The thing is, Aaron doesn’t even look heartbroken which is even worse, it makes Robert think about the fact that he didn’t even get to the proper falling in love stage. It was all cut short before he could even try.

“He sounds daft.” Robert admits, proper scowl on his face now as he speaks and Aaron’s looking right at him as he looks up. “Did I say something wrong?”

Aaron shakes his head slowly. “No you didn’t. You haven’t done anything wrong. It’s weird.” He scowls, and Robert hasn’t ever been called irritatingly nice before. It’s a first but he’ll take it.

He smirks a little, looks down into his coffee mug and then up again.

“You know I get he hurt ya? I bet this Simon did too. In other ways. But — but I won’t.” Robert says, a promise he shouldn’t be giving away this easily just escaping his lips and making Aaron’s eyes widen.

“You shouldn’t say stuff like that you know.” Aaron says, pulls down his jumper and Robert bites at his lips. He suddenly wants to be honest, to tell him _why_ he isn’t going to hurt him, how he’s only sitting here because it’s his _job_ to keep him safe. Him and Gabriel too.

“I’m only trying to —“ Aaron just keeps his head down, and Robert feels the fight leave his voice. He’s got Nicola in his head calling him useless and he feels like a dick for thinking that last night actually did some good rather than just freaked Aaron out even more. “I better get going.” He says, picks up his satchel as he goes and doesn’t bother seeing if Aaron even looks up again.

He makes sure to get in there first with Nicola by ringing her as soon as he’s out of the cafe. It rings out the first time and he rolls his eyes as far back as they can go before she’s calling him back with some excuse about being on the phone with her kids. He doesn’t really care at all.

“So, what’s wrong?”

“I think you should take my place. I think you should — should come in and — and try and convince Aaron yourself.” He hears himself, hears the way that Nicola’s obviously pausing whatever reality tv show she’s got on but he can’t stop the words from coming out. “I can’t do it. He’s — it’s _impossible_.”

“You need to _slow_ down, relax.” Nicola says, in the most aggressive non relaxing tone he’s ever heard. But she manages to make him stop in his tracks as he gets back to the school gates, walks through to his classroom because he’d rather be sitting in his classroom than in the car talking about this. It’s a lot warmer basically.

“No. No you need to listen to me.” He says, starts busying himself around the classroom as he carries on with his breakdown down the phone. “I thought it was going great but he’s — he’s just been through _too_ much. I can’t make him trust me and then tell him I lied all this time!”

And he’s been trying to tell her this for days but it’s not like she listens to a word he says.

Like right now, she starts using all these soft words and trying to make him calm down but he’s not one of her snotty kids and he fights against it until she’s snipping at him again.

“Get a grip Robert!” She shouts and he stops dead. “Pull yourself together and we’ll talk more once you’re here. I’m not going to get through to ya like this am I.”

And with that she hangs right up and Robert can’t help the way his head ends up in his hands. He has to breathe out slowly to try and calm himself down again.

“Oh, sorry. I thought you’d headed off home.” Bernice is by the door with her smiley face and flowery tube dress and bright red cardigan and he jumps out of his skin as he hears her. 

“Uh yeah I’m going now.” He says hastily.

Only apparently he looks like he’s a little stressed and that’s ‘perfectly normal, she can be a shoulder to cry on if he wants because she’s a trained counsellor and he’s supposed to care.

He doesn’t.

It’s why he’s out the door before she can say anything else.

 

—

 

Nicola’s pulled out all the stops hasn’t she? He can already smell the lasagne from the front door and he can’t help but take in the aroma as soon as he’s in the living room and Nicola’s by the door.

“A proper home cooked meal for you.” She says, “Maybe it’s what you need.” 

And the fact that she genuinely thinks he can be bought around by a poxy lasagne and a glass of white wine is beyond him. 

“So you’re still not listening to me then.” Robert decides, sitting slowly as he watches the way she sighs and pulls a face. She slides him over his plate and waves some salad in his face and he swats her hand away as quickly as he can.

“Piss off.” He grumbles, and he’s got this proper pout on now which Nicola groans out.

“So you had a bad day. Everyone has one of those.”

Robert arches an eyebrow. “Not like this. Do you know we — we kissed last night, round his? Nothing major or anything but ... I thought it was enough.”

“Enough for what?”

Robert shrugs. “Him to trust me. I thought — I could break the news gently but he’s only gone and made me feel worse.” 

“Worse?” Nicola frowns like he’s delusional. “Robert, you’re not supposed to feel bad in the first place. You’re a natural liar, this is just — something you should be used to.” 

She says it like he lies for a living. Like he’s just this seedy bloke and not a detective.

He rolls his eyes against he words and she sighs.

“Don’t tell me you’ve gone and —“

There’s suddenly a knock on the door and Robert frowns against the way Nicola starts putting all her files away like someone’s going to search the place. She’s whispering something about not being ready for Lawrence to be coming around and Robert wants to curl up in a ball and not see his face as she runs towards the door to answer it.

“Oh.”

It’s the only word Nicola gets out as she stands by the door and silence follows it so Robert gets up, walks straight towards the door and then stops dead again as he sees who’s standing there.

“What are you — how do you know —“

It’s Aaron standing there, looking like he’s usual nervous self with a hand running down the back of his neck. 

“Who’s this?” He says, pointing at Nicola.

“Cleaner.” Robert gets in there before Nicola can try to come up with something better and she only looks up and scowls at him. “Yeah she — she cleans in the evenings when I’m — I’m here.”

Aaron looks even more confused than he did before but nods all the same. “Could I — could we have a word?”

Robert nods and Nicola just stares between them.

“Sure.” Robert says awkwardly.

“In private.” Aaron points out and Robert all but shoves Nicola back into the house and closes the door behind him. 

“Why are you here?” Robert asks, and the moon is up high enough in the sky for him to properly notice. He stares up at it and then down again at Aaron who’s almost gazing at him.

“To say sorry, for me being me.”

It sort of guts Robert and he wants Aaron to stop looking at him the way he is.

“How did you find out where I live?” He frowns slightly and Aaron’s mouth gapes.

“Asked Leyla to have a look at the files.” Aaron shrugs. “Look I haven’t got long, Gabe’s in the car waiting.” He looks back down the road and back at Robert again.

“You don’t have to say sorry. It’s — it’s fine.”

And he doesn’t expect the way Aaron comes closer towards him, has a hand across Robert’s waist for just a second like he’s too afraid.

“Me and Gabe are going to the park after school tomorrow, come with us?” He says, voice soft and slow and Robert’s heart beats out of his chest. “Please.” He says.

And Robert is too much of a coward to say no.

So he nods his head against Aaron’s and then feels the younger man hold at his hand for a fraction of a second before he pulls away and watches Aaron walk backwards towards his car.

He has this soft smile on his face that Robert put there. He feels oddly proud of himself as he leans against the door and takes the night in, everything’s peaceful until Nicola goes and yanks the door open and Robert nearly falls back through it.

 

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert enjoys his time with Aaron and Gabriel until a bombshell hits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The good news is that uni is finished for me this year so I should be updating more regularly, however I do have four essays to write as well so the updates might suddenly go a little all over the place. I’ll try my best to update!

 

 

Robert’s just waiting for his soup to warm up in the microwave wave when Leyla comes flouncing towards him with her arms waving about like she’s won the lottery.

“Did uh — Mr Livesy find his way to yours last night then?”

And if she could speak any louder that would be brilliant. He can’t help the way he looks around the staff room, sees Rhona eating a muffin on one of the sofas, Bernice painting her nails on the other side of the room. Thankfully no one cares enough to even look up and pay Leyla any attention.

Robert pulls a face, telling her to shut the hell up basically and she just laughs nervously. “Why are you _so_ smiley.”

Leyla walks past him, flicks on the coffee machine and then turns back around to Robert again with a flashy smile still there. “Oh I don’t know, because I’m responsible for uh two budding young loves finally getting their acts together.”

Robert almost wishes it was as simple as she’s putting it and for a second thinks about it from her point of view. They’re just school teachers after all aren’t they, nothing any more complicated or complex at all. He thinks about how uncomplicated all of it could be and then remembers that he loves his job.

It somehow works to ground him a little.

Robert shakes his head against her words, can’t help himself. “Listen, you’re — you’re really getting ahead of yourself.” He says, waves a hand out in front of her face and she pulls this face back at him.

“Oh _really_. Well did he come round yours or not?”

Robert rolls his eyes and nods slowly. “Yeah he did.” And it only gets Leyla’s smile that little bit wider as she leans across again and starts pouring out coffee. “With Gabe in the car.”

“Oh. That’s uh — not what I thought would happen.”

“Yeah.” Robert says awkwardly, looks down at his watch and then starts playing with his hands and deciding whether or not to enter into this school gossip. “Going park with him and Gabriel later though.” He offers up and she nods out an approval.

“I’ve got a feeling if Gabriel likes ya, he won’t be able to help himself.” And maybe it does spark something inside him but he doesn’t let on. Not when Leyla’s beefy fiancé Pete comes over and she starts hinting about double dates and everything.

Apparently because Pete is the P.E teacher him and Aaron are mates, they’ve set up this whole teacher football five aside team and everything.

Robert decides to indulge them until the microwave finally beeps. 

 

—

 

Gabriel’s a smart kid as it happens. He offers Robert this big toothy grin and waves at him at the end of the day because he obviously knows that he’s coming along to the park.

At the end of November, naturally.

He’s struggling with his laces when Robert looks across at him, feet high up on the little table and he almost feels obliged to help him. He’s looping all the wrong ends and Robert wonders if Aaron’s in the middle of teaching him or something. He almost smiles to himself as he thinks about it, and then one Gabriel pulls this proper grumpy face and he’s all Aaron suddenly.

“Need help there mate?” He doesn’t call the kids anything sweet like the other teachers do, in fact he speaks to them like they’re colleagues or something and so Gabriel only looks up and nods his head thoughtfully.

“They keep coming loose.” He says, rubs a hand through his curly hair like he’s genuinely stressed out about it all. And what Robert wouldn’t give to have those types of frustrations and nothing more.

Robert walks over and then crouches a little. “The trick is to pull this one over that one.” He’s pointing to the laces, swoop it through.” He may or may not change the tone of his voice and make it more playful. 

Gabriel looks up at him and then bites his lip before pulling the laces through and smiling. “It worked.” He says, jumping from the chair and launching himself right into Robert’s chest with little warning. It knocks him for six, makes something warm flow right through his chest and he rubs at his little back. “Thank you.” He hears Gabriel say, like he’s made his day or something.

It makes him feel like he’s done something good, makes him realise that Gabriel must like him if he’s being this friendly and nice. He can’t help but feel like he’s accomplished something massive, something he didn’t think he would.

“No problem bud.” He says, still crouching and helping the little boy do up the buttons on his coat, he can see the hood of his little hoodie poking through and thinks of Aaron again before he hears feet by the door and turns. 

Aaron’s got this massive black coat on, he looks like some sort of body builder and Robert can’t help the way he stares at him with this soft expression on his face. It’s so annoying.

“All set then buddy?” Aaron says, speaking right at Gabriel and Robert quickly rises to his feet. He’s got a hand firm against the back of his neck and he rests it there awkwardly until Gabriel’s running his mouth about how much of a great help he’s been. He feels his cheeks turning red against it all and Aaron’s got this smile on his face that doesn’t look like it’s about to budge any time soon. “Well he’s — he’s good like that isn’t he?” He offers, which Robert supposes is his way of giving a compliment.

Robert takes it, clears his throat as Aaron ushers Gabriel outside for a second and then shuts the door.

“Look, I — you don’t have to come with us. If I were you I wouldn’t, considering you know — the run around I’ve given ya.” Aaron scratches at his eyebrow for a second and then sighs slowly like he’s trying to figure out what exactly to say.

Robert wants to say a lot, he wants to let everything out but he almost can’t. There’s this big weight stopping him from doing what he’s here to do, get Aaron onside. He knows deep down that if Lawrence knew he was spending his evening at some park with Aaron and his sprog, he wouldn’t be best pleased. And _yet_ here he is, almost, _almost_ without a care in the world.

“How about we just start again?” Robert offers, shrugs just slightly. “Because I want to come to this park on a cold November night with you.” He says and Aaron laughs. Robert makes Aaron laugh.

“I’d be — I’d like that.” Aaron says, still standing nervously by the door and the moment is soft as they stare at each other. And then Gabriel starts hammering at the door impatiently and they both start laughing.

It feels right.

 

—

 

It turns out that the park isn’t just a small little children’s one, but a pretty big gated bit of green with a gazebo in the middle of it. Robert would go as far as to say it’s a little romantic but he’s not the sort of person that usually says stuff like that. He doesn’t really know what’s wrong with him but he blames Aaron for it.

The walk to the park had been relatively quickly, with Aaron and him watching Gabriel practically hop the way there like a bunny. The sun’s already down now, starts cluttering the sky like diamonds and making Robert lift his head up towards them in awe.

“You alright?” Aaron asks, hands firm in his pockets and bouncing slightly against the cold as they walk over to a bench and Robert slows down, still staring right up the sky like it’s magical. Only it does look it and he feels so soft for noticing but he can hardly forget now he’s got his eyes glued. 

“Yeah.” Robert says, sees his breath hit the space between him and Aaron because it’s so cold. “It’s — I haven’t seen stars like these for years.” He admits.

Aaron looks confused and Robert bites his lip awkwardly.

“I used to live in London, you don’t see stars there.” And he’s not lying, he’s being honest, it makes something spin in his stomach because he doesn’t really know what that means. 

Aaron pulls this face, like he’s impressed or something and Robert catches it. He pulls a face back at him and Aaron starts to laugh again.

“Posh London Town then.”

Robert wriggles his eyebrow, it’s weird to think he leaves there. He suddenly misses his little flat, misses coming home to no one, not bloody Nicola and her real housewives. 

“I’ve always wanted to take Gabriel down there, see the zoo or whatever.” Aaron says, just standing and staring at Robert with a smile on his face.

“Yeah you should. He’d love it.” Robert offers, imagines Gabriel scaring away the meerkats with his loud voice. It sort of makes him melt inside and then he turns cold against the feeling. He’s thankful.

“He seems to love you too, you know.” Aaron says, he’s soft and sincere about it and even takes his hands out of his pocket when Robert looks like he doesn’t believe him. “Honest.” Aaron says. “He’s always talking about you to my mum.”

Robert laughs a little. “Yeah well, he’s not bad either.” He says, nods his head a little as he sees Aaron smile a little.

“He’s not the only one who thinks a lot of ya.” Aaron says, and Robert just stares at him, heart thudding all over again because they’ve been here and then it’s all gone and collapsed around them. “I mean it.” He says, closes the space by just a fraction but it’s enough. “It’s why I’ve been acting so —“

“Hot and cold?”

Aaron pauses before nodding. “Since I first saw ya I just wanted to be around ya and it felt _weird_.” He admits, squeezes his eyes shut and then he’s slowly blowing out a breath. “Alex, the doctor, he — he did all the chasing with me, wore me down until I felt like I owed it to him. You know, the truth.” Robert nods encouragingly, feels his heart go out to him once again.

“But you,” Aaron’s mouth opens and shuts like he doesn’t have words.

“What?” Robert says, voice almost like a whisper and Aaron looks right at his lips, eyes flickering gently as he shudders.

“I just can’t get ya out of my ‘ead.”

Robert feels like his head is about to fall off against the whiplash of Aaron’s feelings.

“Is this you just making a Kylie reference or?”

“ _Kylie_?” Aaron tilts his body away from Robert a little and then scoffs. “I know we’re gay but —“

“I’m not. I’m bisexual.” And something about telling Aaron makes him feel vulnerable. It’s not like he’s a self-hater or whatever but it’s personal as long with a lot about his sad little life. It’s personal and now Aaron knows.

“Oh.” Aaron says, “Right then well ... gay or _not_ , you should know that Kylie’s past it.”

It makes his eyes widen, because how very dare Aaron be so wrong. “Next you’ll be saying Cher should retire.”

Aaron arches an eyebrow. “Someone has to.” He shrugs and then they’re laughing again. They’re actually laughing and Aaron wipes at his eyes a little before sighing.

“I’m sorry I’m such a mess.”

“I forgive ya.” Robert says, voice soft and loose and trying to put Aaron at ease and it works because there’s a hand there on his waist again and he can’t help but part his lips in anticipation and then —

“Daddy, the lights! The lights!” Gabriel’s almost miles ahead of them, waging his little arms about to try and get there attention.

“Lights?” Robert asks, and Aaron’s eyes widen.

“Oh shit yeah come on.” Aaron says, and it’s like he does it without even thinking as he suddenly yanks Robert hand and grabs onto it. He’s got a firm grip and just the thought of those words get Robert’s face bright red as Aaron all but drags him past the gazebo and towards this massive empty space of grass where there’s a million other kids bouncing up and down.

“What’s —“

“Mr Sug’un there’s the Christmas lights, _look_.” Gabriel’s shouting again, tugging right on Robert’s trousers and the gazebo lights up, reveals this massive Santa sitting in the middle of it. 

It feels a bit too early to start up with the all the Christmas shit and it’s not like he’s the Grinch or anything but last Christmas he spent on his own and the year before that wasn’t much different either. To be fair it’s all a massive sore point, the holidays, so standing here seeing all these children so flipping happy is different.

All of this is bloody different.

“Look at all the lights!” Gabriel’s screaming, full of too much energy it seems and he jumps up on his dad’s shoulders so he can get a better look.

“They look _well_ beautiful don’t they?” Aaron says playfully as he tilts his head up towards Gabriel and shakes him about so that he’s laughing even more. Robert stands where he is and just watches with this soft awe about him. He wants to frame this moment, take it back to Lawrence and tell him that he can’t ruin this. He _can’t_.

“Yeah.” Robert whispers to himself, still looking right at them as the shining of the lights spreads a red glow across Aaron’s face, then gold and green and then red again. Aaron must hear him because he turns to look at him, and then down at their hands that are still being held together.

They don’t let go.

Robert doesn’t want to.

 

—

 

“Why did I think that giving him ice cream cake was a good idea?” Aaron asks as they’re walking back through the park towards Aaron’s car.

Gabriel is running around the park pretending he’s an aeroplane making the whizzing sound and jumping up and down. Robert has honestly never seen a more lively kid before in his life and he can’t help but sort of be amazed by it as well as pissed by his flipping screaming. 

“Beats me.” Robert laughs a little, hands still firmly in his pockets.

“Thanks for coming by the way.” Aaron looks at him like he’s got used to blocking out his son’s loud noises. It makes Robert laugh a little inside. “Even with him being —“

“His usual self?” Robert says. “You forget, I do see him for six hours a day.” A few weeks ago the word unfortunately would have had to be bite back. It doesn’t have to now.

“Yeah well anyway, it’s still — I’m still glad you did come.” Aaron says. “I wanted ya to.” He slows down his strides and so does Robert, they’re mirroring each other for a few steps until Aaron shudders and stops walking. “Robert...”

“If you’re going to say sorry again then I don’t want to hear it.”

“Rob.”

“No, look I get that you’ve been through a lot. A whole lot, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t trust people okay? It doesn’t mean that you don’t get to have a laugh once in while.” Robert can’t help how passionate he’s getting, it’s almost embarrassing and he tries to pipe down a little but Aaron gets in there first.

“You really scare me.” Aaron admits, and there’s this sudden shift between them that Robert can’t really control. He just watches it play out, watches Aaron look like he’s about to be sick against what? Telling the truth, being honest with how he feels. He can’t help but wonder if this is the first time in a long time that Aaron’s been like this with someone, put his feelings out there or whatever.

And that scares him.

It scares Robert too.

“I —“ 

“I don’t want to be scared anymore.” Aaron says, and then he leans up and grabs Robert by the back of the neck and kisses him properly. There’s this unimaginable sense of entanglement between them that Robert gets caught up in. He’s so caught up in it that he finds himself almost lost when Aaron pulls away abruptly and looks into his eyes. He looks petrified, hands gripped around the collar of Robert’s leather jacket and Robert offers him a shaky smile. An encouragement or something.

And it works.

Because Aaron leans forward again and Robert lunges back, he can’t actually help himself can he? Because it’s been going on for so long now, it’s been like this for what feels like years and it’s a release. It’s something he’s been waiting for, wanting deep down really. He’s wanted Aaron to be like this, melted and warm against the cold air. 

Aaron like this makes him forget that Liam has to exist.

Robert keeps on kissing him, and Aaron moans into it like he can’t help himself, hands fly right into Robert’s hair and everything is quietened for a second. Nothing feels wrong. Absolutely nothing.

Aaron slowly pulls away again, this time his cheeks are red and his eyes sparkle a little as he looks down at his feet and then up again.

“Well that was ... unexpected.” Robert says, because yeah they’ve kissed before but Aaron’s held back, that much has been obvious. 

This was different, a whole lot different really.

Aaron looks all shy suddenly, and Robert brings a hand across his cheek.

“But good.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Robert whispers, hands stroking and then stopping and then he’s leaning back again because Gabriel’s attempting to slide down into the little pond and Aaron has to chase towards him.

“Oi monkey, get _away_ from there.” He says, running like a mad man as Gabriel’s giggling can be heard all the way from where Robert is standing.

He doesn’t mind the sound. It almost makes him smile really. 

He looks up at the stars again and sees that they suddenly look brighter than they ever did before now.

 

—

 

He’s still on a high when he finally gets back the cottage, he almost feels like a kid again and he only bloody kissed him didn’t he? It was a kiss, a good one mind, but just a kiss and the fact that he can’t even try to forget it is something he can’t get over.

There’s a buzz to him as soon as he comes through the door and then he sees Nicola’s face and she manages to try and suck the fun right out of the air. It’s almost funny. She’s sitting there practically in the dark, folders around her and this worried look on her face and it’s actually nearly eleven o’clock so she shouldn’t even be down here.

“Nicola King, shouldn’t you be looking like a avocado right about now? Pouring green stuff all over your face to keep it up right.” Robert says, and he thinks he’s hilarious only she doesn’t. Instead she just looks and scowls like per usual and he doesn’t even bother registering in it because it’s so _normal_ isn’t it?

“Are you _drunk_ , because that’s all we need right now.” The way she says it makes him nervous and he wishes she’d lighten up.

“I’m not drunk. I did have this ice cream cake thing which was _amazing_ but —“

“I really need ya to be quiet now.” Nicola goes and waves a hand about like a women possessed and Robert stands straighter. “Lawrence stopped by a couple of hours ago, whilst you were having a cosy time scoffing deserts.”

Robert pulls a face. “Urgh, what was he saying now then?”

He doesn’t really give a toss right about now, he’s had a pretty lovely night so it happens and nothing Lawrence can say can bring him down.

“He was saying that Simon’s escaped prison.”

And _that_ had to be the case didn’t it?

 

 

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert struggles to tell Aaron the truth whilst disaster strikes

 

 

 

‘ “You can’t just leave us like this. Leave me like this.” She’s got tears rolling down her face and he wants her to forget he ever existed. It would be easier like that.

“You’ll be better off without me Vic.”

Vic. His little kid sister with her school work and her long brown hair and her pale face.

Lost against grief and sadness and wanting her brother.

“You can’t say that.”

“I can and I am.” Robert says, tears watering in his eyes that quickly fade because he has to grow up against the pain of letting people down doesn’t he?

He has to let go of this. ‘

 

—

 

For the first time in absolutely years Robert’s mind decides to dream about the day he left home and he hurts all over because of it. He feels like he’s about to be sick as soon as he wakes up.

Only it’s not actually him waking up, it’s him entering another dream. Aaron’s around in this one, he’s at the edge of his bed and Robert tries to reach him but when he does Aaron bulls his fists like he’s going to launch a punch or something.

And then he wakes up. Back to reality.

He feels like he’s already had a fucking _day_ of it all as he rolls out of his bed and his feet hit the ground.

 

—

 

Nicola’s there when he eventually gets out of the shower and makes it downstairs towards the kitchen. He’s got a hand across his head as he pours out a coffee and hunts for some cereal to soothe how badly his feeling like it will help at all.

When he can’t find any he settles for a cereal bar, chewy and tart at the same time and making him want to give up altogether but then Nicola brings him back to Earth by sitting right in front of him and pulling this awkward sorry face.

“You sort of just disappeared up the stairs last night didn’t you?” Nicola basically speaks to him like he’s one of her little brats or something and he suddenly wants her to stop speaking. Only she doesn’t. “You didn’t even let me explain —“

“Maybe because I didn’t want to hear about it.” He sips his coffee, leans across the table to look at the newspaper sprawled out across the table. Only Nicola clamps her hand down on it and forces him to look at her.

“You can’t just bury your head in the sand about this. It’s happened. Simon’s _escaped_ prison, he could be on his way here by now you know?”

The thought makes him freeze, he feels numb against it all and he can’t go there, he _can’t_ imagine it. And above all, he doesn’t want Aaron to hate him, he couldn’t bare that.

It manages to overcloud everything else, even his job title.

“Can you just give it a rest, my head bangs.”

“Well tough. We don’t have the time to spare your precious feelings I’m afraid.” Only she isn’t afraid at all, she looks like she’s been waiting for this, for something to happen, for her not to be doing absolutely nothing all day.

Robert keeps his head down and then sighs a little. “Is he close?” He says, heart thudding because he needs to know how much time he has before he goes and tells Aaron everything.

“We don’t know yet.”

“Sorry what is it exactly you *do all day?”

Nicola scowls, eyes beady suddenly. “I could say the same about you, ‘ice cream cake dates wasn’t it? You pathetic —“

“Nicola, where is he?”

The fact that she doesn’t even know is enough to make him angry at the entire world. 

“We’ll track him down.” She says, shrugs, like it’s a bloody given. “You do your job and I’ll do mine.”

Only Robert just shakes his head. “Can’t. I’m — I feel a bit sick.”

Because he’s quickly decided that he can’t face Aaron, smiley and happy and his little boy either with his loud laugh and cheekiness. He can’t do it.

“Oh pull the other one Robert.” Nicola stands up and then smirks. “You can’t back out now and you and I both know it.”

His face drops against it.

 

—

 

He’s been on edge all day, standing close by the door and then by the windows over and over again like some sort of loon in case Simon decides to drop in. He knows that _logically_ it doesn’t make sense for Simon to have tracked Aaron and Gabriel down but he also knows that his luck is pure shit recently so it might just be the case.

He’s thankful when the day is over with, when April runs out a class with a grin on her face because she’s been given some shitty star sticker by Robert for _not_ interrupting all the others throughout the day. He almost breathes a sigh of relief as he packs his things away, tries to avoid the way Gabriel lingers by the door with a smile on his face.

“Not coming to the park again today mate.” He says, because he feels like he has to or something.

“I know. But did you like the flashy lights?” Gabriel’s swinging on the door, his soft little voice growing louder by the second but Robert indulges him. He nods his head vigorously and then sighs.

“Yeah it was ... I had a great time mate.” Because he did, he really did and then it all went wrong as soon as he got home. 

“Good, ‘cause daddy said to nana he hasn’t had the bestest time like that ever in the world.” He stretches his arms out and he’s probably exaggerating but just _knowing_ that Aaron enjoyed himself is enough. It’s enough.

“Good.” Robert says softly. “Now get going, painting club is starting soon.”

And with that Gabriel rushes off. He’s been good all day, calm and content and Robert can’t help but wonder if Aaron’s content state has washed over him too.

It’s what he wanted to happen. It’s also what he could ruin.

He finishes packing away his satchel and then feels the door open, hands stretched across his eyes and pinning him back. For a second he freezes, he just freezes because he’s not sure what to do. He sees Simon in the darkness and then —

“Guess who?” It’s Aaron’s voice, soft and gruff in his ear and now that Robert’s had a few seconds to think about it properly, of course it’s him. He smells like himself.

“Uh —“ 

Aaron pulls his hands off and then spins Robert around slowly. His eyes sparkle a little when Robert finally opens them. He’s got this light blue jumper on, a colour other than _black_ basically and Robert nearly falls over against it. That and the fact that he looks so genuinely happy.

“Don’t worry, no one’s around.” Aaron offers, leans closer a little and kisses Robert softly on the lips. It seems so domesticated, so gentle. He feels so undeserving of it.

“I thought you’d be worried.” Robert says, tries to wrangle his way out of his nerves as he looks towards the open door. “Is the doc still working here?”

Aaron pulls this face, practically groans as a hand snakes behind Robert’s waist and finds his back. “Not at the moment no.” He says. “And I just watched Gabe go so ... we’re alone.” 

“Great.” Robert says, and that bit is genuine but it can’t help but be _laced_ with this undeniable fear. He closes his eyes and lets Aaron kiss him again, keep kissing him until he pulls away looking nervous.

“You okay?”

Robert gulps down _everything_ and gives him a nod. “Yeah. Of course.”

But Aaron’s hands fall loose and his mouth twitches. “You sure about that? I — you seem a bit —“

“It’s been a long day.” He shrugs and Robert nods a little. “I feel better now you’re here though.”

It makes Aaron smile again, mostly towards his feet.

“Well I could make you feel even better. My mum’s taking Gabriel to the cinemas tonight.”

Robert frowns. “Lucky kid. Ice-cream cake and cinema trips all in the space of a couple of days.” 

Aaron smiles again. “It means that mine is free.” He says. “If you want to — I don’t know, come over?” 

The request requires a simple yes or no answer but Robert flaps about like its impossible to give. And it fucking is when just the thought of being alone with Aaron like that is enough to make him melt. 

But he _can’t_.

Can he?

“I — I might be a little ...”

Aaron wriggles his face a bit. “Forget I said anything, we can — we don’t have to —“

“No I’ll be there.” He says suddenly, because he’s a prat who can’t possibly help himself. “Just let me know when.”

 

—

 

He puts on a shirt and fixes up his hair in the mirror with the radio playing like he’s a nineteen year old getting ready for a date. It takes all of five seconds for Nicola to be scowling at him by the door.

“So I tell you that a crazy psycho has escaped prison and is probably on his way to find the lead witness in the case against him and you ... agree to go ‘round his tonight.” Nicola’s eyes get even more beady. “How marvellous.”

He turns towards her, adjusts his watch. “Don’t say it like that.” He says, tries to leave the room but she follows him right out.

“Oh sorry, should I have sugar coated it for you?”

And yeah, it would help if everything wasn’t so in his face and demanding and making him feel sick. He shouldn’t feel like that at all. He should feel happy that Aaron’s being himself, letting him in, letting it get somewhere.

“You’re going ‘round his for sex and you should be —“

He raises his eyebrow at her, pulls this face because maybe he is but he didn’t tell her that and anyway, she doesn’t have to be so flipping crude about it all. He’d rather she just completely shut her face.

“Will you ever just quit it?”

“Will you _ever_ just tell him you’re a cop?”

It stops him dead. He’s got a hand on his face and he can’t even turn around to look at her because he knows, he just _knows_ that he has to. And he isn’t going to be that shitty bloke who sleeps with him and then tells him.

He can’t lie to him like that. He’s not a complete arsehole.

“Tonight.”

She clearly doesn’t expect that because she lets out a ‘blimey’ under her breath and he turns around. He finally turns around to her. 

“Did you hear that? I’ll tell him and have to suffer the consequences won’t I?”

 

—

 

He knocks on the door slowly and doesn’t have time to think about anything because the door is open within seconds and Aaron pulls him in.

“Fancy seeing you here.” Aaron breathes into Robert’s neck and the thing is, Robert was aware that Aaron was sexy because he has _eyes_ but he almost can’t cope with this. He feels like he won’t be able to control himself and he has to. He really has to. “Gabe only left a few minutes ago.” He has Robert pulled close to him as they kiss in the hallway and Robert tries all his best to pull back.

“Oh, with your mum? That’s nice of her.”

Aaron nods and then pulls a face. “Can we stop talking about my _mum_ whilst we do this.” And _this_ involves Aaron having a hand clamped against Robert’s belt, only teasing as he pulls right away again and smiles. “You fancy a beer?” He says and Robert’s mouth has never been this dry before. He can only nod.

“Sure. Yeah, I’d love one.”

Aaron goes into the kitchen and gets him one whilst he walks into the living room and sits slowly on the sofa. He remembers the last time he was here because it’s not something he’s due to forget in a long time. Aaron had poured his heart out, cried over a past he desperately wanted to forget.

It was so serious and heavy and now it shouldn’t be. It should be fun, they should be having a laugh but how can they when —

“You not feeling well or something?” Aaron asks from the kitchen and Robert gulps hard, braces himself before he follows him inside and shakes his head.

“No. I’m fine.” He lies, pulls at his shirt a little and tries to calm his body down. “Nice drawings.” There’s loads on the fridge, Gabriel’s handiwork. Most of them are just stick men, him holding Aaron’s hand and Robert has to admit it’s cute.

“Cheers. He fancies himself an artist I think.” Aaron looks so proud suddenly and it tugs at Robert’s chest in this almost unimaginable way. He hates himself once again. 

“Yeah well, he might be. If he keeps at it.” Robert scratches at the rim of the can and then starts passing it between his hands. He’s a bag of nerves and for once Aaron isn’t. It makes a massive change.

“I was going to cook but ... I can’t.” Aaron shrugs, and Robert let’s himself admire what Aaron’s wearing. A tight black jumper, ribbed and knitted and Robert can’t look away from his chest until Aaron speaks again. “Unless you like fish fingers.”

“Who doesn’t?” Robert says, and then he sips at his beer and gulps hard. “I — I need to tell you something.” He says, and then starts gulping at his drink instead because he needs some Dutch courage.

Aaron looks all serious as he puts his beer down, leans against the counter and looks like he’s bracing himself for something awful. And it will be. It really will. “Go on.” He says, but Robert’s mouth just can’t open. He just stares at Aaron and blows out a breath. “Are you not up for this?” He says bluntly after a few seconds. “Have I — _pressured_ you to be here ‘cause that’s the last thing I wanted to do.”

His anxiety is clear suddenly and Robert puts his beer down, reaches for Aaron’s hands and holds them firmly. He’s being so soft that Aaron even stares down in shock. 

“Please don’t blame yourself.”

“But there _is_ something isn’t there?”

“Yeah.” Robert says, heart thudding even more now. “There is. It’s just hard for me to say.” 

Aaron twists at his lips, pulls his hands out of Robert’s _and_ walks towards the living room. “I’ve heard this before.” He says, back towards Robert. “I can handle it. You don’t have to sugar coat it for me.”

“Sugar coat what?”

“That you’ve changed your mind about me.” And Robert doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do about how _much_ Robert makes him feel. “Alex — he’s said all this already so I know how it goes.”

“I’m not him.” Robert says firmly, arms waving a little and Aaron looks tiny against the wall he’s leaning on. He looks scared again.

“I meant what I said yesterday, about — about being scared of ya, what — how I feel.” Aaron whispers, “I’m petrified.”

“So am I!”

Only that just comes out and it shouldn’t because Aaron’s eyes flicker and he almost smiles a little.

“Is that it? You’re scared?” He comes closer to Robert, tentative and slow and making Robert feel so fucking guilty. “Robert you don’t have to be.” He says, and there’s a hand against his waist that Aaron places there. “I really like ya.”

And he does. Aaron really likes him doesn’t he.

He shows it too, comes even closer and kisses at Robert’s mouth until Robert lets go of everything else around him and melts into the younger man until they’re fooling around on the sofa and Aaron’s against his chest.

“I want ya.” Aaron says in his ear, and that’s what does it really, that’s what makes Robert completely forget that he’s a fucking detective. He just wants Aaron too. He wants nothing else.

Aaron leans away abruptly though, face bright red and lips swollen. “Are you sure about this?” He asks, straddling Robert’s lap.

Robert nods.

“It’s not your first time with a bloke or anything is it?” 

“Is it yours?” Robert teases and Aaron pulls this face. “Then don’t ask silly questions.” He whispers. 

“Yes boss.” Aaron laughs, right into Robert’s neck and then he goes for his jeans again, tugs at the belt until they’re thrown across the floor and —

Aaron’s phone starts ringing just as he starts kissing down Robert’s chest because you know, the world really hates Robert Sugden.

“Ignore — ignore it.”

Aaron nods, but he looks shaken by it, like he _can’t_.

“Gabe — it could be something about Gabe.” Aaron says, heaving away from Robert and looking towards his phone. “See, it’s my mum. One sec.”

And if only it was a one second quick little catch up about Gabriel enjoying himself. 

It isn’t though.

Robert soon realises when Aaron’s face goes from bright red to a milky pale colour within seconds.

“He’s — why weren’t you _watching_ him?” Aaron’s got his buckle down suddenly, he’s pacing around the room and breathing strangely. “Okay I’m coming.”

“Is —“

“Gabriel’s gone missing.” Aaron says.

And Robert’s face changes colour too.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter coming tomorrow! <3


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert’s relief is quashed when he discovers Aaron trying to run away with Gabriel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You’re all going to hate me for how this ends...

 

 

It feels like he can’t hear anything for the longest time, everything around him just seems to be happening and he’s stuck sitting on this sofa with his pants on and his mouth wide open.

“ _Robert_.” Aaron shouts and Robert is grounded back to reality within seconds. Aaron’s already got a few tears in his eyes and he’s shuddering a little as he stares at him. 

“Sorry. I —“

“I said you need to get up.” Aaron says. “I need to go and — and meet my mum and see where —“

“I’ll come with you.” Robert says, stretches out and gets his jeans on within seconds. He’s fumbling with his belt when he closes his eyes and sees his face. He sees Simon, he sees him dragging Gabriel away with him and disappearing and Aaron learning about the fact that Robert knew _all_ this time.

“No.” Aaron says, shaking his head as he gets his massive black jacket on and heads to the door. “No don’t.” He says. “I just — I need to go right now.”

Robert doesn’t have the time to say anything else to the younger man because he’s flying out the door and getting into his car. He watches him drive away and then looks down at his hands that are suddenly shaking.

He’s _shaking_ with fear because he can’t help but almost know what’s happened.

And it’s all his fault isn’t it?

He sinks back down on the sofa and buries his head in his hands, breathes in and out and in and out slowly until he calls her.

He calls her because he can’t call anyone else.

“Nicola?” Robert whispers, breath ragged against all the shaking he’s been doing. “Gabriel’s missing.”

He can hear her rustling about with things and then stopping suddenly. “What do you mean, _missing_?”

“As in gone. He’s — he was with Aaron’s mum and she’s lost him and it’s Simon isn’t it? It’s Simon and —“

“Calm down.”

Only that doesn’t help. Instead he feels like he’s going to be sick.

“I should have just told him. Why — why didn’t I just _tell_ him?” 

“You were with him tonight?” Nicola says, and he can hear the bite in her voice. “Blimey Robert, what exactly were you waiting for?”

And he doesn’t know. He knows that he wouldn’t have gone through with sleeping with him but he doesn’t know when he would have stopped and that just makes him the worst person in the world. He gets that.

“I don’t fucking know. But it doesn’t even _matter_ now ‘cause Simon’s got him.”

“You don’t know that yet.”

There’s silence down the line and then Nicola sighs, clears her throat.

“Go and be with Aaron.” She advises. “Help look for him, you’re not sitting there driving yourself mad with guilt.”

“He doesn’t want me there.”

“Tough.” Nicola says. “Don’t act like it’s too late.” 

 

—

 

Unlike London when you look for the nearest cinema you don’t get a million different ones popping up within a ten mile radius. So it doesn’t take him very long to end up in the car park of Picture House.

He’s got the radio off, hot air blasting his way as he tries to gather himself, tries not to lose it altogether when he faces Aaron. He spots his car as he gets out of his own, circles around towards the main entrance and sees flashing blue lights appearing as he turns the corner. The police are already there and his heart stops when he sees Aaron standing there crying his eyes out and waving his arms about.

His mum is there too, she’s apologising over and over again and he’s just ignoring her in favour of talking to the police officer. He can hear him describing the little boy, scrolling through his phone for photos and waving them in the officer’s face.

“Please, you need to _find_ him. He can’t —“

“Love.” Chas has a hand on Aaron’s back and he shuffles away from her.

“No.” He says. “Don’t tell me to calm down okay ‘cause we both know what could be happening right now.”

Simon could have him.

It chills the air and Chas frowns.

“You can’t keep thinking that every single time he runs off.” 

“Oh I can. And I do. Because that’s what being a parent is about.” It’s probably saying something about her parenting, something unfamiliar to Robert completely. He watches Aaron’s face turn bright red again as a tear falls down his face. “What — what if he’s gone? I’m sorry. I didn’t — I’m sorry.” She’s hugging him within a few seconds, and Robert can’t help but move towards them.

Aaron sees him, pulls off his mum and scrubs at his eyes as Robert looks at him. 

“I couldn’t just do nothing.” Robert explains. “I had to come and —“

“Mum could you give us a sec?”

And she does. And Aaron says what he says. And Robert feels ten times worse.

“I can’t have you here.” Aaron whispers, looking right towards his feet and not even meeting Robert’s eyes. “My little boy’s missing.”

“I know. Why do you think I’m here —“

“Because I was too busy trying to get you in my bed.” Aaron finishes, and Robert’s not even that shocked that Aaron’s blaming himself for all of this. He’s just that sort of bloke isn’t he?

Robert sighs, digs his hands into his pockets and looks towards his feet. “You don’t have to connect them.”

“Don’t I?” Aaron leans in closer but not for any flirtatious reasons sadly. He sort of looks like he wants to thump Robert. “I practically pushed my mum out the door with Gabriel because I wanted you round so much.”

Robert frowns. “It wasn’t your fault.” He whispers. “Thinking like that won’t do you any good.” He says, squeezes his hand around Aaron’s arm and Aaron lets it stay there for a second before he pulls it away.

“I can’t have you here, I mean it. I can’t — I should have been looking after my son, not wasting my time with —“

“Wasting it?” And that _actually_ hurts. It makes Robert take a step back, and Aaron sighs hard, pulls a hand through his hair. “You obviously don’t need me here so ... I’ll drive around instead.”

And he does, for a bit. He rings Nicola again in his car and complains a little more until he’s pulling up back to the cinema, back to square flipping one.

The police are still about when he gets there and he suddenly realises that he needs to make them realise how serious this is. He’s walking right towards them when he hears the sound of Gabriel’s little feet running straight out of the cinema.

“Gabe!”

Robert shouts before he can even think about alerting anyone, he runs towards the little boy as he toddles out of the cinema with tears in his eyes and everyone around him doesn’t seem to notice.

Aaron’s eyes are suddenly on him though and he’s rushing towards where Robert is crouched, holding at Gabriel’s hand and telling him that it’s okay. 

“Gabe, listen — listen to me mate. Did you see anyone, did anyone speak to ya?” Robert’s speaking so quickly that Gabriel can only shake his head. “It’s okay, don’t worry.” He whispers, and he feels like his heart rate is slowing down, getting further back to normal at least.

“Gabriel.” Aaron’s chocked up by the time he’s on his knees and grabbing his son into a crushing hug. The little one makes a soft sound and then brings his hands around his dad’s back. “Don’t — you don’t _ever_ run off like that ever again. Do you hear me baby.” He says, voice breaking and Gabriel pulls away to look at him.

“Nana Chas didn’t know what film to watch.”

Aaron frowns. “Eh?”

“I was watching the one with the elves for her so then I could tell her if it was good or not.”

Robert rubs Gabriel’s back slowly. “So you were just — in one of the screen rooms all this time?”

One of the officers overhears, looks awkward and sorry and stupid and Aaron scowls as he passes by. They probably looked everywhere _but_ in _all_ the rooms. Twats.

Gabriel nods his head and then bites his lip. “Am I in trouble?”

“No.” They both manage to say at the exact same time. Aaron looks right at Robert and he almost knows to just stand and leave Aaron to it. So he does, he backs away as Chas races forward and nearly rips Gabriel’s limbs apart by holding him so tightly.

He hears everything, watches Aaron rub away at his tears as Gabriel clings to him and tells the police officers that he’s sorry for causing any trouble. They all melt under how sweet he is, tell Aaron that no harm has been done or anything so they’ll be on their way. It relaxes something inside Robert as it all plays out.

And then he decides he should go, doesn’t get to just stick around like he’s apart of what’s going on. He isn’t.

“Mr Sug’un!” Gabriel’s voice is suddenly close, it makes Robert turn around just as he reaches his car. Gabriel’s standing there, blue dungarees and stripped top and just adorable really. His little boots thump against the floor as he races towards him. “Thank you for help looking for me.”

Robert laughs at his questionable grammar and ruffles a hand through his hair slowly. “No worries mate. I’m just glad you’re safe, that’s all.” He whispers, and he’s really really glad actually. He can’t remember that last time he was so relieved.

Gabriel has his smile back and then he goes and launches himself at Robert’s chest and holds at him tightly. “You’re like a super teacher.” He whispers and Robert can’t do anything other than hold him back, hold on tight. He gets caught up in it and doesn’t see Aaron standing there when he opens his eyes.

Gabriel must do because he’s running back towards his dad and staying by his leg until Aaron tells him to be a good boy and get in the car with nana Chas. Robert smiles faintly as he goes and then offers Aaron a look before he turns back to his car.

“Is that it?” Aaron says awkwardly, clings to his coat tighter and Robert freezes. “You’re going?”

And yes he is, going to tell Nicola that everything is okay. Sort of.

“What do you want from me?” Robert says, because maybe this is what he should have done before, create distance instead of making them even closer than they need to be. “You blame what we were up to for him wandering off so —“

“I don’t blame you.” Aaron says honestly. “I don’t, and I shouldn’t have said that.” He rubs a hand across his face, tears still building even now. “It’s just — Gabe’s done that before and it never gets easier … to think that your little boy’s run off into the arms of —“

Simon.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Aaron says, and he looks so guilty and wrecked and sorry. “Just ...” he looks at Robert again, bites at his lip. “Can you just come here please.” He says and Robert’s feet start walking straight towards Aaron until the younger man has his face buried into Robert’s chest and he can hear him crying.

He doesn’t know what to do for a few seconds because he’s terrible at stuff like this but he quickly finds his feet. He has a hand rubbing over Aaron’s back, stroking his neck. Just letting him _be_.

“You’re safe. He’s safe. You’re both safe, it’s _okay_.” Only it was _this_ time, but who can guarantee anything next time. Because there will be one won’t there?

Aaron pulls away slowly. “Sorry.” He whispers, rubbing his eyes and shaking against the cold.

“What for?”

Aaron points to Robert’s shirt. “Ruined it.” He says, and his tears have wet through it. “I’ll get it dry cleaned if you —“

“Don’t be daft.”

“I am though. I keep ruining this.” Aaron admits, cringes slightly. “And I’m sorry.”

“You couldn’t control your kid wandering about.” 

“What I said — I wasn’t — I really wasn’t wasting my time. It’s not like that with you.” And Aaron’s so different from anyone Robert has ever met before. He’s cold and filled with such sadness and anger and resentment but at the same time is soft and kind and so honest yet secretive and he makes Robert’s head spin to be honest. 

Robert leans forward, presses a kiss to Aaron’s forehead and it makes the younger man melt against him a little. 

“Go.” Robert whispers. “Be with Gabe. I’ll see you later.” He promises, and Aaron nods a little.

“See you.” He whispers, waves as he walks away. 

 

—

 

Nicola’s in bed when he gets back, face mask on and cucumber slices out like she’s having such a relaxing evening. It doesn’t add up and he envies how bloody insensitive she can still be.

“Oh. You’re back. How was —“

He cuts the mood by putting her light on and blowing out one of her Joan Malone candles just to get her angry. Her beady little eyes are on him as he comes further into the room and explains what’s happened.

“He was just watching a film in one of the rooms. God knows how he got in. It was one of the VIP bits so they’d not even bothered to look there.” He’s speaking quickly and Nicola just nods along whenever he says anything clearly.

“Marvellous.” Nicola says. “So Simon’s still in the dark about where Aaron is.”

Robert nods.

“You know what that means right?”

And he doesn’t, he just frowns at her until she rolls her eyes.

“If this hasn’t been a wake up call for you sunshine. I don’t know what will.”

And oh yeah. He really needs to tell Aaron who he is now doesn’t he?

 

—

 

Everyone has memories, it’s a part of life and Robert usually doesn’t like to shy away from them but there are other times where he’s just hit with them smack bam in the face and he’s not ready for them. It usually happens when he’s asleep, when he’s dreaming and his mind decides to travel back to places where he usually runs from.

They usually form around a farm, hay, suffocation and the nightmare kicks in when he’s completely unable to escape it. That’s when he starts throwing his arms about and behaving like a five year old. That’s where it all suddenly goes wrong and he’s clutching his chest as he rises in the night.

It happens and he just has to deal with it because unlike everyone else, he can’t escape his own head. Not even with a nice car and highly active job.

No, it still remains the same. He’s just a man laying in bed and having to fight the fact that his dad thinks he’s a liar.

“If you carry on like this son, it’ll stick. You’ll just be known as a bloody liar all ya life won’t ya?”

It’s a fear he used to fear.

 

—

 

The weekend comes and goes and Robert feels better for it. Simon’s not been on the scene and there’s been no sightings of him which means that he’s laying low. It also probably means that he’s decided that coming after Aaron isn’t the brightest idea.

The more Robert thinks about it, the more he thinks Simon is a twat really. One who doesn’t understand how things work. Any normal person would do all they can to _run_ from the bloke who saw him commit a murder, but _no_ , this idiot spent years trying to chase after him for the sake of a kid that wasn’t his. The ridiculousness of his actions boils over when Robert pulls up at school, adjusts his tie in the mirror and clears his throat.

Today has to be the day.

He’s told himself that all weekend, only now that he’s actually approaching Aaron’s classroom he can’t think about how it’s supposed to come out.

Anyway, he manages to knock on the door before he sees some random woman standing exactly where Aaron usually does. She’s got some tight top on and a beaded chocker and Robert just stares at her through the glass until she’s suddenly opening the door and staring at him.

“Uh can I help ya?” She says, and the class around her start talking to themselves, completely ignoring that she’s still in the room.

Robert nods slowly. “I’m looking for Mr Livesy.” He says, buried a hand in his pocket and frowns at her. “This is his class.”

She shakes her head. “Not today. His kid’s sick apparently.”

“Gabriel?”

“If ya say so.” She says, and she’s clearly so unbothered that Robert is almost reminded of himself suddenly. All those weeks ago. “I’m just the supply. Tracy.” She’s got purple eyeshadow on. She really shouldn’t be teaching year fours.

“So he’s — he’s just not here?” And she nods at him like he’s thick.

 

—

 

He waits until break to run it past Leyla, because maybe he’s being stupid but something isn’t sitting right and he can’t really put his finger on it. She looks pleased to see him, proper leans over the desk and starts waffling about where Pete is taken her this evening.

He hears something about a French restaurant and nods along with a smile on his face until he gives up trying and butts right in.

“Liam. He’s not in?”

Leyla leans back and shakes her head. “No. He called first thing this morning and said Gabriel was ill and that he has to stay with him.” And he wants to prod her as much as he can, only he doesn’t even really need to because she’s Leyla and so her mouth just keeps on going. “It must be bad, I don’t think he’s ever taken a day off before.”

It bristles him, makes him feel cold all of a sudden and he doesn’t know what to think. He feels like something’s wrong, thinks back to the face that Aaron was a wreck only a few days ago over Gabriel going missing.

“Uh yeah, thanks.” He says, and Leyla looks at him funny.

“What?”

“You missing him that much.”

His cheeks turn red.

 

—

 

He tells himself it wouldn’t hurt to check right after school, he’s already stopped off at the sweet shop and picked up those little pig sweets that Gabriel goes on about when Nicola rings him and he decides to ignore her because she’ll only be asking him to bring home a bottle of wine or something.

It doesn’t take long to get to Aaron’s, he knows the journey off by heart out now and he doesn’t know if that’s good or not. The winter sky is nearly black when he pulls up to the drive and stares up at the house.

There was a reef on the door when Robert was last here and the door is bare now. It’s simple but enough to make something start swirling in his stomach uncomfortably and he can’t get passed it.

He just can’t. It’s why he’s getting out the car and knocking on the door, leaning back and waiting with his hands in his pockets. He waits, a polite pause passes and then he knocks again. He knocks and just waits until he sees movement against the window, curtains flowing a little like someone is watching. 

It makes him duck his head, lean into the letterbox and yell. “Liam, it’s me. It’s Robert.” He says, sighs hard. “I just — I wanted to see if Gabriel was doing well.” He pauses a little and then thinks. “I’ve — I’ve got some work for him. Leyla let me know that you’re looking after him so I thought I’d come around and drop it off.”

And nothing happens. There’s no movement until Robert looks down again and sighs. “It’s only me.”

He says it like Aaron shouldn’t be frightened and he might be. He might be scared or —

Robert looks around, looks for Aaron’s car and something settles in his chest when he sees that it’s still parked. He’s not gone.

Robert runs a hand through his hair and tells himself to think rationally. Aaron’s probably just taken a walk down to the shops with Gabriel to get him some medicine. Everything is probably fine. He keeps telling himself and then something inside him lunges. Tells him to say one more thing.

“I’ve — I’ve got Gabriel those piggy sweets he loves, to make him feel better.”

Nothing happens and Robert sighs, gets up from kneeling and looks back towards the door. And then he hears rustling, the sound of a million locks being slid across and a shaky voice. The door is unlocked suddenly, ajar, and Robert walks in slowly.

He looks straight down the hallway and sees that the back door has a piece of wood nailed to it, blocking anyone from entering. It’s pitch black and there’s a mess on the floor, strands of newspaper and cardboard boxes and he has to step over it all to get to the living room.

“Hello?” Robert calls out as he looks around the room and sees that it’s painted in complete darkness. There’s no one around and his heart hammers in his chest as he looks further into the corner and sees Aaron hunched against the floor, knees up to his chest, shaking.

Robert has to force himself to say Liam before Aaron stumbles out but Aaron just completely ignores him. He keeps his head down and Robert comes closer towards him. He steps over a piece of glass and nearly slips, that’s what makes Aaron raise his head.

“Did you shut the door?” His voice is like gravel, stone ripped under tires. 

Robert just nods at him, eyes wide and filled with concern. “I did, I promise. It’s closed.” He says, and then he’s leaning down and letting out a shaky breath. “Liam, where’s — where’s Gabriel?”

Aaron’s got tears in his eyes and he bites at his lip. “I wouldn’t ever let anyone ever hurt Gabriel.” He says. “I wouldn’t ever.” He says, keeps saying, tears rolling down his face now. “He’s asleep. He’s just asleep.” And he looks towards the ground, holds up a baby monitor and Robert’s shoulders relax.

“What’s — what’s happened?” Only he knows, he knows doesn’t he?

Aaron holds at his head in his hands, he’s still shaking and Robert can see the blood on his knuckles as his body trembles.

“Has someone — is someone _here_?”

“No.” Aaron says suddenly and then he frowns. “And I have to go before he comes back.”

“What?” Robert’s eyes widen as he watches Aaron scramble to his feet. “You can’t — can’t just —“

Aaron’s moving over the glass, out the door and racing up the stairs. Robert can hear him running up and down from the monitor, telling Gabriel to get up and start packing his things away like _before_.

Robert suddenly feels sick.

“Liam?” Robert shouts up the stairs, head thudding as he sees him running back down with a hold-all and a rucksack. “Talk to me, come on — you can’t just —“

“I need ya to go.” Aaron gets out, waves a hand in front of Robert’s face and pushes past him.

“No chance.”

“Robert. Just go. I meant it — I can’t have ya here like this.” He’s never seen Aaron like this before, it travels through him and all he wants to do is protect him. Just _protect_ him. 

“Just _stop_ , for one second just stop and tell me what’s happened.” He says, tries to hold at Aaron’s shoulder and then nearly gets tossed across the room.

“I’m sorry.” Aaron says shakily. “I’m sorry I — you just shouldn’t have come here.” He’s got tears in his eyes, they swarm and fall and his mouth twitches a little as Robert is against the wall. “I have to go.”

“Because what? Because —“ Robert looks around and then sighs. “Did someone rob the place?”

Aaron shakes his head slowly and then turns back around again and starts rummaging through drawers. “Just get out.” He says, crying _still_.

“I can’t leave you like this.” He says. “I can’t.” Robert’s eyes drift, and land on something near the door. An advent calendar. A note. “Is that a —“

Simon?

Simon.

Aaron’s still ignoring him and Robert can’t help himself, pulls at Aaron’s shoulders and turns him around. “Talk to me.” He says. “Please.”

“I’m not _safe_ here!” Aaron screams. “Me and my little boy aren’t safe and I can’t be here and neither can you so just _go_.”

Robert scowls. “No.” He says, for the millionth time.

“Rob.” And now is not the right time to lose it at the sound of a nickname. “For your sake just — just please go, you have no idea.” He shakes his head, over and over again and Robert gulps.

“You’d be surprised.”

Aaron frowns. “I don’t have time for this.” He says, moves towards the hallway. “Gabriel mate, come on!” He says.

“Where are you going to go?” Robert says, follows him.

“I’ll decide when I’m not _here_ anymore.” Aaron yells. “When you’re not here either.”

“I’m not leaving you two.”

And Aaron stops, eyes flickering. “Don’t say that. Just go. You’re not safe here. You can’t help, you can’t do anything so just please —“

“I can.” Robert nods. “You’ll have to trust me but — I can.” He says, and oh God, he feels like he’s going to be sick because Aaron’s running around the place again, looking in all these drawers and just ignoring Robert and then it falls out —

“Because I’m a police officer Aaron.” 

It makes him stop dead. 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that’s a cliffhanger isn’t it? I should be uploading on either Boxing Day or the day after so it’s not that long to wait and there’s lot of more drama to wait for!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert reveals all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all had a marvellous magical Christmas! Here’s an angsty chapter for you to enjoy (ish)

 

Aaron’s all but clambering at the back door when Robert gets to him. He can’t hear anything other than Aaron’s heavy breathing, him thudding against the back door and trying to get it open properly because clearly he did a good job of locking it up tight.

“Gabe!” Aaron says, he’s still trying to catch his breath and Robert stares in shock as he sees how desperate he is. “Open, for fucks sake —“

“Hey, look at me.” Robert whispers, and to his surprise, Aaron does. He stops and looks up at Robert. “Is Gabriel —“

“He’s gone. His door, it’s open. He — he’s gone.” Aaron’s tears race down his face and he winces against it. “Please, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to —“

It happens by accident, on instinct. Whatever you want to call it really. But Robert leans closer and presses a soft kiss to Aaron’s forehead. “I’ll check around the back.” He whispers and there’s something desperate in Aaron’s eyes, it’s almost like he’s forgotten about everything, still needs Robert somehow.

It makes Robert feel guilty as he walks around the alley way and ends up stumbling into the garden. It’s a proper kids one, benches and inflatables and a toy truck in the middle of the grass and Robert stares around for a few seconds before he looks at the den.

There’s shuffling suddenly and Robert bends down to look inside and sees the little boy wearing a spider man mask and sitting in the corner.

“Gabe.” Robert says heavily. “Your daddy’s been looking all over for ya.” He says and the little boy just leaps forward and wraps his arms around Robert’s neck. 

He pulls him out of the den, lets the little boy hang onto him as he carries him inside again where Aaron’s still kicking at the door.

“Aaron.” Robert says quietly and the younger man turns slowly, blinking out tears as he sees Gabriel and practically yanks him off of Robert’s frame. “I wouldn’t hurt —“

“Hey mate.” Aaron says, pulls Gabriel in and kissing his head over and over again. “How did you —“

“I heard shouting so went in the garden from my window.” Gabriel leans in closer to his dad like he knows Robert shouldn’t be hearing what he’s saying. “I ran like you said to do if there’s shouting.”

Aaron pets his hair for a few seconds before kneeling down and hugging him tightly again. “You can’t do that again okay? You have to wait for me. We always do things together don’t we?” 

Gabriel nods his head slowly and Robert can’t help but look at them, he ruins the moment though when Aaron catches him looking up and staring at them. “Leave now.” He says over his shoulder, eyes hard on Robert. Robert doesn’t really know what he was expecting from Aaron, not a thank you, not anything like that at all really but that look in Aaron’s eyes is gone. He doesn’t need him anymore. “You found him and now you leave and you don’t —“

“Daddy do we still need to go?” Gabriel’s voice is loud again, like he’s trying to get back to his old self, trying to speak over Aaron turning Robert away. “Mr Sug’un can help and stay for tea!”

Aaron looks frozen suddenly. “No he can’t.”

“I can.” Robert says. “I can make it all better.” He says, looks down at the floor. “I can clean up the mess and — and I can explain.”

He can sit him down and make Aaron not so scared, he can put his mind at ease and he can _sort_ this. He has to.

“Please let me.” Robert says, and Aaron doesn’t really let him stay, more like just stops asking him to leave and swearing at him. He lets him fix up the door, and the shards of glass scattered across the floor whilst he fixes Gabriel up with something and tells him he can take off his mask now.

He hears Aaron’s voice, it’s scratchy and rough and it’s because he’s been crying for so long. Robert can’t help but feel responsible. He probably always will, it’s like he can’t help himself and he’s never had this before. He’s watched innocent people get sent down for murder, for much worse and been able to walk away feeling nothing like this.

He’s finished tidying up the glass by the time he eventually hovers by the living room door and sees Aaron staring at Gabriel whilst he eats. He’s just watching him, hands falling against his curly hair as he soaks in his little boy.

“It’s clear out here now.” Robert whispers, and Aaron just nods slowly. “I can do —“

“You can go now.” Aaron says, his voice hardly there as he speaks, keeps looking at his boy and nothing else. Robert feels something sting in his chest as Aaron doesn’t look at him. He looks like he almost can’t.

“I —“

“Now.”

Gabriel pokes his head up from his tea, a chip still in his mouth as he frowns at his dad and then looks at Robert. “But can’t he just stay and —“

“Gabriel can you please go upstairs.” Aaron says, “For me. Please. Just go play okay?” And the little boy slides off the seat, his little legs going as slowly as possible with his head down like he doesn’t want to go. He hovers near Robert’s leg and squeezes at him before he passes and runs up the stairs.

Robert doesn’t know what to say as he stares at Aaron, he’s still sitting on the table and the place doesn’t look as bad as it did a few hours before. It almost looks like nothing bad has happened at all. But it has. He’s still not quite sure what though and Aaron’s not going to talk to him is he? Not now he knows that he’s a police officer, on the opposite side of everything.

Aaron’s afraid of him. He wants him to go.

“I can’t leave you like this. I’ve already said.” Robert whispers, “I care too much to —“

Aaron’s face suddenly rises and he looks right at Robert. “Shut your mouth.” He says, almost with all his strength. “The only thing you care about is your job. I thought you were _teacher_. I let you —“ He winces and Robert knows where his mind goes. He hates himself.

“I know.”

“Yeah.” Aaron nods, “Because I told ya.” He slams the table suddenly and Robert flinches. “I _kept_ tellin’ ya how scared I was of ya, how I felt. And I was right.”

He was right wasn’t he? It makes Robert’s head fall slowly, because he can’t say anything. He just has to watch this all play out around him, soft and slow in motion.

“I was right.” Aaron says again, his hand falling against the table and Robert has to look up. When he does, he sees that Aaron’s still not cleared up the blood on his hand properly. It looks a mess and Robert can’t help himself. 

“Your hand.” Robert says. “It needs — let me.” He says, almost frantic as he goes into the kitchen and gets a wet cloth. When he comes back, Aaron tries to stand and Robert presses a hand slowly against his shoulder and eases him down again into his seat. “I’m trained in first aid.”

Aaron almost chuckles and it’s the lightest he’s sounded all day. “Doctor as well as a copper now.” He says bitterly, and Robert just sits slowly. “And a teacher. Can’t forget you being a teacher can we?”

Robert blows out a breath, holds Aaron’s hand up and hears him wince a little as he presses down on the cuts. “Can we just forget everything for a second?” He asks. “I just want to check you’re okay.”

Aaron looks right at him and frowns. “I don’t believe ya.” He says, shrugs a little as he speaks and then looks down at the way Robert is helping him, soft touches on his knuckle.

“But I’m still here.” Robert says, breathes in. “That must count for something.” He says. “Otherwise you’d have chucked me out by now.” 

Aaron doesn’t say anything for the longest time and Robert leans away, takes the cloth away and starts to dab slowly.

“I had other things to think about actually.” Aaron snarls. “Like Gabriel thinkin’ it’s okay to jump out the window like a flippin’ monkey ‘cause of his stupid daft dad.” He says, and he looks down again, tears in his eyes that sparkle against the light.

“Don’t say that.”

“Don’t tell me what to do officer.” Aaron spits and then it almost seems to dawn on him again. “My boy thought you were the best teacher he’s ever had.”

Robert stops dabbing away and pulls back again, that hits him exactly where it hurts and he can’t get passed it as Aaron sniffs.

“I spent practically all of Friday night talking about how he shouldn’t run away like that, because it’s okay. We’re okay. Robert — Robert’s going to be around a lot now.” He says, playing with his hands. He looks like he’s poured his whole heart out over the floor as he sits there.

Robert shudders. “You _are_ going to be okay. I’m going to make sure of that.” He says seriously and Aaron scoffs, rises to his feet and goes towards the window. 

Robert stays where he is, watches him for a second before looking back towards the front door. The advent calendar is still laying there and he can see a red card buried underneath it. It’s got Gabriel’s name on it. “The advent calendar...”

“I found it outside yesterday.” Aaron says, flinching slightly as he stares down at it. “Just a normal Sunday morning and then I saw it near the plant plot, with a note — from him.”

“From Simon?”

Aaron doesn’t look back at him, just nods. “Saying that — that he’d be with Gabriel by Christmas Day. That he should use it to — to count down the days.” He says. “And I just — I freaked out.” 

“It’s expected.” He says, “But now that I know I can —“

“What? Save the day?” Aaron hisses, eyes flickering as he looks at Robert. “You cant do _anything_.”

“Why do you think I’m here? To help you, to get you out of this mess.” Robert says, holds his hands up and sighs. “To keep you safe.”

“Well you’ve done a great job with it but I think it’s time I go back to keeping myself safe.” He says, and Robert looks up at the broken front door again, he’s got a bag across where the glass frame could have been and wonders if Simon broke it down to scare Aaron. “Starting with getting out of here.”

“No please — let me call for back up.” Robert says, and he has his phone out suddenly. He looks at how torn Aaron is, his eyes darting everywhere. “One call and I can get you out of here.” He pleads.

Aaron scoffs. “For him to find us again.”

Robert gulps hard. “Not if you testify in court.” He wasn’t supposed to say it like that, he was supposed to sit Aaron down and calmly tell him exactly _how_ he can get out of this situation. Aaron’s face changes colour, he’s backing against the wall again.

“About what?”

“You know what.” Robert dares to say, eyes hard because they have to be. He can’t afford to look soft around him anymore.

He sees flashes of what Aaron could have seen. Simon over a body, blood, _death_.

It makes Aaron goes for the door again and Robert shuffles towards it, keeps him in the room as he presses his body against it and shakes his head slowly. 

“If you testify as a witness for — for what you saw him do then he’ll be sent down.”

Aaron frowns, eyes beady and filled with this worry and _anger_. 

“You won’t _ever_ get him in a prison cell. He’s too fucking slippery.”

“Only we did.” Robert says, runs a hand across his face and keeps his eyes wide. “We caught him about a month ago but he — he escaped.”

Aaron’s got a hand running though his hair, mouth wide open. “Escaped? And you reckon I should trust _you_.”

Granted, it doesn’t make a lot of sense but Robert doesn’t know what else to say.

“Aaron —“

“I need to get out of here.” Aaron says, hands shaking as he rubs a hand across his face. “Oh my God. He was — he was here, he was _here_. I need to —“ Robert suddenly comes closer, and Aaron’s punching at his chest, telling him to go away until he’s falling against his chest and crying. “He’s coming for us again, he’s never going to stop.” 

And Robert holds him.

“I’m so sorry.” Robert says, “I’m going to help ya.” He whispers, steps back after a few seconds and calls her.

 

—

 

Nicola sends a few officers over and Aaron’s sitting on the sofa hardly moving at all. Robert’s offered to make him a cup of tea but he hadn’t answered, just stared down at the ground and kept his eyes closed.

Robert just stares at him and feels his heart come loose, fall across the floor and flap about a bit whilst Aaron keeps his head down like he can’t look at Robert. Like he _still_ can’t.

“Sugden?” Robert hears someone address him and sees an officer looking around the room. “We’ve arranged to take Mr Dingle and his son to a safe house for the time being, until we’ve got Simon in custody.”

Robert nods. It’s what he called them in for.

“Right then, sir? Shall we get your lad ready to go then and —“ Robert waves a hand up, cuts him off suddenly and asks him to give them a second, like he can handle this.

He kneels in front of Aaron and blows out a breath. “I know you hate me right now but there’s a safe house for you and Gabriel. A _safe_ house. He won’t touch ya.” He promises, “I won’t let him.” 

Aaron still has his head down and Robert can’t help but fear that he’s not going to move at all. That he’s going to decide to run away as soon as Robert’s back is turned.

“You have to trust me.” And that gets his head raised, that gets Aaron’s blue eyes filled with tears suddenly looking right at Robert.

“Trust ya?” Aaron’s chin wobbles, and he doesn’t look anywhere else but Robert’s eyes. “I really really liked ya you know.” He says and it thumps at Robert’s chest, breaks his heart.

It breaks his _heart_. He’s not used to the feeling.

“I thought — I thought everything could be okay if you stuck around for us.” Aaron rubs a hand over his face and winces. “You let me — you knew he was on the run and you pretended like everything was okay — just so you could get what you came here for, me up in court tellin’ everyone what I _saw_.” He shakes as he speaks and Robert’s too sorry for words as Aaron stares at him coldly. “I liked ya so much.”

It hurts, the way he’s speaking _hurts_. It’s all in the past tense and —

“Now, I don’t think I’ve ever hated anyone more.”

“Aaron ...”

“You’re nothin’ but a _liar_.”

Robert’s mouth parts and he fights to stop himself getting so emotional about this as Aaron quickly rises to his feet and runs up the stairs.

Robert can hear him telling Gabriel where they have to go over the monitor, he hates himself all over again.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should be uploading again soon. Have no fear!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert is consumed by guilt, Nicola tries to reassure him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not the longest chapter but I wanted to try something out today!

 

He’s a teenager when it happens, a kid really. He lies, gets his brother’s girlfriend in his bed instead and he convinces himself that he loves her for her and not for anything other than that.

Like the look that comes on his brother’s face when he rocks up and sees them at it. 

He gets a slap around the face, a punch, a kick where it hurts and the rest comes in the form of words. His dad mainly.

“You’re a liar. Whatever way you’re trying to get out of this, I don’t want to hear. You’re nothin’ but a bloody liar!”

Because he’s tried to explain, given excuses and all that and it hasn’t worked. It hasn’t worked at all has it because his dad is still there, pointing the finger, making him feel so small.

And he’s nothing but a _liar_ at the end of the day.

Sometimes he thinks he can’t help himself.

 

—

 

Being an undercover cop was suited to him wasn’t it?

A professional liar. Whatever that means.

Lawrence thinks it’s funny, everyone thinks it’s funny.

 

—

 

“You’re nothin’ but a _liar_.”

Robert pulls himself out of the bed, heaves up, face pale and eyes wide and heart beating out of his chest as he tries to sort himself out.

He ends up down in the kitchen clutching a glass of water and trying to gulp it down without thinking too much. He’s given up on sleeping because he just can’t.

“Up a little late aren’t you?” Nicola’s got a cuddly dressing down on, lilac and mumsy and so unlike her that Robert can’t even look at her without wanting to make a nasty comment. He stops himself before he drives her away.

For some reason, he doesn’t want to be alone. He’s never felt so alone in his whole life and he can’t bare it. It’s why he’s down here, staring into the sink and not running away as soon as he hears her.

“I can’t sleep.” Robert says, grips the counter and closes his eyes. Whenever he does, he sees Aaron’s face, he sees him calling him a liar. It’s been two days since it happened and he hasn’t bared thinking about him, not really. It’s all crashed down on him now though and it’s almost like he’s incapable of stopping all the sadness flow out of him.

“Since when?” Nicola says, and then she comes closer into the room. “I thought you were dealing with it pretty okay.”

And the thing is, he was. In fact he was almost proud of himself for not losing it about Aaron not wanting Robert to know where he was. He had to almost fight with everything inside him not to find his address, talk to him, just make sure he’s doing well.

But something stopped him. He wants to call it nothing more than common sense.

“I am.” Robert says, head still towards the sink. “Just having trouble sleeping.”

Nicola tuts. “If you’ve got a guilty conscience, then you shouldn’t.” She says it like it’s easy, like he should just get over the fact that Aaron looked at him the way he did, like he has never been more hurt in his life.

“How do you work that out?” Robert says, looks at Nicola for the first time and sees that she’s got her feet up on the table, hugging at her waist. He reckons the blue tinsel around the room for the first time and thinks of Gabriel. He hates everything until she starts to speak and he’s bought back to something other than feeling awful.

“If you’d not gone round his when you did, he’d probably be God knows where right now wouldn’t he? _With_ the kid. We would have had to search for him, get the social involved and —“

“The social?” Robert almost whispers and she looks at him like he’s thick.

“He can’t just uproot his child Robert. You did good, getting him into that safe house.” Nicola sighs, “It’s not his fault that he can’t see that.”

Robert frowns, “Is this you making me feel better?” He asks, back against the counter now and a scowl forming on his face as he speaks.

Nicola rolls her eyes. “This is me giving you a wake up call. Getting you out of that sad reality of yours.”

“It’s realistic.” Robert says. “You wouldn’t understand.” He whispers, blinks a few times and then closes his eyes again. He sees Aaron’s face again, he wants to tell him to do one.

“Really?” Nicola says. “Is this ‘cause I didn’t snog him a few times?” She pretends like everything is a joke and Robert shoots her a look.

“It was more than that.” Robert says bitterly. “He liked me.” He whispers, head down and Nicola sighs a little, doesn’t say anything as he looks at her. “I _lied_ to him over and over again.”

“So you made him think that you felt something for him.” She shrugs, like it doesn’t even matter, basically says ‘so what right in his face and his face falls against it. “Oh.” She says, like realisation has hit her. “Robert.”

“Leave it.” Robert says, stands up and shudders. “Just — just leave it.” He whispers before he’s going right up the stairs again and shutting his door tight.

 

—

 

Lawrence pulls him in to give an update report about everything that’s been going on and he can’t help but feel tempted to ask about Aaron. He doesn’t have to though because Lawrence gives him one of those stern looks, clears his throat like he’s about to make Robert wince or something. He prepares himself for it mentally as Lawrence leans across the desk.

“I don’t know if you’re aware, but Aaron’s still refusing to cooperate with us.” He says, eyes beady and mean. Robert remembers when he first was introduced to Lawrence, when he almost looked interested. Somewhere down the line the feeling died and now Lawrence looks at him like he’s going to wallop him one.

“Yeah well, he’s probably still in shock isn’t he?”

Lawrence grits his teeth. “Over what exactly? Having to be moved to a safe house or you telling him the truth?”

And okay, fair, maybe it’s both. But all he can think about is Aaron’s face being so fucking disappointed in him and he just wants that to be sorted out. He wants that feeling inside him to just stop.

“Yeah, well I know it was a bit of a shock. I didn’t plan on it happening like that, I was meant to sit him down and tell him but —“

“But _what_ exactly?” Lawrence hisses, eyes beady and small again. “How long does it take you to tell him what he needs to do?”

Robert looks down, plays with his hands a little and then sighs. “I’m sorry boss.”

“Yeah. Well, no thanks to you we’re back to square one.” Lawrence shuffles a few files about on his desk. “Only this time, Simon’s on the loose as well.”

“He’s still not been —“

“No.” Lawrence says. “We’re still trying to track him down.” He rubs a hand across his forehead and he looks so bloody stressed out. Robert almost feels sorry for him. Almost. There’s just something about the way Lawrence operates though that makes that hard to be possible. “And on top of all of that, we’ve got Dingle wanting to go to work.”

“What?” Robert scowls. “No he can’t — he can’t do that. What if Simon shows up?”

“Security.” Lawrence shrugs a little. “More expense.”

Robert’s eyes widen as he leans across the desk. “No you can’t take that risk.” He says.

“If we want him to testify, I don’t think we can afford to say no to his requests.” Lawrence practically spits across the table and Robert wants to wallop him because he doesn’t get it at all. He isn’t thinking about what’s best for Aaron, he’s thinking about closing a case, reaping the rewards. Nothing more, nothing less.

“Even if he’s putting himself in danger? You have to listen to —“

“I very much doubt that I’m in any sort of position where I have to listen to _you_ son.” Lawrence looks all menacing and Robert just has to bite his tongue against it. “If you’d just done your job when asked we wouldn’t be having to do any of this.”

Robert nods his head, accepts it because there’s nothing else he can do.

“You’re on thin ice son.”

And Robert just has to accept that too.

 

—

 

He’s on thin ice. The point is hammered home and it’s why Nicola’s out of the house and he’s sitting on the sofa with a bowl of cornflakes at one o’clock. He’s officially decided to give up on the idea of doing anything about the situation other than moping about.

She’s officially doing stuff, helping find Simon and basically just trying to be a hero. She’s doing his job, she’s replaced him and there’s no real point of him anymore.

Because he’s on thin bloody ice isn’t he?

And he gets that, he’s not been smart, he’s been an absolute _twat_ but he wants to put it right and nobody will let him. He’s been told to have a few days of doing nothing, stay out of everyone’s way but it’s only leading to him feeling like he wants to find Aaron and do whatever he can to help him.

Because he owes him.

And because he cares.

He cares a lot. Too much.

The door goes at half seven and he only looks up to see Nicola standing there, she’s got a few files under her arms and she’s tapping away at her phone as she comes into the kitchen.

Robert’s sitting in the dark like some proper saddo with a bottle of wine and a cheeseboard and basically just feeling sorry for himself. He winces against the light as she flicks it on and pulls a face at him.

“Oh God you’re having a breakdown aren’t ya?” She’s not impressed, far from it, she looks like she wants to throttle him or something.

He has no idea how she’s a mother.

“No.” Robert pushes out, lifts his glass up and swirls around the red wine. He’s never been a massive fan but here he is, tucking into some of Nicola’s brie as well because so what? “I’m just enjoying myself.” He says. 

“Yeah, it looks that way.” Nicola rolls her eyes, places the files down on the kitchen table and then sighs. “I’ve been slaving all day at work trying to find —“

“Have you?” Robert suddenly perks up, eyes wide. He looks like there’s something that’s just come alive in him and Nicola pulls a face like she doesn’t have the words. “Found him?”

Nicola’s eyes dart about. “You asked me the same question yesterday.”

Robert decides to pour himself another glass of wine and sighs hard. “So that’s a _no_ then.”

“Like you’ve been really pulling your weight.”

“I’ve been told to take a few days.” Robert waves a hand out. “To think about what I’m going to do next.”

Nicola frowns. “As in, what?”

Robert shrugs and it’s just that ominous. “I don’t know.” He whispers. “Sort my head out, stop feeling so much.” And he didn’t mean to be so emotional, _still_. But he is. “You know the head of the school had to find out too? I bet the kids miss me.” He says. He thinks of them and something in his heart flips.

Nicola practically yanks the bottle away from him. “You’re drunk.” She says, and Robert frowns, a proper scowl.

“‘M not.”

Nicola tuts, “You must be, you’re waffling on about —“

“I just want to tell him I’m sorry.” Robert whispers, he looks like he’s some sort of kicked puppy and when he closes his eyes all he can see is Aaron’s sadness, his anger. “I’ve hurt him so much.”

He feels Nicola sit next to him and she sighs a little before tilting her head to the side. “Robert …”

“It’s true.” Robert closes his eyes. “He hates me.”

“He doesn’t.” Nicola says and Robert scoffs.

“Like you’d know.” He picks up the wine glass and shudders as he gulps the bitterness of it down. And then he feels a hand on his arm, a heavy and steady weight. He blinks up to see Nicola giving him this _soft_ look. He freezes against it, unable to do anything but look at her. “Here.” She says, her lips tight and eyes flickering about as she passes him a small note, it’s got an address scribbled down and his mouth hovers open. “See for yourself.”

And the immediate reaction is to shove it away from himself. Tell her that he can’t see Aaron, that he doesn’t deserve to, that he’s better off staying clear. But then he finds it in his hand and she sighs.

“You won’t get passed any of this until you do.” She says, before she’s up again, squeezing at his shoulder as she leaves the room with the wine.

Maybe he does know why she’s a mother then.

 

 

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert visits Aaron and gets a frosty reception.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter, thanks for sticking with this guys. There’s plenty more to come!

 

 

He loses his bottle as soon as he steps into his car and the engine is on. He just bottles it.

He’s sitting there, and the heat from the radiator is making him feel sick, he’s convinced himself that it’s a headache. That he’s not up for it, that the drive to the safe house is too long for him when he’s feeling like this. 

He thinks of any other way to get out of going to see Aaron and then Nicola’s tapping on his window and he’s forced to roll it down. She’s got this big purple scarf on and looks like she’s freezing to death and _yet_ she’s still here, still interfering.

“You struggling to put your feet down on the pedals then?” She snipes, sarcastic and annoying and right. Robert ignores her, looks ahead instead and then gives in to shake his head.

“Maybe this is a bad idea.”

“Maybe that shirt was.” Nicola points at the shirt in question, Robert’s pale blue one patterned with crosses. She’s such a cow. “Point is, you still wore it regardless. Just like you’re still going to see him regardless.” 

Robert gulps down and then looks up at her. “How comes you care so much anyway?”

Nicola sighs. “Because you’ve been a boring mope, eating my cheese and wine for the last two days.”

Robert’s mouth twitches. “And you still want me to convince him to stand up in court?” He’s not stupid and he knows Nicola. He’s not even angry with her either so when she eventually nods her head against the idea he doesn’t say anything.

“I’m not going to pretend that your input wouldn’t be ideal right about now no.” Nicola gets out, lips chattering a little against the cold.

Robert nods again, looks at the steering wheel and then feels a poke to the shoulder. He looks around and Nicola just smiles insincerely as usual. “The Robert I know and tolerate wouldn’t let anything stop him from doing what he wants to do.”

It’s a point isn’t it? It makes his stomach churn.

“Just drive Robert. Think later.”

 

—

 

The safe house has two police officers by the door, a police car in the drive way too and Robert relaxes his shoulder as he looks at it from across the road. He’d taken a detour a few times and now he’s got a coffee and croissant going hard in his bag.

He can’t help him but stare up at the windows, see if any lights are on, if he can see Gabriel playing with his toys. He suddenly hopes that he’s oblivious to the situation, that he thinks that they’re just on a little adventure. 

He probably misses school. Robert does.

“Excuse me sir.” He feels someone knocking on his window and when he looks up he sees an officer knelt down, staring at him with a frown on his face. Robert jumps to roll the window down and stares up at him. “Can I help you with anything, you seem to be keen on that house there.” And he points right to the safe house. 

Robert rolls his eyes against how cocky the twat thinks he is, like he’s caught Robert out or something. He steps out the car with his ID and waves it in the bloke’s face before realising how muscular the toned man is. He’s a lot bigger than Robert, that much is clear.

“Oh sorry.” The officer says, rubs a hand across the back of his neck.

“Don’t be. Good to see you’re treating Aaron and Gabriel well.” He says, shuddering against the cold as he locks his car. When he turns around again, the officer is smiling like he’s proud of himself and Robert wants to roll his eyes again. “Has there been any ... occurrences?”

The officer shakes his head seriously. “Nothing.” He shrugs. “That nutter would be stupid to come ‘round here now wouldn’t he?” 

And Robert just nods his head before looking over at the door again.

“Are you coming in then?” The officer asks. “Only you’ll have to sign this if you are.” He produces a notepad from his pocket and waves a pen in front of Robert’s face. He gulps steadily as he takes it from him.

He’s a bag of nerves as he walks in, there’s this long corridor and it would almost look eerie if Gabriel’s scooter wasn’t against one of the walls. 

He stares at it, heart pounding as he thinks about whether or not the place has a garden for Gabriel to properly use it. He gets so caught up in the image of it in his head that he misses the sound of feet against the floor.

“What are you doing?” There’s a voice there and he doesn’t have it in him to try and ignore it or feign confusion. When he turns around, Aaron’s by the door. He looks exhausted, hair loose and not sticky with gel and a faded spotty jumper with the arms too big for his frame.

Robert gulps hard as he sees him, buries his hands into his pockets and feels stupid in his burgundy blazer just staring at him. “I’m just — I —“ He’s almost speechless and he never gets like this, he wants to hate Aaron. “I couldn’t stay away.” He whispers.

Aaron pulls this unreadable face, keeps his back right against the wall like he did a few days ago. “You shouldn’t be here.” He says, and he’s not looking at Robert anymore, he’s looking at his feet again. “You shouldn’t have just —“ His voice fades away into nothing as he scratches at his chest like he’s struggling to breathe or something. 

“How’s Gabriel?”

Aaron’s face is hardened suddenly. “Don’t ask about him.” He says. “Don’t do that.” He shudders, and then looks up again.

“Do what?”

“Act like you care.” Aaron leans against the door and Robert sees all that sadness pour out of him, there doesn’t seem to be any space really left for anger. Not _real_ anger anyway.

“You know I do.” Robert whispers, “I haven’t been able to think about anything else but that night.” 

Aaron frowns. “Which one? The night we nearly slept together to help your case or the one where you were forced to admit the truth?” It’s meant to burn and it does, it makes Robert hide behind the hanging of his head. He feels like he’s going to be sick because of how much his head is swirling with memories.

“Aaron...”

“Bet your boss doesn’t know about that does he?” Aaron folds his arm and Robert’s eyes flicker. “No thought not.” He whispers. “Wonder what he’d say if he knew.”

He’d be struck off.

He’s already skating around on that thin ice of his isn’t he?

Robert’s jaw tenses and Aaron shudders, pulls at his lip and his face turns red. “ _There_ you go, now you care.”

“I care about _you_.” Robert speaks louder than he should have, one of the officers looks through the window and he drops his head awkwardly as he hears the silence drag out. He waits for Aaron to say something, it feels like forever until he opens his mouth.

“You care about yourself.” Aaron whispers, “Your job. Getting me to stand up in court and see him again. That’s why you’re here, you’ve worked out that if you — if you get me on side then — then you’re back in that Lawrence’s good books.”

Sometimes Robert wishes it was that easy. That he didn’t feel things and that he couldn’t just flash a smile, hold Aaron’s hand and promise him things he shouldn’t.   

But it’s not.

“I’m here because I wanted to see how you and Gabriel were. That’s all.” He says, and then he shuffles on his feet. “Lawrence did mention that you wanted to go back to work though so I —“

“Get out.” Aaron’s voice is all shaky, like he’s trying to power through what he’s saying.

It’s everything Robert didn’t want to hear, it collapses around him until he tries to get something out, _anything_ out but he just stands there like an idiot.

“Please, no.” Robert says. “I’m just trying to — I just want to —“

“You really think you can still control me.”

“Control you? It’s not about control, it’s about —“

Aaron rubs a hand across his face. “You’re not _listening_.” He whispers, but it’s basically a scream and Robert cowers against it. “You say you _care_ , you say you want to _help_ —“

“Yeah.” Robert nods, too eagerly. He can’t help himself.

“Well you lost that right the minute you found the the balls to tell me the truth.” Aaron says, and Robert’s scared of that hate in his voice. He can hear it and then he can’t hear anything else at all.

Aaron does hate him. It’s clear.

“And I found out who you really where.”

“A liar.” Robert almost says it to himself, he doesn’t expect to hear anything back but he does. He hears Aaron agreeing, he feels like the water rushes in finally, he can’t breathe against it.

“Yeah. A liar.”

Robert bites at his lip. “I know that’s not wrong but it’s ... it’s not all I am.” He whispers, and somehow it’s the truest thing he’s said in years. He’s got tears in his eyes that he doesn’t want there. “I want you to know that Aaron.” 

And there’s the briefest or seconds where Robert convinces himself that Aaron’s eyes flicker, that he gives the game away, that he does know. But then he pushes his chest out and his eyes almost glaze over. 

“Oh I do.” He says, scowls and Robert almost feels hope. “You’re a _copper_ as well aren’t you? We can’t forget that.” 

Robert’s face falls, he ducks away again and then sighs. He feels like there’s nothing left for him to say and he looks towards the door. His mind is halfway there before he hears scuffling of little feet and Gabriel’s standing at the top of the landing with a plush toy dinosaur under his arm. 

“Have you got reading for me!” His hair is curly and wild and crazy and Robert’s eyes widen as he sees him. He looks adorable. He looks happy to see him.

“Gabe.” Robert gets out, mouth parted as he looks at him. “Hiya mate.”

“Bed Gabriel.” Aaron’s voice is everywhere as he rushes towards the stairs and practically shoos Gabriel away. Robert can hear him protesting as he goes and then sees Aaron there seconds later with his arms folded. 

“I wouldn’t hurt him.” Robert says, and Aaron shrugs.

“I don’t trust you.”

“Aaron.” Robert heaves, almost with all he has and Aaron waves a hand out in front of him.

“I said go.” And Robert’s getting lost in it all, he’s hearing Aaron saying a few days ago, he’s hearing his dad tell him to go too. Only this time, he won’t beg. “And I’ll work where I like too. You don’t get to have a say in _anything_ I do. You don’t get to control me.” He says, speaking faster and faster and making Robert look away from him.

“I hear you.” Robert whispers, head pounding against it and Aaron shudders, catches his breath and looks right at Robert for the first time since he spoke. He looks like he wants to thump him, but then he looks soft again, stares right at Robert’s chest like it’s an anchor. “I get it.”

“Good.” Aaron says quickly, “And don’t come back here.” It gets Robert looking up again. “Because I’ll tell Lawrence about us. What you were prepared to do for a _case_.”

Aaron’s straddling him, hands falling through his hair. He’s wanting it. He’s begging for Aaron to ignore his phone when it goes off. 

Robert winces under the memory, the threat. “We both know that — that night had nothing to do with the case.” He says, almost coldly, almost to try and shock Aaron out of his hatred. He sees Aaron’s eyes flickering against it and then the door is opening again.

“Everything alright in here?” The officer from before just casually pops his head around the door and has a right look at them both still standing awkwardly in the long hallway.

Aaron doesn’t answer straight away, he’s just looking at Robert and not doing anything else. And then the officer calls his name and Aaron shakes himself a little.

“Yeah he was just leaving.” Aaron says, eyes still not leaving Robert’s. Robert gulps hard, looks away finally and towards the door.

“Yeah. Looks like everything’s fine here.” Robert lies, face pale and worn and something hollow in his chest.

Aaron breathes unsteadily as Robert gets to the door, looks back at him. The officer is still looking between both of them strangely and he only stops when Aaron looks at him. 

“Really Ed. I’m fine.”

And oh. It’s _Ed_ is it? Robert can’t help the way his mouth falls open a little, that hollowness in his chest twists and maybe he’s being an idiot but he can’t help but hurt and Aaron looks at him like he wants him to know that he isn’t needed anymore.

He’s got someone else to be there for him. 

It’s as simple as that.

That’s why Robert leaves when he does.

 

—

 

Robert takes Nicola’s cheeseboard straight out of the fridge and tries to ignore her as much as he can until she’s dragging and yanking on his arm and making him turn around.

“So? How was it.?”

Robert turns suddenly and she steps back. “And you reckoned he didn’t hate me.” He says, eyes scowling and beady as her face falls. “He doesn’t want me going back. He actually _threatened_ to tell Lawrence about us nearly sleeping together if I ever do.”

“Oh. Robert —“

“And he’s got this — this _Ed_ guy there.” Robert flaps a hand about and Nicola frowns. “Some officer.” He says vaguely as he hunts through the fridge and then goes towards the cupboards. “First name basis apparently.” He pauses for a second. “It’s only been a few days.” 

“He might calm down.” Nicola offers but it’s pointless. Robert doesn’t even hear her, he’s drowning in his own pity.

“He was so quick to get Gabriel away from me, said he didn’t trust me.” Robert whispers, and Nicola tuts.

“He’s just angry.”

“Yeah.” Robert whispers, scoffs a little. “At least you’ve got that right.”

“I thought I was helping.”

Robert rolls his eyes and slams another cupboard before turning around and looking at her.

“Yeah well, if you really want to help you’ll tell me where the crackers are to go with this cheese.” He points towards the cheeseboard and back to her again, watches her look whilst he sits by the table and pours himself a glass of wine.

 

 

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert reaches the end of his tether, a shock discovery pulls him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the lovely messages guys, enjoy this new chapter. Uni is stress and so are deadlines so I’m hoping that I can still keep the chapters fairly chunky and updated regularly!

 

He’s woken up by the sound of squealing and giggling from downstairs and it pulls him up in the bed, forces a frown to hover on his forehead. His head kills and he’s realised that basically wine gives him a different sort of hangover. He feels miserable and annoyed and sad at all the same time and he blames Nicola for it somehow.

He blames her even more when he sees her brats running around the kitchen with coco pops scattered across the wooden table. Nicola’s nowhere to be seen and _yes_ Robert has got better with kids considering his experience over the past month, but he’s hungover now. This is a different ballgame.

“What are you —“

The girl is the oldest, as soon as she sees Robert she lets out this _scream_ for her mum and she comes rushing into the room.

“Ah. Thanks Angel.” Nicola says, pets her kid’s hair and then starts clearing up the mess her two boys have made on the table. She’s up and dressed already and he squints towards the clock, it’s only ten.

“What was that for?” Robert rubs a hand across his face and sighs.

“I wanted to know when you were up.” Nicola beams at her kid. “Angel was happy to help me.”

Robert sighs. “What are they _doing_ here?”

“Jimmy’s on a job and Angel and Elliot’s school have an inset day.”

“And the other one?”

“Look at him. He’s a baby.” Nicola waves a hand out at the little boy slamming against the table. “He doesn’t go school Robert.”

Robert waves a hand out as she rabbits on about them having to stay here, he aims to go straight towards the coffee machine when she suddenly cuts him off what he’s doing by mentioning the B word.

“I’m _not_ babysitting.” Robert shakes his head almost furiously and Nicola almost smiles at him.

“I thought you’d say that.” She spins around and thrusts a folder into Robert’s hands. It’s got the case number on, Simon’s papers inside, Aaron’s face. He feels his face change colour against it. “Which is _why_ , I need you to go to the safe house again.”

And _no_.

“Didn’t you hear what I said?” Robert asks. “He threatened to tell Lawrence about us if I went back.”

And Nicola clearly doesn’t give one shit. She just shrugs her shoulders and says it isn’t a big deal and then creates this big idea for him to hide behind.

“Say you’ve got school work for Gabriel.”

“He knows I’m not a teacher you idiot!” Robert practically shouts and yet Nicola isn’t even the smallest bit fazed. Angel just scowls at him and then gets back to her drawing or whatever.

“I’m not going.” He folds his arms, and maybe it is pride at the surface of why he isn’t ready for Aaron to look to him with nothing but hatred in his eyes for the second day running. But there’s also something else isn’t there? It’s the fact that he can’t bring himself to do it, to himself, to Aaron, to Gabriel.

“Fine.” Nicola shrugs once again and then rubs a hand across the smallest ones hair. He looks harmless until he raises his head and he’s managed to draw pen across his cheeks. “You’ll just have to look after these monsters for me then whilst I deliver Gabriel his school work.”

Robert sighs hard, “Where’s the school work then?”

 

—

 

He sees Aaron in the living room with Gabriel as he parks up, he’s playing with him. Gabriel’s on his knee and they’re both staring down at the table, probably putting together a jigsaw or something.

Aaron’s looking at Gabriel in that anxious worried way he used to, like he can’t bare the idea of anything ever happening to him. Robert knows that his mind must always travel to Simon, he must just _always_ think about the day where he finds them again. For good this time.

Robert’s never known fear like that. He never wants to either. But then he thinks about those times Gabriel went missing, the way his heart hammered in his chest and he felt sick. It’s not the same but it’s something at least.

It’s raining by the time he manages to get out of his car and he’s approached by the officer from yesterday again. He smiles up at him, tilts his hat awkwardly and Robert cringes inside. He looks like he hasn’t been working long, he’s probably new to the whole safeguarding idea too which is why he thinks he has to be on such a nice level with Aaron and Gabriel. He really doesn’t. It’s really not necessary. In fact, Robert doesn’t even know why he ever goes inside the house at all considering his job is to watch who goes _in_.

He gets lost in his irritation by him and ignores half of what he’s saying to him as he signs his signature. He only looks up when he catches the end of a sentence of his.

“— didn’t think that Aaron expected you.”

Robert grits his teeth and gulps hard as rain washes over his blazer. “Yeah well, I am apart of the investigation involving him so ...” Ed looks flustered, starts being all nice and apologetic and Robert just stares at him. “Oh and it’s Mr Dingle. There’s no need to be unprofessional is there PC —“

“Oh you can call me Ed mate.” And he seems so charming and nice and friendly. Robert doesn’t know what to do with it. He just narrows his eyebrows until Ed speaks again. “Roberts.”

“Great.” Robert puts a smile on his face and forces it to stay there. Ed can stay out in the rain and do his job.

 

—

 

He shuts the door softly and tries not to cause too much of a scene, he doesn’t want Aaron running up the stairs with Gabriel and telling him to do one once again.

Instead he just pokes his head around the door and watches like a weirdo until Gabriel looks up and gasps as he sees him.

“Mr Sug’un!” And Robert won’t ever understand why Gabriel likes him as much as he does but he does and he can’t do anything other than squeeze him back as he wriggles away from his dad and wraps around Robert.

“Hey mate.” Robert says, rubs a hand across Gabriel’s back as he starts to jump on the spot like he’s full of energy just from seeing him. Robert can’t help but find it endearing, and then Aaron stands up and holds at Gabriel’s shoulders. 

“Let’s finish off that jigsaw.” Aaron says, tilts his head and looks right at Gabriel who’s staring up at Robert still.

“But Mr Sug’un’s here to let me go back to school.” Gabriel offers a toothy grin and then spins around to his dad. “Can I?”

Aaron looks helpless suddenly and Robert starts speaking, starts trying to put everything right. “No, no I’m here with some books, some — some school stuff for you to do here.” He says. “Could you do that for me?” He has this voice on, it’s soft and delicate and he doesn’t know where it’s come from.

Gabriel nods, walks back towards the table with his head down and the work hugged towards his chest. Robert tries not to look at Aaron but he has to as he raises to his feet again and clears his throat.

“That’s good of ya isn’t it. Giving him some school work from his school teacher.” Aaron says, voice tight as he speaks and Robert sees how tired he looks. He can’t help but feel sorry for him, once again.

“I was scared that you’d told him already.” Robert says, because that was in the back of his mind wasn’t it? He was thinking about Gabriel hating him because Aaron had told him he wasn’t his teacher after all.

“No.” Aaron says. “He’s besotted with ya for some reason. It doesn’t mean I don’t still want to punch ya every time he says Mr Sugden.” 

Robert hangs his head. “It’s more like Mr Sug’un isn’t it? He still can’t pronounce his r’s well, we tried working on that, I asked Bernice about —“

“You’re out of your mind, you.” Aaron spits, his face reads like he thinks Robert is being unbelievable and Robert just stands there with his eyes wide. “You’re acting like you’re a _real_ teacher.” And granted, Robert doesn’t know when to shut his mouth and calm down and stop trying to dig a grave for himself. 

But. “I didn’t mean to — I was just saying that he does struggle —“

“What you thick my kid’s thick now is that it?”

Robert turns bright red and shakes his head. 

“I said — I _told_ ya not to come back here. And yet here you are, once again.” Aaron slaps a hand against his side and then runs a hand across his head. “Doing my _head_ in. What part of, don’t come back here don’t you understand?”

Robert blinks, heart pounding in his chest once again as he hears Aaron’s frustration. 

“I’ll go now.” Robert says.

“Yeah. Please do.”

Robert waves at Gabriel, resits the urge to come closer towards him and give him a hug. Then he turns towards the door and gulps hard.

“I hope you’re — you’re okay.” Robert says, like word vomit running out. “Not okay but — I just —“

“Please just go.” Aaron says, like it hurts when Robert’s around. It makes something collapse in Robert’s chest and he’s sorry again, _once_ again. He’s hurting, he _hates_ Robert and he’s _still_ hurting and Robert is only making it worse.

“I won’t be bothering you again.” Robert says, and it sounds so final suddenly. He feels it, he can’t quite understand why he feels so adamant but he does.

Aaron hardly looks at him and then he’s thinking about Lawrence. He’s thinking about that unopened email in his inbox, the one he’s looked at only briefly when he was in his car.

“Lawrence — my boss, I think he wants me to go down to London again.”

Aaron’s head rises at that, his mouth parts a little and his eyes flicker a soft blue. He looks frozen. “You’re going back to London?”

Robert nods. He thinks he is. He is. He has to. “It’s for the best.” He whispers, and he walks further towards the door, backwards, slowly. He’s looking right at Aaron and he wants to look away but Aaron’s not budging, he’s still just staring at him and giving him this unbelievable look. “I’ve — I’ve done enough damage here.”

Aaron lets out a soft breath. “You ruin everything here and then piss off. Sounds about right.”

Robert feels something punching in his gut and there’s nothing left now is there? There’s bitterness and sadness and he remembers ice cream sundaes and kisses. He wants that back. He’d rather that than anything else.

“Bye Aaron.” He says, because he has to, because suddenly Aaron looks at him differently, he looks like he almost can’t bare hearing it. His feet move towards Robert before he moves away again, almost just as quick. It almost makes Robert wince and then he’s charging towards the door again and practically racing towards his car.

 

—

 

He’s got half his bags packed when Nicola bursts through the door with the baby on her hip and a scowl on her face.

“You pillock.” She says, and then she’s looking at his half filled bag, the fact that his fancy shampoo is already been put away all nice and neatly.

“Charming.” He says, moves towards his bedside table and crouches a little as he yanks for his charger and pulls it out swiftly from the socket. When he looks up again, she’s standing over him and the kid slaps at his head. “Ow.” He complains and Nicola only smiles.

“Good boy Carl.” She says, overly enthusiastic and annoying and then she scowls at Robert. “You can’t just _leave_. I’ve just had Lawrence on the phone telling me that you’re going. That you’ve decided to take him up on the offer after all. I didn’t even know he —“ 

“He asked if I wanted to get off this case completely and I took it.” 

“What about Aaron?”

He freezes a little. “What about him? He hates me.” He shrugs. “And he won’t testify. He hasn’t even _told_ me what happened so ... I’m going.”

“Robert...”

“I’m lucky Lawrence is even letting me off this easy.” Robert waves a hand about and Nicola rolls her eyes.

“Maybe because he fancies you.” She pulls this face like she’s going to be sick and he laughs because she’s not wrong. Maybe he does still. It makes his stomach churn. “You really don’t have to do this.” She says seriously. “Stay here, help us find Simon, _nail_ him.”

And a part of him really wants to. But the other part can’t bare making Aaron anymore angry or stressed or upset.

“Keep me in the loop yeah?” He says, as a way of answering her question. And she scowls at him, a pout on until he’s packed and has his car keys in his hand. He watches Angel play in the living room and thinks of Gabriel. He didn’t really say goodbye to him, not properly anyway. “Nic.” He says as she pretends to ignore him. She stops and then looks at him. “Look after Aaron and Gabriel yeah. Make sure — make sure they’re safe.”

Nicola looks sincere, it’s rare and weird but appreciated. “Of course.” She says and that’s enough for him.

He can get in the car now and drive.

 

—

 

He’s near the park with the Christmas lights. He thinks of Aaron and Gabriel almost instantly and gets shocked by the sound of a car alarm and some questionable hand gestures when he stays stationary and misses the change of lights.

He’s not feeling like himself and he blames Aaron and Gabriel completely.

He’s convinced himself that when he’s in London again then everything will be fine and he’ll go back to normal. He’ll have that happiness and normality of his life once again and everything will be fantastic.

The sky is a cluster of stars by the time he’s reached the motorway and sees Nicola calling him on his dashboard. He tuts against it, goes through a list of anything he could have left behind by accident and then picks up.

“Don’t tell me I left my pasta machine?”

“Robert. Turn around.” She sounds frantic, but excited or happy or _something_ and he doesn’t know what to think. Only that he can’t.

“No. I’m on the motor way.”

“No no listen. You have to. We’ve — there’s been a breakthrough.”

The traffic is traffic and so he listens to her and worries less about the road.

“With — with what?”

“We think we’ve found him.”

 

—

 

Robert turns around without thinking, he bombs it practically the whole way back to the cottage and does everything short of shaking at Nicola’s shoulder for her to start speaking. 

And when she does he learns what’s happened in the few hours. There’s been a police tip off and they’re all over it, only it’s near the safe house and — 

“What about Aaron and Gabriel? Have you — do they know.”

Nicola shakes her head, pulls her coat on and shifts them towards the door. “I’m going to go see what’s happening. You need to go and —“ 

“No. No I — no —“

“ _Robert_.” Nicola snaps. “Look, he might know. The officers there would have been told not to tell him but if they start acting differently then he might twig.” Robert’s face falls. 

“He’ll freak.” He whispers and Nicola nods.

“Well we don’t have time to —“

“Why call me?” Robert scowls, confused more than anything else and Nicola clears her throat.

“Because I thought we were partners in this, despite you trying to leave. This is breakthrough, if it’s him they think they’ve seen then — then I wanted you to know.”

He almost feels bad and then she walks towards her car and leaves him in the drive way.

“It’s your choice, leave anyway or —“

That hangs in the balance.

His feet know where to go.

 

—

 

When he gets there, good old Ed looks like he’s never been more nervous in his whole life and there’s another new officer standing beside him. He looks just as young and stupid and Robert cringes as the younger one pulls a hand out to shake Robert’s.

“Matty. New. What a night to start eh? The person who we’re trying to *protect him from might have been spotted a few —“

Robert just stares at him, and then looks at Ed. “Does he know?”

Ed gulps. “Big gob here sort of ... might have said something too loudly.”

And suddenly Robert wants Matty dead for upsetting Aaron even more. He doesn’t do anything more than scowls, comes closer towards the boy.

“I’m sorry. I already tried to say —“

“You stay out here. You don’t have to go inside. Ever. You got that?”

Matty blinks quickly, gulps hard. “Even if — if he makes me and Ed a cuppa.”

And oh, Aaron’s making Ed tea too. Nice.

“You won’t have to worry.” Ed butts in, smiles a little and Robert pushes past him until he’s in the hallway again.

His heart lunges as he sees Aaron sitting on the sofa bouncing his knee up and down and crying quietly to himself with his head firmly in his hands. He looks petrified, absolutely petrified. 

“Aaron.” Robert says gently, trying to muster up all the strength that he has inside him and not make any of this worse for him. Aaron doesn’t even look up, he’s too busy still crying and shaking and Robert gulps hard as he debates whether or not to do anything other than walk right out the door again. “ _Aaron_.” He says it again and this time he walks closer towards him, dares to crouch and rub at his knee until Aaron’s staring up in shock. 

“What are you doing here?” He says, shaking as he speaks and making Robert pull away from him a little, take the hand right off his knee and wave a hand out. 

“I —“ Robert whispers, before he’s taking a breath. “It’s going to be okay, I just need you to know that —“ 

“You _left_.” Aaron explains. “You left and — and I — they said that Simon’s been — that he’s here and — I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what —“ He’s a mess again and Robert resits the urge to hold him. 

“We’re on the case. They just need to see whether or not it actually _was_ him they might have seen. Check the CCTV in the area and then get back to us.” Robert tries to explain and Aaron actually listens to him, nods his head along nervously. “We just have to sit tight whilst it happens okay?”

“But what if it was him?” Aaron twists his head towards the side and gulps. “Then what?” 

And then Robert does everything he can to get him behind bars again, simple as.

“Then I’ll sort it.” 

Aaron lets out this little scoff and shakes his head slowly. “You?”

He gives him this look like he doesn’t believe him, like the very idea of Robert helping him is beyond him and that can only hurt. He almost sees his dad in Aaron’s eyes and then that hurts even more. But instead of running away he nods.

“Me.” He says, strong and serious and enough to make Aaron’s eyes flicker a little.

“Not running back to London then.” Aaron says, still playing nervously with his hands as Robert looks at him.

And that’s a hard no now isn’t it?

“Unfortunately not.” Robert says. “Sorry to disappoint.”

Aaron just stares at him, and Robert thinks he sees something but it’s overtaken by a scowl. “Yeah well I’m used to that when it comes to you aren’t I.”

It stings and burns and Robert drops his head a little as the silence drags on.

“Tea?” He asks a few minutes later, only Aaron just frowns at him like his mad. “It might —“

“Calm me down?”

Robert twists at his lip awkwardly. “Well why don’t you check on Gabriel then, take your mind off —“ another scowl. “Okay maybe not.”

He still stands in the kitchen though, creates distance as Aaron sits bouncing his knee up and down again and —

Robert sees him digging his own nails into his own hand.

It makes him stop dead. Then Aaron watches him watching and turns bright red and —

Matty’s banging on the door seeking permission to enter and Aaron raises to attention.

“Well?” He says and Matty looks unsure of what to do as he looks at Robert. He didn’t realise he’s stung the lad into this petrified state. Robert nods and then he starts speaking.

“We identified the male on the CCTV that the informant thought was Simon. Does the name Charlie Blythe mean anything to ya?”

Aaron stands thinking before he shakes his head. “No. No I’ve never heard of a —“ He looks towards Robert and then back at Matty. “Is that who you saw? You didn’t —“

“It wasn’t Simon.” Robert watches the relief race out of Aaron, sees the tears and the happiness and Matty scurries off again once Robert has nodded at him. 

“Thank God.” Aaron says, pulling his hands together and pacing the room until he gets to the kitchen and sees Robert standing there with a smile on his face. He shudders, eyes almost sparkling as he speaks. “Wasn’t him.”

“Yeah, I know — that’s amazing.” And he doesn’t know what to do with the emotion he feels. He just knows that it’s a sort of relief he’s never experienced before. Aaron’s got this big smile and tears rolling down his face and he shudders before speaking again.

“I thought that was it — I thought he was here but —“ he’s standing so close to Robert that they would be touching if Robert leaned in. He nearly does, because he’s happy and Aaron’s happy but then he thinks better of it and anyway there’s another knock on the door. It’s Ed this time and the shock of the sound makes Aaron scurry towards the living room.

Probably embarrassed about standing so close to Robert which is sadly understandable.

“I’ve got a message from DI King.” Ed says and it forces Robert to move forward and nod. “There’s been something else, they decided to look closer at the CCTV from the night the advent calendar was placed at Aa-Mr Dingle’s home. She’s pretty certain that a woman put it there, not Simon. She wants you to have a look.”

Aaron’s in the living room as they speak, still bouncing and Robert feels something tingle through him, it’s that relief again. He lets Ed know he’s coming before he tells Aaron like he should. He shouldn’t. He does anyway.

“That’s — I mean it’s still bad but — it’s not like _he_ was here right?” 

“Right.” Robert nods.

And maybe he shouldn’t but he says it’s good news and that’s when Aaron obviously forgets that he hates Robert’s guts and —

He hovers close. He nearly hugs him. He would have hugged him if Robert didn’t —

“I need to go give my expert opinion though.” Robert says shakily, gulps hard and Aaron freezes around him, hands still hovering against his frame and then slowly falling again.

“Yeah.” Aaron says, and Robert goes with his head feeling confused and fuzzy.

 

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert fights against memories and struggles with Aaron’s behaviour

 

It’s not him. Nicola stands there practically bouncing up and down and pointing towards the screen down at the local station until about one in the morning. She’s thrust a coffee in Robert’s hand as soon as he made his way into the room and since then he’s been waiting with a specialist on behavioural management to offer her expert opinion on the silhouette.

And news just in. It’s a girl.

“Jesus.” He mumbles into his coffee, there’s footage of the woman thrusting the calendar through the letterbox along with the note and then disappearing again and he can’t help but feel so undeniably angry about the whole thing. 

Mainly because this psycho was so close to Aaron, scarily close. There’s even a moment where she looks at the door, and looks like she wants to go inside. Then she’s clearly hesitating, looking around before taking the reef off the door and elbowing the glass, watching bits shatter.

“What a fruit loop.” Robert say a few hours later, holding his coffee and sitting on one of the less uncomfortable sofas. Nicola’s just come back from doing something or other and she looks exhausted, he scoots up for her but she waves a hand out.

“We’ve spoke to one of the guards at the prison, got ahold of all of Simon’s visitors. He only had one.”

Robert arches an eyebrow as the penny drops.

“He got a crazy ‘girlfriend’ of his or whatever to do it. Groomed her from prison.” She pulls a face and his mouth parts slightly.

“Have you managed to track her down?”

“No.” Nicola shakes her head. “But we will.” He can hear Nicola’s excitement and he smiles at her.

“Good work.” He says, means it. She offers him a smug smile and he rolls his eyes against how much she’s loving this.

Especially when Lawrence comes through the door and heaps praise on her whilst digging at Robert.

“Considering you had to do all the work more or less single handily.”

“Yeah well Robert’s staying now aren’t you?” She lands him in it and yeah, he has to now. Well actually he doesn’t have to to do anything he doesn’t want to but he will. He’ll stay because he can’t run from anything anymore. Suddenly it’s bigger than any guilt he feels about staying.

He nods his head awkwardly and Lawrence pulls a face. Unimpressed.

“You were on your way to London last time me and Nicola spoke.”

“Well I called him to come back.” She butts in and Lawrence’s jaw clenches and Robert just sits quietly burning himself on his coffee cup. “I can hardly do all of this myself can I? Not when — when we still need Aaron’s help.”

Lawrence nods slowly and then he’s asking Nicola to give them a second and Robert groans before lifting himself up on the sofa and looking at Lawrence square in the face. It’s nearly two in the morning and he’s never seen Lawrence so underdressed, it’s almost amusing to think of him having to race out of bed because Nicola had found out information that he should have been knowing about days and days ago.

“So Aaron’s in that safe house for nothing really.” Lawrence says as he stares at Robert with a slight frown on his face.

“You think it’s a waste of resources sir?” Robert challenges, and Lawrence’s eyes are all beady suddenly.

“You know what I mean.” He says. “Still. Now you’re sticking around, it’d be nice if you contributed to the case a little more than you have been.”

It’s a dig. He deserves the dig. He’ll let it slide for Lawrence’s smarmy benefit. The old man has to get his kicks doesn’t he?

“I will.” Robert promises, looks down at his cup again and Lawrence just stares at him, frown forced and looking uncomfortable.

“Tell me then, why you changed your mind.”

“Nicola already to you.”

“What, so Nicola calls and you come running?” Lawrence folds his arms, eyebrow up. “Doesn’t sound like you.” Robert clenches his jaw and then drops his head again.

“I had to come back.”

“Because Nicola needed you?”

Robert gulps, looks up. “Yeah.”

“I hope you’re not kidding yourself Robert. Over anything. Or shall I say ... anyone.”

Robert’s eyes flicker up. He sees Aaron. He just sees Aaron and Lawrence is a stupid old man isn’t he? Just a stupid old man. He doesn’t know anything.

“I think you’ve said enough rubbish. You probably just need your bed. I know I do.” Robert gets up awkwardly and Lawrence just watches him go.

 

—

 

Aaron’s agreed to not go back to work until next week and so that means that he’s always going to be there. So when Robert goes by the next day and sees him on the step outside talking to Ed, something inside him bubbles and bursts and he’s irritated.

He’s so bloody irritated.

Ed’s meant to be an officer, a professional and yet he’s standing there smiling and laughing and talking to Aaron and it’s bloody ridiculous.

Robert doesn’t know what he’s really doing, one second he’s just locking his car and then the next second, he’s by the door with a frown on his face staring at Ed and then at Aaron.

Aaron clears his throat, balances against the step on the door and sways backwards as he sees Robert. He looks redder than he did a few seconds ago and Robert just stands there making it all awkward and sort of loving it.

“Why are you here?” Aaron asks, dead pan, like he doesn’t even know Robert.

Robert just smiles. “There’s some things we need to talk about.” He says. “About yesterday.”

Aaron looks serious suddenly and straightens his back. “Is it about the footage?”

Robert looks at Ed who’s still just standing there like a right lemon, just in the way basically. “Where do I have to sign?” And Ed jumps to get the form as Aaron walks back inside.

Aaron doesn’t make Robert a cup of tea or anything, just sits on the corner of the sofa and bites at his lip.

“Are you here to just sit there or —“

Because Robert is looking around the room and hardly concentrating on why he’s turned up here. He’s thinking about Ed the officer outside the door. He’s meant to be a bloody police officer, not just a random bloke. He’s getting lost in his thoughts and has to clear his throat before he looks at Aaron again.

He looks better than he did yesterday, yesterday he looked pale and rough and miserable and —

Well he’s clearly washed his hair. There’s a bit of gel in it too. It makes Robert nearly smile and then he sees Aaron’s arms folded over.

Robert thinks back to what happened yesterday. He’s calling it Hug-Gate in his head and he can’t help but feel a little awkward when he shuts his eyes and thinks about it.

Aaron nearly hugged him. He would have flipping hugged him. Maybe. Maybe not. Who knows?

“Sorry. I just — I wanted you to know that I had a look at it all myself and it’s definitely a woman. I’ve got a few people on the case, trying to track her down exactly but —“

Aaron gulps. “Is she — maybe I know her.”

Robert shrugs. “It’s someone who’s been visiting him in prison. But we’re still trying to get more concrete information on her. I’ll let you know as soon as I do.” He says and that’s not what he should say really, it’s hardly professional but yet here he is.

Aaron nods quickly. “Right. Okay.” He says, and Robert sees that he’s trying to keep his distance or something. Protect himself. Stay far away almost so Robert doesn’t get reminded of what he nearly did. “Is that it?”

Robert nods. “Yeah, I’ll be out of your hair now.” He rises to his feet again as Aaron frowns.

“I thought you would be yesterday.” Aaron says, leaning back against the wall. “And then you showed up again.”

Robert bites at his gum. “To be here for you.”

Aaron looks at him like he’s crazy. “Do the whole turning around the car thing did you? For poor hapless me.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t have bothered.” Robert says, and that comes out because he’s so frustrated with himself and the way Aaron looks at him these days. He hates him, that much is clear.

Aaron hardly flinches but he gulps hard and it gives it away. “We both know why you did though, I mean you _are_ cashing in on all of this aren’t you? It’s just a job to walk in on me crying isn’t it?”

“Oh yeah. It’s my favourite thing in the world about my job.” Aaron frowns against Robert’s words and then shudders.

“I thought that was _lying_.”

“You know what? Fair enough. I was a prick. I _am_ a prick. But like it or not, I’m staying ...”

“Not.” Aaron says, arms folded again. 

“And you need me.” It’s bold, it’s confident and maybe not right but he says it anyway because he’s sick of feeling like everything is his fault. He’s helping. He’s fucked up but he’s helping.

Aaron doesn’t say anything for way too long and then he shakes his head. “Maybe that’s what you want to think.”

And just because everything is marvellous in this world, Ed decides to stick his head around the door and pop some post down on the table in the hall just because. It manages to say something that Robert doesn’t want to hear.

Ed’s gone within seconds but it doesn’t mean his impact lasts that long. Robert wishes.

“See you later.” Robert says as he walks towards the door with his head down awkwardly.

“If I have to.”

“Yeah well you _do_ considering I’m giving you regular updates on the case that you’re apart of.” Robert says, angry and annoyed and Aaron scowls.

“I don’t owe you anything.” Aaron says, shaking his head slowly and with this determined look in his eyes.

Robert can’t argue with that really so instead he goes to get the door open and then looks back. “Oh and you shouldn’t be outside like that.” He says.

“You what?”

“Before. When I came here, you were outside. This is meant to be a safe house.” And he sort of can’t help himself.

“And is this meant to be a lecture?”

Robert scoffs. “No, it’s meant to be some advice.”

“Well stuff it.”

“Fine!” Robert shouts and to be honest he really didn’t expect this to be an argument sort of conversation. But you know, it’s them so it usually gets like this doesn’t it.

“Fine.” Aaron shouts back and Robert is out the house before Aaron can give him another one of them annoying stupid scowls of his.

 

—

 

He’s got a headache, a glass of water and a few folders in front of his face that he needs to make sure are sorted by the end of the day or his head will be on a stick.

The officer that he’s working in is smaller than the one in London and he’s basically been shoved into a corner and told to work on filing whilst Nicola is out trying to track down this mysterious woman. She’d been gone by the time he’d finished arguing with Aaron and stomped back to the station. It’s his punishment or something maybe.

Punishment seems to roll on by when Nicola gets back with bad news, the women sees to be someone with about a million different identities and it’s harder than any of them realised it would be. They’ve got time though, Nicola keeps pushing that point and Robert just ignores her positivity and scowls.

“What’s up with your face? Oh hold on, let me guess.” She rolls her eyes dramatically and slumps against one of the chairs whilst he tries to do his work. “Could it be ... Aaron?” Robert flickers a look up towards her and then clears his throat. “I take it you two aren’t on good terms. Still.”

Robert gulps hard and the feeling travels through him as he thinks about the fact that Aaron just doesn’t want him around, still hates him, all that sad old jazz. 

“I said I’d stick around for the case, but he still doesn’t like me does he? He hates me, granted it’s deserving but —“

“You’d rather he didn’t?” Nicola pulls a soft face and suddenly this turns into a mother’s meeting doesn’t it? Because Robert slumps a little and forgets his work and just sits there complaining about the fact that Aaron doesn’t want him around. He can’t think of anything else once again and he’s not going to run away, he’s not going to do that but he’s struggling.

Over a few choice words. Over a flipping argument or whatever.

“And there’s that — that Ed.” Robert whispers, he’s reading into things isn’t he? He’s imagining and getting lost in a few little interactions and then Nicola twirls at her hair a little awkwardly and darts her eyes. “I’ve seen the way he looks at him.” He wrinkles his nose and then spins around on his chair again so that he’s facing away from the computer completely and looking at Nicola. “What’s with the face?”

“Nothing.” She feigns confusion, draws a frown on her face and gulps hard when he persists. “Maybe there’s some rumours.” She waves a hand out. “About — about Ed and Aaron.” Something in his heart twists at his words and she raises an eyebrow. “I mean — him liking Aaron, _not_ them doing anything.”

Yet. Not doing anything _yet_.

Robert sighs hard, it’s sort of the last thing he needs to hear right now and he can’t think past it. In a way he’s almost happy for him, Ed seems like a nice bloke, a really _nice_ one. He’s also a police officer, he can keep him safe, he can replace anything Robert was to him — without all the lying.

“Marvellous.” Robert gets out, blinks through the way his heart hurts and then decides to have a break. “I’m getting a coffee.” He says, waves a hand out awkwardly as Nicola calls out for him.

 

—

 

The day gets worse. It’s possible. It really does get worse because he ends up spotting Ed and Matty in the canteen a few hours later and they’re so caught up in laughing and slamming around the table that they don’t see him standing by the vending machine.

He’s hardly made a dent in the filing since Nicola decided to make his day worse, make him think about Ed and Aaron and Aaron and Ed and —

“Listen. He’s not in a good place is he? He’s in a safe house mate.” Ed says seriously, fork darting around the place as it hovers over his plate. “Anyways, he isn’t  interested.”

Robert’s ears perk up at the sound of it and yeah, a smirk starts forming on his face because it’s nice to hear some bloody good news isn’t he?

Only Matty’s got a big bloody mouth.

“Yeah _right_. He’s always making ya cuppa’s, giving out chocolate biscuits and everything.”

And oh it must be love.

Ed snorts, and maybe he isn’t that bad after all. Maybe he does know his place, maybe Robert needs to just chill the hell out.

“You reckon?”

And maybe Robert was wrong.

“Yeah I do.” Matty says. “You’re always talking aren’t you? You’re gay, he’s gay —“

“Matty.” Ed laughs and then pulls this face and Robert wants to wallop him. “I’ll uh — I’ll chat to him a bit more when we’re on shift tomorrow eh?”

“That’s my boy.”

Robert sighs. That’s an idiot.

The idiot has the audacity to become even more of an idiot by the end of the night when he spots Robert in his car and waves him down until Robert rolls at the window.

“Everything alright?”

Ed nods, and then he gives this embarrassed look like he’s been overthinking about what he’s going to say. “I know this might sound a little unprofessional but ... I was just wondering if you uh — if you know if Aaron is definitely — gay.”

Robert arches an eyebrow and tries not to lose his mind. “He uh — yeah he is. What’s that got to do with anything anyway?” He wants to give him some sort of benefit but Ed goes and runs with it.

“It’s just something Matty said.” And he leans away from the car, smiles a little gently as he does so and Robert should just let him go shouldn’t he?

“You want my advice?”

Ed leans right back in again and nods.

“Aaron’s vulnerable at the moment you know? And between me and you there’s already been rumours going around about you and him, _at_ it.” Ed’s eyes widen. 

“You’re kidding?”

“Unfortunately not no.” Robert winces a little and then sighs. “It happens. You’re openly gay and Aaron’s gay too. It doesn’t take long for all of that to start around the station. And then all the unprofessionalism gets spotted, people thinking you shouldn’t be able to keep your job and —“

Ed’s eyes are wide again and Robert pulls a face.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare ya.” Robert lies. “It’s just you know, just ‘cause you’re _both_ gay doesn’t mean you have to feed into that stereotype of being at it right?”

Ed nods a little slowly and Robert can relax a little as he drives.

 

—

 

The sound of rain hitting the window is enough to draw him awake but his eyes remained closed like he’s still trying to stay set in his dream. It’s nicer there and Robert wants to stay like that, he wants to be calm and stray far away from anything too real.

His eyes blink, almost open and then close once more and he’s back into his dream. Only it’s different now, only instead of being soft and sweet, Robert sees his dad.

His dad?

He hasn’t dreamt about him for years and years and it startles him. To see him there, shaking his head and telling him that he’ll never change, that people like him don’t get to change. 

It’s relentless until he gets out of bed and washes at his face and the feeling dies right down again.

He decides to blame the scenery for the way he’s feeling. A small little pokey village like this can only ever remind him of his father and how suffocated he always felt. It makes him wince a little as he remembers that numb feeling in his legs as he kept running as far as he could until he hit traffic.

Sometimes you have to keep running.

Sometimes you never really learn how to stop.

He’s a runner. He’s not a fighter. He’s ruthless in a way that hardly means a thing outside his work place.

He’s everything that his dad never wanted him to be and sometimes that rushes to the surface. Sometimes there’s nothing he can do about it expect just _accept_.

He’s trying to learn how to accept. Exhale.

 

—

 

His mood doesn’t subside, in fact it only grows worse when Lawrence invites him into his office for yet another telling off. This time it’s the fact that his filing wasn’t up to scratch, something almost so irrelevant that it’s insulting to be mentioned. But Lawrence seems like he’s on a power trip or something and Robert’s forced to comply, bite his tongue a little against it.

“Would you say you’re having an off week Robert?”

Robert arches an eyebrow, thinks, try _year_ instead and you’d be more accurate and then decides to shake his head against the idea and front it out. He feels miserable, he feels worse than he has done in ages but yet here he is trying to play it all down and retain some sort of dignity.

“No sir.” Robert shakes his head and tries his hardest to look assertive only Lawrence sees right through it and tilts his head.

“What with all the up and downs, you going and then staying again and then there’s Aaron. It must be frustrating to see him and think that you didn’t get the job done.”

And if only that was the case, if only his pride was the only thing bruised. Sometimes it’s easy to think of things as easily as that, think of the fact that all his sadness revolves around not finishing a case and not anything else at all. 

“Well the job’s not over yet.”

Lawrence wriggles an eyebrow and folds his arms over like he’s a dictator. “So when does it end then? Aaron and his son are going to remain in that safe house until you _finally_ make him testify?”

Robert’s eyes flicker and just the thought of getting to that point is a million miles away in his head because Aaron wouldn’t even sit on the same sofa as him if someone paid him to. “Well I —“

“You know what? You should be at the safe house, getting him on side.”

Robert frowns, shakes his head awkwardly. “Um, I don’t think ...”

“I do.” Lawrence slaps lightly at the desk and smiles. “You wanted to stay here didn’t you? Prove to me why you should.”

 

—

 

So he’s forced into it, he’s forced into going to the safe house and signing the sheet and watching Aaron try to cook _something_ in the kitchen. He’s standing there, and something is boiling over and something else looks like it’s nowhere near thawed yet. He’s in a bit of a flap basically and Robert just watches him from the door, he’s got a ghost of a smile on his face that falls as he suddenly thinks of another memory.

His dad in the kitchen, shouting at his mum just like usual only this time it’s about him. His mum is defending him, because he’s different to Andy, because he doesn’t want to live the life his dad wants.

“Shit.” Aaron’s voice cuts through the memory in this sharp way that makes him jump up and then jump to action because Aaron’s gone and burnt himself on the pan. He moves towards him and twists the tap, runs the cold water over Aaron’s hand, holds it for way too long and then moves away when Aaron stares down at their hands together.

“Sorry.”

“You should be.” Aaron says, busy holding a cloth over his hand and wincing a little. “Seeing you standing there by the door made me jump.”

Robert frowns, hears everything but almost can’t at exactly the same time and he looks confused until Aaron is turning towards him again and giving him this look.

“Are you tryna annoy me or something?” His harsh voice is enough to shake Robert out of his weird mood and offer some sort of answer.

“Sorry I — I was only trying to help.” He says, voice distant as he tries to stop being so fucking caught up in a bunch of memories that have not one thing to do with —

He gets his phone out awkwardly, fishes and presses until he gets the date up and something seems to collapse inside him because it makes sense and doesn’t make sense at the exact same time.

“Robert?” Aaron asks, like there’s some level of worry in his voice, like he cares or something. Robert doesn’t deserve it. He doesn’t know what to do with it so he ignores it.

“You cooking?” Robert asks, comes around the island in the middle of the kitchen and leans against the wall. “Or trying to. I could help.”

Aaron blinks quickly, like he’s thinking of what to say, like he _has_ to think about it. “Look, I don’t know what you think _this_ is but we’re not mates or anything. We had an argument yesterday?”

“Well you shouted at me and I lost my temper a bit. Fought back a little.” Robert says, tries to explain, block everything _else_ out of his head.

“Against the big bad wolf.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.” Robert whispers, and it’s like that’s all he seems to say these days. He’s just sorry and yet being sorry isn’t enough, it’s not worth _anything_. “I was just saying ...”

“Yeah. You do a lot of that don’t you? Say things, when you should just keep your mouth shut.” It’s a vague reference to something awful Robert’s done next and he suddenly doesn’t have the energy to even try and figure it out. He doesn’t need to anyway because Aaron offers this scowl and then says his name. Ed.

“Look I —“

“Warned him off?” Aaron’s chest lunges out right towards Robert and he looks embarrassed. “Said I was vulnerable.”

“Well you are.” Robert says, and he speaks like he’s a shell of himself, like he’s been properly hollowed out by the discovery of what the day means and how much Aaron hates him. “You’re in a safe house and he’s an officer and —“

“That didn’t stop you.” He shrugs, a proper dramatic one and he waits for Robert to try and say anything to worm his way out of it. “Don’t be a hypocrite.”

“Do you like him then?” Robert bites the bullet as he looks at Aaron, right into his eyes, doesn’t let him look anywhere else. It clearly makes Aaron nervous because he starts looking all over the place and then re-focuses.

“That hasn’t got any to do with you.”

“I know that. And I know you hate me, that I’m failure and I’m a screw up —“

“Robert —“ And just his _voice_ makes Robert want to run away because that concern is back. It’s back there and he doesn’t want it to be, he doesn’t want Aaron to be feeling anything even remotely close to that feeling for him. He’d rather Aaron just carried on resenting him, that would make _everything_ easier.

“No just listen. I know all that. I know there’s _nothing_ I can do to make you want me here, let alone _trust_ me, and for that — for that I’m sorry.” Robert whispers, voice filled with emotion that comes from nowhere. “I’ll — I’ll tell Ed I was wrong, I’ll put that right at least. I’ll —“

Aaron shakes his head. “No just leave it.” He says quickly, gulps so hard that Robert can see his Adam’s apple bobble.

“I just want to put it right.” Robert says, “I don’t want you to look at me like that anymore.” He shakes his head and that’s when he loses it big time because everything rushes up towards the surface and —

“Like — like what?”

“Like you hate me with all your heart. Like you’ve — you’ve never been more disappointed in someone in your life.” There’s actual tears in his eyes and his dad’s voice in his head and Aaron just has his mouth wide open and looks so shocked, looks so frozen. “I can’t have you look at me like him. Not today. I — I should go.”

His feet take him to where he wants to go, right towards the door until he can hear Aaron’s feet against the floor, walking straight towards him and holding at his shoulder.

“Robert.” He says, heavy, filled with a sort of darkness, a feeling that Robert doesn’t deserve. So he doesn’t allow himself to, he falls back against the feeling and turns away from Aaron completely until he’s out of the house.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter up Saturday, you won’t want to miss it! 
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated ;)


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron admit their darkest secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is quite a heavy chapter in terms of content, but I’m hoping you enjoy it!

 

It’s raining, not thunder and lightening sort of weather but it seems to work with the mood of how he feels instead of against it so that’s sort of a bonus. He’ll take it. It’s better than feeling like any else is happening around him.

Like the fact that he’s just made an absolute fool out of himself in front of Aaron and has somehow gone and done exactly the opposite of what Lawrence asked of him.

He’s a loser. He’s sitting in his car with the engine still running and contemplating how exactly he got to this point. He blames himself of course, but he also blames Lawrence because that’s always fun. And Nicola gets the blame too.

Then there’s Aaron. There’s Aaron pouring coffee down Robert’s top and being friendly and kind and just _wanting_ to be around him.

That’s where he fucked up. He looked at him and saw something different and new and _exciting_ and there was no going back was there? Because he had to lie. He kept lying and lying and becoming everything his dad resented.

“I’m sorry.” Robert says, head down towards his hands, eyes flickering all over the place and something just happens to tug in his chest for the first time in years and he feels this pull to call her.

To call his little sister.

On a day where it would count, would make her happy and relieved and feel like she’s not alone. Even though she isn’t, even though she has such a lovely little life for herself and _he’s_ the one out in the cold. He always has been really.

He tries to get his phone out and then falls back against his seat when he realises exactly where he’s left it.

 

—

 

When he gets back to the house Aaron’s already by the door opening it and looking right at Robert with wide eyes and it takes everything inside him not to break.

“My phone.” Robert blurts out. “I need my phone, I left it here.”

Aaron frowns, widens the door just slightly and gulps hard as Robert walks in and goes straight towards the kitchen.

“What’s — are you okay?” Aaron asks, there’s a stretch of with in his voice as he speaks and Robert freezes as he reaches for it and holds his breath before turning around.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because you _ran_ out of here.” Aaron pushes out, voice a little strained as he speaks. “I didn’t know what to think.”

Robert straightens his back slightly. “Good riddance, surely.”

“Stop it.” Aaron says suddenly. “Feeling sorry for yourself, it’s boring.”

Robert clears his throat. “I’ll be out your hair.” He whispers, head down and Aaron goes and _blocks_ him from leaving like he actually doesn’t want him to go. He’s mental.

“Just _stop_.” Aaron pushes at Robert’s chest and leaves it there, just hangs it slightly and bites at his lip before shaking out a breath. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Aaron. You don’t have to care. I _know_ you don’t so let me just go.”

“You’re right, I don’t have to care at all.” Aaron says, he looks awkwardly for a second. “But I do want to know what you were on about before, when you were banging on about how much I hate ya.”

Robert looks towards the side and then right back at Aaron. He sees his dad again and it hurts. “I don’t want to talk to you about it.”

“I don’t care.”

“Well I do!” Robert shouts back. “So how about you let me get passed and I can get out of your way can’t I?”

Aaron shakes his head, eyes beady as he scowls. “Stop tryna _worm_ your way out of telling the truth and just speak instead of hiding —“

“Oh ‘cause I’m the only one who lies all the time, the only one who doesn’t want to speak about certain things!” Robert decides do look down at the hand Aaron’s still got holding at his chest. He manages to look at the faint sight of a scar forming and Aaron’s hand slips down suddenly. He starts breathing heavily and shaking his head and Robert winces a little.

“See. I’m — I’m a fuck up. God I shouldn’t have said —“

Aaron looks up with tears in his eyes and Robert has never felt more crushed by him, if that’s even possible at this point. He looks like he’s so fucking _disappointed_ , like he tried to give him a chance to prove him wrong and he’s just fallen flat on his face.

“Every time I — you just _always_ , I don’t know why I even bother.”

“I’ll never know either.” Robert whispers. “But I won’t let you anymore so —“

So he’ll go. Only Gabriel finally comes down the stairs at the worst time in the world and waves a hand out to Robert as soon as he sees him. He runs and Robert crouches down and hugs at him, squeezes tight and Aaron looks away from them.

“Gabe, upstairs please.” Aaron says, but the words fall flat as Gabriel pulls a hair across his face and bounces.

“Daddy’s making tea, can you stay and eat with us?” And Robert’s lost count of the amount of times he’s had to tell Gabriel that he can’t stay. It must be so fucking confusing for him and he can’t bare it but he does it and Gabriel pouts.

“But —“

There’s a knock on the door and Ed stands there with an awkward look on his face and even more awkward news. The turn around of officers won’t be until a few hours and he’s been called away to an emergency leaving only Matty on duty with the police car over the road. He wants Robert to stay for as long as he can basically. And Aaron looks like he doesn’t want anything _less_.

“No I can’t — I can’t do —“

“Only ‘cause you’re an officer of sorts. You’ve got all the emergency stuff on your phone. I’ll be fine outside by himself. But it would help if you could stay put.”

It would help keep them safe.

“Fine.” Robert rubs a hand across the back of his neck and Gabriel screams right in his ear all excitedly. Aaron looks like he wants to die, face cold and rigid even when Gabriel tugs at his jeans to try and make him smile. “Aaron —“

“Just don’t even look at me for the next few hours.” Aaron says over his shoulder as he picks up his son and walks towards the living room.

“Hey, daddy couldn’t cook very well so we’ll get pizza okay?” Robert hears Aaron say, he stays in the kitchen, tries to blend with the walls and let the hours roll by.

 

—

 

And the hours don’t seem to be doing any of that, you know, rolling right by and making Robert feel like he’s going to escape all of this soon. Instead they just drag and his legs feel heavy as he hangs around in the kitchen and refuses to sit down.

He’s also thinking about how ridiculous he was, flying off the handle and mentioning what he’d seen yesterday. Aaron’s hand. Aaron hurting himself. Aaron just standing there hurting himself. It doesn’t take a genius to work out that some things are personal and shouldn’t ever be mentioned, but Robert doesn’t know when to stop. Aaron didn’t know when to stop either and he was so _close_  to standing there and making everything about him, pour his heart out about his dad and all those issues and the fact that he’s never fully forgiven himself for the way everything ended between them.

And that can’t happen, because Robert can’t become that guy can he? He can’t possibly be offloading his issues on to the man who’s literally trapped in a safe house and petrified for his life. It doesn’t make sense and it shouldn’t. It’s what he thinks as he grabs a towel and starts furiously drying plates and trying to refocus his mind on anything other than what he feels inside.

The constant tugging at his leg a few minutes later is enough to draw him out of his state and when he looks down, Gabriel is there nearly dropping a slice of pizza on the floor as he holds it up towards Robert. He’s got dungarees on again and Robert is one hundred percent now aware that they’re like his kryptonite and whatever the boy does makes him feel better somehow. He makes things easier just him being him.

Robert drys his hands with the wet towel before realising how stupidly pointless it is and drying them over his jeans instead. Then he bends, scoops up the pizza and gets a plate out. “Cheers buddy.” He says, a hand rubbing alongside Gabriel’s back as he speaks.

“Why’s daddy so sad? We’re meant to be on holiday.” Gabriel asks, so straight to the point that he almost falls back against it and tries to think of what he’s supposed to say. He’s stumped. He can’t help but blame himself.

“He’s uh — he’s just a little stressed but it’s not _anything_ that you have to worry about.” He decides on saying, because the last thing he wants is Gabriel blaming himself for absolutely anything that it is his fault.

“You promise?” Gabriel whispers, leans a little closer and Robert strokes his cheek, pulls Gabriel’s chin up a little. 

“I’d never lie to ya about that.” Robert says, smiles a little as Gabriel smiles faintly at him and then giggles a little as Robert starts tickling his side and won’t let go until he yanks away and rolls his head back a little. Robert smiles at him, can’t help but smile at him and feel a little better about his day. He never though that he’d think such a thing but here he is.

He gets caught up in it, so caught up that he doesn’t see Aaron standing by the door staring at him with Gabriel. His face is obviously unreadable and Robert stands as Gabriel toddles back inside the living room and leaves them alone. It’s almost like he bloody knows. He picks his timing doesn’t he?

Robert turns back towards the sink and he can hear Aaron’s footsteps coming closer towards him and then stopping again.

“Gabriel gave you pizza?”

Robert nods slowly as he looks over his shoulder. “Just one slice, don’t worry.” He says, “There’s plenty left.”

“I wasn’t worried.” Aaron says, and Robert can’t help but keep his back turned as he speaks. He doesn’t trust himself to turn around so he doesn’t. “You can eat you know, you don’t have to —“

“Just keeping busy.”

And the way he cuts Aaron off works to be enough. Aaron scoffs, swears under his breath as he turns again and leaves Robert alone. He can still hear them though, Gabriel’s rabbiting away about wanting to go to Lapland and Aaron’s telling him that they can’t. He keeps hearing it until his phone rings in his pocket and that’s the only thing he can hear now.

He knows who it is before he looks down. He lets it ring it. He tells himself to let it just ring out and then he hears Gabriel laughing and it spurs something inside him.

It’s Victoria.

“Hiya.” Robert whispers, he’s done the decent thing and gone outside into the garden. It’s a pokey little thing but at least Gabriel can kick a football around, do that weird aeroplane thing he does.

“God it feels weird hearing your voice. You sound like dad.” It’s the first thing she says and it manages to collapse something in his chest, he feels like he can’t breathe and _this_ is the reason why he doesn’t speak to his sister. It hurts too much. “Sorry. That’s a weird thing to say.”

“Not considering.” Robert says, leans back against the wall and blows out a breath against the cold air. “You always get like this, every year.

Victoria shudders. “What, all emotional and stupid?”

Robert smiles faintly. “I wouldn’t say that.” He says. “It’s good to hear your voice as well.”

“Is it?” Vic says, there’s something in her voice that makes him want to hide away a little. “You never answer your phone when I ring.”

And sometimes being an officer has its perks. It means that he’s always too busy to speak to her, that everything is too hectic and he’s sorry but he’ll make sure to call back when he can. He never ever does.

“I’m busy Vic. It’s a flat out job, you know that.”

Vic makes this sound, unimpressed and completely too bothered for Robert to even try and reason with her anymore. It’s no use on days like this is it? She’s emotional and he’s always even more distant in some weird way that doesn’t make sense. Any normal person would want to be with their family. He’s not normal.

“Anyway. How are you?” 

“You know I haven’t called for a chat.” Vic says, and she’s angry now, she almost sounds insulted. “Well yeah a chat but not just a normal one.”

“What does that even mean?”

“One about dad.” Vic says, and Robert mouths wordlessly out into the air as he attempts to say something. Not one single word comes out. “Considering it’s his birthday.” And she speaks like he’s still here, like they should be discussing what time to pop down and see him or something. He won’t ever understand it. “Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten.”

“Of course I haven’t.” He says bitterly, because the accusation manages to cut raw, it manages to make him realise that it’s probably what she thinks. He left, he ran and didn’t bother looking back and he’s dealt with his grief in a logical and reasonable way. He’s moved on. He’s forgotten. She couldn’t possibly be more wrong. “I just — I don’t see the point of this. Us talking about him like — like —“

“Like what?”

“Like I’ve got any good memories of him!” He raises his voice, feels the cold of the wall against his back and finds himself walking slowly towards the garden table, sinking slowly and trying to think of something else to stay. “Hearing you ... talk about him, about how great everything was ... I can’t say the same can I?”

And they both know why. It’s just that she doesn’t like to let it cloud all the memories she has of her dad and that’s fine. Robert accepted that years ago, he also accepted that it would naturally divide them and make them distant. Victoria didn’t. 

“I know it must — it must be hard.” Victoria says, and the thing is, she has no idea really. She doesn’t know how it feels and he’s happy that she doesn’t, relieved in, but she doesn’t get to tell him how to feel or when he should get over it all like he possibly can. She’s never told him to, she never ever would but he reads right between the lines and understands. “I just — every single year I think you might actually come home and you don’t.”

They have a big dinner for him, they smile and laugh and think of the good times and he doesn’t.

“Andy wouldn’t want me to. You know that, we both know it.” Robert says, voice flat and defeated against the truth of it.

“Stuff what Andy thinks. You get to come here and _grieve_.”

“It’s not the same as yours.”

“That doesn’t matter.”

“Well it does to me.” Robert says, heart beating out of his chest as he speaks. “It’s nearly been ten years Vic. I’ve done my grieving, alone yeah but — you don’t have to worry about me.” He shudders. “I’m good.”

“You don’t have to pretend with me.” Vic whispers, like she’s trying to break through his barriers. Only he won’t let her, he can’t let her.

So he scoffs. “I’m not pretending.” He says. “I’m just —“

“Getting on with your life?” Vic asks and he freezes, nods his head slightly.

“Yeah. Just like we all are.”

“Like we all have to.” Vic says, and he closes his eyes and sees a teenage girl dealing with way too much grief and sadness and somehow battling through it. Still being kind and loving and —

Just like his mum. He didn’t deserve her either.

“Look, I’ve — Andy’s calling me. He wants us to sit down and eat. I can call you back later or —“

“No need.” Robert whispers, and it hurts knowing that they won’t speak for months and months after this. It hurts until he pulls himself together and clears his throat. “Say hello to everyone for me yeah?” He means his niece and nephew, he means Diane.

“Even Andy?”

Robert’s jaw locks. “Even Andy.” He says bitterly before he blows a breath and bites down at his lip. “Love you.” He means it as he says it. He means it as she says it back and ends the call and he’s out in the cold in more ways than one.

He’s used it. He tends to be really really used to it and that overwhelms everything else around him. It drowns out until he can only see his dad’s face and all his disappointment too. It drums over his head until he hears the sound of feet and he sharpens his back a little, turns to see Aaron standing there holding a plush looking blanket. He’s scowling as well but what else is new?

“It’s pissin’ freezing out here.” Aaron says, he’s got a jumper on but it looks like it’s made of a thin material, like he needs a few more layers on top if he wants to really keep warm.

“Yeah.” Robert says, facing the garden again and it’s not like he doesn’t have the energy for Aaron to hate him. It’s just, he looks at him and thinks about what he said earlier and feels guilty and he doesn’t have room for anymore guilt today. He’d rather Aaron just turned back around, left him right to his wallowing.

“Take it then.” Aaron says, extends his hand out forcefully and waves the blanket across Robert’s face like he expects him to just yank it from him.

“I’m good thanks.” He isn’t, he’s freezing out here but in some really messed up deep way, it’s keeping him sane, it seems to be making him feel.

Aaron tuts. “Am I supposed to feel guilty if I leave you out here yeah?”

And Robert wouldn’t usually put it past himself, in fact, guilt tripping Aaron into being close to him again is something that would have been on the radar a few weeks ago but now everything has changed. He breathes out, almost a ghost of a laugh and then shakes his head.

“You do what you like.” Robert says, genuine and solid. “I’m not trying to make you feel guilty.” He’s already said too many words than he wants to so he looks towards his lap again in the hope that Aaron goes away.

“What’s wrong with you?” Aaron asks, and he’s asking again, he’s doing exactly the opposite of what Robert ever wanted him to do.

“Nothing Aaron.” Robert says. “I’m fine.”

“Yeah sure.” Aaron’s still standing there, blanket now wrapping around his knuckles all nervously. “What’s up?”

Robert decides to turn his head around and look at Aaron square in the eyes. “You don’t have to do this. I’m only staying a couple more hours and if I have to stay the night then I’ll take the sofa when you’re both in bed. I’ll stay out here for now.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You. Thinking like you have to pretend not to hate me for a few hours for Gabriel’s sake or whatever.” Robert sees through it, only Aaron looks so fucking perplexed and it doesn’t really make a great deal of sense.

Aaron sighs hard, comes closer towards Robert and he can see him better now that the garden lights have automatically flickered on. “Would you _stop_ going on about me hating ya, it’s pathetic.”

“And true.” Robert shrugs.

“You have — have _no_ _idea_ what’s going on in my head.”

“Maybe not. But I know what you say.”

“More than you do.” Aaron says, a hand on his hip and this anger in his eyes now. He looks so pissed off and Robert feels something ripple through him.

“That’s debatable.” Robert scoffs, arches an eyebrow and Aaron leans closer and scowls.

“Says the one not opening his mouth and saying what’s wrong.” Aaron slams a hand down against his side and then scoffs. “What am I even doing? You know what, freeze out here if that’s what you —“

“It’s my dad’s birthday.”

It sort of races out of him without him meaning it to and he can’t control it anymore. He’s almost incapable and then he looks up and only sees Aaron’s back. He’s frozen on the spot and then he turns around slowly.

“Well it would have been. He’s dead.”

Aaron gulps, Robert can hear it over the sound of the wind and it’s almost terrifying to see how sorry he looks. “Oh. I — I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be.” Robert says, blinks quickly as he stares ahead. “People always say they’re sorry don’t they? I don’t know what for.”

Aaron’s mouth hovers open before he shrugs. “For your loss, for the way you feel. I don’t know.” He whispers. “People used to say the same when Holly died. But that’s different I suppose, this was your —“

“Yeah. Well anyway that’s why I’m out here. Reckon I need to be alone so.” Robert gulps and then sighs and yet Aaron still stands there. “You can go.”

“Can I now?” He says, eyes flickering as he crosses over his arms. “You’re going to have to make me.” He says, and he’s just sitting down.

“Make ya?”

“Move, yeah. This is sort of my garden.” Aaron decides to lean back against the chair and cross his arms and Robert is too stubborn to move so they just sit there together staring up at the moon and not saying anything.

Minutes go by, and then a few more and Aaron shudders a little against the cold. Robert hears him, turns and sighs.

“Go inside.” He says, almost pleads and Aaron shakes his head.

“Not until you speak to me.”

“Why would you want that?” Robert asks, because he’s genuinely confused and Aaron always makes it difficult. He just shrugs a little, looks towards his feet and then his mouth twitches. Robert sighs a little and then rubs a hand through his hair.

“You’ve been extra annoying all day.” Aaron snaps. “So it’s your dad’s birthday? Did you — you didn’t get on?”

He’s so persistent. Robert finds himself slowly nodding. Admitting it.

“He was a farmer. A proper farmer in — in every way really.” Robert keeps looking at his lap. “I didn’t want that life and he hated me for it.” 

“Hate’s a pretty strong word.” Aaron actually has the balls to say it like he hasn’t ever said the word before and Robert shoots him a look. It makes Aaron turn paler and then he looks away. 

“He had Andy to make up for me though.”

“Andy?”

“My adopted brother.” Robert says, hands clasped together and turning red with the pressure. It feels weird to say adopted, he never used to say it. He hates saying it really but it creates some level of distance and that’s needed. “He was everything I couldn’t be.” And Aaron asks what he means, like he’s proper interested or something. “A proper lad.” He shakes as he speaks. He can practically hear his dad saying it to him. “I was more interested in getting out of the village, escaping, doing anything else with my life. So I became an officer. I said it was for myself but I knew it was for him, it was to make him see I could be successful outside a farm.”

Suddenly he’s a weedy little thing again, big chin and bigger dreams and proud of himself for the first time in so long.

“I convinced myself that — that it made up for who I was in his eyes. Then I went back, full uniform on and — and he still couldn’t look at me.” Robert’s eyes glass over. They glass over and he feels like he can’t even try and stop himself. “Because I wasn’t — I wasn’t a proper lad.”

Aaron’s eyes flicker a little, gulps hard and turns in the chair a little until he’s looking at Robert properly. “A proper ...”

“One who doesn’t try and kiss blokes.” Robert says, and he’s never told anyone this before. Well he has, but not _someone_ in the same way it all feels now. He wants to hide, naturally he just wants to hide away and forget he ever said anything but Aaron inhales sharply.

“He knew?”

Robert finds himself nodding yet again. “I tried speaking to him about it after.”

“After what?”

“This boy — Jamie. He was working for us and I used to — I liked him. I didn’t really know why or — or if it was okay but I couldn’t stop how I felt. One day, he was nearly finished in one of the barns and I bought him some lemonade, watched him drink it like a weirdo.” Aaron smiles faintly and then looks all concerned again. “And he smiled at me like — the way you want to be smiled at. And I just kissed him. I couldn’t stop thinking about all those looks he was given me, all the smiling. And I liked him. He liked me too because he kissed me back and we were — he had a hand over my belt when he came in to see if he was done.”

“Your dad?”

Robert freezes against the memory of it and then shudders out a nod. “I tried to explain to him that we were only kissing, I thought maybe he thought I was too young for anything else. I mentioned this girl I’d kissed too but it just made him angrier.” He furrows his brow and tilts his head. “I wouldn’t stop explaining so he hit me a couple of times and that was it. Never spoken of again.”

“You didn’t — what did your mum say?”

“She’d died a year before. A fire — an accident. I kept thinking I’d let her down. _He_ made me feel like that.” He chews his lip awkwardly and then shakes his head. “So when I came back, all suited and booted and official and he still couldn’t look at me, I knew I couldn’t ever come back again. Not even to his funeral.” He sees the shock on Aaron’s face and blinks quickly. “My sister hated me for it. I think she still does. But I couldn’t do it. I just watched from afar, saw her holding two flowers out and thought one might be from me for him.” He rubs a hand across his face and sighs as Aaron’s mouth parts.

“If she’d known then — then maybe she would have got why you couldn’t have been there.”

Robert gulps, eyes flickering. “That’s what I thought later. The next year, the first birthday without him I came back and — I tried so hard. But they were all remembering someone I didn’t.” He shrugs. “And they were so angry at me, thought I was being cold and cruel and I just snapped.”

“You told them?”

“Yeah.” He remembers the dinner table, the clattering of cutlery, Vic starting to cry and Andy shaking his head. “Vic couldn’t believe it, she kept making me say it over and over again. Go through every detail but she didn’t think I was lying. Andy did.”

“Why would you _lie_?”

“Because that’s who I am. I lie. I cheat. I do whatever I want.” Robert braces himself. “I acted out, stole his girl.” He expects Aaron to look disappointed in him but he just sighs. “He just thought I was trying to spin some sob story. But not about that, I wouldn’t have lied about dad.” Robert’s head spins as he remembers how ready Andy looked to fight him, he hadn’t expected a hug but not that either. Not his own brother balling his fists and shouting at him, telling him that he couldn’t wait to _ruin_ it. “I’ve not gone back since. Vic rings me every year and sometimes I go along with what she says, I remember the daft things he used to say because I don’t want her memories tainted because of me.”

“No. No because of _him_.” Aaron spits, he looks so angry, he looks like he wants to punch something and Robert’s not sure what to do or say. “Because of what he did, not you.”

Robert sniffs. “Andy didn’t see it like that.” He explains. “I’d not ever admitted to being bi before then anyway so — it was all a massive shock and he’s just never got over it. Maybe it’s easier. To think that I’m lying rather than to think that dad could hurt me like that.” He shrugs. “Some days I feel the same.” He blinks quickly as he feels tears fall down his face, over and over again. “Because then it makes him dying less of my responsibility.”

Aaron makes this sound and then leans closer. “How could it —“

“Andy twisted things, he said that it all added up. That dad was probably out of his mind with stress ‘cause of me, moving away, making up lies.” Robert gulps. “He was angry but I never — I’ve never forgotten it.”

He’s never been able to.

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“You don’t get it. I can’t help but think about what would have happened if I wasn’t — wasn’t me.”

And it sounds awful. The face Aaron pullsis enough to make him realise just how awful it is.

“He could still be alive.”

“Robert ...”

“No. You don’t get it. He could still be alive if I —“

“I do get it.” Aaron whispers and Robert wipes at his face and feels awful. 

“God of course, with Holly and —

“No.” Aaron looks so pale yet the darkness of the sky matches the way he stares. “No. With Simon. What I saw him do to that bloke.”

 

—

 

Robert’s head spins as he looks at Aaron and has his mouth open a little in shock. It’s what’s been between them ever since the start, this underlining hidden secret that has weighed them down and grounded them into what they are now.

In this weird space between caring and hating.

“What do you mean?” Robert whispers, a hand falling across his hands as he sees Aaron’s shock written across his face like he can’t believe he’s spoken either.

Aaron blows out a breath and then holds it again before finally letting it go. “When I told you — that I left with my mum and I didn’t look back. I lied.” He shrinks a little, winces against the cold and the blanket falls into his lap. “I went back to my village to get a few more things a couple of days later and I saw him.”

“You saw —“

“He was looking for me.” Aaron’s instantly got tears in his eyes and they swell. “For Gabriel. I said — I said he had to leave us alone, he wouldn’t. He mentioned Holly and I lost it, I knocked him about a little and I thought that was it. I thought it was over but it wasn’t ‘cause he followed me into town and I — I shook him off but —“

“But what?”

“I was driving away, I was going I promise.” Aaron’s chin wobbles and Robert leans towards him a little. “I saw him though. Off his face. He was with this lad and he — he kept hitting him over and over and over again.” He closes his eyes and Robert imagines it.

Simon’s a thug. He’s always been a thug and a wrongun and an absolute nutter and Robert knows that he’s also being trialled for murder but just being able to hear it is chilling. It makes his blood run cold.

“He fell.” Aaron cringes. “He fell and I just remember thinking about how he could have hurt Holly like that once. I felt sick. I wanted to get out of the car and call for help — and kill him. I wanted him dead.” He looks so petrified, he looks angry and scared and deflated. “But then the guy got up. He got up and I thought he was okay. I really thought he was okay.”

Robert clears his throat, gulps. “His name was ...”

“No tell me.” Aaron’s saying.

“Daniel Thompson. He walked about a bit, got to the main road and then collapsed again.” Aaron winces. “I’m sorry.” He says.

Aaron frowns slightly. “The next thing I knew, he was dead. I knew it was Simon and I only told the police I knew because I was scared he’d come after me. And then I regretted it. Because they wanted me to — to testify and stand up in court and —“ Aaron closes his eyes again. “I ran. I got as far away as I could and made a life for me and my son and tried to forget about everything else.”

“A good life.” Robert whispers, and he’s got tears in his eyes again that match Aaron’s.

“Yeah? I’m in a _safe_ _house_ , he’s upstairs sleeping and probably dreaming about us going Lapland like it’s possible.” Aaron rubs a hand across his face and sighs hard.

“You’re an amazing dad.” Robert’s confident in that, he always has been. “And I get it.”

“Get what?”

“Why you couldn’t tell me, why you don’t want to testify.” Robert sniffs. “You just want to protect your boy, because you’re a good dad and that’s — that’s what good dads do.” Robert wipes at his eyes and then gulps. “I’m sorry.”

Aaron looks at him, really looks at him. “What for? You just told me this massive thing about your dad that you’ve clearly not told anyone and —“

“I’m just sorry Aaron.” And Aaron gets it, his mouth forms an O and he looks frozen on the seat, maybe it’s because it’s fucking freezing.

“You haven’t said that you know.” Aaron’s eyes flicker. “Since that night, you haven’t said sorry.”

Robert frowns slightly. “Because I knew it wouldn’t have made any difference. You hate me for what I’ve done and I hate myself.”

“You do don’t ya?” Aaron says, eyes flickering. “Earlier, you said that I was looking at you the way he did, did you mean your dad?”

“I shouldn’t have said that.”

Aaron shudders again. “But did you mean it?”

And he did. That’s why he nods his head and looks away as Aaron’s head tilts up towards the sky and then down again.

“I couldn’t ever look at you like that.” Aaron says and it makes Robert tingle, hair stand up on his arms. “Robert I don’t — I’m not going to look at you like that.”

Robert feels everything drown out as he hears him and then his head hangs loose, he shakes it and then he feels Aaron pull his head up, hold his chin.

“I’m not him. I — just — you hurt me.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“You’re sorry.” Aaron whispers, and his eyes have never been this blue have they?“I know — I know you are.”

“And I know I can’t put it right. I know that you don’t trust me and that I’m a liar and I’m everything he didn’t want me to be but I — I care about you. God I care about you so much that it scares —“

He’s rambling away one second and then the next Aaron’s lips are pushed against his and he holds him so close that Robert forgets how to breathe. He just lets it happen, lets the feeling melt across his heart, warm him in this beautiful way and then Aaron’s pulling away and Robert’s pulling him closer again. He’s kissing him and kissing him until he finally moves back, his hands across Aaron’s neck, Aaron’s hand firmly against Robert’s arm.

They stay, just staring at each other for what feels like hours.

“I shouldn’t have —“ Aaron’s eyes flicker almost unnaturally, he looks stunned and Robert slowly pulls his hands away from Aaron’s neck and looks down. The blanket is covering both their laps and he passes it to Aaron to have as he gets up from the seat. “Rob.” He says, panicked and nervous and Robert looks at him. “It’s late. I should make you up a bed on the sofa.”

“I can always go out and ask Matty if I’m still needed here? I might not be.” Robert somehow gets out, clears his throat in shock.

“You’re still needed here.” Aaron says, definite as he speaks and Robert feels something flutter in his stomach again. He knows what to call the feeling. 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is going to be coming up soon! And I’m sure those who want fluff will appreciate it ...


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron take the next step

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yesterday’s episode was a disappointment and I’m hoping this isn’t for all of you lol. Thank you for all the lovely comments on the last chapter!

Robert wakes up to the sound of someone’s breathing right close up to him, sharp points dragging across his face and the television on in the background. It sounds like kid’s tv, he hasn’t heard anything like it for years and it makes his eyes flicker awake. It’s Gabriel standing there of course, he’s got crayons out and a big grin on his face as he sees Robert’s awake.

“ _Morning_!” He jumps up a little, waves a hand out and Robert tries to gauge his surroundings. There’s a high ceiling and red walls and he realises that he’s slept on the sofa of the safe house.

He suddenly remembers the night before and he doesn’t know how to feel about it. The memory of Aaron kissing him is there, it manages to flicker through absolutely everything until it’s all he thinks about. Aaron’s lips on his, a smile on his face, happiness there for Robert to capture.

Aaron had kissed him. He’d kissed him back too.

“Morning.” Robert sits up slowly, pulls at the end of his jumper and ruffles a hand through his hair as he stifles out a yawn. “Where’s your daddy?” He asks and as if by magic he suddenly starts hearing him in the kitchen pottering about.

Gabriel points towards the kitchen and then settles himself down to watch tv again, abandoning Robert suddenly because clearly he doesn’t need him to be entertained anymore. Robert huffs our a soft sigh as he sees his back, Jacob’s never been so quiet. He swings his legs round on the sofa and finds himself pattering towards the kitchen and standing awkwardly by the door.

Aaron’s by the toaster, leaning against the wall and looking lost in thought as he waits for it to be done. Robert can’t help but clear his throat, jolt him into looking up and right at him.

“You alright?” Robert asks, kicks at the ground a little and he feels like an awkward teenage. Aaron looks like one too. He can hardly look at Robert and then he does. He looks right at him and slowly melts into the wall.

“Yeah. I was just about to bring you some —“

The toaster jumps and the toast nearly pops out but Aaron’s quick to reach for it and place it on the plate.

“Cheers.” Robert says slowly, comes further into the room and gulps as he watches Aaron butter the toast nervously. “Do you want any help or —“ Aaron shakes his head evenly and Robert can’t hold it in anymore.

“Aaron, about last night.” He says awkwardly and Aaron looks up at him suddenly. “What happened.”

“What bit?” Aaron almost winces and it isn’t looking good is it? He looks like he’s never wanted to forget anything as much as what happened last.

Robert shrugs, “All of it. It was a lot.” He says. “I didn’t expect any of it to happen.”

Aaron nods a little, goes to speak and then the door is being knocked on and Matty’s standing there with a smile on his face. He looks between them both and then clears his throat.

“Oh. Sorry, I didn’t know you were here.”

Robert frowns slightly and looks towards Aaron like he expects him to speak, like they’ve done _anything_ scandalous. He goes to speak and then Gabriel comes charging in with a smile on his face.

“He stayed.” He says before trying to jump up on the surfaces to get to the sweet cupboard. Aaron’s eyes widen and then Robert has to start talking doesn’t he, just to clear everything up.

“Yeah well, no one got back to me about leaving and I didn’t think I could go so.” Yeah that’s the reason why he stayed, that’s exactly the only reason. Robert shrugs a little as Matty takes in what he’s saying.

“Blimey that’s good of you.”

“Yeah well, Gabriel doesn’t mind me that much.” Robert tries to let out a laugh but it falls flat and Matty’s gone again by the time he can even try to say anything else worth while. Robert isn’t even sure why he bothered coming in, probably just to be nosey.

“Gabriel, get down from there.” Aaron yanks at his son until he’s in his arms again and Robert just smiles faintly as he watches them. Gabriel starts yabbering away about something and Robert feels himself drifting off a little into the background as Aaron tries reasoning with him. He takes the slice of toast and disappears into the garden again. He’s not sure why he finds the place relaxing but he does, the sky is a light blue, different to how dark the sky was yesterday night. He welcomes the change as he bites into the piece of toast and sighs.

“Coffee?” There’s a voice coming from the doorway and Aaron’s there with a coffee out for Robert to take.

“Thank you.” Robert whispers, takes it and then leans back into the wall as Aaron shrugs.

“It’s fine.”

“No I mean — thank you.” Robert says. “Really. For — for last night.”

Aaron gulps hard and leans against the door like he’s reliving it too. “You don’t have to say thanks.”

Robert scoffs. “I think I do.” He says. “I had the nerve to go on about my problems like you’ve not got any.” He shakes his head against it. “I’d never told anyone about — about dad.”

“I’d never told anyone about Simon either, what I saw that night.” Aaron blows out a breath, he still looks like he can’t believe that he actually told him. “I guess hearing you say what you said just ... it didn’t make me feel like —“

“You were alone?” Robert gets it, he really does and when Aaron nods slowly he lets out a little sigh.

“We were both just really emotional weren’t we?” Aaron says and Robert knows what’s coming next, he doesn’t even blame him either. “We should just forget it.” He shrugs.

“Forget it?”

Aaron nods. “We can’t take it back, but we don’t have to think about it.”

“Like it’s that easy.”

“Yeah.”

“It’s not for me.” Robert tells him and then he blows out a breath. “Having you kiss me when all I’ve thought about is you hating me for weeks. I can’t forget that.”

Aaron’s mouth twitches a little, “I can’t forget things either.”

And he means different things, he means the lies and the upset and the sadness. He means everything Robert wishes he’d forget and everything is suddenly so ironic isn’t it? They both can’t forget things they want the other to.

Robert nods his head slowly. “I should go.” He declares, sips at the coffee and puts it down against the table. “Being here isn’t — it’s just confusing us, making us do things that we regret and —“

“I didn’t say I regretted it.”

Robert frowns. “Well maybe I do.” He says and Aaron winces, he looks down towards the ground and then up again.

“You do?”

“Now that you want me to forget it, yeah.” 

“It’s not that —“ Aaron rubs a hand across his face and then sighs again. “It’s complicated, _we’re_ complicated. I just don’t know how to feel.”

Robert nods. “I don’t want to make things any harder so I’ll — I’ll go.” He doesn’t wait for Aaron to say anything, he decides to walk towards the door and Aaron’s following behind him and he’s nearly gone when Matty comes right back through the door again with a cardboard box.

“Here ya go.” Matty grins, and Aaron just frowns at him whilst the officer brings out some tinsel and Gabriel goes berserk.

“What are you doing?”

“Gabriel said you asked for Christmas decorations.”

And Gabriel’s suddenly looking all guilty, swaying back and forth and sticking his thumb in his mouth.

“Well I didn’t.” Aaron snaps and Matty’s face falls a little and he’s clearly straining under the weight of it.

“Who takes orders from a five year old anyways?” Robert asks, hands in his pockets as he frowns and Matty just looks like he wants the ground to swallow him up.

Aaron rubs a hand across his face and sighs. “Give it here then.” He says and Matty passes the box awkwardly. “It’s nice of yeah, thanks.” He smiles faintly and Matty bows out of the room after Gabriel says how thankful he is. “Right then, let’s get this all up then shall we?” He says and Gabriel starts running around the living room. 

Robert looks towards the door again and then feels Aaron’s arm on his shoulder.

“Stay.” He says, eyes on Robert’s. He doesn’t look away and Robert wants him to.

“Is that a good idea? I just — I —“

“I’m not tall enough to put the star on the top.” He blurts it out and then looks so embarrassed and Robert thaws around how soft Aaron still is.

He can’t say no to him.

 

—

 

Aaron doesn’t look like a proper festive bloke at all. In fact he looks like he can’t stand all the faff of it and would rather just eat his Christmas dinner and then sit in front of the tv with a beer.

Robert gets all of that mainly from the fact that he’s got himself tangled up in the lights and looks like he wants to kill someone as the music goes on. Robert had typed in some Christmas album on his phone, leant it against the bowl on the coffee table and just stuck it on and now Gabriel’s humming along to ‘I wish it could be Christmas everyday’ much to Aaron’s displeasure. He looks like a right grump, that’s all Robert can think of as he tries to get the ball balls out of the box.

“ _Jesus_ —“ Aaron trips a little and Robert comes towards him, tilts his head down and tells Aaron to lean through and get out that way. It works and Aaron nods a little, it’s like he’s saying thank you in his own little way.

Gabriel gasps. “It’s his birthday isn’t it?”

Aaron scoffs. “Not today it isn’t. But because you insisted on all this tat going up then —“

“Tat?” Robert frowns, holds up a piece of tinsel. “Maybe this is but not these.” He looks at the ball balls again, one of them is sparkly and have small beads around it. “They’re —“

“So pretty.” Gabriel looks like he’s never seen anything more beautiful and Robert hands him the ball ball delicately.

“Both hands monkey.” It slips out, being soft and sweet with Gabriel. He freezes around just how nice it sounds as well when Aaron looks up at him and has this look on his face. It’s unreadable again. Of course it is.

Gabriel gets to work, he’s in his element really and it’s so nice to see him so happy considering everything he’s been through. He’s five. He’s only five years old and yet he’s dealt with so much in his little life and he’s still smiling. Robert knows why, he’s exactly like his dad. A strong heart, a strong _good_ heart.

Robert shuffles on the sofa as he watches Gabriel jump up a little to reach for the tinsel and wrap it around the tree. It doesn’t take very long for him to start thinking of Andy’s kids, he’s never seen them do this, he’s missed out. In some ways he resents himself for it, in other ways he doesn’t blame himself - he blames their bullish dad who decided to believe their dead dad over him.

He’s lost in his thoughts, so lost that he doesn’t hear Aaron call his name at all.

“You looked a little —“ Aaron starts doing this weird thing with his hand and then shakes his head. “Lost.” He says and he feels that way, it was only yesterday that he was all over the fucking place wasn’t it?

“It’s — just watching him.” Robert says as Aaron slowly sits down next to him, the music playing doesn’t match how he feels and he wants to get a grip and stop being so down but he knows how difficult that can be. He lets it roll across him. “It makes me miss that.”

“Miss what?” Aaron whispers.

“Being happy. Being a family.” Because, the long short of it is that he doesn’t have a family anymore. He has a sister and a brother and a step mum and a few kids who know him as their uncle but they’re not there like they should be. He can’t remember the last time he put a Christmas tree up like this, it seems to wash over him. “Sorry.” He rubs a hand across his thigh and Aaron bites his lip. 

“I know how you feel.” Aaron says, blinks quickly and looks down at his lap. “My own son doesn’t know he’s got a whole family who _love_ him, who’d do anything for him.” Robert frowns slightly and Aaron sighs. “I’ve got a pretty big family and they don’t know where I am. So he doesn’t see him. Only my uncle Cain knows but that’s more because of my mum than anything else.” He rubs a hand across his face and then leans back on the sofa. “I know how lonely it can get.”

“At least you’ve got him.” Robert says, as he sees Gabriel bouncing up and down and smiling.

Aaron nods slowly and then pulls a face. “I hope one day, we can have this big Christmas dinner. One day I can look forward to it again, not feel bad about him missing out.”

“It’s hardly your fault.”

Aaron nods along and then tilts his head a little. “Maybe so but — it still makes me guilty. I never had them when I was his age, and then I did, I had this big crazy loud family and now that’s gone.”

Robert looks across at him and then breathes in. “You’ll have it back.” He says, nods his head, determined, strong. “I promise.”

Aaron turns to him, and he freezes a little before he looks away, looks almost like he wants to run away. “Don’t — don’t say that.” He says, rubs a hand across his forehead. “You promised a lot of things didn’t you?”

And Robert didn’t know what else he expected really yet it still shocks him, Aaron looking at him with that anger and sadness almost manages to shock him.

“I’m sorry.” He says, blinks quickly and then he’s getting up and Aaron asks where he’s going. “Is it okay if I grab a shower? I’ll be out of your hair afterwards.”

Aaron stands as well at that. “Is that how it is? Every time I say something you don’t want to hear you’re going to leave.”

Robert squints a little. “No. It’s not that. It’s — it’s me trying to do as little damage as I possibly can to you. I don’t want to make anything worse and if I’m reminding you of what I did in the past then I —“

“Shut your face and get a shower.” Aaron says, hardly any bite in his voice as he speaks and Robert just stares at him.

“Aaron ...”

“And then you have to put the star on the tree.”

Robert nods slowly, a ghost of a smile on his face as he goes.

 

—

 

The shower does him good, he’s feeling more like himself when he gets out and finds himself with a towel hugged around his waist looking out the window and down at the police car across the road. He feels safe, feels like they’re properly looking after Aaron and that settles through his chest a little.

And then the door goes and Gabriel stands there shouting about needing a wee.

“Oh sure yeah.” Robert flaps a little as Gabriel pushes him by his back out the door and shuts it loudly. Naturally it gets Aaron coming up the stairs looking confused.

“What’s all the —“

And then Aaron seems to stop dead. He looks at Robert, right at his chest, right at his _bare_ naked chest out on display and not the largest towel in the world around his waist and he visibly gulps. Robert can almost hear it.

“Gabe just needed a wee and he pushed me out the —“ he trials off because Aaron’s clearly not even listening to him. He just seems to be frozen still and Robert can’t help but feel a little awkward, a little exposed and _yeah_ there’s a little bit of cockiness there too because Aaron somehow can’t look away from him.

Aaron suddenly shakes his head, blinks his eyes quickly. “Uh — that’s — he shouldn’t have done that. Hold on.” He climbs the stairs and opens the door to Gabriel washing his hands by the sink on his tiptoes. “Gabriel you should have _waited_.” He says and then he looks at Robert, well he doesn’t look at Robert, he looks everywhere else. “He’s not really used to having to share. It’s usually just me and him.” He says and Robert nods his head.

“It’s fine.” He smiles faintly and then Gabriel’s saying sorry and not meaning it and then toddling down the stairs again. Aaron just stands in the bathroom for a few seconds and then jumps up and leaves.

“Sorry. You finish — uh, you carry on.” He says and Robert doesn’t know where exactly to put his face so he just gets going back to what he was doing. He finishes up quickly and gets back down the stairs to see Gabriel’s Christmas tree design. It looks beautiful, a lot of messiness but still.

“And _lastly_.” Gabriel’s using big words to rope Robert in isn’t he? He waves the star out in front of his face and Robert takes it from him, shimmies it down on the top of the tree and then looks at it. “Amazing!” Gabriel says and Aaron smiles at it from the doorway.

“Looks pretty good.” He says, and Robert knows he’s impressed.

“Can we watch Home Alone?” Gabriel asks, and Aaron pulls this face as he folds his arms over.

“We’ve got to do some reading and sums though haven’t we?”

Gabriel rolls his eyes and Aaron’s suddenly the bad guy until Robert opens his big gob.

“How about I do some work with you for a bit and then we can watch it yeah?”

And Aaron actually smiles at him across the room. It looks like he doesn’t hate him at all anymore and it’s a dangerous thought to have but Robert finds himself holding onto it. He can’t let go.

 

—

 

The credits roll down the screen and Robert feels Gabriel’s weight against him as lays down on his lap. The Christmas lights on the tree are on and they twinkle, flicker and shine a little and Robert feels them on him as his eyes flicker open a little. He’s not been asleep, just resting his eyes.

He looks across and sees that Aaron’s staring at him. He looks lost in him and it’s something that tugs right at Robert’s heart and refuses to let go, all he sees is softness, all he sees is the look Aaron gave him when they first met. It’s blinding.

“Hey.” Aaron whispers, and Robert notices that Aaron’s got a hand draped across the sofa, almost across Robert, across Gabriel too.

Robert smiles back shyly and then looks down at Gabriel. “He’s fallen asleep?” He asks, unsure from his position and Aaron nods slowly, nearly laughs.

“Out like a light.” Aaron says, “It was all that reading you made him do.”

Robert smiles gently. “It was only one book, don’t be so dramatic.” He says and Aaron rolls his eyes.

“God you sound like my mum.” Aaron says, hand over his face and then he looks a little more seriously. “She keeps trying to ring, wants updates.”

And Robert suddenly realises that he doesn’t even know where she is, he wonders why she isn’t round here right now. He asks as much and Aaron shocks him when he answers. “She’s in Cuba? What on —“

“She went on holiday before this all happened. I told her not to come back for her own good as much as anything else.”

Robert frowns a little. “You must miss her.”

Aaron nods, tilts his head a little. “Yeah. I do.” He looks down at Gabriel. “So does he.” He shakes his head and then sighs. “I’d never admit it before now but — she makes everything easier.” He whispers.

Robert bites at his lip and Aaron gulps hard.

“Do you want a drink?” He asks and Robert waves a little as he sees that it’s dark outside. Nicola’s probably thinking that he’s dead or something. He should let her know where he is.

“Sure.” He says and then the door goes and Ed’s there.

“Oh. Sorry to interrupt.”

“You weren’t interrupting anything.” Robert says quickly, can’t help himself as he suddenly sees Lawrence’s face.

Ed just looks between them as Aaron stands and then he’s passing over his post and leaving again and Aaron just looks towards his feet awkwardly before he goes into the kitchen.

He comes back inside with wine for Robert and a beer for himself and he knows him too well. Robert takes it with a soft smile, he’s already text Nicola and said he’ll be back soon and she wants a juicy report. She’s a joke.

“Thanks.” Robert says and then he frowns a little. “Can’t get my head around you having wine in the fridge.” He smiles a little and Aaron rolls his eyes.

“It was here when I came.” That makes Robert pull a face but Aaron just shrugs. “Doesn’t it all get better with age anyway?”

Robert will give him that, he wriggles his eyebrow a little and smiles. “Fair enough.” He says and then he’s looking about the room, he’s looking everywhere but Aaron basically.

“You were a bit odd with Ed weren’t you?” Aaron says, a lace of teasing there but it’s mixed up with genuine confusion as well and Robert just tries to look like he doesn’t get what he’s saying. “When he came in.”

“Yeah well — we shouldn’t really be doing any of this should we?” Robert says, “Considering I’m actually not on duty here or anything.”

“And that’s the only reason is it?” He whispers, because of Gabriel, because he wants to be annoying and make Robert hang off every word he says.

Robert’s jaw tenses and he decides there’s no _real_ point in even trying to wriggle his way out of how he feels. He won’t lie to Aaron. “He likes you.” He says. “Or he did. I don’t know if he still does, probably.” He shrugs. “You know I tried to warn him off —“

“Warn him off.” Aaron says, like he’s reflecting. “Like I was _yours_?”

And he is, in every way that Robert can think of. It’s embarrassing but Aaron means so much to him that it constantly scares him to imagine him not around anymore. He was more than a little bit lost when Aaron was chucking him out the house and wanting him gone forever.

“I was jealous.” Robert says, speaks a little too loudly and Gabriel shuffles on his lap before opening his mouth and closing it again, still asleep. Aaron just looks at him, keeps blinking in his direction before his cheeks are bright red.

“Of me and _Ed_?”

“Why say it like that?”

Aaron shakes his head. “Because as far as I’m aware we’re just mates, if that.” He shrugs. “I don’t like him. Not like that.” He says and Robert’s shoulders relax a little.

“I thought you did, it would be a step up from —“

“You?” Aaron asks and Robert’s already done the whole miserable breakdown apology yesterday filled with self doubt and sadness. Aaron knows all of this. “Yeah well, you hurt me. You hurt me so badly.” He almost looks lost in reflection of how awful he felt and Robert can’t help but feel sick against it. “I really thought you were who you said you were, even my mum thought —“

Robert looks up at him and watches Aaron rubs a hand across his face.

“She knows now though.” He says. “Felt like such a dick telling her.”

Robert doesn’t know where to put his face and then he closes his eye before opening them again.

“Does she usually spot the bad guys then?”

Aaron shuffles down on the sofa before rolling his eyes. “She just usually makes me feel better.” He says and then he turns pale as he looks at his hand, there’s a mark there from when he dug his nails into his skin and Robert hasn’t forgotten. He really hasn’t. He’d just rather not push Aaron at all when it comes to that. “When she isn’t around I —“ he looks up at Robert and then down again. “I handle it in my own way.”

Robert doesn’t know what to do with the information, just breathes in and feels dizzy. “Aaron ...”

“After what I saw.” Aaron whispers. “After _everything_ , I had to make it all stop. Sometimes it helps.” He looks up again. “I’ve got better. It used to be — worse.”

And Robert doesn’t even want to imagine until Aaron’s blowing out a breath. “You really don’t know everything about me.” He whispers, “But despite everything you’ve done I — I want you to know.”

And what he means by that is that he wants Robert to be let in. He doesn’t want to push him away again. He believes him.

“I want to know.” Robert says, and he leans his hand over. “Aaron I’m — I’m done with lying to ya, I’m done with hurting you and — I just want to put things right.”

Aaron looks towards him slowly. “How?”

Robert gulps hard. “By being here for you and Gabriel, by finding that scumbag and making him go down for everything he’s ever done to hurt you. I won’t rest. I won’t —“

“I believe ya.” Aaron says, and the lights sparkle onto his face again, show that he’s got tears in his eyes, he’s crying. “I believe you.” He says again and Robert’s head hangs a little in relief before he feels Aaron raising it up by his chin, he looks right into his eyes and then he leans across and kissed him.

It’s filled with longing, it’s filled with a softness that Robert has always wanted with Aaron. They clamber for more, completely ignoring Gabriel’s presence for as long as they can.

“I want you, I’ve always wanted this.” Robert admits and Aaron looks up at him.

“Stay the night.” He says, he almost blurts it out and Robert doesn’t have to think twice.

 

—

 

Robert stands over the bed and looks down at it, Aaron’s borrowed him one of his t-shirts, a pair of pants and a new pair of socks and he blushed when Aaron passed them all over. He’s not here now, he can hear the shower running and wonders how long he’s going to be and if he expects him to be waiting in bed for him.

He’s still staring at the bed awkwardly when he hears the shower turn off, Aaron probably messing around in the bathroom and then silence again. He feels like a teenager, bounces from side to side as he leans towards the bed and then leans back again.

“It won’t bite.” Aaron says, he’s standing by the door with his arms folded and a frown on his face. His hair is wet from the shower, curled and soft and he bites his lip as Robert looks towards him and then backs away from the bed slowly.

“I was just —“

“Staring at it.” Aaron comes towards him and then sits on the edge of the bed, looks up at Robert with these soft eyes and Robert doesn’t know how he gets this. He really doesn’t. “Oi.” He whispers and Robert comes towards him, sits slowly and then smiles.

“Sorry. I — this is just —“

“Unexpected?” Aaron just keeps staring at him, and then he shakes his head. “I didn’t expect you to end up here either.”

“You asked me to stay.”

“I know.” Aaron says, “Because I want you, I want you so much.” He whispers and Robert feels goosebumps raise against his arm. He feels like he can’t breathe. “I still want ya here.”

Robert frowns a little, “You shouldn’t.” Because despite staying, making Gabriel his tea and watching Aaron fuss over him before settling him down for bed, he still doesn’t feel like he should have this. Not at all. “You really shouldn’t.”

Aaron pulls a face. “You make things better.” He says, “Simple as that.” He whispers. “It’s scary how much.”

Robert chews his lip. “It scares me too.” He says slowly, rubs a hand against his thigh and then clears his throat. “But I’m done with being scared of this. I just want —“

Aaron leans forward and kisses him. He holds his face and kisses him, over and over again and then he’s leaning back and shuddering.

“Are you sure you want this?” Robert says, and Aaron nods before he lays down on the bed and Robert does the same. They’re both looking up at the ceiling, Robert’s feet hanging well over the bed as he lays flat and closes his eyes. He’s trying not to freak out against how he feels and then Aaron says something.

“I haven’t been like this with anyone for the while by the way.” Aaron whispers, he’s got a vest on and it’s wet against his skin and showing his abs, his muscles. It makes something inside Robert almost _sing_ and then he looks at him.

“Stop overthinking.” Robert has the audacity to say as he kisses at Aaron’s shoulder and moves his body sidewards so that he’s looking at Aaron better. “It makes you get frown lines.”

Aaron frowns predictably and then shakes his head. “Says you. You’re like twenty years older than me.”

“Try five.” Robert gets in, and Aaron laughs, he laughs so much that there’s creases round his eyes and Robert just stares at him.

“What you staring at me like that for?”

And he has an answer. He’s just too afraid to say it so he shrugs.

“I love it when you laugh. I should have made you laugh more.” He has all this regret weighed down in his voice and it’s almost inescapable until Aaron holds at his arm.

“You’re speaking like you can’t do anything about it now, like we’re done.”

“We should be.” After what he did, after everything he’s done.

“We’re not.” Aaron says, “Let me show you how certain I am about that.” He bends Robert down and attacks at his mouth, pulls and lunges and then he’s moving over Robert, practically rolling against him and thrusting and Robert doesn’t know what to do with himself.

He just collides. They just collide. It just happens and he looks down and sees how happy Aaron looks. He’s got this smile on his face as Robert tugs him hard, kisses at his neck as he rolls his hips against Aaron’s and makes him —

Happy.

Aaron rolls his head back a little, face bright red against the pressure and hands gripped around Robert’s arms.

“Don’t — don’t ever hurt me again.” He pants, hands falling through Robert’s hair as he towers above him and pushes himself into Aaron in slow moving strides, as he kisses his mouth, his neck, his chest. “Not now, I couldn’t — you mean too much.” He says just before he lets out a moan and Robert clamps his hands against his face.

“Never. Never I — I promise.” He whispers, and they can hardly let lose with Gabriel only a few doors away and the police cars parked outside but it doesn’t stop the way they feel as they collide. Robert doubts that anything would be able to really.

 

—

 

Robert strokes a hand across Aaron’s arm as his naked body lays flat on top of his and the moonlight flickers into the room. He can’t help but feel like he’s waited all his life for something like that to happen but he doesn’t want to say anything.

Aaron sighs contently against Robert and then kisses at his chest before looking up at him. “You’re — you’re just —“ he obviously can’t find his words and Robert marvels at him. He doesn’t know what to say either so he just kisses him slowly and Aaron gets wrapped up in Robert’s strong arms.

“I thought you were going to say it was a mistake.” Robert whispers out his fear against Aaron’s hair and then waits as Aaron leans away and looks up at him.

“It might have been easier if I did. I mean who in their right mind would forgive what you did eh?” He says and Robert looks gutted for a second. “This idiot here would probably forgive you the world.”

Robert has tears in his eyes. “It shouldn’t be like that.”

“Because he knows that the idiot he can’t get out of his head is there for a reason.” Aaron says, and then he holds Robert’s hand. “Because he’s a good man and he’ll fight for them, fight for — his little boy and for some sort of ... normality after everything is over.”

Robert’s jaw locks. “I promise you I will. I only want you and Gabriel.” He’s known that for a while, deep down it’s been way longer than he’d ever like to say really.

Aaron shudders. “I only want you. It’s been that way for a while now.” He says, lets out a little laugh and then he looks all seriously at Robert. “You didn’t run.” And Robert frowns slightly until Aaron looks down at his stomach, there’s scars there and he saw them during sex but he couldn’t say a thing about them. It wasn’t the right time. He wonders if there ever will be one really.

“I don’t have anything to run from.” Robert says. “They’re apart of you. You might hate them but I don’t. I’d never hate anything about you.”

Aaron wipes at his face and he’s bright red again. “I never hated you either.”

Robert takes his hand out of Aaron’s and sighs. “You don’t have to say that.”

“It’s the truth.” Aaron says, eyes a little wider, voice a little more strained. “Believe me I sat here and tried my hardest. I had my mum telling me I should but — but I couldn’t. Not deep down.” Robert still doesn’t look convinced and Aaron blows out a breath. “Why’d you think I didn’t tell Gabriel the truth?”

“To protect him, you didn’t want me around him Aaron and that’s okay but —“

“I couldn’t stand how much he adored ya. How much good he saw in ya, _that’s_ why. I — I’m sorry.”

Robert looks almost horrified and holds Aaron’s arm. “You have absolutely _nothing_ to be sorry for. Not one thing.” He whispers and Aaron gulps.

“It killed me, not telling you the truth. I know you were hiding stuff too but — I just wanted you to call me Aaron.” Aaron closes his eyes. “And that scared me, wanting to be honest with someone.”

Robert’s eyes flicker. “I know the feeling.” He says and Aaron nods his head against it, leans down and kisses Robert again.

“It’s me and you now okay? I’m not going to let anything bad happen. I promise.” He kisses Aaron’s head and then squeezes him in tight.

He promises and Aaron looks like he melts under it as he nods and closes his eyes.

The sight of a camera flashing right outside doesn’t seem to faze them as they sleep.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes ... I did the fluff! And it will last (for a bit) lol
> 
> Without sounding like a member of emmerdale’s social media team, there’s plenty more to come and I hope you’re all going to continue reading!


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron try to keep things under wraps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the amazing feedback I received for the last chapter, there is plenty more to come!!

 

Robert hasn’t woken up in bed with someone for a while and he sure has missed the feeling hasn’t he? He’s got Aaron’s massive arms around him and he’s got his face right against Aaron’s chest when he finally opens his eyes.

The sunlight streams in through the curtains and Aaron rolls over a little as he opens his eyes too. For a second, Robert fears that Aaron will jump up and blame alcohol or loneliness and just pretend like it never even happened and that hurts but then he smiles at him.

“God.” Robert says as the relief washes over his face and he dives down to kiss him, practically pins Aaron against the bed.

He lets out a little laugh. “I’ve only just opened my eyes.” He croaks out and Robert leans away.

“Sorry. You’re just too irresistible. I can’t help myself.” Robert kisses him harder and Aaron returns it, he smiles against it before he’s travelling his hands down Aaron’s body and —

There’s this clanging sound coming from downstairs and Aaron jumps up a little. 

“I need to get up. See to him.” Aaron whispers, presses another kiss against Robert’s mouth as he reaches for his joggers and a shirt. “Help yourself to a shower or whatever.”

“What? Without you with me?” Aaron rolls his eyes and Robert smiles. “Later?”

Aaron doesn’t make any promises as he goes.

 

—

 

It turns out that Gabriel thinks he’s capable of making himself breakfast all by himself and he’s really not. He’s got cracked eggs all over the floor and by the time Robert’s come down stairs and seen the state of the place Aaron is already picking up egg shells and telling Gabriel he’s not Gordon ‘flipping’ Ramsey.

It makes him smile, he can’t help it really and then Gabriel drags at him until he’s making him some toast.

“So after all that you don’t even want eggs?” Aaron says as he stands up and looks at his son who just shakes his head at him and points to the toast and jam. The jam’s all across his face and he looks like a right idiot but completely happy. It makes something lunge in Robert’s heart.

He can’t get over the feeling. He leans down and ruffles a hand through the little boy’s hair.

“I reckon Gabriel could do with a little afternoon nap, don’t you?” He says to Aaron and the younger man just smiles, knows what he’s after exactly. “At around I don’t know, two maybe?” 

Aaron leans against the counter and smiles, bites at his lip and nods. “Maybe.” He says and Robert can only hide his grin as he turns away from him.

He’s busy fixing something up for Aaron and himself when there’s a knock on the door and Aaron goes to answer it whilst Gabriel rabbits on about wanting to watch another Christmas film.

“Oh sorry we don’t need a cleaner.”

“I beg your pardon.” Robert freezes as he hears the voice, it’s Nicola and she’s pushing straight past Aaron and setting her beady eyes on him. He suddenly looks down on himself, he’s got one of Aaron’s old t-shirts on, jogging bottoms that really aren’t his style. Basically it’s very clear he isn’t wearing his own clothes and she just shakes her head at him.

“Uh hang on, who let you through here?” Aaron follows her and then he looks at Robert. “What’s your cleaner doing here?”

Robert sighs hard. “She’s not my cleaner.” 

And Aaron’s eyes widen, he starts shaking his head and there’s tears in his eyes in record flipping time. “Don’t tell me —“

“ _God_ no.” Robert grimaces and then Nicola turns sharply towards him.

“I’m his partner in the other sense though. We’re on this case. Your case. Only I’ve spent the last few hours thinking he’d been hit by a bus considering he was leaving here _soon_ according to his text last night.”

And yeah, he hasn’t been looking at his phone. He’s sort of got other things to be doing. Like Aaron. The thought makes him nearly chuckle and then he looks at how serious Nicola is.

“Oh.” Aaron says, runs a hand through his hair. “Well —“

“Could you just leave us for a second?” Nicola tells him and Robert sighs, walks into the garden instead and jumps up and down on the cold ground as Nicola follows him with that scowl still on her face. “You’ve been here three days now.” She says and he knows, he’s not an idiot.

“I didn’t mean to stay so long. I just —“

“Had to jump into bed with him.” Nicola hisses and Robert looks into the kitchen and sees Aaron looking all worried. 

“You can’t tell anyone.” Robert whispers. “It was the first time, the only time we’ve —“

“Oh pull the other one.”

“I’m being _serious_. You know how I thought he hated me.”

Nicola rolls her eyes. “And then suddenly he has sex with ya?”

Robert knows he needs to explain, he clears his throat and sits down on the garden chair and looks up at her. “We talked, we’ve talked about a lot of things actually.”

“Am I supposed to care about your heart to hearts whilst I’ve been busting my backside on this case?”

“Well yeah considering he finally told me about what happened with Simon.” Robert says, eyes a little wider as he speaks and she suddenly looks very much interested doesn’t she? She arches an eyebrow and all sorts.

“Do you think he’ll testify then?”

And he doesn’t know. All he does know is that he isn’t pushing him into anything. He tells her as much and she only seems to want to wallop him.

“I mean it Nicola.” Robert says. “You can’t go and force him into this. I won’t let you.”

Nicola goes to speak again and then Aaron’s coming towards them and looking awkwardly between them.

“Look if he’s getting a bollocking over being here then I’m sorry. I kept asking him to stay.” Aaron says, and Robert’s heart goes out to him. He looks so concerned and worried doesn’t he? “I know it’s hardly professional and —“

“It’s never stopped him before has it?” Nicola wriggles an eyebrow and then sighs. “Look I won’t say anything to Lawrence and I don’t think those two out there will either but you really need to come to the office and let me fill you in on stuff.”

Stuff. How marvellously vague he thinks as she smiles nervously at him like she’s trying to suppress the truth or something.

“Anything I should know too?” Aaron’s got his hands in his pockets, looks between them and then Nicola shakes her head.

“No.” She says bluntly and then goes back towards the kitchen. “I’ll wait in the car for you.” He says and Robert nods.

He didn’t expect to stay for that much longer but he doesn’t like the fact that it’s been cut short because of what? Reality. He can’t stand reality.

Aaron drags him out of his thoughts when he pulls a face. “I reckon she hasn’t forgiven me for calling her a cleaner.” He says and Robert tries to smile at him. Aaron sighs and then rubs a hand across Robert’s arm. “Hurry back yeah?”

And Robert gulps. “I might not be able to.” He whispers. “We’re going to have to be careful.” Aaron’s eyes flicker a little like he didn’t expect them to have to be. “If Lawrence finds —“

And it’s ironic considering Aaron was threatening to tell all only a few days ago. Lawrence already thinks he knows things and this would only confirm it all for him wouldn’t it?

“I know.” Aaron sighs. “Just been nice having ya here.” He shrugs and then he’s walking back inside the kitchen with Robert and turning towards him when Gabriel settles in front of the television. “Last night was ...” He looks down at his hands and then up again at Robert. “I don’t want you to forget it.”

Robert doesn’t even know where that’s come from but he just shakes his head and comes closer towards him. “Aaron of course I won’t.”

Aaron blinks, tears in his eyes and he looks like he hates himself suddenly. “People don’t stay with me.” He shrugs and Robert has a hand against his waist within seconds, his forehead weighted against Aaron’s.

“People don’t forgive me.” He says, and he pulls away again at the realisation of his words. He feels rigid against his feelings before Aaron frowns at him.

“I do.” Aaron says, like it’s obvious. “I forgive ya, I thought last night proved that you idiot.”

Robert’s bright red against it and then he sighs. “Yeah well I thought last night proved that I wanted to stick around? Of course I’m staying with you idiot.” He says back and Aaron just smiles gently.

He looks so lost in Robert that it’s scary and then he holds at his hand and walks them towards the stairs. 

“I’ll help you find your shirt.” He says as they get up the stairs. “It must be around here somewhere.”

“We could always try the shower?”

Aaron rolls his eyes. “You and that bloody shower.” He laughs and Robert can’t help how happy he feels.

He doesn’t want to leave but he does, presses a kiss to Aaron’s mouth on the landing and walks down to hug at Gabriel.

“I’ll ring you later.” Robert whispers as the door opens and Aaron nods.

“You better.” He whispers, eyes flickering again as he holds Gabriel over his shoulders and waves.

Robert waves back and Matty just smirks.

“Anything you want to say?” Robert dares to say once Aaron’s shut the door. He frowns a little and Matty straightens his back.

“Nothing at all.” He says and Ed’s not standing next to him, there’s some woman there he’s never seen before. He’s glad. 

“Keep it that way.” Robert says, nods and walks towards the car where Nicola decides that he took half an hour and he argues with her all the way home that he was only ‘ten minutes.

 

—

 

“Lucy Appleton.” Nicola’s got her picture out on the table and she taps it with her pen. She’s got pale skin, dark bags underneath her eyes and this scary look about her. She looks vulnerable too which just adds to the whole enigma. “We tracked her down, Simon’s little plaything.”

“And?” Robert asks, and Nicola sighs.

“And she admitted what she did. She’s been charged with criminal damage, let out on bail.”

Robert doesn’t know what to think, all he knows is that he’s flipping angry about the way Nicola seems so unbothered by it.

“And that’s it?”

Nicola rolls her eyes. “Did you reckon she’d get burnt at the stake?” And no he didn’t but he expected something more at least. “Look, she didn’t know who Simon was really. He’d twisted things, said Aaron was some psycho who’d taken his son off him. I’m not defending her but what can we do?” She shrugs and then walks towards the coffee machine. “Anyways, shouldn’t you be telling me about Aaron?”

He looks awkwardly at her and she rolls her eyes. “What do you want to know?”

“His favourite colour.” She deadpans. “If he’s willing to testify?”

And Robert doesn’t have an answer because he didn’t ask him. He didn’t want to push and he tells Nicola as much but she isn’t impressed with him whatsoever, apparently it’s his job.

“And look where my job got me last time.” Robert explains, waves a hand out as he speaks and Nicola switches the coffee machine off and turns to him.

“Listen sunshine.” Her eyes are all beady suddenly. “It sounds a lot like you’re putting you and Aaron before the case and I didn’t agree to keep that hidden from Lawrence.” Robert frowns at her and goes to speak. “No. You and Aaron can fiddle about all you like just as long as he ends up testifying in the end.”

“I don’t see that happening.”

“I do.” Nicola says, sips at her coffee and then smiles. “You better prove me right.”

And that pressure is exactly what he wants to have on his shoulders isn’t it?

 

—

 

He bumps into Harriet on the way out of the office and he hasn’t seen her in ages. She’s coming out of Lawrence office with a scowl on her face and he nods to get her attention.

“You alright?” Robert says. “Has he been given you a hard time?”

Harriet rolls her eyes. “More like the run around.” She crosses her arms over. “We’re not any closer to finding Simon and he thinks that I should be trying harder. Like it’s down to me.”

Robert raises an eyebrow at her. “He has a habit of doing that.” He shakes his head and sighs harshly. “So are we — we’re not any close then?” It sort of terrifies him, the thought of not one single thing changing. He’s meant to be helpful. Maybe it shows because she leans a little closer and squeezes his arm.

“We’ll get to it.” Harriet says. “He’s just a thug isn’t he? It’s not like he’s got criminal links we haven’t thought about yet is it?”

And that’s a point, he’s just a dumb flipping fool isn’t he? They’ll get to him.

 

—

 

The work seems to pile up and Robert is more than convinced that it has something to do with those days he spent with Aaron. Word has probably got back to Lawrence and that’s why he’s stuck in this pokey office so late.

There’s really not any other reason is there? Someone’s found out and grassed and Lawrence is just trying to be all cold and calculating about his approach.

He’s been trying to avoid him as much as humanely possible because they still haven’t got Aaron on board to testify. But it doesn’t even _matter_ all that much considering he’s still on the run.

It’s late by the time he’s finally clocked off and Aaron’s place is in sight. He breathes a sigh of relief when he sees him through the window waving at him with Gabriel on his hip. They look happy to see him and he’s missed them considering it’s been four days without hardly any sort of contact whatsoever. It’s hurt, not being with him, he knows exactly why as well doesn’t he? There’s no way he can escape it now.

Aaron’s arms wrap tight around him as soon as he comes through the door, he feels his warm hands around the back of his neck and Aaron’s smell and he shuts his eyes against it. “Missed ya.” Aaron whispers and Robert has almost completely forgot about how angry Aaron once was with him, it’s a distant memory, he’s the softest bloke in the world.

He only lets go when Robert kisses at his head and then smiles because Aaron’s wearing a bloody Christmas jumper isn’t he? It’s got red balls balls on it and a massive Christmas tree in the middle and it makes Robert smile something rotten.

“Is that what I think it is?” He asks. “Aaron Dingle in a Christmas jumper.”

Aaron rolls his eyes. “I never said I hated Christmas.” He says, and Robert nods his head like he agrees with him. He bloody doesn’t.

“Where’s Gabriel?” Robert says as Aaron walks with him into the kitchen and he starts de-layering because it’s way too warm in here now. Only Aaron doesn’t answer him or anything. He just looks down and then sighs.

“He’s sleeping.”

“Sleeping? It’s a bit early for him.”

Aaron shrugs. “He was tried.” He says, “You had anything to eat? I could make something.”

Robert nods, sits down on the stool and watches as Aaron starts pottering away. He ends up making spaghetti and Robert’s thankful it’s not anything too adventurous as he shuffles on the stool.

“Any updates on the case?” Aaron says as he looks up and then bites his lip. “I mean I know you’re not allowed but —“

“There’s nothing to say.” Robert whispers, and he’s ashamed, he really is. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

Aaron just stops stirring and frowns at him. “Hey don’t — don’t do that.”

“We’re meant to be finding him aren’t we? Not just running about doing — not doing anything at all really.” Robert sighs, blinks awkwardly as he looks up. “I feel useless once again.”

Aaron’s hand squeezes against Robert’s neck and then he gulps. “You’re doing all ya can.” He says. “I know that, so does Gabriel.” He squeezes his neck again and Robert looks up, catches Aaron’s mouth and holds him close as he kisses and kisses until the pan spills over and Aaron’s scrambling to save it.

 

—

 

“Are you sure Gabriel doesn’t want anything to eat?” Robert says, his fork sliding through the spaghetti and the other hand clasped around a beer. He doesn’t quite catch Aaron’s face until he hears a sigh and he raises his head. “What’s happened?”

Aaron shakes his head, eyes flickering a little. “We had ... words.”

“He’s five.”

“Yeah and he can speak a lot you know. He can never shut his gob sometimes.” Aaron has a hand across his face and he sighs hard.

“Gabriel found a picture of me with my mum and cousins and everything _years_ ago.” Aaron rolls his eyes. “He wanted to know about them, why we can’t go and spend Christmas with them.” He gulps hard and Robert sighs, soft and sincere and enough to make Aaron look up at him.

“I know you can hardly tell him the truth but —“

“I just told him that we couldn’t see them.” Aaron says, like he’s reflecting on it. “His little face.” He whispers. “I’m failing him aren’t I?”

Robert reaches out and holds at Aaron’s hand before shaking his head seriously. “ _Never_.” He says. “You’ve done amazing, you were this young kid who had to look after a little baby and you’ve raised an absolute star.”

Aaron looks at him strangely, looks like everything is sinking in and then he gulps hard, strokes the hand Robert has over his.

“A star? More like a terror.”

Robert pulls a face. “Yeah well he gets that from you doesn’t he?” He jokes, and it gets Aaron smiling for the first time. It makes Robert feel _light_. “You know we’re going to be okay you know.”

“We?” And Aaron’s got all the questions today doesn’t he?

Robert nods, leans forward and kisses his temple. “Unless you decide to throw me out again.” He says, smile clear on his face as he pulls away and Aaron scoffs.

“I think I’m done with doing that.” He says, “I’m also done with ... with making Gabriel miss out on anything. Not ever again.” Aaron looks all seriously suddenly and Robert doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about.

Aaron leans away again, rubs a hand right across his face and twirls his fork around the plate like he hasn’t just said something utterly vague and left it hanging in the air. 

“Are you going to elaborate on that?”

Aaron slowly puts down his fork and gulps. “I’ve been thinking a lot, without you here.” He says and Robert nods.

“Okay then.”

“About Christmas, about missing my lot and — and then Gabriel kicked off today and I decided that if you find Simon —“

“When.” Robert says, rubs Aaron’s arm softly.

“I’m going to testify against him.”

Robert’s heart thuds in his chest and his eyes widen. “Are you serious?” He asks and Aaron nods nervously.

“I’m done with putting my life on hold for that scumbag. I want it all back. I want to — to move forward.”

It swirls around them and Robert doesn’t know what to do with himself.

“Yeah?” Robert whispers, like he’s trying to get reassurance, confirmation.

Aaron smiles faintly. “I want him behind bars and I want to move on with my life. I want my whole family back.” He’s got tears in his eyes. “Will ya help me do that?”

And Robert doesn’t even need to be asked does he, he just nods and wraps his arms right around Aaron.

It’s relief flowing through him as Aaron grips on and holds him tightly, hands like paws gripping him close and not wanting to let go.

Robert leans away a little and shudders. “You don’t even _need_ to ask me that.” He says softly and then he feels strength from nowhere, this bravery. It makes him open his mouth to speak. “Aaron I —“

His phone rings and cuts him off completely, he pulls a face against it and then sees that it’s from the office. It could be important, _could_. So he answers it and wishes he hadn’t as soon as he hears Lawrence’s voice down the line. 

“Where have you gone?”

“Home.” Robert lies. “Is that a —“

“There’s still filing for you to be getting on with.”

Only it’s nearly nine and he’s been in since eight. 

“But I —“

“Unless you’re up to something else. We could always talk about that couldn’t we?” And he’s a smarmy flipping git isn’t he? He makes Robert’s blood boil as he stares towards the floor and just has to agree to whatever he wants.

When he hangs up, Aaron’s looking all concerned and worried and Robert doesn’t want him to have to think about _Lawrence_ for any longer than is necessary to be honest. 

“Go on. Does he want you back in work or something?” Aaron asks, Robert nods his head a little and walks back into the kitchen where he’s got half his dinner left and his coat hanging off the seat. He picks it up and walks back towards the hallway where Aaron’s frowning. “He can’t do that.”

“He can. Considering I think he knows about me and you.”

“What about me and you?” Aaron scowls, and Robert just pulls this face as he tilts his head and Aaron looks all flustered and bothered suddenly. “Well that’s got _nothin_ ’ to do with him has it?”

Robert sighs. “It goes against my job Aaron.” He pulls his coat on. “What we’re doing could rightfully get me in trouble and he knows that so —“

“He’s holding you over some barrel then.” Aaron has his arms folded and he tuts. “Probably just jealous.” He says, bites his lip a little as Robert smiles faintly.

“Yeah. He’s always had a thing for young blondes I think.” He says and Aaron leans closer, he has a hand melted against Robert’s waist and he smiles this beautiful smile.

“Shame I do too then eh.” He says, voice like gravel all of a sudden. “Although, less of the young mind.”

It makes Robert shake his head against him and then Aaron’s right up towards his face and kissing him on the lips gently. It takes over a little and Robert finds Aaron’s hands travelling up his jumper, stroking his bare stomach and then his chest and Robert finds willpower from somewhere as he pulls away from him.

“I have to go.”

Aaron rolls his eyes, ignores him and kisses at Robert’s neck.

“Aaron ...”

He kisses Robert’s neck deeper and it makes the older man hiss.

“And I have to have you.” Aaron whispers, throat sounding heavy and needing as he pushes against Robert. 

Robert’s eyes close around him before Gabriel’s little feet surround them and Aaron goes from one sexy bloke to a cute daddy in about three seconds as he pulls away and rubs a hand across his mouth and blinks out quickly.

“Gabriel.” Aaron says, “Mate why don’t you go up to bed again.”

Gabriel’s got his blue blanket falling against the landing floor as he stands at the top of the stairs and suddenly there’s a scowl on his face that looks exactly like Aaron’s. He has his arms folded too. “I want milk.” 

Aaron just nods, leaps towards the kitchen and sets about getting Gabriel’s special mug out. He’s back within record timing and he smiles faintly as his little boy comes down the stairs and practically yanks it out of Aaron’s hand.

“Uh _Gabe_.” Aaron says, “Don’t be so —“

But Gabriel turns again before Aaron can say anything else, he’s marching up the stairs and Aaron sighs hard as he goes.

“He’s proper upset then.” Aaron says heavily, shakes his head. 

Robert kisses his head gently and smiles. “Go and talk to him, don’t promise anything but — put him at ease a little yeah?” And Aaron nods at him, smiles a little. 

“Yeah okay.” He whispers, “You’ll ring me later though yeah?” 

“Course I will.” Robert says, “We need to schedule in a little bit of me and you time I reckon.” He rolls his hips a little and Aaron leans in to kiss him but Robert turns his head and he’s met with just his cheek. He gasps playfully and Robert just smirks. “Later.” He promises as he leaves.

 


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert is smug until an arrival causes him to rethink everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter yay, hope you enjoy it.

 

Lawrence calls him in the next day, he sits him down and Nicola’s there too with this look on her face which is basically unreadable and they just keep staring right at him.

“Is there —“

“How are you doing?” Nicola asks, leans his way and Robert nearly flys out of his seat at her words. Lawrence interjects and looks at Robert.

“The last thing we’d want is for you to be have to stand down from the case for your own mental wellbeing.” 

And he genuinely feels like he’s entered a parallel universe or something. “What are you on about?”

“Harriet. She said that you were quite upset yesterday, asking her questions about the case.” And yeah he did but he was hardly flipping hysterical was he? They’re talking absolute bollocks and he can’t help but blame Lawrence. 

“Can you give us a minute?” Robert looks towards Nicola and she gets up with a sigh, walks slowly towards the door as Lawrence leans back on his chair.

“So you want me off the case then?” Robert asks, “Why would that be?”

“Because you’re turning into a liability.” It’s almost like Lawrence knows where to really stick it, twist everything and become Jack Sugden. It’s unnerving.

“I find that hard to believe.”

“You do? Why would that be then?”

Robert shakes his head and the anger practically seeps out of him. “Because Aaron only told me yesterday that he’s going to testify against Simon.” He feels triumphant as a massive O forms on Lawrence’s face. He can’t bloody believe it.

“You’re sure?”

And Robert knows he shouldn’t have really said anything, he was planning on going round to Aaron’s and sitting him down and checking one last time before he said anything to anyone. His pride has put him here hasn’t it?

He nods slowly. “Yeah. I’m sure.” He says, stands quickly as Lawrence stares at him. “So if you don’t mind me, I’m going to go and speak to him about what exactly is going to happen when we find Simon. I’m sure I can leave that part to you though, right?”

Lawrence grimaces and then waves a hand out. “Yes. Go.”

“Thanks boss.” It’s a dig and he smiles as he opens the door and sees Nicola presses up against the door with big wide eyes.

“Is it true?”

Robert nods. 

“He must really adore ya if he’s willing —“

“It’s not for _me_. It’s for him and Gabriel. He doesn’t want to run anymore and I don’t blame him.” Robert explains, hands in his pockets as he sighs.

Nicola pulls a face. “I suppose.” She says and Robert looks beyond her towards the door. “Oh go on, go back to lover boy then.”

Lover boy.

It makes Robert smile.

 

—

 

His lover boy invites him in with a nervous smile on his face and kisses his cheek as he passes into the kitchen.

“How you doing?” Robert asks, pulls his coat off and rests it against the chair. Aaron nods at him and rubs a hand across his neck. 

“Alright.” He says, shrugs a little as he looks at the picture of him and Gabriel on the fridge. “Gabriel’s not so upset anymore which is good. I sort of told him I’d fix it, that you’d help.” He winces a little. “I shouldn’t have should I?”

Robert jumps towards him, squeezes his arm. “No. It’s fine. I’m happy with being the superhero.” He says and Aaron smiles faintly at him. “Are you — are you sure about what you said yesterday?”

Aaron frowns a little.

“About testifying?”

Aaron gulps hard. “I’ve never been more serious about anything. I have to do this.”

“And it’s not me forcing ya is it?”

Aaron shakes his head slowly. “I’ve already told ya.”

“Yeah I know you have but — you know how it might look.” Robert says awkwardly and that’s always this idea at the back of his head isn’t it? That idea of forcing him into doing anything at all.

“I don’t really care.” Aaron shrugs. “I really don’t.”

“You should.” Robert doesn’t know how to stop himself really, all that insecurity just spills out and Aaron rolls his head.

“I should also eat more greens shouldn’t I but I don’t.” Aaron raises an eyebrow and Robert just lets it go, he lets the feeling slide over him as he leans in and kisses Aaron hard on the mouth.

He kisses him and kisses him until there’s a hand against Aaron’s waist and he gulps hard. “Gabriel’s only upstairs.”

Robert leans away and nods. “Sorry.” He says, makes a point of raising his eyebrow and sliding a hand against Aaron’s waist. “It’s just been a long day.”

Aaron scoffs. “It’s half two.”

Robert frowns a little and sighs. “Yeah well Nicola said I could come see you so.”

“She your boss now?”

“No.” Robert’s quick to say. “You could be mine though?”

Aaron wriggles an eyebrow and blushes deeply. “Go take a shower, chill out a bit and then we’ll see if Gabriel needs an afternoon nap soon.”

It makes Robert almost run up the stairs.

 

—

 

Gabriel’s swinging his legs about and has his head’s stuck in a book when Robert walks past his door and stops to see him.

“Hey squirt?” Robert says, hand in his pocket as Gabriel looks at him and pouts. “Hey, you okay?”

He doesn’t look that okay, he looks worried more than anything else and Robert thinks about the fact that he really is Aaron’s son. He’s got all his anxiousness hasn’t he?

Robert walks into the room and kneels by the bed. Gabriel’s usually always happy to see him and so this is new, this makes Robert feel hollow. He leans across towards Gabriel and tilts his head a little.

“Micheal goes to the moon?” Robert reads the title of the book Gabriel’s holding up with his little hands and then Gabriel slowly puts it down and looks at Robert.

“Where did you go?” Gabriel asks, worry in his voice as Robert frowns. “You were here and then — then daddy said you were busy at work again.” He says quickly.

“I was just working buddy.” Robert feels his heart almost double in size and then shrink a little as he sees Gabriel’s worried face. “And daddy was — your daddy was just looking out for you, like he always does.”

Gabriel sits up in the bed. “He said he’d fix everything and you’d help him fix it all.”

Robert’s eyes flicker and he’s not sure what he’s supposed to feel about all the responsibility he feels but he can’t hide away from it at all can he? He just has to live with it, suck it up.

“And he’s not wrong. He never is, your daddy.” Robert leans closer to him, strokes a hand through Gabriel’s curly hair. “You don’t worry about a thing.” 

And Gabriel lets out the smallest smile but Robert holds into it, squeezes Gabriel’s hand.

 

—

 

The shower works wonders he didn’t know it would and his hair is wet and loose against his hands as he looks in the mirror and sees himself.

For the first time in weeks he doesn’t really hate himself, instead he feels this massive the weight of responsibility on his shoulders and it makes him want to do good, it makes him want to be someone. 

It makes him want to have something he can say he’s worked hard for.

The feeling runs through him as he comes down the stairs with joggers on and the distinct lack of shirt just to get Aaron a little bit more in the mood really. He doesn’t even really care about the officers outside, Matty will probably give him that knowing look as per usual but he’ll handle it.

What he can’t really handle is the sight of Aaron’s mum standing in the living room looking utterly horrified by his sheer presence. That’s something that really knocks him for six.

Naturally Robert tries to run as fast as he can but it’s clear he’s interrupted whatever Aaron’s been trying to say and he also isn’t invisible so there’s no need to pretend like he hasn’t been seen.

He has.

And Aaron looks like he wants the ground to literally reach up and drag him right back down again without a second thought. Instead of that though, he moves his body towards Robert and suddenly chucks him a jumper he’s found buried in the sofa.

“You’ve got to be kidding.” Chas scowls, she shakes her head and has a finger pointed out and she just won’t stop looking like she wants Robert dead as he fumbles about with the jumper until it’s finally on. 

“Mum. I can explain everything.” Aaron says, leans his hands out as she scowls at Robert with all she can.

“What’s there to explain?” Chas hisses, turns back to her son. “Unless there’s any other reason why this spineless twat is half naked in your safe house!”

Robert holds his hands up suddenly. “I’m — I just had a shower.”

Chas scoffs as looks towards her son. Aaron’s looks down, starts playing with his hands and then he blows out a breath.

“I won’t deny him mum.”

Chas’ eyes flicker a little. “How noble of ya.” She says. “You couldn’t possibly deny the person who ripped out your heart and _stamped_ on it for his _job_.”

Robert decides he can hardly just stand there like a lemon. “It wasn’t like that.”

Chas’ head spins towards him. “Oh I think it bloody was. I was the one hearing my boy crying down the phone to me ‘cause of why you’d done to him.”

That makes Robert’s heart break a little.

“Mum!” Aaron whispers, walks towards her but she just points a hand out and waves it in his face.

“You’re still seeing him? You’re — you’re sleeping with the bloke who —“

Aaron winces against her words.

“Did you ever even _stop_?”

Aaron gulps hard. “I gave him hell.” He says darkly but she’s not impressed.

“Well not enough! Clearly.”

“I tried to — I really tried to but I couldn’t.” Aaron whispers, and Robert almost feels like he shouldn’t be witnessing the exchange. Aaron’s voice clearly breaks and Robert winces against it completely.

“He already meant too much to me.”

Chas just shakes her head and there’s a hand against her waist as she stands there. “I told you this would happen.” She whispers, “When I saw him that night with you, going into your house.”

Aaron’s eyes flicker. “I couldn’t —“

“You should be putting Gabriel first. Not your feelings for this —“

Only that manages to make Aaron completely _explode_ with anger doesn’t it? His face is bright red and he shakes his head as he leans towards her.

“That’s why I’m testifying! For him. So that he can get a family back!” He shouts and a scowl forms on his face. “Don’t even try and say that —“

“Wonder who put you up to that.” Chas hisses, she looks between her son and Robert and then shakes her head quickly.

Robert knew this was coming and he raises his hand up again. “Listen I don’t blame you for thinking I was the one who put him up to it but I really didn’t. He’s doing this for Gabriel. It’s — it’s going to be for the best. I promise.”

Aaron nods against Robert’s words like he’s believing everything he’s heard and that makes Robert feel a little better. He feels like Aaron genuinely believes him, is standing against him even in the face of his mum. 

“You’re just manipulating everything aren’t you?” Chas says, and yeah she’s got every single right to hate him but she at least needs to try and listen to her son.

“Aaron, he’s got under your skin so badly. You can’t even _realise_ it.” She waves a hand up and Aaron pulls a face.

“I’m not a kid anymore. I can make my own decisions.”

“And testifying against that piece of _scum_ is your decision is it?”

Aaron nods, and Robert feels proud of him. He feels so proud of him.

“And what else? Being with him?” Chas pulls this disgusted face as she looks at Robert and there’s this massive pause because they’ve not even spoken about being _together_ properly have they? 

It’s always a thought for after all this is over.

“Yeah.” Aaron whispers, bounces one leg awkwardly as he speaks and Robert’s heart flutters.

“You can’t trust him love.” She sounds desperate now and Robert pretends like that doesn’t hurt as he stands by the door and looks awkwardly towards the floor. Aaron’s head is down, and he doesn’t say anything as she speaks. “You know I’m right.”

“Why don’t you just go if you’re going to be like this. You’ll hate it when you find out I’m going back to teaching in a couple of days as well so —“

To say that Chastity flys off the handle is perhaps quite the understatement and apparently it’s all Robert’s fault. Somehow he’s manipulated Aaron into being like this and she obviously hates him with all her heart. He still can’t find it in him to even try and say it’s unfair.

“You’ve _completely_ been brainwashed by him.” Chas’ hands are flying everywhere as she speaks and Robert just backs away a little as he hears her lose it. “You _can’t_ go back _there_. How is that even —“

Robert sees the panic across her face, she looks like she’s petrified and his heart goes out to her. “Because I’ll be there too.” He hasn’t even discussed this with anyone but he’ll go back to teaching at the school if it means it keeps Aaron protected. “And we’ll have the team around the school as well, monitoring. Nothing bad will happen, I won’t let it.”

Chas just looks at him like she’s stunned.

“Mum he cares.” Aaron whispers, he’s got the sleeves of his jumper around his hand and he looks desperate. “Please don’t —“

And for a second, Robert thinks he’s won her over but she only shakes her head and looks even angrier.

“How do you know this isn’t a trick?” Chas turns her back on Robert completely and looks at her son. “Hmm? That he won’t just keep holding your hand right until you’re testifying in court and then poof!” She waves a hand out again. “He disappears. Because that’s what will happen love.

She’s so certain and Aaron’s face falls a little as he hears her. Robert can still see him. Aaron even looks across towards him, just keeps staring right at him and Robert shakes his head slowly. He needs him to know that he’s in this for real.

He always has been really. 

“It — he wouldn’t —“

“Chas. I really —“

“Shut up!” She says without even looking in his direction, she leans a little towards her son and then shakes her head. “You don’t know that for sure do you? Because deep down you know you don’t trust him. You can’t. Not someone like _that_.”

And Aaron stays silent for way too long.

 

—

 

Robert’s sitting outside in the garden with a blanket over his lap and his teeth still chattering against the cold. He decided to leave them to it after Aaron kept staring at him over his shoulder wordlessly and that was all he needed really.

It was enough to make him disappear. He’s glad he did because Chas looked like she was ready to kill him and with Gabriel only upstairs that wouldn’t have been ideal. 

“You like the cold or something?” Aaron’s voice fills the cold air suddenly and Robert almost can’t look up at him so he doesn’t. Instead he just looks towards the trees and waits because he knows that Aaron’s about to say something else. “You can come back in you know, she’s — she’s gone.”

“Did she finally lose her voice then?”

Aaron scoffs, hands deep in his pockets. “Very funny.” He says before he slowly sits down next to Robert.

“None of that was funny.” Robert says, almost deadpans only Aaron just frowns at him like he doesn’t understand.

“What exactly did you expect?” Aaron says, “She’s never going to be your biggest fan.”

“Yeah I know that. And rightly so I suppose.”

Aaron’s eyes flicker and then he leans closer towards Robert. “So why am I sensing a but?”

And Robert contemplates just shutting his mouth and kissing Aaron and leaving and going to bed with his thoughts, not bothering Aaron with it. But then he thinks, properly thinks about it and he blows out a breath.

“But she was right wasn’t she? You don’t trust me not to do what she thinks I’m doing.”

Aaron’s mouth just falls open a little and he gulps against the way Robert looks at him. He doesn’t say anything and then he does. He finally shakes his head.

“She’s not right. I don’t believe her — I believe — _you_. I believe you.” Aaron rubs a hand right through his hair and looks frustrated. “I thought we’ve been through this.”

“I saw your face.” Robert says, eyes flickering as he looks right at Aaron. “I saw your face Aaron. You instantly — you doubt me.”

It’s gutting, it hurts more than Robert thought it would be.

“I don’t.” Aaron says, a frown forming on his face. “What she said just —“

“Made you realise what you’ve been trying to forget.”

Aaron stands suddenly and turns his back on Robert. “I don’t believe this.”

“You believe her though don’t ya?”

“Would you even fucking blame me?” 

And there, it pulls and tugs and makes Robert look away from him suddenly. He can’t bring himself to even try and pretend like Aaron’s not breaking him. 

Eventually he gulps hard and shakes his head. “No. I wouldn’t. I don’t.”

“How good of ya.” Aaron says, and he shakes his head a little. “Do you know how hard that was for me? To hear my mum try and —“

“Drip poison in your ear.”

“She’s protecting me.” Aaron shrugs, chest out as he scowls and shakes his head. “Properly.”

“Is that meant to be a dig at me?” 

“Not _everything_ is about you and your insecurities!” 

Robert winces against the way Aaron shouts at him, it travels right through him and he bites back. “No. It’s about yours isn’t it?” Aaron goes to speak but Robert sighs. “But I’m not who your mum thinks I am. I’m not.”

Aaron chews at his lip, and he’s got tears swelling in his eyes as he looks at Robert and then looks away again. “Not anymore?” He says and Robert goes to speak but he waves a hand out. “I know that. I do — I know that.”

Robert jumps to one side and then shudders. “Really? Do ya?”

Aaron gulps hard, tears now spilling down his face. “Of course I do you idiot. I could have — could have told you to leave as soon as I heard what she had to say but I told _her_ to go. Doesn’t that prove it?”

And Robert’s calmed himself down a considerable amount now, he’s starting to realise that Chas really has gone and he’s here freezing himself in the garden.

Robert looks down. “I don’t blame ya for —“

Only Aaron leans closer towards him and has a hand against Robert’s suddenly. “I trust ya.” He says. “Come here.” He has his mouth against Robert’s and kisses him, smiles faintly as he pulls away. “Believe me now?”

Robert’s heart thaws. “Yeah.” He whispers, hands squeezing against Aaron’s.

 

—

 

Robert rubs a hand against Aaron’s chest and breathes out steadily as Aaron plays with his hands. They’re not exactly still breathless but Robert still feels his heart racing as Aaron smiles up at him.

“You know I really — I’m sorry about my mum.” Aaron’s eyes flicker and his voice is like gravel as he turns and his chin settles down on Robert’s chest.

Robert shrugs slightly. “It’s hardly your fault that she hates me is it?”

Aaron’s eyes glass over and he’s silent for a second before he blinks and Robert stops touching him, looks into his eyes instead. “I rang her the night that — you told me. I was in bits.” He frowns slightly. “I didn’t used to tell her things about my so called love life so yeah she was pretty ... overbearing with it.” He’a reflecting. “Considering how quickly I got over Alex. She didn’t expect me to be like that.”

Robert slowly strokes at Aaron’s cheek. “You don’t have to explain.”

“I do.” Aaron stresses, blinks quickly. “Because you were upset. I didn’t want ya upset like that.”

Robert feels like he’s going to say something he shouldn’t, like his emotions are going to get the better of him so he shakes his head and tilts his hips up suggestively. “Yeah well I think you made up for it don’t you?”

Aaron has a hand on Robert’s chest, presses lightly. “ _Rob_ , I’m trying to be serious here.” Robert gulps and then his eyes flicker. “I’m not going to lie, you still scare me. What I feel, what this is, it’s scary. Really scary.” His eyes are glassy again. “I can’t say I won’t doubt ya, because —“

“Of what I did, I know.”

Aaron holds Robert’s cheek and it’s so tender that the older man nearly _melts_.“Not only that. I’ve got my own stuff. My own issues that get in the way of things.” He blinks. “But I don’t want it getting in the way of this. I really don’t.”

Robert feels his worry radiate through him, hit his heart, and he wants to hold Aaron forget when he’s like this. He really does. 

“It’s okay Aaron.”

“It’s not.”

“Well it will be okay?” Robert leans forehead and smiles faintly, wriggles his nose against Aaron’s as he speaks. “We’ll come out the over side of this. We’ll be happy.”

“I am now.” Aaron says, he looks serious as he strokes Robert’s cheek and smiles. “I really am.”

It makes Robert’s heart double in size.

“Well, good.” He whispers gently, kisses Aaron hard on the mouth and then looks back. “I mean it though, we’ll get through this.”

Aaron gulps. “But I don’t want you getting in trouble over this. You said you’d come back to _work_ for me and I —“

“Hey. Hey I — don’t get worked up over it. I’m going to keep you safe. You and Gabriel.”

Aaron frowns, holds onto Robert’s arm. “Yeah?” Robert nods quickly. “And who keeps you safe?”

Robert thinks about it for maybe two seconds before he shrugs. He doesn’t care, and it’s new and strange and scares him a little bit he can’t help it or how he feels. Not even slightly. 

“You don’t have to worry about me.”

“I do.” Aaron says quickly. “I can’t help it and you — God you have to keep safe ‘cause I couldn’t —“

“Don’t worry. It’s all going to be fine.” Robert says, scoops Aaron up and the younger man softens around him almost completely as he holds onto his arm and kisses his neck lightly.

“You can’t promise that.”

“Yeah but I am so ... deal with it.”

Aaron scoffs, and he starts laughing and it’s the best sound in the world.

It overtakes the sound of a camera clicking against the breeze outside. Again. Once again. They miss the smirk.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you liked it, there’s one more chapter to go which is setting the scene for ... drama!!


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron goes back to work and him and Robert try enjoying their time together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It feels like it’s been forever, happy reading!

 

 

The sky is this dark black colour when Robert opens his eyes against it and tries to adjust himself to his surroundings without falling back to sleep. The thought of seeing Aaron seems to get him out of bed though and it’s not for the first time either.

He reaches over the bed and sees his phone flashing over and over again. Aaron’s goofy face fills the screen and Robert smiles before answering it with a croaky voice.

“I haven’t woken you up have I?” Aaron whispers down the line and Robert’s still got a smile on his face as he listens to him. 

“No it’s okay.” Robert sits up on his bed and rubs a hand across his face. “Is anything wrong?”

“No I just — I’ve just been missing you like an idiot.”

Robert’s smile only gets wider and he rests his head against the headboard and lets out a soft sigh. It’s been the grand total of two days and yet he’s been missing him to. It’s not like he’s wanted to avoid him or anything but Chas had been around almost just on purpose and Robert knows better than to cross her again. 

“I sort of — I was worried that she’d had really turned ya against me.”

Aaron sighs and Robert feels awkward as he covers old ground and waits for Aaron to say something.

“That couldn’t happen.” Aaron says.

“No?”

“Not with Gabriel complaining about you not being here. He wants you to help with his reading.” 

“Of course he does. He loves me.” Robert grins a little as he sits up and starts playing with the thread on his sheets. 

“He’s not the only one.”

And that just hangs in the air doesn’t it? Robert’s mouth is wide open as he waits for Aaron to start speaking again, say something. Anything. Because —

“Anyway I —“ Aaron flaps, he fucking flaps about and Robert turns bright red doesn’t he? He just sits on his bed surrounded by his awkwardness until Aaron speaks again. “I’m going back to Elmhurst tomorrow. You still up for it then?”

He’s speaking like he’s asking him out for a pint.

“I said I’m coming back and I am.” Robert says, breathes heavily. “Aaron I —“

“I should be going actually.” Aaron says, “I can — I might come around later if my mum’s still here doing my head in. Or not I — I don’t know —“

“Of course you can.”

“Good.”

“Good.”

There’s an awkwardness still there and Robert can’t handle it, he goes to speak but then Aaron shouts Gabriel’s name and the phone is dead.

 

—

 

He emerges from his pit almost a whole hour later and doesn’t expect to see Nicola sitting on the kitchen table with a smile on her face.

“You came back late last night didn’t you?” And she suddenly reckons that she’s his mother or something, it makes his eyes flicker and he jumps at the sight of her.

He expected to be alone, he hasn’t spoken to anyone since he stopped speaking to Aaron and he —

He basically admitted to loving him.

Loving him.

Him and Gabriel love him.

“Sorry am I speaking to a piece of cardboard or —“

Robert feels his bones rattle and comes towards the partly opened window before turning to face her and blinking quickly.

“Oh God, what’s happened. Is Aaron —“

“He rang me, an hour ago.” Robert feels something rush through him as he twists at his lip and sees Nicola look at him with wide eyes. 

“Is he —“

“He sort of admitted that he loves me.” It’s almost too mad to be real and the thought rushes through his head as he sees Nicola’s face change. 

“Urgh.” Nicola stands, the chair scraps against the floor and then she walks towards the kitchen and starts peeling a tangerine like he’s just told her that the sky is blue. “Is that it?”

“Uh — _yeah_ that’s it.” Robert says heavily, “It’s —“

“Isn’t it good? I mean you love him too so —“

“How do you — how do you know that?” Robert says, and his cheeks redden as he thinks about it.

Nicola has a hand on her hip and the smell of the tangerine feels the air and makes Robert pulls a face.

“Are you going to tell me that you don’t?”

And of course he isn’t. He’s not an idiot. He’s loved Aaron for a very long time, he’s known it properly ever since he told him about Jack and he believed him, held him close. It’s a feeling that he’s properly never ever going to be able to get rid of isn’t it?

“Of course I’m not.” Robert says, and Nicola grins.

“I’ve never seen you in love before.” 

“Yeah. I don’t think it suits me.” Instead it makes him so crazy things, it makes him feel such deep misery and sadness and then so happy it’s almost unbelievable, all at the same time. He’s been in love before sure but not like this, not like _this_. 

“I do.” Nicola’s got this smug smile on her face and she pops a tangerine slice in her mouth before walking towards the door. “We’ve got a meeting in a couple of hours by the way, you should go and get ready.”

Robert nods along without even listening.

Aaron loves him.

 

—

 

The meeting consists of a group of officers and detectives getting together to talk about the investigation and Robert feels Ed’s eyes on him as soon as it all starts. He tries not to let it bother him, he shuffles a little on his seat and clears his throat and scratches his head but it doesn’t stop him feeling uncomfortable.

By the time it’s over, everyone is certain that any leads on Simon are going to be highlighted predominantly this week. They all think they’re going to get him. He’s praying they do.

It’s what he’s thinking about when he catches Lawrence leaving the meeting and waves a hand out. As soon as Lawrence turns around and clears his throat, Robert tries not to falter under it.

“Yes?”

“Aaron’s going back to teaching tomorrow and so am I.” 

Lawrence scoffs. “Are you now?”

“I am. He needs to be protected.” Robert says, “I don’t want it up for discussion sir.” He says and Lawrence raises an eyebrow. “If that’s possible.”

Lawrence comes in closer and frowns slightly. “What if Simon just turns up?” 

“Security.” Robert says. “And I’ll be —“

“Putting your neck on the line for someone who hates you.” Lawrence says, and Robert looks up to see Ed standing near the coffee machine, looking over and listening to the conversation. It makes Robert clear his throat.

“I’m just doing my job.” Robert says, and really he is. He’s protecting civilians, he just happens to love this one. “Regardless of —“

“ _Your_  feelings?” Lawrence says, voice low as he speaks and Robert’s eyes flicker as he sees Ed still watching them. 

“Yeah.” Robert whispers. “Regardless of that.” He shrugs awkwardly. “So is that —“

“I’ll be on the phone to the head, let her know you’re coming back. She’ll be _overjoyed_ I assume.” Lawrence says before turning away and walking out of the room so that Robert is now first to face with Ed who decides to start walking towards him. 

Marvellous.

“Hi.” Ed says, does this awkward thing with his nose before he speaks again. “I just want you to know that I’m not planning on telling Lawrence.”

And Robert decides to be a dick doesn’t he. “Tell him what?”

Ed pulls this face and raises an eyebrow. “About you and Aaron. Although according to you it should be the talk of the station by now?” It’s a dig that should get to him yet doesn’t. He’s still a dick at heart and he just sighs steadily because yeah he twisted the truth but he wanted Aaron, always has done and Ed was in the way of that. Or at least he thought he was.

“Look —“

“Matty and me won’t tell him you’re round their most days, _sleep_ over.”

“So why are you sounding so bitter then?”

“Because I confided in you when all along you were only after him yourself.” Ed says, a slight frown on your face. “Don’t you get that?”

Robert looks towards the ceiling and then looks down again. “It wasn’t anything personal.” He says. “Me and Aaron —“

Ed waves a hand out. “Are way too complicated and messy for me to even try to understand.” He says and yeah, it’s a fair point isn’t it?

Robert can only nod his head a little as Ed begins to walk away. 

“Just know I won’t say anything.”

And he’s not even sure why really. He asks and Ed shrugs his shoulders. 

“He’s a good bloke. He doesn’t deserve something else being ruined for him.”

Robert sighs steadily, because he’s a good bloke too isn’t he? 

 

—

 

The next day comes way too soon and Robert can’t help but feel a little nervous as he gets into the shower and starts washing at his hair.

He’s excited. He’s fucking excited to see the little brats again after a few weeks of not being around them properly. It makes a smile form on his face as he turns the shower off and walks towards his bed again to see that Aaron’s sent him a picture of Gabriel in his uniform.

‘ He’s all ready to go. ‘ 

Robert smiles gently and then taps at his phone to make the image look larger. Gabriel’s sticking his tongue out and the picture is a little out of focus because he’s jumping up and grinning. It makes Robert’s heart _melt_ and then he starts typing back. He says he looks adorable and Robert sees that Aaron sends back a wink. 

Something tingles through him as he pulls on his shirt and he doesn’t know what’s wrong with him.

He likes to call it the Aaron effect though.

 

—

 

The sound of screaming isn’t something that he’s necessarily missed really. It’s all he can hear when he slams the car shut and walks through the corridors. He remembers how terrified and nervous he was all those months ago and yet now he feels an odd sense of pride about it.

He likes it. 

It’s stupid but he likes this stupid pretend job he has. It makes him feel good.

He finds his feet practically racing towards Aaron’s classroom and something flutters in his heart as he sees Aaron standing there, back away from him as he fumbles around with sheets of paper. 

Of course he isn’t wearing a suit like Robert is but he’s got this cream jumper on that Robert’s never seen before an it makes his mouth fall open until Aaron’s looking around and smiling nervously at him.

“Feels weird this.” Aaron says, and Robert comes into the room and sits down against the desk. “I mean I know it’s not lectures I’ve got to prepare for but — I’ve not been doing this for a while.” He shrugs a little.

Robert smiles faintly. “It’ll be like riding a bike. I promise.” He says, and there’s a ghost of a hand hovering over Aaron’s waist. “You’ll be amazing.”

Aaron gulps hard, eyes wide as he looks up at Robert and then out towards the playground. There’s a black car, an undercover detective sitting in it with a police officer ready to ring in for back up at any given moment. Robert thinks it’s reassuring but Aaron just looks terrified. 

“Maybe I shouldn’t have come back.” Aaron says, and Robert rubs at his shoulder. 

“You’re going to be safe.” Robert whispers gently. “They’re there to keep you —“

“Or to remind me that Simon’s still out there.”

“Hey.” Robert says seriously. “Not for long okay?”

Aaron blows out a breath, still looking nervous as he lifts his head and feels Robert stroke his cheek. “Okay.” He says, like he’s trying to cope with it.

Robert smiles faintly and then steps away, resists the urge to kiss him because any kid could run by even though the day hasn’t properly started yet. 

“Good.” He says, and Aaron is staring at him when he looks up. “What?”

“You. You’re in a suit.” Aaron whispers, chews at his gum. “Reminds me of when I —“

“Spilt coffee down me? I could have killed ya.”

“Nah. I bet you were secretly pleased you’d run into me. Things could have been different if you hadn’t.”

It makes this smile draw across Robert’s face. “Yeah.” He says, like he’s really thinking about it and then there’s this dramatic knock on the door and Leyla’s there looking all smug.

“Oh wow. You two are finally back then.” And apparently it’s the talk of the staff room, she decides to fill them in on what they’ve missed and that includes her breaking up with Pete and him getting with the biology teacher Rhona. It all sounds messy but then them two both taking leave at the same time managed to overtake that and become gossip apparently.

Aaron looks awkwardly when she finally finishes speaking and dabs under her eyes with a tissue all dramatically. “I’m sure you’ll bounce back.” He says and Robert has to stop from laughing.

“Yeah.” She says and then gasps. “Oh you’re needed. That’s why I came looking for ya.” Robert frowns as she looks at him and then she’s mentioning Diane wanting a word and he inwardly groans against it.

 

—

 

Diane’s more menacing than he ever gave her credit for, he’ll gave her that. She keeps him waiting, practically on the edge of his seat as she types away and then finally looks up after nearly a full five minutes of silence.

“Robert. I see you’re back then.” She takes her glasses off slowly and then clears her throat as Robert nods slowly. “Under different circumstances this time I presume.”

Robert plays with his watch and then sighs. “It’s all about protecting Aaron — I mean —uh Liam — I —“

“A chap called Lawrence filled me in on Aaron’s lying.” Diane sounds tense and Robert worries.

“But you do know it was just to try and keep him and Gabriel safe?” Robert stresses the point, gulps hard as Diane states at him. “He didn’t mean to —“

“If the governors found out about any of this then —“

“They don’t have to.” Robert shrugs; he stresses the point like it’s that simple and she sighs at him. “Look, Simon’s going to get caught and all of this mess will be out the way.”

“And so will you I presume?”

Robert nods his head slowly. “Yeah I’ll be completely out of your way I swear.” Diane nods and he goes to get up but then she opens her mouth again and he’s frozen. 

“I hope you realise how much I’m sticking my neck out here for you and Aaron. If anything happens, I have so many children to think about.”

Robert leans forward. “Yeah I know.” He says quickly. “But everything is going to be fine.” He keeps saying that, maybe it’ll be true.

She nods at him once more and then looks towards the door.

“Well have a good first day back. The kid’s have missed you.” She says and he finds himself smiling at that.

 

—

 

They really have missed him. The door flys open when Robert goes to push at it and then suddenly there’s this massive banner near the wide board and all the kids bounce up.

His eyes are wide as he sees Gabriel waving his hands out, big grin on his face and Moses jumping behind him. Robert doesn’t know what to do as he sees them all waving happily, Kyle and Heath are literally twirling around and Robert can’t help but laugh at them.

“Alright kids, I’m —“

He looks to see the banner, it’s welcoming him back, it’s making him smile from ear to ear and he doesn’t know how his heart feels but it keeps beating in his chest until he feels someone tugging at his jeans and sees that it’s April.

“Are you back back?” She asks, voice light as she speaks and eyes wide and blue. He nods, gentle hands falling over her hair as he does so.

Because he doesn’t think he wants to be anywhere else. 

 

—

 

He gets to the end of the day somehow, he’s got a sticker on his cheek and something glittery matted in his hair and yet he doesn’t seem to care.

He’s made it to the end of the day and yeah they were excitable but only because he was there with them and they’d missed him. Apparently the supply _supply_ teacher Ms Shankley was a joke who wouldn’t let them draw when they wanted to. 

He’s wiping the board when he finds Aaron standing by the door, arms crossed and a relax smile on his face. It makes Robert turn around, his shoulders slumped a little.

“Good day?” Robert asks, and Aaron steps forward, looks up towards the banner that’s now lopsided and smiles.

“Looks like you did too.” Aaron has a hand in his pocket and he sits awkwardly on the table.

Robert blushes. “The kids did it.” He shrugs and then Aaron looks away slyly. “Did you —“

“April might have cornered me just before class.” Aaron shrugs. “She wanted help doing something nice for ya, I couldn’t say no.” He bites his lip awkwardly and then looks at Robert’s hair, wipes at the glitter and huffs. “What? You love it.”

“Yeah. Yeah I do.” Robert says, honest and sweet and something bouncing around in his chest. It makes Aaron smile, reach a hand out and bunch at Robert’s shirt. “Hey, you’re crumpling the shirt up.” He says, moans as Aaron smashes his lips against Robert’s.

“I’ll ironing it after we’re done.” He says, leans away and then forward again. Robert places a hand on his hip, leans in again and then someone gasps by the door and it has to be Leyla doesn’t it?

She’s got her eyes wide and unnecessary pink eyeshadow on and they just blink at her before Robert is moving towards the white board again and she’s smiling.

“You don’t have to pretend you know.” She says. “I know.” She points to her chest as Aaron runs a hand across his mouth awkwardly.

“Know what?”

“About you being on the run and him being —“

Robert’s head snaps up. He didn’t think she knew _that_. “How —“

“Who do you think schedules in appointments with Diane? That Lawrence bloke was hardly hiding his badge or anything.” Leyla speaks so flippantly, it’s a joke. “But anyway, I don’t care. You two seem happy enough so ...”

“Yeah well you can’t go around gossiping about any of this. You know that right?” Aaron says, he sounds panicked and Robert realises that it must be hard for him knowing that members of staff here could find out that he’s a liar. Friends of his. He thinks of Pete and sighs.

“Yeah. Of course I do.” Leyla says, eyes flickering now and then she turns to leave and manages to bump right into Pete on her way out. They stare at each other awkwardly until Pete bellows towards Aaron and asks him if he wants to grab a pint whilst Gabriel’s in after-school club. It gets Aaron looking across to Robert and the older man tenses a little.

“Uh — let me catch you up yeah?” Aaron’s saying, and him and Leyla disappear out the door whilst Robert looks at him. “It’s too risky right?”

Robert looks at the way Aaron is debating with himself and sighs. “You deserve a good time.”

“I can have that with you.” Aaron shrugs.

It makes Robert smile. “Without sex.”

“We can watch tv if you really want.” Aaron teases and Robert sighs before looking out the window. The police cars are still there but they’ll go as soon as Aaron leaves and they won’t be following him around all night. 

“I know you want to go, forget everything for a while.” Robert says and Aaron stays silent. “How about I just — I’ll wait outside this pub you’re on about.”

Aaron frowns. “What, have your hand hovering over the call for back up button?” He doesn’t look impressed and Robert rolls his eyes.

“It’s not how it works exactly but yeah.” He says. “And you can enjoy yourself. Ring your mum, I’m sure she’d have Gabriel if she knows you’re out with Pete and not me.”

Aaron pulls this face like he’s got a point and then he kisses him slowly. “I’ll just stay for one.” He says.

 

—

 

The car park is unusually busy for a Monday night and Robert watches as a couple of ladies walk in, a bloke eyeing them up in this unattractive way and making all men look like absolute trash. He shakes his head against it as he waits for Aaron to come out.

He’s clearly not just had the one drink because it’s nearly ten and Robert’s not exactly complaining but he’s starting to feel on edge considering everything that’s going on around them.

He knows today was a success, that not one bad thing happened and that’s good. But he also knows that there’s always something. That’s pretty much how his life tends to go and so he’s not going to be surprised if something bad happens. 

It sound morbid when he thinks about it. And then he doesn’t get the chance to dwell on it anymore because Aaron’s walking towards the car and he’s unlocking the door for him.

“Hello you.” Aaron says, and he’s not exactly drunk but he’s as pissed as Robert’s ever seen him. He can’t help but smile at him.

“You had a good night then?” Robert asks, a hand against Aaron’s thigh as he stares at him. Aaron nods, hiccups and then frowns.

“Can’t believe you waited out here all night for me.” He says, hand now against Robert’s cheek as he looks at him. “You’re the best man ever.” He whispers, and then he’s tugging at Robert’s tie and pulling him in for a kiss. 

“Woah, Aaron.” Robert says, laughing against how eager Aaron appears. It’s probably the alcohol but he’s not letting that stop the smile on his face.

It’s almost like everything between them is nothing but normal. Just — normal.

Aaron pulls away and smiles, leans back against the seat. “I had a really good night.” He says. “It just felt ... good.”

Robert arches an eyebrow. “Can’t think of what you were speaking to Pete about for hours but —“ Aaron reaches over and has a hand across Robert’s face. “Something tells me that you weren’t _talking_ all that much though.”

Aaron giggles, he fucking giggles. “I haven’t drunk that much in a while.” He has a hand stroking Robert’s face still, soft and slow and gentle. “You should have come in.” Robert opens his mouth to speak and then Aaron winces. “You were protecting me though weren’t you?” 

Aaron blinks and Robert gulps hard. 

“You just want me safe. I just — I just want you safe too you know?”

“I know.” Robert whispers.

Aaron bites at his lip. “And you did today, you protected me, and everything was okay.”

“I said it would be.”

Aaron grins. “You did.” He says, like he’s just remembered and then he leans further towards Robert and grabs at his tie again. “You’re amazing.” He says, and then he’s kissing Robert again, a hand running across Robert’s hair and tugging slightly. “I want ya.” He whispers and Robert all but melts in this car park. 

“Aaron ...”

“God you must be hungry, have you eaten?” Aaron’s breath is against his neck before he pulls away and looks into Robert’s eyes. Robert shakes his head slowly and then Aaron’s grinning. “Me either.” He says, reaching towards Robert’s groin and squeezing.

Robert pants out, hands stretched over the steering wheel as Aaron’s head disappears and his boyfriend decides to give him a sloppy blow job in the car park of his local.

And it’s fabulous.

When Aaron’s done he pulls up, rubs a hand across his mouth and smiles. “Satisfied?” He whispers, and Robert leans closer towards him.

“You could let me return the favour, at mine.” Robert whispers and Aaron nods before he sighs.

“Gabe.”

Robert leans his forehead against Aaron’s and smiles. “Yeah, Gabe.” He whispers and Aaron leans away from him and sits back. “I doubt your mum would be happy if you come back with me anyway.” He blows out a breath and sighs.

Aaron’s mouth twitches and he looks out to isolated car park, there’s only one other car still here. He bites his lip and then practically jumps up on Robert’s lap, straddles him and crouches away from the window frame.

“Aaron, you can’t be ser—“

“Shh.” Aaron whispers, and he’s smiling again, face red and eyes filled with desire. “Just put it in me!”

Robert scoffs. “Oh how bloody romantic.”

“Hmm.” Aaron whispers, “Never said I was mate.”

Robert pinches at Aaron’s side and the younger man squeals. “Not your mate.”

Aaron has a hand running down Robert’s chest. “Hmm yeah.” He moans slightly. “I’m your — your —“

Robert pulls Aaron forward. “Say it.” He stresses and Aaron pulls his head back before morning again.

“Boyfriend. My — my _boyfriend_.” He lets out and it makes Robert kiss him hard.

He decides suddenly that he wants only this.

Only ever this.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is going to be so dramatic so stay tuned!


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon strikes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it’s Valentine’s Day and instead of a soppy cute fic you have this lmao. Be prepared for drama. Enjoy

 

 

Robert sees Nicola pull up in an unmarked police car with a coffee in her hand and a frown on her face. She pulls the window down and looks out as she sees Robert approaching her.

“Oh look it’s the dirty stop out.” She says, loud and annoying and basically acting like herself. She looks at him up and down and he shuffles. “Yes I was out of the house before you this morning, doing work.”

Robert frowns at her. “You’re watching out today?” He asks and she nods.

“Yep. Me and that bloke over there.” She points towards some man across in the car park, he’s eating a custard slice. He looks ridiculously unprepared and Robert tenses. “Oi. Don’t panic. We’ll be looking out.” 

And Robert tries his hardest to breathe through his nose and not look scared.

“It was fine yesterday. There’s no reason it won’t be fine today too.” He shrugs, and he keeps a hand in his pocket as he speaks.

“Exactly.” She shrugs.

He goes to speak and then he sees Aaron approaching him from across the playground with a scowl on his face.

“Sore head I take it?” Robert teases and Aaron lets out a moan as his head falls.

“God I’m such a light weight sometimes.” Aaron says, shakes his head and then bites his lip. “Did we _really_ have sex in your car?”

“And that’s my queue.” Nicola says, and her window goes up again as Robert’s face turns bright red and he leans towards Aaron.

“You couldn’t help yourself.” Robert says, and Aaron bites his lip.

“It was —“

“Needed?”

“Well that and —“ Aaron looks down and then up again. “Amazing.”

Robert’s nose crinkles. “You kept on calling me that last night.” He says. “That’s why I knew you were pissed.”

Aaron rolls his eyes. “Shut up.” He says before he produces a bottle of water from his bag and passes it between his hands. “I need to talk to ya by the way.” He says, suddenly serious now.

Robert frowns, and Aaron looks towards his classroom before they both find themselves inside the room and Aaron looks nervous.

“Are you —“

Aaron rubs at his palms before looking up. “Gabe knows about us.” Robert’s eyes widen a little and then he thinks about it. He actually thinks about it and it’s not the crazy to reason that the little boy knows about them. 

“Okay.” Robert says awkwardly. “I mean — it’s not — what did he say?”

Aaron starts pacing. “He asked me if husbands sleep in the same bed as each other.” 

“ _Husbands_?” It makes him nearly choke.

“Yeah and then he said uh — he asked if best friends do. Because he didn’t know what we were so ...”

“Best friends or husbands? No in between I take it.”

Aaron stops. “I’m glad you find this funny.” He says, hand on his hip making Robert bite down a laugh. 

“What do you want me to say?”

Aaron’s mouth gapes open. “I don’t know. I just —“

“What did you tell him?” 

Aaron twists his lip and his voice goes quiet. “That you’re special. Really special to me.” He blinks slowly. “I’ve not had the chat with him about boys liking boys too yet so ...”

“Hey if you don’t want to then —“

“No I do.” Aaron says quickly and Robert pulls at Aaron’s grey jumper, smiles. “I want him to know about us.” He whispers. Robert kisses his head and stands. 

“Well then we’ll tell him. After school today yeah?”

Aaron looks all nervous. “Yeah?”

Robert kisses his cheek. “It’ll be fine. He already knows we share a bed so ...”

Aaron slaps lightly at Robert’s chest and he pretends to groan against it before smiling, stroking at Aaron’s arm. 

“It’ll be fine.” He repeats and then the bell goes and Aaron’s sighing, walking towards the door and opening it for Robert. “I’ll see you later yeah?” He says, twists his hand in Aaron’s and holds it tight.

“I’ll see you later.” Aaron whispers back.

Robert doesn’t look as he leaves. He instantly gets this feeling like he should have as he reaches his classroom. It doesn’t go away.

 

—

 

The class behave themselves and Robert still doesn’t even really know why they’re being so lovely. But they keep saying that they’ve missed him and it makes him smile awkwardly.

“Were you in the army rescuing someone?” Heath has something in his mouth, it looks like one of those rags that you try and not make your child dependent on.

“No. I already told everyone, I was just having a break.”

“Because of _us_?” April’s chin begins to wobble and he shakes his head at her. “Gabriel went on a break too. He said his daddy and him had an adventure. Did you?”

Gabriel’s one of the only ones practising his handwriting like they’re all supposed to be doing and he lifts his head up at the sound of his name.

Robert doesn’t know where to put his face and then he shrugs. “Yeah. But we’re all back now and ...” he stands from his chair and looks towards the board. “We need to go through these spellings don’t we?”

That gets them all moaning and Robert scoffs as April’s head goes all woozy and she’s so bloody dramatic with it.

They do the spellings though, and they’ve all got a lot better since he started up here. Only a few of them get less than five out of ten and that’s an achievement.

It means that they can play for half an hour and yeah that’s not the rules but Robert’s not a real teacher so it doesn’t really matter does it?

He’s scrubbing at the board and looking out the window a little nervously now because he’s finally got the chance to not do anything but think about where Simon could be. The feeling travels through him until Gabriel is walking up towards his desk and gulps hard. He clearly wants something and Robert kneels to him.

“You okay bud?” 

Gabriel frowns. “Daddy said I shouldn’t tell anyone about you coming to our special house. Are you not allowed?”

Robert doesn’t know where to put his face, he doesn’t even know what to say but he just knows that Aaron should be here instead of him. He needs to be explaining things to Gabriel, they said they _both_ would. 

“It’s — uh it’s complicated.” Robert rests a hand against his forehead and sighs. He’s surprised Gabriel’s hasn’t said anything to anyone already considering he’s only a five year old.

“What does _that_ mean.”

“It means it’s — it’s hard to explain.”

“But why?” Gabriel leans closer and Robert gulps. “Is it a secret?”

Robert’s mouth edges open. “Yeah. Sort of. Not everyone would be too pleased with me if they find out.”

Gabriel’s eyes widen, big and blue and Aaron’s.

“You don’t have to worry about that though.” Robert says honestly. “Nothing is about to change, I’m still —“

“Nana Chas said you’re mean.” Gabriel whispers to him and then he shakes his head. “I said she didn’t know you properly yet.”

Robert’s sides ache from the way his heart thumps. 

“Yeah?” Robert bites his lip. “You’re a good boy aren’t ya.” Gabriel gives him a toothy grin and then he gulps.

“Daddy said you’re special.”

Robert shrugs. “I don’t know why he thinks so but yeah, I know he said that. You’ll understand soon, we’re going to speak to ya properly after school okay?”

Gabriel looks worried and Robert squeezes his chin and tells him not to be. 

“Okay then.” Gabriel says. “Can I go toilet?” He asks and Robert nods as he watches him walk out the door.

 

—

 

He’s in the middle of going through a reading list with the kids when the siren goes off and they all start scrambling up out of their seats like it’s the apocalypse or something.

“Hey, guys it’s fine.” Robert says, “It’s just a drill.” He shrugs and plasters a weary smile on his face and then he thinks about the fact that he doesn’t know if it actually is one or not. 

Not really.

They usually go all out when there’s a practise one, they send emails and reminders about it all the bloody time. He sees April and Kyle walking towards the door and he waves a hand out to stop them before he digs his hand inside his pocket and looks at his phone.

He’s scrolling through towards his emails and then there’s nothing, there’s no new messages, no Bernice sending him exclamation marks. But then he looks up and sees Rhona and Pete and the supply teacher Tracy are all leading their kids out. It makes him poke his head out, frown on his face and Rhona shrugs.

“Just get them out I suppose.”

He nods his head and then sighs, because it’s not like he was having a whale of a time but he _was_ actually looking forward to story time later. He turns towards the class and then sighs.

“Right. Partners, everyone find a partner.” Robert claps his hands together and watches them all pair up and start jumping up and down. Robert opens the door and watches them all wince against the sound of the alarm ringing non stop. It doesn’t take long until they’re outside with everyone else and they see the excitement in it all.

Robert sees Aaron from across the playground and he wants to go over towards him but there’s a register being thrust in his hand already and he’s being told to tick names off a list. It’s all he has to do but he still finds himself looking up towards Aaron.

“Hey.” Aaron says, he comes over towards him and looks up at the school. “You alright?”

Robert nods, rubs a hand through his hair as he juggles the register. “Yeah, just didn’t expect it.”

“None of us did.” Aaron says, and then he looks a little more seriously. “It mustn’t be a drill.”

“It’s fine though.” Robert says as he resists the urge to squeeze at Aaron’s arm and comfort him.

Aaron nods, keeps looking up at the school and then he scowls. “I smell burning.” He whispers and Robert looks up to the corner of the building and frowns slightly before —

“Hang on, where’s — where’s Gabe?”

At first Robert just looks towards the sea of children and expects to see Gabriel’s curly hair and then he doesn’t. He doesn’t see him at all and he feels something stuck in his throat as Aaron asks again.

“I — I don’t —“

He feels his face turn bright red, this sweat forming and then he shakes himself out of it and looks towards Aaron again.

“Toilet. He went — went toilet.”

Aaron’s eyes widen. “And you didn’t go and find him?” He scowls. “Did you not count the class?” Robert goes to speak and then Aaron shakes his head at him. “Of course you didn’t you’re not even a bloody real —“

He bites and Robert pulls back and shudders.

“I’ll go back in.” He says suddenly, without even really thinking and Aaron’s face stays the same as if he doesn’t think he’s being serious. Only he says it again and then Diane pops out of nowhere and tells him that the fire department are on the way so there’s no need.

But there is a need isn’t there?

There’s this massive need because Simon could be —

“No. No I’ll —“

“Rob, did you not just hear what she said?” Aaron snaps, eyes wide as he looks at Robert and frowns. “Don’t be —“

“Simon.” Robert says out of nowhere, and it’s sort of always going to be at the back of his head isn’t it? The massive what if. 

It hangs over him as Nicola approaches, eyes wide and flickering. She says his name. She says she isn’t sure but this might be his style. She says she’s going to call for back up and —

Robert starts running towards the building again. He keeps running until Aaron’s pulling at his blazer and holding him roughly. 

“What the _fuck_ — you can’t just —“

The kids have their eyes wide and alert and Diane looks like she wants the ground to swallow her up completely against all the drama. She shouts at them both, tells them to pack it in like they’re school children and Aaron slams at Robert’s chest.

“Don’t be a _prat_.”

Robert opens his mouth and then hears a few gasps leave the kids as smoke starts filtering through the building. It’s coming from the gym and that’s no where need the toilets but —

“Gabriel’s _in_ there.” Robert says. “I need to —“

“No I do.” Aaron’s still holding onto Robert’s arms. “If anything, it’s me who —“

“You need to stay out here okay? I won’t be second.” Robert says, and he’s forgetting everyone around him as he eases out of Aaron’s grip.

“And what if — what if something —“

“I’ll call for back up.” Robert shrugs like it’s nothing. He brings his phone out and waves it in Aaron’s face and then he’s watching the fire engine park up, wave at him to back away from the building and instead he’s running towards it. 

And Aaron’s being pulled back by someone, he’s shouting and screaming for Robert to stop.

“Robert get back here — Rob!”

It’s all he hears as he finally makes it inside again.

He blows out a breath as he walks towards the toilets and then pauses. The alarm is still ringing around the place and he feels something inside him rise. It’s like he knows something is wrong, something apart from the small matter of a fire at the opposite end of the building.

It’s what makes him take his pit stop to the classroom and reach down for the gun in the bottom drawer. He holds it firmly as he makes his way towards the toilets again. There’s a thudding in his chest as he keeps walking down the hallway and then starts walking a little faster until he’s there.

And he’s opening the door and seeing Gabriel standing by the sink. He’s not facing him, instead he’s looking towards the wall and his little shoulders are moving up and down. 

“Hey, Gabe let’s — can’t you hear the alarm?” Robert says, pushing the gun inside his pocket and trying to smile at the little boy but he doesn’t get an answer. That relief that just washed through him is slowly dying because —

“He can hear it.” There’s a voice suddenly, and it comes out of nowhere and rips through Robert’s body. It’s his voice and then he’s grabbing onto Gabriel’s little body and making the boy scream out.

“He just doesn’t want to listen to you do you son?”

Robert’s eyes widen and he’s shaken his head as he sees Simon standing there, arms trapped around Gabriel’s body and squeezing tight. He’s practically holding him up and then he’s pressing a kiss to the little boy’s head. All sweaty and stifled and making Gabriel wince.

 

—

 

It’s like everything manages to stop around him and the walls are slowly caving in as he sees Gabriel’s frightened little face.

His chin is wobbling and he keeps making these little noises and Simon is just standing there like some mad man. Eyes all wide and alert and a scar above his right eye. Robert remembers when he caught him, thumping him hard and he wonders if he had caused it.

Or if he was just the sort of nutter that would get into scraps like that.

He thinks of Aaron, everything he’s ever told him about Simon and yet it doesn’t match up to who he’s saying in front of him.

This man is almost worse, he’s a hollow shell of all that power Aaron reckons he has.

“Put him down.” Robert steps forward, shaky hands reaching out for Gabriel and he’s shaking his head as he watches Simon laugh at him.

“He’s not a _dog_ Robert.” Robert’s eyes widen as he searches the look on Simon’s face, the skin head, the black eye and bruised jaw. He keeps searching until he stops and realises what he’s just said. “Oh yeah. I know your name. I know all about you.”

Robert gulps hard and blows out a breath, he’s keeping his back tall as he looks at Gabriel and smiles faintly. He suddenly just wants to reassure him.

He just wants to be able to tell him that everything is fine. 

“It’s all going to be okay mate. I won’t let —“

“Don’t _speak_ to him.” Simon’s voice booms through the room and then he frowns at Robert. “He doesn’t need you here. You can go and I’ll — I’ll take him with me.” Simon says it like it’s possible, like it’s rational. He goes to step forward and Robert comes closer and shakes his head.

“Not a chance.” Robert shudders, eyes wide as he watches the little boy struggle in Simon’s grips, his little arms reaching out for Robert to grab. He tries, he gets as close as he can and then Simon’s voice is there again.

“I don’t think that’s going to happen Robert.” Robert looks up and sees Simon’s face. He sees his face and then he sees the gun. It’s pointing right at him.

 

 

 

 


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert confronts Simon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long!

Robert’s head spins as he sees Simon laughing at him again. He’s still gripping at Gabriel despite the boy wriggling about it and it makes something in his heart almost shatter.

“You’re hurting him.” Robert says, looks at Gabriel and imagines him bruising because of this sick fuck. “Get off. Just — just give him to me okay?”

“Why?” Simon’s still waving the gun about like a mad man which is ridiculously fitting and then he points it right at Robert’s face again. “You’re just some dirty copper aren’t you? Hands in too many pies.” He lets Gabriel wriggling down and Robert tries to hold onto him and then feels the brunt of the gun hit his head hard. 

It makes him fall back, eyes flickering like mad as he tries to hold on to anything and stop all this darkness reaching him. He tries to reach a hand up as he hears Gabriel scream and then the alarm finally sets off the water, it starts running down the walls and it rains down on them all. Robert struggles to breathe against it, vision blurring as he desperately tries to keep his eyes on Gabriel.

“Rob!” Gabriel’s voice is there, he’s not calling him Mr Sugden. He’s calling him Rob for the first time and it manages to absolutely break something in Robert’s chest as he looks up at him.

“It’s okay mate. I’m okay. You just stay still for me yeah?” Robert holds onto one of the sinks and lifts himself up from the floor with a low groan. He sees Simon’s hand right across Gabriel’s frame, keeping him close to his knees and not letting him go.

“Stop talking to him and go.” Simon spits. “Unless you want me to —“

“Go on.” Robert says, he’s bleeding and the pain hisses through him but he’s fighting. For the first time, he’s really fucking fighting. “Like that poor bloke you killed. Or the other one. Or _Holly_.”

Simon’s eyes widen and then his chest collapses as he points the gun at Robert again. “No. No. No!” Simon’s saying over and over again. “You don’t get to twist that.”

“But I do.” Robert says, wincing slightly as the water rushes down towards them. “Because it’s true.”

“No.” Simon’s hand begins to shake. “What’s true is that I’m leaving here with my little boy.”

“You’re not.” Robert’s heart hardens as he watches Gabriel crying.

“You wanna bet?” Simon screams. “Because it’s not looking good mate, look,” he looks down at Gabriel and smiles weakly. “He’s still here. He wants me. He wants his _dad_.”

“That’s never been you.” Robert shouts, and yeah this is Aaron’s fight but it feels a lot like his too when there’s a gun pointing towards his face.

Simon’s face falls as he hears it and Robert braces himself for the gun to go off. He suddenly brings out his own, holds it against his waist and it makes Simon laugh again.

“Figured you’d have one. Did Aaron warn ya about me coming here today or were you just _lucky_?” Simon comes closer, holds Gabriel’s arms down as he leans towards Robert. “Not so lucky now are you?”

“I wouldn’t say you are either really. You’re finished. It’s _over_ mate.” 

“Yeah?” 

Robert nods. “So why don’t you let Gabriel go and stop making this difficult for yourself.” He looks at the little boy and he’s still standing there sobbing. He looks frozen with fear at exactly the same time but Robert can’t bring himself to look away. He just smiles at him, tries to reassure him. 

“No. No I’m not leaving _you_ with my boy.” 

Robert scowls. “He’s _not_ your son.”

“Oh because some _poxy_ DNA decides that does it?” Simon’s shouting. “No. No I’ve already lost Holly and I’m not losing him.”

“Who’s fault was that though?” Robert says, moves forward and sights the yellow band Gabriel’s wearing. “You took — took her away from him?” He whispers and Simon’s eyes start filling with tears. 

“No. She did that. _Her_ not me. But I can put it right.” Simon rubs a hand across Gabriel’s arm and smiles. “Mate I’ve got so many presents to give ya.”

“He doesn’t want you. He wants —“

Simon’s raising the gun towards Robert again and smiling. “What? You and Aaron. That sick, shit show of a relationship?”

Robert’s eyes widen and his face falls a little as he hears him. He doesn’t know what to say, what to think.

“ _Yeah_ mate.” Simon’s almost giddy as he sees Robert’s face. “I know about you two. At it like _animals_.” He laughs and Robert starts shaking his head because that isn’t possible unless —

Simon reaches into his pocket he starts bringing out photos, they fall against the water but Robert sees himself on top of Aaron, hovering over. His naked hips. His mouth wide open. Aaron’s face screwed up. There’s another one, Robert’s back against the headboard and Aaron’s mouth against his hips and tilted towards his groin and —

“You were — there?”

Simon nods readily. “Not me personally. But I had to make sure my son wasn’t anywhere near that _filth_.” He says. 

“But there were —“

“Dumb and dumber playing go fish outside the house. God yeah it was difficult.” Simon says sarcastically and Robert feels sick, feels like he’s actually going to pass out. “Is that what you two think being a parent is all about yeah?”

Robert’s eyes widen and there’s tears in his eyes that get washed away by the water falling. “Oh no, pointing guns at your kid’s head and scaring him shitless is _exactly_ what being a parent is all about!”

It makes Simon’s mouth gape open and he stares down a Gabriel. “He’s not scared.” He reasons, and Robert frowns. “He’s with his daddy.”

“No he’s not.”

“You need to _stop_ saying that!” Simon’s shouting again, leaning forward and the gun presses against Robert’s temple. He tries to raise his own gun but Simon pushes it away and it drifts against the water. “I spent _so_ long finding him, I didn’t give up because he’s my boy.”

Robert shakes his head, he has all this strength suddenly. “No.” He whispers. “It’s because you’ve not got anyone else left.”

Simon’s eyes widen and he freezes, only lets go when Gabriel squeals. He keeps shaking his head at Robert until he points the gun at his head again.

“I’ve always got him.” Simon spits, his chin starts wobbling and he tilts his head. “Don’t you get it? You can’t have him ‘cause he’s mine.”

He’s so adamant and Robert is so unnerved by it, he can’t help but think about all that worry Aaron’s been carrying around with him for years. It all makes so much more sense.

“Not when you get arrested.” Robert says, hands shaking. “Not when you’re locked up. Because that’s what’s happening here.”

“Is it?” Simon says, and the gun comes closer. “Or am I leaving here with my kid and never looking back?”

Robert gulps hard. “There’s police cars outside.”

Simon shrugs. “I got in didn’t I? I can get out again.”

“Simon, there’s the fire engines here and everything. You can’t escape.” Robert says heavily. “Just — put the gun down and give me Gabriel.”

“You’re not his dad.” Simon clambers towards Gabriel and holds him tight again. It makes Robert wince. “You’re only interested in _fucking_ Aaron and lying.”

And it’s one way to sum up his life isn’t it?

Robert surrenders against it though, waves his hands up in the air and nods his head. “Look. Hey. I’m not perfect. Neither is Aaron. He’s made mistakes, we all have haven’t we?” Simon’s eyes start darting around. “But we all love Gabriel don’t we? We wouldn’t want to see him upset would we?” He’s using all that police training of his and Simon drops his head and looks down at the little boy who’s still trying to reach out for Robert.

He makes this sound and then the door swings open and Aaron’s pushing through with Nicola standing behind him.

He loses it. He just loses it, his arms come flying towards Simon and Robert has to make a grab for him and tell him to calm down. Somehow Simon gets the upper hand, he’s put Gabriel on his hip and he pushes Robert against the wall with the gun under his chin. 

“One more move like that and he gets it.” Simon’s hissing, a smile on his face as Aaron stands there with tears streaming down his face. He covers a hand with his mouth and shudders.

“Oh — Rob I’m sorry.” Aaron’s babbling and it makes Robert shakes his head, try to calm himself down and focus on making Aaron feel better. He tries but then Aaron sees his son in Simon’s arms and he looks ready to collapse.

“No. No.” Aaron’s probably dreamt of this moment so many times. He scans his little body and then looks at Robert again. “You’re fucking _bleeding_.” Aaron leans forward again and looks at Simon. “You hurt him? You put your hands on —“ Nicola holds him back and Robert’s never been more thankful for her.

Simon shakes his head. “He just had to come in.” He says, looks down at Gabriel. “We were just leaving.”

“You’re not going _anywhere_.” Aaron’s screaming, hands shaking as he leans forward again and holds his hands out for Gabriel. “Come here baby, it’s okay, daddy’s here now.” He reaches for Gabriel’s little hand and Simon holds him tighter.

“You’re hurting him.”

“No. You are.” Simon _shouts_. “You being what you are. That was a surprise eh? Holly and now another sort of blonde.”

Aaron gulps hard, he sees Gabriel struggling and then he sighs. “I’m not hurting him.” He whispers. “He’s always been happy with me.”

Simon scoffs. “Yeah fucking right. Can you imagine what I could have given him?”

“A life filled with drugs and violence.”

“Better than you two.” Simon looks at Robert again. “You’ve already chosen mate, who ran in here for him. You or your twink?”

Robert watches it filter through Aaron’s mind. “Don’t even lis—“

“The fire wasn’t near here. I —“ Aaron’s got tears in his eyes. “But they wouldn’t let me through when I tried. I had to wait for Nic—“

“Yeah yeah.” Simon shakes his head and then suddenly just shoves the gun further towards Robert’s chin. 

“Stop!” Aaron’s screaming, he looks like he’s in pain and Robert closes his eyes against. “Leave him. Please. God just —“ his chin wobbles against his panic and Robert can hear him try and calm down.

“Choose then.”

Robert feels everything turn black.

“What?” Aaron barely says.

“I walk out with Gabriel or he gets it. Simple as.” Simon looks crazy, his eyes are wide and buzzing with something and Robert’s chest collapses. “Thought you loved Gabriel.”

Aaron squints. “More than anything.”

“So more than this.” Simon’s probably bruised Robert’s chin with all his pushing and shoving. “Yeah?” Robert closes his eyes and Aaron’s clearly crying.

“It’s ... you don’t, you can’t compare —”

“We are now.”

Robert finds this sort of peace inside him out of nowhere. He just opens his eyes and nods at Aaron. 

“Simon, the police are right outside.” Nicola cuts through it all, edges closer. “You can either come willingly or —“

Simon scoffs. “Why?” He says, “You’re already taking Gabriel off me so why should I do what you want?” Robert’s breath hitches around the point he’s making. He owes them fuck all. “I could just shoot him dead right now couldn’t I? No choices to be made after all.”

Robert gulps hard and his eyes flicker as he stares at Simon. “Not in front of Gabe.” He winces. “You wouldn’t do that to him.”

“He doesn’t even know you that well mate. He’ll understand. When he’s older.” Simon has the gun up again and Gabriel’s cowered into Simon’s neck, eyes closed shut.

Aaron steps forward, he goes and steps in front of Robert and the gun is in his view.

“Don’t be fucking stupid.” Robert hissesbut Aaron just stands there and holds his hands out for Gabriel.

“You’re not taking my son.” Aaron says defiantly. “Never.” He says. “Gabriel loves Robert.” He says, looks at his son and coaxes a smile out of Gabriel. “Don’t ya baby? You love Robert. We _love_ him so much.“

Gabriel goes to speaks and Robert feels tears rolling down his face. He feels so much of everything and he doesn’t know what to do.

Simon makes the choices for him though doesn’t he? He shakes his head and laughs, he calls it all bullshit and Aaron steps away, staggers slightly towards the wall like he doesn’t know what to say. And then Simon’s clicking the gun and Aaron’s screaming and he does it.

Robert just leans forward and takes Gabriel from out of Simon’s hands, he kicks Simon in the groin and watches him wince as he takes the boy from his arms and passes him to Aaron.

“Oh my —“ Aaron’s gasping, clinging to Gabriel who won’t stop crying and then Robert’s relaxing against whatever else happens. Gabriel’s safe now. “It’s okay baby, daddy’s here. Daddy’s here. I love you.” Aaron keeps kissing Gabriel’s head, they’re in a little bubble for a second and Aaron squeezes the life out of him and shakes. “Rob. Rob, come on —“ he holds out for Robert’s hand and the older man begins walking towards him only to get dragged back by Simon who’s scurrying about on the floor and trying to aim for Robert in the small room.

It’s not safe.

It’s not —

“Get out!” Robert’s screaming, he’s pushing his hands out and Aaron’s not moving. He’s cradling his boy and then shuddering.

“Gabe, go with ...”

“Aaron. Get out.” Robert’s shouting and Aaron looks down at Gabriel crying before he opens the door and gets out with Nicola. He hears Aaron crying, and then he sees his face a second later, opening the door again, coming back.

Robert looks up briefly and smiles at him, he thinks of them as some sort of team before Simon’s on his feet and they’re scuffling around for the gun.

“Robert! Robert please just —“

Aaron’s screaming, he’s trying to drag at Robert and pull him away and Robert looks up towards him. He smiles faintly as he pulls firmly on the gun in Simon’s hand and holds it. He smiles. He actually smiles.

“It’s over Simon.” He says, he watches Aaron’s shoulders relax and the tears stop falling. He watches Aaron stretch his hands together as he rocks a little like he’s thanking someone.

And then he feels it. He feels it before he hears it which is strange. It’s really strange. 

And then he hears this _scream_ that just has to be Aaron’s.

And then he staggers back, sees that his shirt is stained red and it’s coming from his stomach and won’t stop. It won’t stop pouring out of him.

It manages to make his eyes wide as he shakes his head and sees the shock on Simon’s face.

“For you it is.” Simon says, and Robert feels himself falling against the tiles, slipping down onto the floor and his eyes closing shut.

 

 

 


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert makes a confession whilst his life hangs in the balance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise this one doesn’t have a horrible cliffhanger!

He’s drifting in and out over and over again but he manages to feel someone smacking lightly at his cheeks over and shaking his shoulders.

They’re close to him, he feels tears fall on his face and when he opens his eyes again it’s unmistakably Aaron’s face that is hanging over him. He’s crying his eyes out, they’re red and wide and filled with tears and he’s rocking back and forth as he kneels over Robert’s body. 

He’s not sure where he is, if Simon’s still in the room or if he’s been taken away yet. All he knows is that Aaron doesn’t seem to be hurt and —

“Gabe? Is he —“

Aaron nods quickly, he leans down and brings one of Robert’s hands up to hold, to kiss. “He’s — he’s safe. He’s going to be _fine_ and — and so are you.” He’s saying.

Robert nods. “That’s good.” He moans, eyes flickering shut again and Aaron shakes at him. It makes him wince and he feels the grip he has on Aaron’s hand being to falter as a woman comes in and tries to get over his body too examine him.

The fire alarm isn’t ringing anymore and he can finally see the blood across the tiles, the ones he fell down. It makes his eyes widen and then Aaron’s sobbing again, he’s clinging towards him and shaking his head.

“You can’t die.” He blurts out suddenly and the fear settles in Robert’s chest as he lays there frozen against it. “Not you. Not after everything.”

Robert shakes his head as slowly as he can and then realises that Aaron’s other hand is being pressed against his wound. He’s working to keep him alive as best he can isn’t he?

It makes him smile slightly.

“I have to tell you.” Robert whispers and Aaron tells him not to speak. He says it can wait as the paramedic shines a light in his eyes and he tries to step away. Robert calls him back, tugs at Aaron’s leg. “I have to tell you Aaron.”

“Tell me what?”

Robert’s eyes water and he winces against the pain which is pulling through him. It won’t give up and it aches but he needs to speak. “I need — that I — I —“

Aaron’s eyes start watering and he holds Robert’s face. “I know.” 

“No. Let me say it.” Robert says stubbornly, a small smile on his face. “I am so in love with you.” He whispers, feels tears rolling down his pale face and Aaron lets out this small sound. “Should have told you before now.” He pants as the pressure gets worse. “I’ve fallen in love with ya, I fell in love with ya so — so long ago. You and — and —“

“Gabe.” Aaron helps him, and Robert nods.

“Haven’t forgotten him, it’s just hard to — to speak.”

Aaron presses his forehead against Robert’s and strokes his cheek. “I know, I know.” He whispers gently and then he closes his eyes against Robert’s. “But you can’t give in, you have to keep going. Me and Gabriel need ya so much.” He winces against his words. “We _love_ ya.” He pauses and then pulls away and starts shuddering. “ _I_ love ya. I always have.”

Robert gulps hard. “Even — even when —“

“Even then.” Aaron blinks slowly and kisses Robert’s mouth as another paramedic comes in and explains that they need to keep applying pressure to the wound and watch the amount of blood being lost.

It’s all hot air around Robert as he keeps his hand in Aaron’s and tries to stay awake.

“What are you waiting for? My boyfriend’s bleeding out here?” Aaron’s voice croaks and Robert tries to squeeze harder.

“We need you to step away.” One of them say and Aaron’s silent against it until Robert says his name.

“Let them — you need to go with Gabriel.” Robert whispers and it pains him more than anything else ever has but he takes his hand out of Aaron’s for a second and lets a mask fall against his face, it lets him breathe the way he’s wanted to. Panicked and quick and just desperately trying to survive being _shot_.

He can’t look at Aaron nervously chewing at his nails and standing above him so he looks away instead. He looks at the ceiling until he feels Aaron’s hand in his again and he’s being pulled on a stretcher and taken into the back of an ambulance.

“I love ya.” Aaron promises, kisses at Robert’s hand again and it’s stained in blood just like Aaron’s grey jumper is too. “Rob? Did you hear me? I said I —“

Robert doesn’t hear anything anymore.

 

—

 

He starts hearing things again when he’s certain that he’s in a hospital bed. His eyes are heavy and closed but he can her the sound of crying and there’s definitely a weight firm against his lap.

He’s sure it’s Aaron’s. Everything inside him wants to reach out and ruffle a hand through his hair and make Aaron smile but it’s like his body isn’t ready for that yet. So instead he just listens to him and then hears the sound of feet coming into the room.

Heels more like.

“I thought you could do with this.” It’s Chas in the room, she must pass Aaron something but Robert can hear Aaron toss it aside.

“Told you I wasn’t hungry.” Aaron sounds awful, his voice is hoarse and he could clearly do with a hot meal and a warm hug. Robert wants to hold him but he can’t.

Chas tuts. “Starving yourself isn’t helping anyone love.” She says and then she sighs.

“I never helped him did I?” Aaron’s voice is filled with anger suddenly and then Robert feels his chair scrap and Aaron start pacing. “I let him go back inside for Gabriel and then when I finally found him I let him get _shot_.”

“That was hardly your —“

“He kept telling me to go but I couldn’t leave him.” Aaron’s chin _must_ be wobbling now. “And then he got shot. He got shot mum.” Chas’ heels are everywhere again and Robert relaxes under the understanding that she’s hugging Aaron and he’s sobbing into her chest. 

The feeling lasts until Aaron’s back by his side and squeezing his hands together.

“Gabriel needs you.” Chas is saying and Aaron doesn’t answer. “He needs his daddy.”

“And I need Robert to be okay. I’m shit when I’m like this.” Aaron says. “Gabriel senses that. He doesn’t need me around.”

“I think you’ll find he does.” Chas snaps, “What’s changed from yesterday? You wouldn’t let him go, you were _amazing_ telling him about Robert.” It makes Robert want to smile.

“And then it hit me. Proper. He came out of surgery and he didn’t wake up like I thought he would.”

“Love.” Chas pauses and Aaron grips tighter onto Robert’s hand. “He’d want you to be with Gabriel.”

“He ain’t dead!” Aaron says. “Why are you even here anyway? You were convinced he was going to leave me and what does he do? Sacrifice his life for me and Gabriel so you were wrong there weren’t you!” He’s angry and that’s understandable but he also needs his mum.

“And I’ll tell him that, when he wakes up.” Chas says after a few minutes of Aaron crying and breathing harshly. “In the meantime, you need to see Gabriel.”

“And say what?” Aaron’s voice cracks. “That Robert might not wake up.”

“That you’re still here. That you love him.”

Aaron stays silent and then sighs. “He knows all that.”

“Tell him again.”

Robert’s grateful when Aaron lets go of his hand.

 

—

 

He’s back again later, half of Robert hoped that he’d bring Gabriel and then he realises that he probably looks rough.

“Hey.” Aaron’s chair scraps and his hands find place in Robert’s as he squeezes and brings his head towards their joined hands. “Gabriel’s missing ya like mad.” He says. “So you need to wake up.”

Robert tries to, he still can’t.

“I love you _so_ much. I should have told you when we first — you know.” Robert nearly blushes. “Because I did then, well before then, loads before then actually but — that night was perfect and I should have said it but I was _scared_.” He whispers, brings one hand against Robert’s cheek. “Of you. Of us. But I’m not letting you go.” He says defiantly. “You’re _mine_. Cop or no cop okay? You’re mine and Gabriel’s for keeps?” He strokes at his cheek. “I should have told you sooner. I know that’s — that’s what everyone says but it’s true.” He can almost hear Aaron shrug and then he sniffs.

“So don’t leave us. I need you. God I’ve never needed someone so much.” He hears Aaron admit, and his breathing starts becoming panicked. “I _love_ ya, I do. I just _love_ ya so — so much.”

 

—

 

The next thing he hears is Aaron talking to him about one of the nurses, he’s speaking quietly and it’s probably mindless gossip but somehow he’s able to move his fingers a little against Aaron’s when he hears him.

He keeps wriggling them a little until he hears Aaron’s screaming, him calling for a nurse to come and help. He hears his monitor go berserk and Aaron’s panic and then his eyes are finally flickering open and Aaron’s mouth is a massive O.

“Hey. Hey you.” Aaron whispers, the nurse helping looks a little jealous and Robert can’t help but want to smirk, want to yank at Aaron and claim him as his. The feeling goes as soon as Aaron’s hand is against Robert’s cheek. Robert moves his face against it and smiles a little. “You’re okay.”

“I’m —“

Aaron pressing a finger to his lips and smiles. “No talking.” He says. “You’re too delicate.” Robert thinks he’s teasing but Aaron looks so serious and God does he love him with all his heart. He tries to smile and then Aaron’s got a hand across his face again and he kisses his forehead. 

He leans back against his chair and watches as Robert tries to blink around his surroundings. He gives him time as he stares at him and then pulls his hands together and cries silently, looks up towards the ceiling and then smiles as Robert looks concerned.

“You’re going to be okay.” Aaron shrugs. “M’happy.” He explains. “I’m so happy.”

“Good.” Robert gets out, still achey and sore as he tilts his head up towards Aaron. “Kiss?” He whispers and Aaron leans against him and nods a little before pressing his mouth towards Robert’s.

He tastes like salty tears.

Robert feels alive.

 

—

 

He falls asleep to the sound of Aaron shuffling about on the chair, the way he’s stroking his thumb across Robert’s hand over and over again.

He hardly settles though, he’s asleep but he doesn’t want to be because he sees Simon when he shuts his eyes and it’s terrifying.

It’s enough to make his eyes flicker open and when he does he sees Aaron’s face above him, he’s holding Gabriel on his hip and waving comically.

“Look who’s come to say hello.” Aaron whispers, presses a kiss to Gabriel’s hair and lets him lean down to hug at Robert. “Careful remember.” He whispers to the little boy who shuffles out of his dad’s hold and wraps his arms around Robert’s neck.

It takes Robert by surprise, the little boy’s strength as he breathes around his neck and holds on tightly. Robert hovers a hand across Gabriel’s back and then closes his eyes and holds him closer.

“I’m okay Gabe.” Robert gets out, voice croaky and sore. He rubs at Gabriel’s back and looks up at Aaron who’s wiping at his eyes. He extends a hand out for Aaron to hold and he latches onto it tightly. He doesn’t let go and neither does Gabriel.

A few minutes go by and Aaron clears his throat, looks towards the way Gabriel is laying across Robert and still has both his arms around the man’s neck like he doesn’t want to let him go.

“Gabriel, Robert’s fine you know? He’s just a little sleepy and sore.” Aaron says, nods his head a little but Gabriel doesn’t let go. Instead there’s tears building in his eyes and Robert rubs at his arms.

“Buddy.” Robert croaks out. “Daddy’s right.”

“Wouldn’t stop crying.” Gabriel says, his face is red and puffy now and Robert feels his heart breaking. “Daddy wouldn’t stop crying yesterday.”

Robert looks at the way Aaron hangs his head and then breathes out. “That’s because I was scared about Robert.”

“And the man.” Gabriel’s saying, arms still around Robert’s neck as he turns his head towards his dad. “The scary —“

“Hey, you’re _never_ seeing him again. Not ever okay?” Aaron’s more serious now, that softness around his eyes has dissolved into nothing but anger. “You don’t have to be scared.”

Gabriel’s head cowers. “He was shouty.” He whispers, and then he leans an arm and Robert looks at the small bruises placed there. It makes him want to be sick.

Instead he pulls a hand through Gabriel’s hair and sighs. “He’s going to prison for a very very long time.” He whispers. “Me and daddy won’t ever let anything like that happen to you again. Okay?”

Gabriel nods slowly and Aaron leans across and holds at his little boy’s face.

“We love you. So much.”

Gabriel places his head in Robert’s neck and keeps holding onto his neck. “Rob was like a hero.” He whispers and Aaron’s eyebrow raises. He looks at Robert and Robert nods back at him.

“Rob then is it? What happened to Mr Sugden?” He teases and Gabriel shrugs, squeezing tighter.

“Like Rob.” Robert says slowly, he smiles, bright and soft.

“And we like you!” Gabriel’s voice is a little louder and Aaron huffs out a laugh as Robert smiles and then gently strokes Gabriel’s back.

Robert feels his eyes flickering softly and the need for sleep calling him and Aaron seems to realise too because he comes closer and tries to prize Gabriel away.

“He’ll still be here later bud.” Aaron says, nods his head a little and pulls him up from Robert’s body. “Come on, let’s go.” He whispers and then looks at Robert. “I’ll be back soon yeah?

He leans down and kisses Robert’s forehead. Robert waves at Gabriel and then hears the boy telling his dad to bring him closer to Robert so that he can do the same. He kisses at Robert’s forehead and it makes Robert almost laugh.

 

—

 

Aaron stroking his hair makes him wake up again and he frowns slightly as he looks up and sees Aaron alone.

“What happened to G-man?”

“ _G_ -man?” Aaron frowns. “How many drugs have they got you on again?”

Robert blinks slowly. “Loads.” He whispers before winding against the way he tries to move his body. “Is he okay?”

Aaron nods, unsure and uncertain and it all showing in his face for Robert to see. “He’s got it into his head that you still might ... you know ... die.” He looks uncomfortable and Robert gulps against it.

“Why?”

Aaron rubs a hand across the scar on Robert’s face from the gun. “He heard a nurse saying he’d stitched you up and he thought it might not have worked.” He sighs hard. “This is me. Me and my worrying.”

Robert frowns slightly. “Hey, don’t —“

Aaron shakes his head. “He doesn’t want to let you out his sight now. Neither do I.” He rests a hand against Robert’s and squeezing firmly. It makes Robert smile.

“Good.”

“Yeah?”

Robert nods, “The feeling’s mutual.” Because he’s not the one who used to run away whenever things got too sketchy. “Kiss?” He mumbles, eyes gentle as he leans up and Aaron smiles down at him before kissing him slowly.

He keeps kissing him and then lets out this surprised moan because yeah Robert’s getting his strength back isn’t he?

The sound of someone coughing is enough to make Aaron pull away slowly and he turns bright red as he sees his mum standing there.

“Mind if I have a word?” Chas says, voice nervous and distant as she looks at Robert. He nods slowly, prepares himself.

 

—

 

A small part of Robert doesn’t want to hear what she has to say and make a big deal out of it because he already knows, he’s heard her. But then again she doesn’t know that and maybe the least he can do is let her explain herself as best she can.

She huffs out a breath and has a hand in her black coat pocket, it’s got ruffles on the front. “I owe you an apology.” She says, honest and frank and he appreciates it. “For doubting you.”

“I don’t — ah —“ Robert drags himself up further in the bed and then breathes out heavily. “Don’t blame you.”

Chas blinks heavily. “Still.” She waves a hand out. “I was convinced you were going to hurt my boy and that made me — probably a little more nasty than I should have been.” It’s a point, it’s one that Robert really appreciates.

“It’s okay.” Robert shrugs and Chas just stares at him a little. He wonders if he’s still pale and rough, his hair is flat against his forehead too from all of Aaron’s touching. “Honestly.”

Chas twitches a little. “Never seen him that way before. About anyone.” She shuffles and looks down. “He really loves ya.”

Robert smiles faintly against her words. “And I love him.” He whispers, stares at his hands a little and Chas looks all emotional suddenly.

“I think you proved that to me don’t you?” Chas says, slight humour in her voice as she speaks. “So it makes up for all the other ... lying and stuff.” She waves a hand out and Robert nods.

“Thank you.” He says, voice barely there as he speaks. “I promise I won’t ever hurt him like that again. You’ve got my word.”

Chas pulls this face like she’s really shocked and then she clears her throat and nods. “Good.” She says, and Robert feels lighter for it.

 

—

 

Aaron shouldn’t really be here considering how late it’s getting by it seems like he’s managed to get the nurses on side with all his crying and worrying. It makes Robert smile a little as he thinks about it and then sees the younger man practically falling asleep on the chair.

“Hey.” Robert whispers, blinks out a little as Aaron’s eyes widen and he leans over, immediately asking if anything is wrong. “Yeah, those bags under your eyes.”

Aaron tuts. “Charming.” He frowns, shakes his head slightly as he moves back and shudders. “You scared me.” He ways and Robert instantly frowns and says he’s sorry. “No don’t be sorry, just —“

“I mean I’m sorry for — for what you had to see.” Robert tries to hide his face against it, against how terrible he feels for what Gabriel had to witness, what Aaron had to cry over. It’s twisting at his heart as he sees Aaron’s face. “Me nearly dying on you like that. It couldn’t have been — fun.”

Aaron sighs heavily. “You could say that.” He winces a little and then rubs a hand across Robert’s arm. “But you don’t — you shouldn’t be sorry.” 

Robert frowns slightly. “If we’d found him before then ... then Gabriel wouldn’t have had to see that.” He gulps hard against the way Aaron lets his grip go and sighs.

“Robert shut up.” Aaron says, his face is all red as he clings onto Robert’s hands again. “It’s not you who should be sorry.”

“Aaron ...”

“No. I just stood there. I didn’t help.” Aaron’s chin wobbles and he clears his throat. “I thought — I thought you were going to die and it’d be me who was to blame.” Robert goes to speak and Aaron shakes his head. “Yeah Simon pulled the trigger but I watched.”

Robert has a hand against Aaron’s and he keeps it there for a few seconds. He just lets the silence chase around them for a second.

“Can we both just agree that the other isn’t to blame yeah?” Robert says, and Aaron’s got tears in his eyes that start to fall down his face.

“Yeah.” He agrees, and then he pulls his arms up and holds Robert into this hug, it’s awkward and his body hangs off the bed but Aaron still hangs on just the way Gabriel did. “I love you.” He says, so honestly that it makes something ripple in Robert’s chest.

He’s never felt so loved in his life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert receives visitors before leaving the hospital into someone’s care

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy this nice long chapter!!

They’re deciding that he can go home soon but he needs to prove he’s keeping his strength up. That involves actually eating the shit they are giving him and smiling as it goes down.

Aaron’s awarding him with grapes every time he takes a mouthful, legs high up on the seat and draping awkwardly across the bed.

“Good lad.” Aaron says, pops a grape in Robert’s mouth and ruffles at his hair. Robert wants to tell him to piss off but he’s still feeling light headed and he doesn’t want to admit that he hasn’t got a lot of sleep last night because of Simon. Simon and he’s stupidness. “Hey, you look tired. Again.” He says. “You did sleep last night didn’t ya?”

Robert clears his throat and then looks down, eyes closed shut. “Simon.” He says, he just shrugs and says his name and it makes Aaron freeze against him. “It’s just —“

“I know.” Aaron blows out a breath and everything is left unsaid when Chas comes through the door with Gabriel. He looks a lot more like himself, shiny badge on his blue dungarees and eyes bright. He waves towards Robert and Aaron has to stop him from climbing on the bed.

“He wouldn’t sit still in that canteen.” Chas says, she looks worn out from having to keep him by her side and Aaron shakes his head at his son.

“You’ve got to be good for nana, especially when Robert’s still poorly.” Aaron says and Gabriel starts playing with Aaron’s zipper before looking across at Robert.

“Is your head still sore?” And his stomach and his legs surprisingly. He shakes his head though

“They just want me to sleep a lot, that’s all.” Robert lies, stretches a hand out and smiles at the little boy.

There’s a knock on the door suddenly and Robert thinks he’s dreaming when he sees his sister standing there with her mouth wide open.

 

She’s got her hair blonde now and she looks more like him than she ever did, especially considering how pale she is in spite of her make up. She looks like she’s seen a ghost as she comes through the door and stares at him.

“Rob?”

Robert clears his throat and then it’s dry suddenly. He almost can’t speak. Aaron does the talking for him as he steadies Gabriel on his lap and frowns at her.

“And who are —“

“I’m his sister.” Vic says, “Who are you?”

Chas stands, probably senses the awkward tension and offers to take Gabriel back to the canteen in spite of the little boy’s protests.

“Come on love, you too.” Chas looks towards Aaron but he stays where he is.

“You got _shot_?” Vic says suddenly. “They rang me ‘cause I’d rang you and you didn’t answer. And I just so happen to be your _sister_.” Her eyes widen and she shakes her head. “God are you okay?”

Robert unfreezes himself and nods slowly. “Yeah I’m fine Vic, I’m —“

“You’re _here_? You’re in Yorkshire? You said you were in London.”

Robert watches Aaron’s face fall and he finally stands, looks down at Robert and then towards the door. He’s walking with his mum and telling Gabriel to stop fussing.

Then they’re out the door and Robert’s left with Victoria standing there, arms crossed over.

“You were _shot_.” She says again, mouth gaping open as she shudders. Robert looks at her and nods.

“Yeah I was sort of there.”

“I’m glad you find it so funny.” Vic hisses, shaking her head as she sits where Aaron just was. “What happened?”

Robert shrugs. “Work happened.” He whispers. “But I’m fine.”

Vic pulls a face. “A few inches deeper and you wouldn’t be.” She says and he doesn’t know what to say to her. He just wants her to stop being so upset. “I thought you might have —“

“Vic ...”

“Don’t shut me up!” Vic says suddenly. “You can’t put the phone down on me now can ya?” Robert looks away from her and she sighs. “Why didn’t you tell me you were so close?”

He’s thinking of his dad’s anniversary and everything grows darker in his heart.

“I was undercover.” Robert explains, and she tells him to try again. 

And he does.

He explains everything and he’s surprised that she’s still sitting here.

“You could have _died_!” Vic says, twists at her hands and then sighs. She goes to speak again when a nurse walks in and has a folder close to her chest. She’s asking about Robert being discharged, wondering if he’ll be going home to Vic. “Yeah of course he is.”

Robert looks towards her and then tells the nurse to give them a second. “Aaron, he’s got a place.”

Victoria clearly hadn’t be listening to him at all because she doesn’t get how much they mean to each other. “Is it that serious?” Robert goes to speak and she scoffs. “Well of course it is. You risked your life for him and —“

She looks towards the door and sees Aaron holding Gabriel on his shoulders. Robert smiles at them and they walk into the room tentatively.

“Gabe just saw the nurse go out and got worried. Everything okay?” Aaron’s voice is soft and concerned and Robert nods slowly as he looks at Vic. She stands, wipes a hand across her eyes and smiles.

“So _your_ Aaron.” Vic says, and he nods, shocked a little into smiling at her and then she looks up at Gabriel. “And you must be —“

“Gabriel Dingle.” Gabriel’s saying, hand stretched out as he waves at her and she laughs.

“It’s nice to meet you.” Aaron says, eyes flickering. “Would have liked it to be under different circumstances but —“

“My brother’s stupid and loves the drama.”

“Nice.” Robert says and Aaron’s mouth twitches.

“I should have told you, I didn’t even think about ringing you. I didn’t have your —“

Vic frowns. “Something tells me you had other things on your mind. Anyway, he’s the idiot who did all the dangerous stuff.”

“Yeah.” Aaron says and then he looks more serious. “But he’s also amazing. He’s brilliant.” It makes Robert tingle all over and Vic looks like she can’t believe that Robert’s really found someone.

“You love him?” Vic says, almost teasing with her arms all crossed over.

“Vic ...”

“I do.” Aaron says, and Gabriel climbs off of his dad and runs towards Robert in the bed. “So much that it’s scary.” 

It’s enough to make Vic lunge towards him and squeeze him tight. It makes Robert get a little emotional too because he knows that his sister has only ever wanted him happy.

And he is. He’s happy and she’s happy. The fact that she threatens to kill Aaron if he breaks Robert heart is just said in jest.

He tells Aaron not to worry with just a simple look, he gets a nervous smile back.

 

—

 

Victoria eats practically all his grapes as she sits and looks at her brother and Aaron who’s sitting on the bed with Gabriel on his lap.

“What?” Robert says as he catches her staring at him, eyes soft and yet filled with what looks like concerned. It makes him worry, feel like she doesn’t approve, like she hates his choices or something.

“Huh?” Vic says, and she shakes her head, shrugs. “Nothing.”

Robert looks own at the sheets, shifts himself slightly on the bed. “You think I’m mad don’t ya?” It’s sort of just blurted out and Aaron’s head snaps up, looks at Vic with wide eyes. She tuts, like he’s asking something stupid and then she rolls her eyes.

“I’m just —“ She stands up and he’s ready to see her walk out but she doesn’t, instead she leans forward and she hugs him. “I’m so proud of ya.” She says and Robert freezes around her before he eventually lets out a smile and sees Aaron looking at them from the bed.

A smile on his face too.

And the feeling is still there when she eventually gets her things together and says she should be going. Gabriel pouts, makes a point of huffing as she looks at him and then she’s saying she’ll see him soon.

“He’s a proper cutie.” Vic says, squeezing at Gabriel’s cheek and then looking up at Aaron who blushes out a thanks. “It was nice meeting you by the way.” She blurts out. “It’s good to know that he’s got ... someone.”

“He’s got both of us.” Aaron says as Gabriel starts flopping about on the bed. Robert runs a hand through Gabriel’s hair and tries to settle him but Aaron’s already going on about him needing a nap. “I should go and get my mum, she can take him.” He blows out a breath as he looks at Robert and then back at Vic. He extends his arms out and she hugs him before moving back.

“When things are more settled you should come up and see us.” She says, smiling a little and Aaron looks right at Robert. He looks awkward towards the sheets and doesn’t look up again. “I take that as a —“

“Vic ...”

“No.” Vic frowns and Aaron clearly doesn’t know where to put his face. “You nearly di—“ he frowns at her and looks towards Gabriel and she thankfully stops short. “Surely you’ve figured out that life is too short.”

Robert gazes at Aaron, feels at Gabriel’s hands falling into his own and then he nods. “Yeah I have.” Aaron smiles softly at him and it’s like Vic’s not in the room for a second. “Which is why I’m not spending my time on someone who thinks I’m a liar Vic.”

She sighs, doesn’t say anything and then she comes forward and kisses his temple.

“Tell me I’ll see you soon?” He promises her he will.

He really wants it to be true as she goes.

—

 

Gabriel’s off with Chas when Robert is gulping down something in a plastic bowel. He’s mixing it around when one of the nurses come to check on him and then Aaron follows behind her.

“Fighting fit I think.” The nurse says, she’s teasing and Robert grimaces as he looks at the bowl he’s got to force down before they let him leave. The nurse takes something out of her pocket and passes it to Robert. At first he frowns at her, confused more than anything else and then he realises that it’s a salt sachet. 

At least it’ll add a little more flavour.

He smiles at her, “Cheers.” He says before she squeezes his arm and leaves. Aaron comes further towards him and smiles at the salt that Robert starts covering over his bowl.

“That making you happy?” Aaron says, and then he frowns slightly as Robert doesn’t answer him properly. “Hey, you alright?”

Robert looks up and sighs. “Vic.” He says. “She just made me think about things, about — about Andy and everything.”

Aaron comes closer and sits on the edge of the bed. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” He says and Robert nods against it, he knows that. “Hey.” He says again and he strokes at Robert’s knee and squeezes.

“It’d be too hard going back now.” Robert says slowly. “I thought she’d understand.”

Aaron blinks. “She might do.” He shrugs. “Look you nearly died, she’s bound to want you to come home.”

Robert bites his lip. “When she was here a nurse came, she was asking about where I’d be discharged to.” Aaron frowns, almost nods like he wants Robert to go on. “She wanted me to go back with her but ...”

Aaron’s eyes widen and he breaks out into a small smile. “But?”

“Don’t make me beg.”

“I’m not.” Aaron shrugs, and then he pulls Robert’s hands towards him and nods. “I’m looking after you. I’m not the best nurse mind.” He pulls a face and Robert smiles at him.

“So is the safe house —“ Robert frowns slightly and Aaron shakes his head a little.

“I don’t need to be there do I? My mum’s been helping me move stuff out. Pete’s got one of his brother’s fixing up my place too. It’s fine.” Aaron says, rubs a hand across Robert’s arm. “You’re staying with me.”

“I’m moving in am I?”

Aaron’s eyes flicker and he looks really happy, it makes Robert feel light.

“Hey.” Robert whispers, hand stroking Aaron’s face.

“What?” Aaron whispers back.

“Kiss?” Aaron rolls his eyes and presses his mouth to Robert’s, doesn’t pull away until Robert lets out a groan. “Sorry. Still hurts.”

Aaron starts petting at Robert’s hair and fussing, moving his pillow and cradling his neck and then the door swings open and Lawrence is standing by the door with Nicola behind him.

They look like complete opposites. He’s got a scowl on his face, looks fucked off and unsettled and Nicola is actually smiling and waving a hand out.

“Sorry to interrupt.” Lawrence says as he steps into the room and looks towards the bed. Robert settles down on the pillow again and Aaron sits slowly on the chair.

“No it’s fine.” Robert says, clears his throat and then looks at Lawrence.

“I just needed to have a word before you were discharged. About the case.”

“What about it?” Robert asks, and he feels Aaron’s eyes widen as he looks at Lawrence. “Simon’s still locked up right?”

“Of course.” Nicola says, comes forward and waves. “Glad to see you awake.” She says and Lawrence seems to silence her with just a look. 

“Yes. Simon’s in custody. He’s admitted to shooting you, it’s being added to his other charges.” Lawrence says and Robert blows out a breath, looks at Aaron and smiles.

“Why am I sensing a but?” Aaron’s voice is hardly there and Robert wants to tell him to stop being silly but then Lawrence lets out this sigh.

“He’s not admitting to the murder of the boy on the side of the road. Daniel Thompson.” The name makes Aaron cower and then he’s shaking his head.

“I saw him.”

“We know.” Lawrence says. “We’re hoping you’ll testify this time around.” He says it like he’s pissed off and Robert wants to tell him to fuck off.

“So they’ll still be a trial? He’s crazy.” Robert says. “He’s only going to make it worse.”

“Let him.” Aaron says, voice suddenly cold now. “Let him suffer.”

There’s silence for a few seconds before Lawrence looks towards the door. “We’ll speak later, once you’re in your feet.” He says. 

Robert nods, watches as Nicola pulls a face and mouths that she’ll be in touch. Lawrence reaches the door before he turns around.

“Oh.” He says. “Considering you don’t need to be undercover anymore, the cottage you and Nicola have been staying in isn’t needed. But if you need somewhere to rest and —“

He looks towards Aaron and Lawrence’s jaw locks.

“I see.”

“Don’t hold it against him.” Aaron blurts out and although Robert tries to protest it doesn’t seem to work. He’s telling him to calm down but Aaron just shakes his head. “No look ... if anything, it’s me who should have made a complaint or something.”

“If the station found out about you two when he was undercover then it wouldn’t be good.” Lawrence frowns. “I don’t think you’re in any position to get angry.”

“Aaron he’s right.” Robert says and Aaron blows out a breath, looks towards the floor.

“I’ll see myself out. I hope you get better.” Lawrence says, moving towards the door again before stopping. “It was very brave of you. Don’t forget that.”

It’s probably the kindest thing Lawrence has ever said to him. It means a lot more than it should.

— 

The pounding in his head is relentless when he wakes up. It makes him want to cower and shy away from the light but he knows he has to put on a smile if he’s going to be discharged today. They’ve already set him back a day due to complications with the doctors so he’s practically crawling at the walls. 

Aaron’s got a hand across Robert’s head and concern in his eyes as he asks him is he’s okay. He hasn’t left his bedside in what feels like forever and Robert secretly hates how much he wants him there.

He’s so dependent on him now and it scares him something silly.

“Just want to get out of here now.” Robert shrugs slightly and Aaron smiles.

“Let’s get your things together.” Aaron says, starts placing things in a bag for Robert and walking about the room.

“Aaron?”

Aaron looks up, red jumper on and eyes wide like he’s hanging on Robert’s every word. He nods his head a little and Robert just shrugs. “Love you.” He says, because if ever he can be soppy it’s now isn’t it?

 

—

 

The drive to Aaron’s is uncomfortable but he doesn’t want to complain, his stomach’s still all bandaged up so even trying to lean across and grip at it won’t do any good.

In fact it will only make him squeal, make him almost double over in pain and Aaron will probably crash the car in his panic.

It’s enough to make him sit there quietly in pain and try to think about when the next pills can be wolfed down. Despite that though, he smiles as he sees Aaron’s little house.

He remembers the last time he was here, Aaron screaming at him and calling him a liar and having to watch him and Gabriel take everything they have and go. It’s a dark memory, it’s one he wants to disappear completely. 

“Welcome home then.” Aaron says, once he’s managed to haul Robert over the step and into the living room. Pete’s done his best fixing things up, the glass panel by the front door isn’t smashed anymore and the back door has been painted. It’s almost looking brand new.

“I thought we could put the tree up together.” Aaron’s saying but Robert can hardly hear him as he looks around and sees that the room is a lot bigger than what he remembers. The walls are pale blue. He hadn’t remember that before now. “Rob?”

Robert looks up awkwardly and smiles. “That’s — yeah that would be good.” He says before sitting slowly on the sofa. “Where’s Gabriel?”

“He’s at my mum’s.” Aaron sits slowly next to him and then smiles. “I was going to go and get him but ... you look like you’re in a bit of pain.”

Robert shuffles down on the sofa and looks at the time. He’s got a few hours before the next bout of medication. “I could do with a drink.”

Aaron runs a hand through Robert’s hair and holds him. “No can do I’m afraid.”

“Even if it’s nearly Christmas?”

Aaron laughs and it makes Robert smile, hearing him happy. “Even if.” He says, rests his head against Robert’s. “I don’t have to get Gabriel for a bit you know, we could watch a film or —“

Robert holds at Aaron tighter, a wave of pain eases through him like it’s nothing, like it’s normal. It makes him shuffles closer and Aaron reacts by widening his arms and scooping Robert in further. “Just this.” He says, eyes closed. “Just want to do this.”

“Cuddle?” Aaron says and Robert freezes around him, wonders if he’ll call him soft or silly and then Aaron rubs a hand across Robert’s arm. “Cuddling I can do.” He says, and Robert closes his eyes, breathes deeply, managed to fall asleep to the sound of the rain outside

The pain subsides.

 

—

 

He’s decided that Aaron’s bedroom is too far for him to be walking up to so instead he’s laying out on the sofa and watching as Gabriel switches the lights of the Christmas tree on.

It’s the same one from the safe house but it looks a little different. It looks larger in the space around it and the lights seem to shine brighter. Aaron’s watching from the door of the room and then he comes towards the room and tells Gabriel to turn the lights off.

He doesn’t say it’s for Robert’s benefit but it is. They all know it is. Gabriel obliges, hardly kicks up any fuss at all as they turn off and he tries to lay next to Robert on the sofa. His little body hangs over and Robert smiles at him weakly.

“Are you still sore?” Gabriel whispers, and Robert nods his head slowly.

“I’ll be better soon.” He says, he means it to sound like a promise but it makes Gabriel look scared. “What have we said about worrying?”

“No need.” Gabriel’s voice is hardly there as he speaks and Robert nods at him with all the strength he has.

“Exactly.” He says and then he goes and sits up, slow and shaky and then with Gabriel’s help holding him up. He blows out a breath and then sees that Aaron’s holding a tea towel as he stares at him. “What are you doing?” The question makes Aaron’s back straighten a little.

“Cooking.” He says like it’s nothing, he shrugs a shoulder too and Robert lets out a faint smile.

“You don’t have to do anything fancy you know? We could just order in couldn’t we?” Robert looks towards Gabriel who clears buzzes off of the idea of chips.

Aaron looks at him like he’s crazy. “It’s your first night here.” He says, because that obviously means that they just have some celebratory banquet. “Having a nice dinner is pretty much standard.”

Robert shakes his head at him and then raises an eyebrow. “Well I don’t think we’ll be getting up to much ... desert to celebrate my first night here either though so what’s the big deal?” That only gets Aaron giving him this massive eye roll, coming closer towards him and shoving his arm softly. 

“Will you just let me do something nice?” Aaron whispers, nose almost touching Robert’s and then Robert definitely smells something.

“As long as it’s not you burning any—“

The way Aaron suddenly sprints out the room is enough to make Robert laugh, it hurts his ribs slightly but it’s worth it and so is Gabriel’s giggling.

And the fact that the dinner is a little on the crisp side served up half an hour later isn’t anything that awful to have to deal with. Aaron seems to think it’s the end of the world or something and Robert has to settle a hand across Aaron’s so that he calms down.

“Look at it.” Aaron wobbles the plate out in front of Robert’s nose and then sets it down. “The chicken’s all dry and the sauce has split and —“

Gabriel starts making these noises and open and closing his mouth like he’s copying Aaron and Robert can only try and not laugh against it.

“Oi cheeky.” Aaron says, swipes the towel across Gabriel’s head as he sits down and sighs. “I just wanted it to be ... perfect.”

Robert frowns. “Unless you’re a Michelin star chef I doubt you could have done any better.” He picks up his fork and sips at the water he’s got in front of him before Aaron decides to speak again. This time he’s pointing at the potatoes and apparently they’re way too crispy. “Aaron just relax okay.”

Robert spreads a hand out on Aaron’s thigh under the table and the younger man finally has a small smile on his face.

Gabriel eats away like it’s nothing but enjoyable, a potato yanked off the fork like he’s a cave man and Robert nods slowly at Aaron like he’s trying to get him to see.

“It’s nice.” Robert says, after a few mouthfuls, the hand against Aaron’s thigh stays there and Aaron looks up almost smiling at him before the moment is cut off by Gabriel speaking. 

“Is Rob your sort of ... girlfriend?” 

It’s a question that makes Aaron’s eyes pop out and Robert puts his head down. It suddenly dawns on him that they never did get the chance to sit down and speak to the little boy about them, their relationship, what it all means. Granted it wasn’t like he was distracted or forgot, there was the whole getting *shot thing that sort of got in the way. 

And now Gabriel’s watched his dad cry over a man, tell him he loves him so much and that he can’t die.

Has he watched them kiss?

The question runs around in his head before he hears Aaron clear his throat and frowns.

“No he’s ... well he’s not my ...” Aaron clears his throat and Gabriel sits there with a piece of broccoli on his fork and his head tilted to the right slightly. “He can’t be my girlfriend can he, he ain’t a girl.”

Robert closes his mouth shut around the way Aaron tries to turn this into some sort of a joke. He raises his head to see if Gabriel looks any less confused and then sees it hasn’t worked. Instead he just looks even more perplexed.

“But you stay in the same bed.” Gabriel says. “And you said you love him like girls love boys when they’re both older.” The innocence about him makes Robert want to reach out and grab his hand but Aaron speaks again.“I do love him.” Aaron says, sniffs slightly and then gulps. “Very much. And that means ... that means that —“

“Hey Gabe.” Robert blurts out, leans towards Gabriel slightly and the little boy nods with wide blue eyes. “You know how girls and boys like each other, then they really _love_ each other and they live together.” Gabriel nods again, fork hanging from his mouth. “Well boy’s can like boy’s like that too. Same with girls. They can love each other and —“ Aaron looks nervously at Gabriel. “Me and your daddy love each other like that.”

“Like a boy and girl do?”

Aaron’s eyes flicker. “Yeah. That’s why ... Robert’s here. Because I love him and he loves me. Do you get it?”

Gabriel frowns like the question is silly. He nods and then bites at his piece of broccoli. “Why wouldn’t I?”

And that is just another reason why Gabriel is a star. Aaron’s sitting there with tears in his eyes that he rubs away as he smiles and then he blows out a breath. 

“Good.” Aaron says, and he closes his eyes around the way Robert rubs a hand across his arm.

“Can I ask one more question?” Gabriel says, once they’re all nearly finished eating.

Aaron looks up seriously and nods. “Anything you want buddy.” 

Gabriel breaks out into this massive grin. “Do boy’s and boy’s go up the aisle too?”

It makes Aaron turn bright red and Robert coughs so much that he’s gulping down water and just hearing Aaron say that it’s possible.

 

—

 

They’re all on the sofa watching a film when his phone goes off. He frowns against it and then sees that it’s Nicola ringing him.

Aaron shuffles out of his grip and nods his head. “Go take it.” He whispers. “You need help getting up?” He yawns a little and then Robert is shaking his head and raising to his feet, holding his side as he shuffles towards the kitchen.

“I won’t be a sec.” He promises, especially to Gabriel who jumps up at the sight of him leaving the room. It makes something ache in his chest and he can’t help but smile at him reassuringly before he answers the phone. “Hello?”

“Oh you’re still alive, that’s good.” It’s Nicola summed up really, she sounds like she’s heaving things about and he frowns at her until he hears Jimmy’s voice. “Is that —“

“Yeah. He’s helping me move stuff out of this pokey little cottage of ours.” The sound of something smashing makes him frown again. “Or at least he’s trying to.”

Robert blinks, moves slowly towards the sink to get a glass of water. “You’re moving back to London then?”

And she is. She really is and he doesn’t know how to feel about that really. “So what does that mean?”

“It doesn’t change anything all that much.” Nicola says and he waits for her to speak again. “It’s just ... Simon’s been charged and he’s awaiting trial and —“

“We move on?” He doesn’t understand how he can, he’s not being thick or anything. It’s just hard to understand how exactly he’s going to be able to stop thinking about what happened.

“Well yeah.” She sounds awkward as she speaks and then she sighs. “You focus on Aaron and Gabriel. And try not to think of ...”

“What tied me to them from the beginning?” It’s a bitter pill to swallow, it makes him freeze around the glass of water in his hand and then he lets it go. He watches as he pours it down the sink and it runs away from sight. He feels his shoulders fall against it all and then he sighs. “Sorry forget I said that.”

“No. I mean — it makes sense but —“

He doesn’t hear the last of what she says because he decides to turn around and look at Aaron, he’s got Gabriel on his lap and he’s blowing kisses into the little boy’s neck. He’s making the boy laugh and it makes him forget everything else.

“Robert?”

“Yeah sorry I — I’ve got to go. I’ll speak to ya later yeah?”

“Uh yeah okay.” It’s the last thing he manages to hear before he puts his phone back in his pocket.

 

—

 

It’s uncomfortable to sleep, everything aches and there’s a pounding in his head and Aaron isn’t sleeping either which isn’t what he wants. Aaron looks like the living dead now, blue t-shirt on and pants loose around his hips and a hand against Robert’s forearm.

His eyes are large and wide and Robert leans a hand out to cover them. “Go to sleep.” He whispers, but Aaron shakes his head and shuffles away from Robert’s hand over his eyes. 

“I can’t.”

“You’re exhausted.”

Aaron moves his hand under Robert’s shirt, radiates warmth with his touch and then sighs. “But you can’t sleep, so I can’t settle either.” Robert goes to open his mouth and Aaron covers it. “Deal with it.” He whispers before moving away.

Robert rolls his eyes before groaning against the pain and then closing his eyes gently. “Alright, I’ll try.” He says, and he does, he keeps his eyes closed and Aaron breathes into his neck softly. He keeps it up until he hears it.

He hears Gabriel’s voice, he hears him shouting and it set Aaron on edge immediately. He jumps up, rubs at his eyes and pushes the covers away from him as he runs down the hallway and into Gabriel’s room.

Robert’s slower, naturally. But he manages to get out of the bed and hear the little boy whimpering as Aaron tries to calm him down, tell him it’s okay, that he’s safe. He keeps on speaking until he sees Robert by the door and his mouth just hangs open like he’s desperate for Robert to say something.

“Gabe,” Robert whispers as he sits on the little boy’s bed and looks at him. He’s startled by how much looks like Aaron as he cries, and then it hits him, how he’s never seen Gabriel so upset before. Not even when Simon was gripping him tight and it letting go. This is different. It’s a different pain, that’s clear. “You’re safe here, Simon’s not —“

Gabriel points a hand towards his wardrobe and shakes. “In — in there.”

Robert looks towards Aaron and nods, it makes Aaron rise towards his feet and open the wardrobe slowly. “See, there’s nothing there bud.” He whispers, but it doesn’t stop Gabriel crying.

He’s a little mess, rubbing at his eyes and shuddering and his chin wobbles as Aaron comes back towards the bed and scoops Gabriel up into his arms. He rocks him slightly and Robert reaches a hand out as Gabriel squeezes onto it tightly.

“He was in my room.” Gabriel says. “He was looking for me and — and ‘ob again.” He shudders again and Aaron looks up towards Robert. He’s got tears falling down his face as he holds his little boy.

“It was just a nightmare.” Robert whispers, voice kind and gentle and filled with emotion that he’s desperately trying to suppress for both of their sakes. “Just a silly little nightmare okay?”

Gabriel shakes his head almost roughly. “It was ... real.” He says and Aaron squeezes him.

“Rob’s right baby, it wasn’t real. It was just ... it was a nightmare.” He rubs at Gabriel’s back and the young boy cowers a little again. He crawls into himself and Robert suddenly thinks of something.

“Remember when I said you could see your mummy if you closed your eyes tight enough?” Gabriel rubs a hand across his eye and nods. “Well you can do the same thing and ... and see me and you and daddy putting the Christmas tree up at the special house. If you really try.”

Gabriel looks up towards Aaron like he expects him to reassure him that it’s possible. Aaron blinks a few times and then nods. 

“Let’s all try it yeah?” Aaron whispers, lays Gabriel back down on the bed and the little boy tighten his grip on Aaron’s arm, says he wants to sleep with them instead and Aaron scoops him up and brings them into the bigger bed. Robert winces slightly as Gabriel kicks his legs out and tries to get comfortable between them. “How about now then?”

Gabriel closes his eyes and squeezes tight. 

“You see it?” Robert whispers. “I do. I see it. Do you daddy?” He peaks one eye open to see Aaron looking at him like he’s never loved him more than in this moment. It’s distracting to say the least.

“Yeah — yeah I see it. You’re putting the tinsel around Gabe.” Aaron stammers out and then Gabriel smiles a little softly.

“Rob’s putting the star!” He jumps slightly like he’s balled over how much it’s worked and then Robert laughs a little, pushes a hand through Gabriel’s hair.

“There we go.” Robert mumbles. “And can you see us putting the star up today as well?”

Gabriel nods eagerly and Aaron blows out a breath as he watches the little boy settle down a little.

“You keep your eyes closed, keep seeing it and I promise you you’ll fall right back to sleep okay?” Aaron says, voice steady again as he strokes Gabriel’s forehead and watches the little boy nod. He blows out another breath as he looks over and smiles at Robert.

He leans a hand over and Robert holds it and it’s like they’re almost shielding the little boy. And then he gulps hard and mouths that he loves Robert and it’s the softest thing.

Robert’s eyes flicker a little and he nods. “Love you too.”

“And me?” Gabriel’s whispering, eyes still closed as he leans towards Robert’s chest in his little train pyjamas. It makes Robert lean down and kiss his head.

“And you.” He whispers before closing his eyes against it all and trying to ignore the pain running through him. He almost feels at peace.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert’s happiness spirals down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for quite dark themes in this chapter such as self harming

 

 

 

He expects to feel Gabriel’s body pressed close against his when he wakes up the next morning but instead he has the bed to himself. He’s not even sure of the time but he can definitely hear the sound of Aaron speaking from downstairs and the radio is on.

For a second, Robert just closes his eyes against it and feels this sort of peace. And then he sees Simon’s face and freaks and he has to rise up as quickly as possible because it’s not like Gabriel’s the only one having trouble sleeping.

He groans slightly as he eventually gets to the bottom of the stairs and sees that Gabriel’s running back into the kitchen and telling Aaron that it’s too late. Robert just frowns against all the commotion until he sees Aaron placing things on a tray and scowling.

“You’re meant to be resting.” Aaron explains, like Robert doesn’t know himself. He shrugs at him slightly and then sighs.

“Couldn’t sleep. I’ve already told you.” Robert says and Aaron rolls his eyes as Robert sits down on the stool and the plate of toast is pushed in front of him. “This looks nice though.”

“He figured he couldn’t burn toast.” Gabriel mocks and Aaron wriggles an eyebrow at him.

“He heard me on the phone to my mum.” Aaron explains as he watches Gabriel run into the living room. “He’s better.” He says slowly. “He says he doesn’t want to be scared of ... him anymore.”

Robert smiles faintly. “That’s good.”

Aaron nods and Robert hates how badly last night has clearly effected him, he looks broken down from it all, almost exhausted. “He was — he had to see so much.” Aaron brings a hand across his mouth as he speaks. “Hear him say that he’s his dad.” He winces slightly and Robert reaches a hand out.

“Hey I put him right, I was there to tell him that it was just _lies_.”

“I know that.” Aaron says. “It’s just —“

“And you told him the truth too? He isn’t his. You made sure he knew that.”

Aaron nods slowly and sighs. “Yeah of course.” He whispers.

“It’ll get easier.” Robert shrugs, and Aaron kisses at his head as the older man pulls Aaron close towards him.

 

—

 

Diane comes by the next day and it’s so ridiculously unexpected that Robert’s eyes widen in amazement, and nervousness. The last time they saw each other he was promising her that no harm would be done to her school and then Simon tried setting fire to it.

“No need to look so alarmed.” She raises a hand out as he comes into the kitchen and sees Aaron sitting next to her with a cup of tea. “I’ve only come to see how you’re doing.”

And he’s doing okay, he supposes. He’s still aching and not sleeping at night but apparently that’s to be expected considering he got flipping shot.

“I’m okay.” Robert shrugs slightly, comes closer towards them and then stops. “I’m sorry about — about what happened.”

“Robert...”

Robert waves a hand out towards Aaron and sighs. “We shouldn’t have let him anywhere near the school, that was — I’m sorry.”

He can see Aaron shaking his head and Diane goes to speak but he raises his hand tells her to wait for a second. “And if you’re — if you’re thinking about letting Aaron go then you — could you just please reconsider —“

“Rob chill out.” Aaron says and Diane laughs.

“I’m not firing anyone.” Diane says before she sips at her tea. “Aaron’s job is waiting for him when he’s good and ready.” She says. “I mean obviously with you ...”

“I never really worked there did I?” Robert says and something hard punches in his stomach as he speaks. It makes him almost have to look away and then Diane is nodding and telling him he’s quite right.

“So what will happen, with you then?”

Aaron looks up too as if he’s been wanting to ask the same question.

“Well uh — the case is still ongoing but my partner Nicola King has gone back to London already. We don’t really need the cottage anymore.” He half shrugs and Diane frowns slightly at him.

“Oh right, so you’ll be moving back too or?”

Robert’s eyes widen a little at the question and then he twists at his lip as Aaron rises to his feet.

“Nothing’s concrete yet.” He shrugs and somehow enough has been said.

 

—

 

The water fills up towards his shoulders and he closes his eyes around it, relaxes under the pressure of hearing nothing but the sound of the bubbles popping in the water.

He gulps, eyes flickering gently as he moves his body further into the warm water. His eyes close shut, he breathes in and then out and then —

He suddenly sees Simon face staring up at him and he doesn’t know what to do. He jumps up, eyes wide and breath ragged as he watches his knuckles turn white against the handles of the bath.

It hammers through him, keeps aching and then the door opens slowly and he sees Aaron standing there with a towel for him and a small smile. “Gabriel’s out like a light.” He says before sitting on Gabriel’s stool, the one he uses to reach the sink. He shuffles awkwardly and then frowns. “This making you a bit more sleepy?” 

It’s what they were both hoping for, but Robert still feels this need to clamber at the sides and escape. He nods though, just because it happens to be easier than making Aaron worry.

Aaron reaches a hand down and picks up Robert’s sponge, holds it in his hand and then carefully works it up and down Robert’s back. Robert just lets him, relaxes his shoulders and sighs slightly as he feels Aaron kiss his shoulder and then pull away.

“You never told me about Nicola.”

Robert frowns, “Hmm?” He mumbles, opens his eyes a little wider and winces against the light of the room. 

“Nicola. She’s going back to London.”

Robert waves a hand in the water and lets it ripple before shrugging his shoulders. It’s been hanging over them since Diane made her exist and he knows Aaron’s been wanting to talk about it ever since.

“Well yeah, she’s just working from there.” He says and Aaron leans across, wets the sponge again and rubs it across Robert’s shoulders.

“But you’re not?”

“Well she didn’t get shot so ...” Robert tries to add some light to it but Aaron just slows his movements down and gulps hard. It makes everything in the room spin a little as Robert waits for him to say something. When he doesn’t he sighs and opens his mouth to speak again. “I’m here. I think I need the ...” he looks down at the bandage still on his stomach, he’s going to have to change it as soon as he gets out and the thought makes him want to groan.

“Rest?” Aaron says, voice light again and Robert smiles against it. “Well this is supposed to be relaxing, no Gabriel thumping around on the stairs.” He runs a hand across Robert’s shoulder again and Robert forgets all about Simon suddenly.

He turns towards Aaron for the first time and then smiles, hair loose and cheeks reddening. “You know what would be more relaxing?”

It’s Aaron’s turn to go red, and he shakes his head shyly under the weight of the way Robert tries pulling him closer.

“If you’re fishing for —“

“I’m not fishing.” Robert whispers, there’s colour in his voice that he’s missed and he doesn’t want it to fade as Aaron combs through his hair and looks away.

“Good, ‘cause if you were —“

“Which I’m not.”

“— you can hardly hold your — what do they call the things they use to catch fish with?”

Robert blinks. “A rod?” He says, and Aaron scoffs. “You know how that sounds right?”

“Shut up.”

“I’m fishing when I can’t even hold my rod.”

“ _Fishing_ rod.” Aaron shakes Robert’s shoulder a little and laughs and it manages to freeze something in Robert. He wants to stay like this forever.

He holds out a hand against for Robert to hold then smiles. “Sure I can’t tempt you?”

“You’re — Rob you —“ He looks almost panicked and Robert frowns, says he only wants him to come in with him, that he knows he’s too delicate for anything else.

Aaron shrugs though, goes to speak and then Gabriel’s calling out for him and he stands quickly. “I should see to him.” He says and Robert nods, arms falling back against the water again.

He rests his head back a little and tries to breathe.

 

—

 

Robert’s thankful that Aaron’s got a standing mirror in his room, it means that he doesn’t have to leave the bed when he takes off the bandages and reapplies everything. He removes the bandage, soggy and worn from the bath and places it on the towel which is on the bed.

He groans slightly in pain and then looks for the bandages, leans over slightly and then he sees it in the mirror. He sees the scar, menacing and sore and red and so angry. It takes him back, of course it manages to take him back doesn’t it?

It takes him to his horrible place and he hates everything again, he wants to close his eyes and think about something happy, something other the sound of Aaron _screaming_ and the pressure of the bullet against him.

But he can’t.

Because he’s faced with it every time he looks in the mirror. 

“— he only wanted a story.” It’s Aaron’s voice coming into the room and Robert scrambles about trying to find the bandages before Aaron comes in, eyes wide, looking startled. “Rob I could have —“

Robert can’t meet his eye, drops his head and shrugs and then reaches for the bandages hidden away from sight near one of the pillows. He takes what he needs and looks towards the mirror, tries applying it and then sees Aaron standing awkwardly by the door in the mirror.

“You don’t have to ... watch.” It’s his way of saying that he’d rather Aaron leave but he doesn’t have the balls. And Aaron knows it. So he just crossed his arms over and sighs.

“Yeah. I could help.” Aaron comes closer, and Robert gulps hard as he feels the bed dip and Aaron sit. “I’ve done this before, my mum had a nasty cut —“

“It’s a bit different from being shot.” Robert says, short, cutting. It shocks him, forces him to turn around towards Aaron and look at him. “Sorry.”

Aaron shakes his head. “You don’t have to be.” He shrugs, and then he starts playing with his hands awkwardly. “I could hold it down whilst you uh — make sure it stays.” He picks up the medical tape and Robert takes it tentatively. Aaron waits for Robert to nod before he stands up and holds his hand against the wound, holding the bandage in place.

Robert doesn’t expect to suddenly remember Aaron holding down on the wound when he was laying in the bathroom but it happens and he has to clear his throat and breathe through his nose to fight against it.

Only Aaron seems to understand, he looks up at him and nods. “It’s okay.” He whispers and Robert tries to be as quick as he can, he makes sure it’s firmly in place and then tries to move away but Aaron holds him by the arm and Robert can only hear their breathing between them. “Don’t hide from me.” He whispers and Robert feels Aaron moving closer towards him, forehead pressed against Robert’s.

“Aaron ...”

“You’re — well you know how fit you are.” Aaron whispers and Robert tries to look away but Aaron has a hand on his waist and he hovers close to the wound.

“Aaron, don’t —“

“I’m not lying.” He wavers slightly as he speaks, “You’re beautiful, you _are_.”

“You don’t need to do this.” Robert feels himself tipping over the edge as the room darkens and it gets harder to see Aaron’s blue eyes. It’s better this way.

“Do what?”

“Try and — cheer up the guy with a hole in his —“

“ _Rob_.” Aaron’s voice is louder in his ear and the hand against Robert’s arm is still there, it’s loosening but it’s a weight that Robert can hold onto. It’s a feeling. “What you did ...” Aaron shakes his head against Robert’s. “It was so brave.”

And in an ideal world, Robert would accept it. But he’s him isn’t he?

“I haven’t even told you that.” Robert keeps his head down and Aaron blows out a breath. “It’s all been ... so crazy since it happened.” Robert gulps hard and then looks away. “But what that is ... is you,” he looks down at Robert’s stomach. “You saving me and Gabriel.”

Robert dips his head up and Aaron smiles at him and nods. 

“And I love you so much for that.”

Robert doesn’t know what to say, he feels so much of everything suddenly and it pushes through him out of nowhere. He feels his eyes water against it and he finds his arms around Aaron’s, he breathes into Aaron’s neck and lets the younger man hold him.

“I got ya.” Aaron says, rubs a hand across Robert’s back, gentle and slow and then his breath hitches. “I’ve got you okay?” He whispers.

It’s what Robert hears as they lay in bed half an hour later, the curtains are drawn and there’s a sense of peace about the room as Aaron holds him close.

He keeps telling him things, whispering that he loves him, that everything is going to be okay. It’s clear that Aaron’s waiting for Robert to snap, fizzle out and become this mess only Robert doesn’t want that.

He’d rather hold it all in than become this burden.

That’s what he’s thinking about as he kisses Aaron’s head and breathes slowly, feels Aaron’s hand dance against his forearm as they close their eyes.

 

—

 

The sun shines into the room and makes Robert wince against the light, his head already pounds and it’s completely unfair considering he’s just woken up.

He looks towards the other side of the bed and sees Aaron’s face towards him, mouth open and looking peaceful as he sleeps. Robert’s careful when he pulls a hand across Aaron’s hair and smiles at him, thankful that his boyfriend’s not being bombarded with the stress of Gabriel’s tears and Robert’s own incompetence.

It’s a feeling that makes Robert grateful, happy even and he clings onto it as he closes his eyes and wraps Aaron closer towards him.

When he next wakes up Aaron’s leaning over his body and holding onto his hand, stroking across his lower forearm and keeping it there. He only moves away when Robert opens his eyes properly.

“Morning.” Aaron says, pressing a kiss against Robert’s cheek before he gets out of bed and smiles.

Robert moves up on the bed and then goes to speak but Aaron’s already out the room and going on about his pills. He only speaks when Aaron finally comes back inside the room waving them about with a bottle of water.

“I woke up before you.” Robert says slowly. “You were still asleep.”

“Should have woken me up.”

“No chance.” Robert says, and he watches Aaron pull a face. “What? You needed the rest.”

“Stop saying that.” Aaron says, throws a hoodie over himself and then sits on the bed again. “I need you to get better.”

He keeps saying that, it’s been a few days since Robert cried on his shoulder about his wound and he knows Aaron doesn’t just mean physically.

Robert looks away and then nods.

“I’m trying.” He says wearily and Aaron holds him by the chin and kisses him. It takes Robert by surprise because he’s hardly been up for anything like that and yet he knows Aaron’s been looking at him with more than just a little frustration in his eyes. It’s good to know he’s still wanted like that.

It’s good to know that after the whirlwind of _them_ , Aaron still wants him.

“I know.” Aaron whispers as he pulls away and strokes Robert’s thigh. “I’m going to make Gabriel some pancakes, you up for it?”

Robert nods slowly and Aaron smiles at him, kisses him again.

“Well then come down and help me.”

“I thought I had to rest?” Robert calls out as Aaron leaves the room. He smiles as he sees Aaron poke his head round.

“Unless you want scrambled eggs instead, I suggest you get your arse out of our bed.”

And Aaron simply saying ‘our’ instead of ‘my’ is enough to get Robert on his feet.

 

—

 

Aaron wasn’t joking when he said he doesn’t know how to cook things properly without everything tasting burnt. It’s like he’s incapable of it to be honest and yet it only makes him even more endearing.

Gabriel’s frowning at the table, waiting rather impatiently as Aaron tries to flip one of the pancakes. When it doesn’t work he decides to add more flour like that’ll do any good and that’s when Robert steps in. He’s moving towards Aaron and taking the pan out of his hand, shimmying it against the heat of the stove and then he flips it. It nearly misses and it strains him slightly but the way Gabriel starts clapping his hands around is enough to make it seem worth it though.

“God you’re good at this too?” Aaron says, shakes his head a little as he speaks and Robert wriggles an eyebrow at him.

“Too? As well as what eh?”

Aaron turns bright red, coats Gabriel’s pancake in Nutella and passes it over to him. “Shut your face.”

“Hmm.” Robert says, flips another one and gets a round of applause from Gabriel. They have breakfast in relative silence, the sound of Gabriel chomping away on the pancake like it’s a chop is all that fills the room until Aaron reminds him of his pills and he’s dragged back into reality.

“You can’t _still_ be sore?” Gabriel says, really looks worried as he leans across the table and Robert flickers his eyes. It’s been getting harder to lie, to pretend like it doesn’t still hurt to move, like he isn’t still in pain.

Aaron clears his throat and shakes his head at Gabriel. “Didn’t we say it would take time?” 

Gabriel pouts, head tilted and Robert understands that it must be difficult for him to get, to really understand and deal with the fact that someone he loves is in pain. The thought makes him squeeze at Gabriel’s hand.

“I’m getting stronger every day.”

Even though he isn’t.

The sound of Aaron’s phone ringing is able to make him think of something else, he watches his boyfriend nodding along and smile and then look towards Gabriel who’s running towards the living room with his hands in the air.

“What was all that about?” Robert can’t help but ask, Aaron’s face is bright red and he gulps hard against whatever is going through his mind.

“That was Diane. She wants — she wants to know if Gabriel wants to come in.”

Robert blinks quickly against what Aaron’s saying, there’s a tug in his chest and he knows almost instantly that he certainly doesn’t want to go back there. The memories are still raw. “What if he doesn’t want to?”

He’s speaking more about himself but it still gets Aaron sitting down slowly and frowning. “Well then _obviously_ he doesn’t have to but ...”

“But what?”

“He’s sick of being out of school.” Aaron plays with his hands awkwardly and then he’s gulping hard again. “Said so yesterday.”

“He said that he wanted to go back?” Robert says, and Gabriel’s braver than he is. He really really is.

“He said he doesn’t want to miss out on things ‘cause of the bad man and I can’t help but think that ... that he’s right you know?”

Robert knows, he understands but it doesn’t make it anymore easier to think about Gabriel there again. It sets his nerves right on edge if he’s being honest. Only he isn’t, instead he’s being the supportive boyfriend and saying that if Gabriel is ready than he should go for it.

It’s what they decide an hour later, Gabriel squeezed between them and a cautious grin on his face like he isn’t sure whether or not to be glad. Aaron says it’s okay to want to go back.

“The bad man isn’t going to be there. Not ever again.”

“Because Rob put him in chains?” Gabriel asks the question but it’s almost like he needs to reassure himself against the way Aaron and Robert nod at him.

“That’s right.” Robert says, ruffles at Gabriel’s hair and then watches as he goes and gets his school uniform on. Aaron’s waiting for him nervously, car keys in hand as he looks towards the celing. “Are you alright, with taking him?”

“Hmm? Of course I am.” Aaron says, blows out a breath. “It could give me the chance to explain to my class about what’s happening.” He tilts his head. “About my time off.”

Robert nods. “Well if you’re sure.”

“And you’ll be okay here?”

Robert shrugs. “Course.” Truth is, he doesn’t want Aaron to go. He still thinks it’s way too soon and he’s scared. But he hides that, like he hides everything else, with a smile and another nod.

“Are you sure?” Aaron steps forward, his hands finds Robert’s in the small space and dangles them together. “Because I can stay here and get my mum to take him.”

He wants to say yes, he shakes his head and tells Aaron to not be stupid and then Gabriel’s thundering down the stairs and looking towards Robert.

“I’ll check if it’s safe for you.” He whispers and Robert freezes around the kindness of the little boy before Aaron speaks.

“There’s no need for _checking_ mate. We’ve already said.”

“But Rob’s still scared.” He says it like it’s a fact and Robert just stares down at him whilst Aaron says that he really isn’t, that he’s fine. 

“Ain’t that right?” Aaron’s looking right at him and Robert can only nod. 

“I’m fine mate.” Robert whispers back and Gabriel just gives him this look before he’s waving and tugging at Aaron’s jeans, telling him that they can’t be any later than they already are. “You have a good time yeah?” Aaron rubs at his arm. “And you.”

“Will do.” Aaron says, he pulls his coat on and then smiles as he moves towards Robert. “You take your pills in three hours yeah?”

“Yes Doctor Dingle.”

Aaron arches an eyebrow. “I like the sound  of that.” He says, and then he presses a kiss towards Robert’s mouth and then pulls away just as quickly, runs towards the car because Gabriel’s trying to get his hands on the steering wheel and try to start the car himself.

 

—

 

There’s nothing good on the telly, that’s currently the only thought spinning around in his mind and he supposes that it’s better that thinking about a certain someone in particular.

He drums his hand against the arm chair and shakes his shoulders slightly. He’s got his phone in his hand, passes it between his palms and then remembers that app that Aaron had him download. It’s supposed to make him exercise better, get his body moving a bit more because according to Aaron there’s all these awful stories about people who never fully recover from being shot because they don’t exercise as much as they should do. 

He starts with moving his shoulders about and then stretches down towards the floor and feels the tug of a groan forming in his chest. It still aches and the feeling takes over so much that he almost feels dizzy.

It’s why he decides to have a shower instead, almost snap himself out of how he feels. 

The stairs are daunting but he manages, and he ends up standing in the bathtub, shower head facing him and he makes sure it’s cold water as he stands there.

And he feels better for it, rubs a hand across his hair and washes it slowly. He even manages to close his eyes and let his shoulders relax, and then when he opens them he’s sure something moves, the shower curtain picks up on a shadow and it’s Simon isn’t it?

The thought makes him gasp, eyes wide as he stumbles, the water slipping beneath his feet and making him wince as he feels himself falling.

His eyes flicker shut as he groans and sees the dams he done to his wound.

Fuck.

 

—

 

He’s not stupid, he bloody hates himself but he’s not yet going to lie here and potentially bleed to death. No, he gets up. He heaves out of the bath and shimmies his naked arse onto the bed, shoulders tense suddenly as he realises what he has to do.

Aaron.

Call Aaron.

He hovers against Aaron’s number, keeps applying pressure to the wound and then he quickly realises that there’s no way he can tell him.

Because Aaron will crumble and blame himself and it’ll only make Robert feel worse.

It’s why he decides to call her instead isn’t it? Because yeah she’ll scream and worry about him but it means that Aaron won’t.

“Vic? Yeah I — I need some help.”

 

—

 

To say Vic overreacts is quite the understatement when you think about the fact that she waved down the first nurse she could find and told her that her brother is bleeding to death.

He wasn’t.

He isn’t.

But they’ve put him on a bed and closed the curtain and bandaged him up again. 

“God, that was a close one.” Vic shakes her head dramatically, as if _she’s_ the one who fell over. She clutches at her chest and looks at Robert. “Good thing I wasn’t working. You could have died.”

Robert flinches against the word and then blows out a breath, gives her his scowl. “I wouldn’t have died.” He shrugs, almost winces. “I’m fine.”

Her ponytail flicks about and her mouth forms an O as she looks towards his hand, what’s sticking out of it. “They’ve taken _blood_.”

“Just precautionary.”

“Because you were dehydrated and pale and —“ Vic stops herself and then she frowns. “You’re not looking after yourself are you?” She says, eyes widening a little and Robert looks away from her because she’s being dramatic isn’t she? She’s reaching all this conclusions and they don’t mean anything.

“Of course I am.” He shrugs, wincing slightly against the light of the room and the way Vic chews at her lip, looks so worried for him. “Vic, you don’t have to look at me like that.” He says, because it hurts to see his little sister looking at him like he’s the one who needs looking after here.

“Don’t I?”

“No.” Vic frowns against his words and then she shakes her head. “I slipped, I was in the shower and I slipped.”

“And where was _Aaron_?” It’s an appropriate question to ask and yet Robert doesn’t know what exactly to say. He just stares at her and then thinks about the fact that he was meant to call him if anything went wrong. Aaron didn’t exactly tell him to but it was agreed between them and yet he didn’t.

“At school, with Gabriel.” He mumbles out, starts playing awkwardly with his hands until he hears her sigh as if she’s preparing herself to say something.

“And you didn’t ring him?”

“Clearly not.”

“Well should _I_? I’m sure he’d want to know.” She shrugs her shoulders like it’s obvious and yeah it is but it isn’t at the exact same time and trying to tell her that isn’t working out. He just flaps around and tells her he can’t a few times before she stops him. “Why _not_?”

“Because it’d freak him out.” Aaron’s face is in his mind suddenly, tears and upset and guilt and he has to shake his head for it all to disappear. “He’d blame himself.”

“That sounds healthy.” Vic mumbles, and Robert shoots her a look, shakes his head slowly.

“Don’t.” He says, “You don’t understand.” Because how can she? She doesn’t know Aaron, she’s spent half a day with him when he was at his most scared, she doesn’t know all he does for him so there’s no way that she can judge him.

He wants her to drop it but she doesn’t, instead she scotches her chair closer and sighs. “I think I do.” She says. “I think ... that you love him and that he loves you but … taking on a kid as well after everything, maybe it’s just a bit much.”

He feels like his ears are bleeding, like something is collapsing in his chest and he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do to make it stop. He’s not even sure he _can_ make it stop.

It just feels like a whole lot of truth is rushing to the surface and he’s not strong enough to fight the way it’s pulling him in. 

Eventually he shakes his head. “No.” He says heavily. “No it’s not.”

“Not just for you, maybe for — for Aaron as well.”

He makes this noise, tries to get out of the bed as he says that he doesn’t have to listen to this but she makes a pull at his arm and settles him down again. 

“Just hear me out.” She’s asking, eyes wide and alert as she waits. “He’s got his little boy to think about and you to look after too. It must be a lot for him.”

“He’s not the one who got shot.” And it’s almost venomous, it comes out of nowhere really. He tries to calm himself down as he watches Vic look towards his wound.

“But he had to watch it happen. He had —“

“I know all of this.” He says hurriedly, because he wants her to shut up about it all. He’s not had this has he? Someone in his ear, fighting for him, trying to make him better and see that not everything has to be his fault all the time. He’s wanted it for what feels like forever and now he has it and —

It’s overwhelming.

So is the hand she has through his hair, soft and gentle and loving.

“Mr Sugden?”

The doctor has news, news that only makes Vic’s point clearer. He’s managed to infect the wound, it isn’t healing as well as it should be by now.

“There’s a number of reasons why but ... not re-applying the bandages appropriately could have —“

“Right.” Robert scratches his head and then sighs. He blinks and then looks up. “Things have been a bit ... it’s been hard getting used to.” He’s speaking to the doctor and Vic at the same time really.

The doctor seems to offer him a more understanding look.

“I understand, but you have to realise that if you want to get better as quickly as possible, taking your medication and applying the bandages properly is pretty much _all_ that needs to be done.” It makes him feel awkward enough to nod. “Is there someone still helping you?”

Robert nods slowly.

He doesn’t say a lot else, he doesn’t have to because as soon as he’s out of the room, Vic is there taking his place.

“I watched a nurse explain to Aaron how to apply it for you.” Vic says, frown on her face, twisting at her lip again. “Has he not been —“

“It’s my — my problem so.” He makes a point of shrugging his shoulders and yet Vic frowns. Apparently it’s not justifying anything. “Vic he’s got Gabriel to think about.”

“And you.” She shrugs, blinks quickly and looks away. “How about if ... if you move in with —“

Robert shakes his head quickly. “No. No I don’t need to.” He says.

Vic runs a hand through her ponytail and sighs hard. “It might be for the best.”

“For who?”

“ _You_.” Vic waves a hand out, shimmies slightly as she speaks and Robert rolls his eyes. “And him. And Gabriel.” He gulps at her words. “At least think about it.” 

“There’s nothing to think about.”

“Look I know you love him ...”

Robert looks up again, eyes flickering.

“But maybe —“

“Maybe I should take my medication and do my bandages. That’s all. This has nothing to do with Aaron. He’s been brilliant.” She looks away and her disapproval stings. “Where are you going?” Because she’s standing up and walking towards the door.

“To find out how to change your dressings.” Vic says as she pauses. “I’ll ask her to give us _both_ a demonstration.”

 

—

 

The thing about having a wound infected is that suddenly you have much more medication than you originally started with and that’s always a bummer. Robert’s well aware of that now, just finished knocking back a few and staring at the third glass of water Vic’s brought him.

“Drink up.” She makes a point of tapping the glass as she passes him and sits on the sofa, makes herself well at him then.

“If I drink anymore I’ll need to piss again.” 

Vic shrugs. “You need to keep your fluids up. We don’t want you having another funny turn do we?” He sighs, blinks at her a couple of times and then she pulls a face. “What?”

“You.” Robert says delicately. He looks down and then up again before letting out a shrug. “Sound exactly like mum.” It makes him blush a little, it only makes her smile though. 

The moment between them happens to be ruined by the sound of keys turning in the lock and Robert braces himself for Aaron’s reaction.

“Rob! We’re back.” Aaron says and Robert gulps hard around the feel of Vic getting ready to scowl.

“Let me explain.” He whispers to her before Aaron comes into the room and Gabriel’s running upset. It makes Robert frown, worry. “Is he alright?”

Aaron smiles faintly at him and goes to nod before he sees Robert’s face properly and his eyes start flickering like mad. He holds in a breath and then lets it go again.

“What — what happened?”

Robert ducks his head down awkwardly because he’s managed to forget the bruise he’s got forming above his eye from when he fell.

“He fell in the shower. His wound — he busted the stitches.” And Vic doesn’t know what ‘let me explain’ means clearly. She twists at her lip and then Robert raises his head again.

“But I’m fine.” Robert butts in, tries to smile but it doesn’t meet his eyes and he’s expecting Aaron to come towards him and smother him but he’s still just standing by the door with his mouth open.

“He’s got his wound infected. He needs to take some more pills.” Robert shoots Vic a look and she frowns at him. “What? If I didn’t tell him you wouldn’t have either.”

Aaron’s still silent but he’s got a hand over his mouth now and tears in his eyes. He looks bloody devastated and Robert doesn’t understand.

“Aaron ... I’m fine.” He says and Aaron blinks quickly.

“You’ve got an infection. How is that fine?” He says, his voice cracks a little as he speaks and Robert almost winces.

“It’s already working.” Robert nods steadily. “Please don’t worry —“

“Did uh — did you take him?” Aaron rubs at his face and looks at Vic who sits up straight and nods. “Well thanks. Thank you.” Victoria’s eyes widen a little like she didn’t expect to hear it. 

“You don’t need to thank me. I’m his sister.” She shrugs. “Good thing I wasn’t working when he rang —“

“He rang you?” Robert sinks into the sofa and winces slightly as Vic nods wordlessly.

“I couldn’t get ahold of you.” Robert lies, for some reason he just lies.

“My phone wasn’t on silent or anything.”

Robert stays silent and then he holds his breath as Vic gets up and makes excuses about leaving. She hugs at Robert and then walks towards the door.

“Make sure to take your —“

“Yeah I know.” Robert says and then he smiles slightly. “Thanks.” She shrugs and then leaves and Robert still doesn’t look up. He keeps his head down and then hears Aaron coming towards him cautiously, hanging over him. “I really am —“

Aaron cautiously runs a hand across Robert’s hair and shudders. “Do you want a tea or something?”

Robert freezes around the lack of anger or worry in Aaron’s voice and then finds himself nodding.

 

—

Aaron comes back in with a tea and Robert shuffles slightly, moans as he moves and Aaron frowns.

“You okay?”

Robert nods, blows out a breath. “Are you?”

Aaron blinks. “What do you mean?” He shrugs, brings a duvet across Robert’s lap and he’s back to fussing over him again. “I’m fine.” 

Robert stops Aaron’s hand and blinks. “Talk to me.”

“Like you talked to me?” Aaron says, frowning on his face as he shakes his head slowly. “You didn’t say it was getting worse.”

Robert freezes. “I didn’t ... I didn’t know it was getting worse. I just —“

“Didn’t talk to me.” Aaron puts his head down, and Robert doesn’t know how he’s supposed to fix this. “You rang Vic.”

“I couldn’t get ahold of —“

“Don’t lie to me. Don’t you dare.” Aaron gets up, has his back against the wall as he speaks to Robert and shakes his head. He’s got tears in his eyes and Robert wants to look away. “You rang Vic. You haven’t seen her properly for years and —“

“She’s my sister Aaron.”

Aaron frowns. “And I’m your _boyfriend_ Robert.” He raises his voice, basically shouts, and then he looks up at the ceiling.

Robert looks out towards the window and realises that it’s gotten darker during this little conversation. He blinks quickly and then sighs. “I know what you would have done.” 

“You mystic Meg now yeah?”

“No but I don’t think I need to be. You would have freaked out.” Robert watches Aaron look away. “And blamed yourself, and that’s the _last_ thing I would have wanted.” 

Aaron blinks tears away. “I would have have been right.” He has a hand on his hip and he twists his lip. “I’m supposed to be looking after you.”

Robert rolls his sleeves up, leans forward and tries to get Aaron to look at him. “I never wanted you to feel like you have to.”

“But I said I would. I was ... you got released into my _care_.” Aaron stresses, holds a hand towards his chest and gulps. He’s still got tears in his eyes and Robert frowns.

“Stop beating yourself up about it.” Robert says, it manages to make Aaron shuffle a little. “Aaron I mean it.” He whispers. “Can we just forget this?”

Aaron doesn’t say anything for the longest time and then he raises his head. “Okay.” He says. “If you’re okay then ... then I’m okay.” Only it doesn’t meet his eyes and the way he wraps his arms around Robert doesn’t feel like normal.

 

—

 

He finds out later that Gabriel had a great day because he won’t stop talking about it over dinner, spaghetti and meatballs. They’re his favourite apparently and Robert wants to call them amazing and shower Aaron with praise but he’s so quiet.

It’s so clear that he’s not over what happened. 

And that’s strange, because Robert’s not had someone care about him _so_ much in such a long time. He almost doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do with all the love that Aaron has for him.

“And I saw everyone and we went into the playground and —“

Gabriel doesn’t shut up and Robert just smiles at him, nods his head a little until Gabriel frowns.

“Did you bang your face?” He points and that’s when Aaron speaks.

“Robert had a fall.”

“I’m fine.”

“I bet you’re _sore_ again.” Gabriel huffs, folds his arms over and sighs.

Aaron blinks. He looks at Robert like he’s waiting for him to answer. Robert nods slowly.

“‘Fraid so.” He pulls a face and then grins suddenly. “Doesn’t mean I can’t *tickle you though!” He leans forward, grabs at Gabriel’s body and then the pressure gets too much and he pulls away quickly, almost yelps.

It’s enough to make Aaron scrap the chair back, “ _Robert_!” He’s shouting, he’s proper shouting and panicking and Gabriel just stares up at him with wide eyes and says that he’s sorry.

Robert runs a hand through Gabriel’s hair and tells him it’s okay before he looks up at Aaron. He’s still standing above him, wide blue eyes and mouth open like he can’t quite close it.

“Hey.” Robert has a ghost of hand against Aaron’s and he nods slowly. “It was just —“

“You shouldn’t push yourself.” Aaron scratches the back of his head and then looks at Gabriel. “Gabe you can’t — Robert’s fragile. We can’t do —“

“I said I’m sorry.” Gabriel’s pouting and Aaron leans down, kneels slightly and then breathes in before standing again and ruffling through Gabriel’s hair. 

“I know. You’re a good boy. Why don’t you — play upstairs for a bit?”

As soon as Gabriel’s up the stairs, Aaron’s moving towards the sink and turning his back towards Robert. They’re in silence, dredged up in it and then Robert speaks.

“Aaron don’t go silent on me.”

“I’m not.” Aaron makes the point of turning around, shrugging. “I’m washing up.”

Robert nods slowly. “I could help.” He whispers, stands up and tries to reach for his plate but Aaron’s already there, wet hands running towards him and grabbing it.

“You need to rest.” Aaron says, voice firm and eyes wide again as he goes back towards the sink.

“Aaron don’t —“

Aaron turns around. “Robert for me, please. Just go lay down okay?” He dries his hands and then sighs as he comes back towards Aaron. He looks like himself again, he looks kind again. 

“You’re angry.” Robert says anyway.

It makes Aaron rest his head against Robert’s. “I’m not.” He whispers. “I’m just — you need to rest. Go. Go rest yeah?”

Robert pulls away. “Okay.” He says, and he finds himself upstairs in Gabriel’s room a few minutes later. He’s got a smile on his face as he enters and Gabriel looks sorry. “You don’t have to look at me like that squirt. I said I’m okay and I am.” 

Gabriel crawls towards Robert and frowns. “Is daddy?” It’s a question that seeks to really hang in the air, just hang and make Robert really think. He wants to say he’s fine, he wants to say that they’re all okay but something stops him, maybe it’s just the truth.

“He will be.” He keeps it as a promise, kisses Gabriel’s head and stays with him until he’s falling asleep against Robert’s side. He keeps thinking about it all as he unhooks himself and tries to get down the stairs without waking him up. 

He half expects Aaron to be curled up on the sofa waiting for him, Christmas tree lights bright and sparkling. But he isn’t there. He’s in the kitchen, he’s still washing up. Robert comes closer towards him and then sees the steam, the hot steam and the water and —

Aaron standing there like it doesn’t hurt, like burning hot water running over his hands doesn’t _hurt_.

Robert runs. He runs across the room and reaches for the tap, turns it as quickly as possible and then stares up at Aaron in shock.

“What are you _doing_?” He doesn’t mean to shout but he does, because he doesn’t know what else he’s supposed to do. Any pain he felt has completely evaporated and all he seems to be focusing on is the look on Aaron’s face.

It’s like he isn’t there, like he’s frozen in a moment or something and it’s so terrifying to watch. Robert just keeps staring until Aaron finally flickers his eyes a little and steadies his breath.

“I was just —“

“That was _boiling_.” Robert whispers, watches as the steam clouds them. And then he’s looking down at Aaron’s hands and wincing. “God they’re — they’re red _raw_ Aaron.” He says, he sounds gutted as he hears himself and then he sees that Aaron’s looming down at them and shaking.

His hands are shaking, they won’t stop.

“I — I didn’t mean to —“

“To what?” Robert’s eyes are green and wide and he doesn’t know how to breathe against it. He doesn’t know how he’s supposed to form the words. “To hurt yourself.”

That’s when Aaron finally springs into action, he winces as he moves his hands away and then gets a towel. He wraps it around his hands and then stops. “Leave it.” He whispers. “It was an accident.”

“An _accident_?” Robert frowns, eyes beady. “How could it possibly be an accident?”

Aaron’s mouth opens wide, he shakes his head slowly. “Because it was.” He whispers. “I just — I zoned out a little.”

Robert comes closer towards Aaron and settles down on the chair, leans away as Aaron does. “Please.” He says. “Please don’t lie to me.” He closes his eyes and opens them again. “Did you want to hurt yourself?”

Aaron winces under the question and stays silent for so long. It says it all doesn’t it? It makes Robert want to cry. 

“Aaron ...”

“Please leave it.”

“You were — were standing there tryna burn your hands and you did. Look.” Aaron tries to move away, make out like his hands mustn’t be aching. “Don’t hide from me.” Robert says suddenly and Aaron knows what he’s going on about. That’s why he turns away. “That’s what you said to me. About my — you said I shouldn’t hide from you and now look at you? You’re —“

“Robert, please.” Aarons eyes flicker a little but he clearly doesn’t have the strength to say anything else. He looks gutted. 

“How long?” Robert grips the table and blinks as Aaron frowns at him. “How long have you been — been doing that again?”

He doesn’t mean to sound so terrified but he is.

Aaron twists his lip and blinks. “Just ... today. Just now.” He nods his head steadily and Robert scoffs.

“Don’t lie to me.”

“Why, is that your job?” It cuts something through the air and Aaron rubs at his eyes hard before sighing. “I’m sorry I —“

Robert keeps his head down, it kicks something in his chest but he’s already thinking about something else. He’s thinking about the other night, the bath. Aaron pulling away, making excuses and then Gabriel calling him. “With the bath ... when I asked ya to join me and —“ Aaron almost tries to shuffles away but Robert stands. “Were you cutting yourself then? On your ... your stomach?”

He half expects things to become dramatic, for Aaron to push him away and run out the door and everything but instead he just nods his head slowly and somehow that’s even _worse_. Somehow that makes Robert wince even more than usual.

“Yeah okay, I did.” He says. “Because it helped.”

And the thing is, Robert just wants to understand, he wants to _properly_ understand why exactly he does it. He wants to get it and he can’t.

Aaron’s suddenly calm face isn’t helping anymore.

He’s _too_ fucking calm.

“How could it help?” Robert asks, his jumper feels too tight and he can’t help but gulp hard. “How could it possibly help?” Aaron goes to walk away and Robert comes towards him, holds his arm back. “No I’m sorry. Just, I’m trying to understand.”

“You won’t be able to.” Aaron whispers. “You won’t get it.” He shrugs, and Robert tells him to try and explain. He says it softly and Aaron actually sits down and blows out a breath and starts speaking.

“It calms me down.” Aaron says. “Stops me thinking about ... about how guilty I feel.”

It’s what Robert’s been expecting, Aaron to fall off the edge. Sooner of later. It hurts though, to think of them crumbling like this and not knowing how to stop it.

“You don’t have to feel guilty.”

“I do.” Aaron blows out heavily. “About Holly. Da-Daniel. That poor lad that I could have _saved_.” He looks hollow, broken under what he saying. “About not giving Gabriel a proper good start in life.” He looks up and he’s got tears in his eyes. “And then there’s you. Look what I’ve done to you.”

Robert leans closer and then sighs. “I made my own choices.”

“I could have put a stop to all of this if I just agreed to testify when you told me the truth.” Aaron shrugs. “But no. I didn’t. Because I — I made it all about my pain and ignored the fact that Daniel deserved _justice_.”

Robert doesn’t know what to say, his mouth hangs open slightly and then he gulps. “You’ll get him that, when the trial starts.”

“But you can’t get _unshoot_  can ya?” Aaron says, eyes flickering as he shakes his head. “And I did that. Me.”

“You’re not thinking straight. You’re just _shaken_ because of what happened today. You’ve been — been great.”

Aaron suddenly looks frustrated. “Yeah why do you think?” He says, nearly shouts and Robert shakes his head.

“You’ve been — because you’ve been —“

“It’s been helping.” Aaron says and Robert looks away from him. “This is why I didn’t want you to find out. I knew you’d — be like this.”

Robert frowns. “What? _Unreasonable_?”

“Overreacting.” Aaron whispers.

Robert feels something inside him bubble over. “I just watched you let yourself get scalded. I don’t think I’m overreacting.” He shouts and Aaron looks towards his hands and sighs. “You have to stop.”

“It helps.”

“Helps who?”

“Me.” Aaron points to himself.

“Until you see what you’ve done and you hate yourself.” Aaron looks away again and then he rubs at his face, tears still falling.

“You know what makes me hate myself?” Aaron says. “Hurting you. Not being there for ya.”

“Aaron ...”

Aaron sniffs. “I was supposed to be in charge of your bandages and look what happens? You end up busting them.”

“Because _I_ fell in the shower, I spooked myself okay it had nothing to do with —“

“I _fucked_ off, had the nerve to prance around school and tell everyone you’re doing well.”

“For _Gabriel_.” Robert stresses the point but Aaron almost cowers under it and shakes his head. It makes Robert want to reach out and hug him but he wants to keep a distance there too. “Aaron _please_.”

Aaron winces under it and then sighs. “I’ve tried.” He whispers. “I’ve tried so hard to be there for you, I honestly have.”

It’s gutting, it rips through Robert and makes him lean closer and finally touch Aaron’s shoulder. “You’ve been amazing.”

“How can you say that?” Aaron looks up and the tears swell and fall down his face again. He looks towards the hand Robert has on his shoulder and gulps. “How can you still be here?”

And that’s a simpler question. “Because I love you.”

Aaron bites his lip. “How can that be enough?”

Robert gulps this time, it rocks him a little and then he shrugs. “Because it is.” He says. “You need to stop, you need to let me help you.” Aaron goes to open his mouth and Robert shakes his head. “And before you say ...you’re supposed to be helping me ... it works _both_ ways.”

Aaron doesn’t say anything for a while and Robert holds his breath against it and then he feels Aaron falling against his chest and crying.

“Oh, Aaron — it’s okay.” He whispers gently. He rolls his eyes and wants to kick himself. “I mean ... it will be. We’ll — you’ll not have to do that anymore. I promise.”

Aaron looks up and blinks. “Can you help me bandage these up.” He slowly raises his hands and Robert knows that he’s letting him in. It makes him reach over and kiss Aaron’s head slowly.

“Give me a second.” He says as he gets up and then Aaron calls him back.

“I love you.” Aaron says. “So much.”

It makes Robert’s heart thud. “And I love you.”

And neither of them want to say anything about what that means they do sometimes.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to those still reading this, plenty more to come!


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert makes a decision, Aaron is left wary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks to everyone still reading this!

The next morning Aaron tries to pretend like nothing ever happened. He’s making Gabriel his breakfast and talking about school and actually smiling.

For a second, Robert wonders if he should play along, if he should just pretend too but a part of him can’t. It’s too hard to pretend when he knows it won’t solve anything.

“Morning.” Aaron says, hesitant as he kisses Robert and then pulls away again just to stare right into Robert’s eyes. Robert tries to keep looking his way and then he breaks and turns towards the living room. Aaron follows him, looks nervous suddenly. “You ignoring me?”

Robert shakes his head. “No. I wouldn’t do that. I’m just ... I still don’t know what I’m supposed to do.” He says. He’s honest and he’s proud of himself.

Because last night ended with Aaron laying on his chest and saying things are going to be better but it didn’t seem like it was real.

He still feels like he should be doing something, should be helping him more. Aaron on the other hand clearly doesn’t agree, he shakes his head and frowns.

“You’re not supposed to do ... anything. This is my problem, not yours.” Aaron says. “It always has been.”

Robert frowns. “But we’re together now.” He says, he comes closer and sees that Aaron’s left hand is worse than the other, he’s managed to take the bandages off the right one and it doesn’t look as bad as Robert had feared. “Your problems become mine, that’s just how it works.” He shrugs and Aaron darts his eyes away. 

“So you’re not running away because of it?”

Robert blinks. “You _told_ me you had a problem with ...” he looks at Gabriel eating happily and then turns back to Aaron. “I knew that Aaron.”

“Yeah but it was all past tense when I spoke about it wasn’t it? Not — not happening now.” He shrugs a little as he speaks and then he gulps. “It won’t happen again.”

It sounds a lot like an empty promise and Robert tries to forget he’s even heard it but then Aaron says it again.

“I mean it.”

“You can’t promise that Aaron.” He whispers, “I know you want to but ... you can’t.” Aaron looks defeated and Robert holds at his waist. “You can promise to go and speak to someone.” 

It makes Aaron pull this face and sigh, he’s tried it all apparently and none of it has worked.

“I bet your mum made you go didn’t she?” Aaron nods slowly. “Well this you going for ... for you.”

“And you.” Aaron says quickly. “I’m not meant to still be like this.” It sounds like it’s ripping him apart. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t say sorry.” Robert says, because maybe he’s been up half the night on his phone trying to understand why exactly Aaron would harm himself and realised that police training is utter shite on the topic. “You don’t have to be sorry. But what you do have to ... have to do is talk to someone about it.”

Aaron gulps. “Okay.” He says, he says it and Robert’s shoulders seem to melt under the relief. “I guess it’s ... it’s all just been a lot hasn’t it? It’s built up. I can explain that to them and ... and sort it out.”

He looks scared, sounds scared, but he still manages to nod his head a little when Robert smiles at him. Proud. Proper proud.

 

—

 

Aaron’s laying across Robert’s lap when he tilts his head up and puckers his lips in this really soft way. Robert leans down and kisses him and then he pulls away again and sees that Aaron’s got a soft, nervous smile on his face.

“What’s that look for?”

Aaron bites at his lip, lets his teeth drag and then he shrugs. “You still want me then.” 

Robert’s eyes flicker at his words and then he nods. “I still want you.” He whispers, “I mean it might take a while considering I’m still —“

“I don’t just mean sex Robert.” Aaron forces it out and then sits himself up so that his shoulders are touching Robert’s. “I mean ... all the other stuff, apart from sex.” He blushes slightly and Robert gets what he’s saying, curls a finger against Aaron’s cheek and smiles faintly.

“You haven’t scared me away.” Robert cuts to the chase and gets it out in the open for Aaron to digest. He leans over and kisses Aaron again, this time filled with more passion. He only leans away when the door goes and Aaron jumps to get an get it.

Robert watches him freeze and look all nervous suddenly and then he realises that Lawrence’s voice is filling the room. He sits up straighter on the sofa and watches Lawrence take a seat in the living room whilst Aaron hangs by the door.

He frowns at Robert. “How is it possible that you look worse?” And he’s so lovely sometimes isn’t he? Robert clears his throat and sighs.

“I had a fall. My wound was ... infected.” Robert says, blinks quickly as he sees the way Aaron shuffles about looking guilty again. “But I’ll be back on my feet in no time. No need to look so worried.”

Lawrence’s jaw tightens. “I’m not worried. I’m just wondering when exactly you’ll be back to work.” His words hang in the air and Robert doesn’t know what to say so he keeps his mouth shut. And then Lawrence looks towards Aaron and asks for a drink. Aaron rolls his eyes and heads to the kitchen, leaves them to talk. “Right, now he’s gone,” Robert looks up sharply and scowls. “Can you tell me when you’re coming back please?”

“I — I got _shot_?” Robert frowns. “Don’t you think I deserve some time off?”

“Very much so.” Lawrence says, smarmy and annoying. “But you were the one who said that you’d be back on your feet in no time.” He says. “I’m just wondering what the ‘no time’ actually translates to in terms of time.”

Robert blinks, gulps hard. “Soon.” He shrugs.

“Well it’s Christmas next week.” Lawrence says. “I’m hoping it’s before then.”

“Before?”

“Well yes, to get you familiar with the new case in London.”

Robert’s head thumps. “London?” He feels his mouth turn dry at the word.

Lawrence just looks at him like he’s thick. “Where else?”

And Robert suddenly sees Aaron standing by the door with his mouth half open. He shakes himself and then leans closer. “Tap water.” He says, passes it over to Lawrence and then looks towards the stairs. “I’ll just — I’ll leave you to it.

It makes Robert’s heart press awkwardly in his chest and he sighs hard.

“I need time to sort things out here.” He ends up saying, he has a hand across his face and rubs slightly. He’s trying to get his words out but he can’t.

Lawrence sighs. “With Aaron?”

“Leave him ... out of this.”

“How can I when you’re living in his house?” Lawrence says and then he twists around and looks at the Christmas tree. “How nice.”

Robert’s jaw locks in place an he sighs. “I can’t come back.” It drops out of his mouth, it just falls out and maybe it has something to do with the fact that Gabriel’s favourite ball ball is hanging on the tree where Robert can see. He stares at it until Lawrence’s face comes back into view.

“I’m sorry?”

Robert nods slowly. “So am I. But I — I want to transfer, work up here.” It’s like the words just tumble out and he only manages to catch a few of them. But he doesn’t want to take any of it back either. He’s almost certain that what he’s saying is also what he wants.

It is.

He wants this. He doesn’t want to leave Aaron or Gabriel and this will make sure that never has to happen.

“Work up _here_? They’ll move you to Hotten or wherever the place is called. Reporting on crimes in some sleepy village. That’s not you.” Lawrence isn’t wrong either, it’s sort of the opposite of why he joined the force or what he expected himself to be doing. “You know that.”

Robert suddenly plays with his hands, tenses. “I also know that I want to be here with Aaron. I know I didn’t expect it to happen but it did and I can’t just turn my back on that can I?” He can’t. He won’t.

Lawrence turns on his heels and then looks out the window. “Is that a question or not?”

Robert stands suddenly. “No. It’s — it’s not.” He says, he watches Lawrence turn around. “It’s what I want.”

He wants Aaron and Gabriel and a house just outside a cozy village. He wants a family and he doesn’t have one of those waiting for him in London does he?

Lawrence steps forward until he’s face to face with Robert. “And it’s that easy is it?”

Robert’s face falls at Lawrence’s words, and he frowns slightly against what he’s trying to say. Then Aaron appears at the door again and he steps back.

“I’ll let you have a think. I’ll be back tomorrow. If that’s okay?”

Robert goes to speak, to tell him he doesn’t need time but Lawrence waves a hand out.

“Bye.” He says and he completely ignores Aaron’s presence as he goes through the door.

Robert turns around and Aaron has his arms folded over. “Nothing to worry about.

“He mentioned London. I heard.” Aaron says, frowns. “What are you not telling me?”

And Robert decides not to lie, he grabs his coat and takes Aaron’s hand and they go for a walk like a boring ordinary couple. And he tells him, and Aaron keeps his head down and then stops walking.

“So you’re going yeah?” Aaron looks up and squints against the sun. Robert shakes his head slowly.

“I said I want to be transferred. Here. With you.” Robert says, a small smile on his face against the cold. “I can start after Christmas.”

Aaron just stares at him and Robert frowns.

“Well say something then.”

“You — why would you do that?” Aaron stammers out and Robert’s face falls. “You love your job.”

Robert has a hand against Aaron’s waist. “I love you.” He whispers, and Aaron looks away from him like he can’t hear it. 

“You have a whole life in London Rob.” He shrugs finally and Robert decides to nod. 

“I don’t have you though, and that ... that’s what counts.”

He sort of doesn’t know how else he’s supposed to make Aaron realise that he’s really in love with him. Maybe this will make a difference somehow. 

Aaron’s eyes flicker again and he bites at his lip, goes to speak and Robert’s phone goes off. It’s Nicola, and Aaron tells him to get it.

“Go I’ll — I think I just need a minute to myself.”

Robert’s phone carries on ringing and Aaron smiles faintly.

“You can go, it’s okay.” Aaron says. “I’m okay.”

“You’re okay?”

“You’re annoying.”

“I’m _annoying_?”

Aaron rolls his eyes and comes closer towards Robert, holds at his waist. “You’re a parrot, that’s what you are.” He looks like himself and Robert’s shoulders relax. “Take the call, I need to go and get Gabriel from school soon anyway.”

Gabriel.

They’ve hardly talked about him and Robert feels guilty.

“I’ll make dinner.” Robert decides. “Don’t be ... be long yeah?” He says and Aaron nods.

There’s a tightness in his stomach until he picks up the phone to Nicola and she starts speaking.

He gets back to the house and cranks the heating up before looking in the fridge and yanking out the pepperoni. He’ll make Aaron pizza and be that sort of good boyfriend.

He’s hardly listening to Nicola because she’s going on about missing the price of a coffee where he is and complaining about how busy it is at work.

And yeah. Perhaps a part of him bristles when he hears it. He misses it. He’s not going to deny that but then he feels like he has to when she teases him about her new case.

“How much was seized?” His mouth is open, really bloody wide a well and he blinks quickly as she goes on about the cocaine supply they found in a car and the fact that it’s all linking to some undercover drug ring in the east end.

“You always wanted to bust one of these didn’t ya?” She laughs and he sighs, stops cracking an egg and sits slowly. “Well as soon as you’re back then ...”

“I’m not coming back.” He says and saying it again makes him feel like it’s actually happening. It’s weird, makes something bubble in his stomach but he wants this. He wants Aaron and Gabriel and Vic close by, not miles and miles away from him.

Nicola doesn’t say anything and then she does and he gulps hard against it. “What do you _mean_? You can’t seriously be staying in that sleepy little place? You’ll die of boredom.”

And it’s like no one understands how much Aaron means to him.

“Aaron’s here.”

She says she gets that, she understands but then she goes and backtracks everything. “But that’s _it_. You don’t have a house up there, or a job, or —“

“I’ve asked Lawrence to transfer.” 

“Wait a second, you’ve already spoken to Lawrence about this?”

“Yeah, why?”

She makes this odd noise and then sighs. “Well he gave me this case and said I’d be working on it with ya.” He hears her get up and then sip at a coffee. “He’s letting you do that?”

Robert scowls, he’s back to making pizza dough with the phone sweaty against his ear. “What do you mean _letting_ me?”

“I mean ... nothing. Don’t worry.” He can almost see her waving a hand down. She sips again and then pauses. “You and Aaron then. It must be serious if you’re moving your whole life for him.”

“It was never going to be just a fling was it?” It’s mad to think that’s what he’d convinced himself once upon a time when Aaron was just a fit potentially gay teacher who could make this all more bearable.

“But to go from a detective in _London_ to —“

“Yeah alright.” He snaps a little, leans the phone down and puts it on speaker as he punches at the dough he’s made. “If it was Jimmy, you’d —“

Nicola scoffs. “Jimmy’d come to me.”

“Yeah well ... Jimmy’s not Aaron. Thank God.” He mumbles.

“What was that you said about my husband?”

“Oh nothing.” He teases and then hears her sigh.

“You’ll have to come back and sort out your rent and everything though right?” He hadn’t even thought about it, he hasn’t thought about a lot really.

“Yeah.” He says, “But that can ... it can wait until after Christmas.”

“Right...”

“Thanks for being so supportive.”

“Oh sorry. Should I be clapping my hands together over you choosing your heart over your head.”

Robert bristles and slows down. “Don’t say it like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like it’s ... irrational.”

“Or romantic?” Nicola says, and he gulps hard against it. “Look, I better go see if Angel’s killed one of her brothers, they’ve all been too quiet. I’ll speak to you later.” She says and he nods.

“Yeah bye.” He says, rolls his eyes as he ends the call and then hears Aaron shutting the door and coming in with Gabriel. “ _Hey_ mate, how was school?”

“The man wasn’t there.” Gabriel moves his curls out of his face and Robert sobers.

“We said ... he wouldn’t be there ever again.” Aaron has a hand on the small of Gabriel’s back as he takes his coat off for him. 

Gabriel nods. “Just telling ‘Ob so he can come back.”

Robert’s face falls. “Don’t think I will be mate. I’m doing ... another job.” Gabriel frowns and Aaron looks over towards him. “A detective one.”

Gabriel’s eyes widen and he clearly thinks it’s amazing as he squeezes Robert’s leg and races upstairs to play.

Aaron hangs by the door and holds Gabriel’s book-bag.

“You sure you should be telling him that?”

Robert blinks, “I meant what I said.”

“I know you did.” Aaron mouths something and then scratches his eyebrow. “But that’s not the same as something actually happening is it?”

“Is that a dig?” Robert says, confused.

Aaron shakes his head and comes closer towards him. He sighs hard. “No. It isn’t. Sorry I —“

“Can we talk about something else?” Robert says and Aaron frowns slightly.

“About you taking your medication?”

“That’s covered.” Robert says, holds a hand against Aaron’s waist and settles it there. “Maybe about me making pizza for dinner, with you in mind.”

Aaron twists his lip and kisses Robert. “Love you.”

It takes Robert by surprise and makes him smile. “Love you.”

 

—

 

Somehow they get to the end of the day without any other hiccups or meltdowns or whatever Robert wants to call it. He’s laying against Aaron in bed and trying to think about something other than what Nicola was banging on about in his head.

Aaron comes out of the shower and towards the bed, he’s got a shirt hanging loose against his wet skin and Robert twists his lip as he gets into bed.

“You can take it off you know.” Robert says, and Aaron gives him a look. “The top. If — if you think I’m going to be mad at you for —“

Heat rises through Aaron’s cheeks suddenly. “‘S fine. I’m cold anyway.” He pauses slightly and then sighs. “Don’t look like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you’ve put your foot in it or something.” Aaron sighs. “I don’t have ... the urge to do anything like that. Not now anyway.”

Robert gulps. “Comes and goes?”

Aaron looks darkly. “Just takes over.” He says.

“Next time you tell me?”

Aaron cringes and Robert panics.

“Or write it down.” He says. “Whatever. Just get it out in a different way.”

Aaron turns and smiles slowly. “Yeah I will.” He whispers. 

Robert looks down slowly and Aaron shuffles further towards him before gently creaming over his hands. Robert watches, and then he helps him and something about it is soft and loving and it makes Aaron reach over and kiss Robert.

“Love you.” He whispers, gentle and kind and the Aaron that Robert was never deserving of.

It rips through him until Aaron’s learning against his side and they’re talking about Gabriel at school. It’s a lighter subject. Thank fuck.

“They miss ya.” Aaron says, Robert scoffs against it and then he nods. “What? I’m being serious. April asked if you were okay.”

It sobers him a little, makes Robert clear his throat and actually think about them. He misses the brats. He really does.

“Do they uh know about what happened?”

It’s vague but Aaron gets it. “That you were a superhero?”

“More like I got shot.”

“ _Being_ a superhero idiot.”

Aaron’s eyes flicker and he looks up towards Robert and holds his face.

“I like it when you call me that.” Robert whispers gently. “Even though it’s not true.”

Aaron gulps hard, looks serious suddenly. “Well it is to me.” He says before he looks away a little. “What was — what did Nicola want?” He says, almost too out of the blue for Robert to think about.

“Oh just to talk about a new case she’s got.” Robert says. “Dream one, smarmy cow.”

Aaron freezes around the way Robert holds at his shoulder. “Dream one?” He whispers and Robert instantly regrets opening his big mouth doesn’t he? Because Aaron’s looking all sorry and guilty again.

“Doesn’t matter.” Robert half shrugs. “At all.” He adds. He lies a bit but he supposes that’s going to be allowed considering the way Aaron is looking at him now. “Honest.”

“You don’t have to lie to me Rob.” Aaron gets out, eyes flickering slightly as he waits for Robert to speak. “You would have loved whatever she’s up to and we both know it.”

Only there’s really no point in going on about that really is there? Yeah it’s unfortunate but that’s all it is. He tries to explain as much but it only gets Aaron sighing.

“I love you. I want this — more than that case or whatever.” He waves a hand out and Aaron twists his lip.

“I know.” Aaron says. “But I don’t want this being — bittersweet for ya.”

Robert looks towards the window and then back at Aaron again, sighs and shuffles closer towards him. “It won’t be.”

“You don’t know —“

“I know we love each other. And yeah — this wasn’t part of the plan but it’s happened and I’m — I’m not giving that up Aaron.”

“Not like your job you mean.”

“I’m just ... relocating. Like every other copper does.” Robert half shrugs and Aaron blinks up at him with wide eyes. “Now pass the covers, you’re hogging them all.” He drags them and Aaron rolls towards him and they kiss.

And everything else fades away.

 

 

 

 


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron’s relationship faces another hurdle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi how’s it going? So I feel like I haven’t uploaded in a while and I doubt anyone is still reading this lmao but there’s more to come! 
> 
> This chapter is ... angsty lmao but that’s just my brand tbh?

Aaron’s awake before he is again; he’s laying right next to him though and just staring over and Robert wants to call it sweet until Aaron takes his hand away from Robert’s arm like he has to.

Robert decides to say something about it, still half asleep and groggy but he’ll say something. He raises his eyebrow and frowns, shuffles forward and takes Aaron’s waist in his grip.

“You didn’t have to stop.” Robert mumbles, hair swept across his forehead as he sees Aaron start to blush.

“You don’t know why I do it though.” Aaron shrugs, the space tightening between them.

“Why don’t you tell me then?”

“We’ve just woke up.” It’s Aaron’s way of saying he’ll tell Robert later and he wants to believe him. He doesn’t push him because there’s no point in that is there? Instead he has a hand through Aaron’s curls and he nods.

“Later then.”

Aaron nods against it, kisses at Robert’s forehead tenderly and then leans off the bed. He kneels, looks fucking beautiful really and then he says something about breakfast.

“Medication.” Aaron says as he gets out the room and Robert rolls his eyes before leaning over and taking the bloody pills.

By the time he comes downstairs, Aaron’s already trying to run a brush though Gabriel’s hair who’s gripping onto the chair and wincing.

“Oi, sit still or Bobby won’t be able to come over. I’ll have to stop you yourself.” Aaron’s saying, look down towards his son.

“Bobby?”

Aaron raises his head. “He made a new friend. His mum’s coming and taking him in for me.” He says, pulls a little hard and Gabriel squeals. “Thought we could go out or something.” He shrugs.

Robert nods, winces slightly as he gets to the kettle and flicks it on. He’s ignoring the sound of Gabriel’s complaining until some tall woman is coming through the door and looking at him with big wide eyes. They’re practically twinkling.

“Oh. Who’s this?”

Robert straightens his back and smiles and Aaron follows behind her with a scowl on his face. “This is Robert, my boyfriend. Rob this is Bobby’s mum.” He waves a hand out. “Speaking of which shouldn’t we be —“

“Cassie.” She interrupts, leans over and Robert shakes her hand awkwardly before pulling away. Aaron’s got his arms crossed over when she eventually looks at him. “I’ll go get the boys then.” She walks back towards the corridor and shakes her head as Robert turns away and starts making a cuppa. “He’s very ... you’re a lucky man Aaron.”

“I like to think so. Cheers. I guess.” Robert hears Aaron saying, and it makes him smile down into his mug until the door is being slammed shut and Gabriel’s waving goodbye to him from the car. “Don’t let that go to your head.” Aaron says as he comes back through the door.

Robert acts like he doesn’t know what he’s on about.

“Cassie. Her husband’s just left her.”

“Is that your way of saying she’s desperate?”

Aaron scoffs as he comes into the kitchen. “Pretty much.”

“It’s the only reason she’d be making those eyes at me then right?”

“Right.” Aaron steps into Robert’s face and there’s a soft quietness about them for a second. It’s what Robert wants to chase forever until Aaron leans a hand out and strokes Robert’s fringe delicately. “It’s to check you’re okay.” He whispers.

Robert only frowns and Aaron looks away before blowing out a breath. “Sometimes I — I wake up early just to check that you’re ... okay. I feel if you still have a pulse.”

“Aaron ...” Robert says, he feels almost lost for words and there’s this crushing in his stomach.

“It’s silly I know.”

“It’s not.” Robert says quickly. “I just — don’t know what to say.” He whispers and Aaron brings his forehead towards Robert’s gently. “You don’t need to worry.”

“It’s ‘cause I love ya.” Aaron says and then he brings his arms across Robert. “It’ll stop soon, I promise.”

Robert nods against him and holds on tighter until he hears the doorbell go and it’s Lawrence standing there with a scowl on his face as he sees Aaron standing behind Robert at the door.

“Could we have a word? In private.” He’s asking questions but doing whatever he likes really as he walks in towards the room and smiles faintly. Robert looks towards Aaron and nods for him to leave them to it and Aaron actually doesn’t kick up any fuss.

Robert watches him go towards the kitchen before he sits down on the sofa and looks up at Lawrence. “What’s this word then?”

Lawrence plays with his hands and blinks. “I’ll keep it short. I want to know if you’ve changed your mind about wanting to move.”

“Since yesterday?” Robert frowns. “No. I haven’t.” He gulps. “I want to be here with Aaron, make a go of things properly. I can’t do that if I’m in London can I?” Lawrence is still looking at him blankly. “I’m sorry.”

Lawrence still doesn’t say anything. He just sighs, nods his head and shrugs. “So am I.” He shrugs and Robert goes to nod but then Lawrence speaks again. “But you’ve left me with no choice.”

Robert pulls a face. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Lawrence steps forward. “I can make things hard for you Robert. You know I can.” He’s looking all menacingly and Robert struggles not to feel intimidated. “Don’t make me.”

What he’s meaning to say sinks right in and Robert’s eyes flicker against it. “Make you what? Blackmail me? That’s it right?” He’s firing questions and Lawrence isn’t even flinching, he just shrugs slightly.

“I’m just saying —“

“Saying what?”

“You had an affair whilst under cover Robert.” The reality is drilled right into Robert’s mind until he shakes his head slowly and fights against it.

“It was never ... we never —“

“Maybe so. But word travels fast doesn’t it? I’m sure the officers that guarded the safe house could say differently.”

“What? If told to?” 

And yeah, Lawrence has always been on the slightly wrong side of corrupted and underhand but people seem to expect that. They always have. Robert’s not even that surprised by the lengths he’d go to.

He just wants to know why exactly, why he can’t just let him go. He asks as much and Lawrence frowns. 

“You’re a good officer. You solve your cases very qui-“

“So I make you look good then?”

Lawrence scrunches up his nose. “You could say that yes. If you want to be crude about.” 

Robert hangs his head and then lifts it again. “So you’re saying ... if I don’t go back to London then what?” He wants to hear Lawrence actually say it. He really does.

“Then ... you lose your job.”

Just like that, so fucking smug about it too.

“You’re unbelievable.” Robert whispers. “You really are.”

“I’m not the one willing to throw my career away for a thug Robert.”

It makes Robert stand. “He’s not a _thug_. You need him, you seem to be forgetting that.”

“So I wait until he testifies and then I take your career away.” He says it like it’s _nothing_. “It’s still going to happen.”

“Who the fuck do you think you are?” It’s Aaron’s voice out of nowhere, he’s standing by the door balling his fists and his chest is rising and falling as he looks at Lawrence.

“Aaron leave ...”

“You come in here and blackmail him?” Aaron’s storming up towards Lawrence who clearly doesn’t know where to put his face. “Well you threaten him, you threaten me.”

Lawrence’s mouth twitches. “I see.” He says, calm as ever as Aaron looks like he’s about to explode with anger. Robert can see all his veins popping and he wants to just calm him down as quickly as possible. Lawrence looks towards Robert and wriggles an eyebrow. “Well Robert knows his choices.”

“Yeah well fuck those choices.”

“Aaron!” Because this is still his _boss_. Robert steps forward and pulls his hands towards Aaron’s arms before feeling Aaron push him away. “Just calm down.”

“He’s blackmailing ya?” Aarons eyes are filled with tears and Robert knows it’s only because he’s angry but it still makes Robert feel bad. He shrugs against Aaron’s worry.

“Only if I want him to.” He says and then looks at Lawrence square in the eye and it’s like looking at his father suddenly. “I quit.”

Lawrence’s mouth falls open and he hears Aaron gasp.

“Robert you can’t —“

“Go and tell whoever you have to about me and Aaron, bribe Matty or Ed into anything you want but know that I _quit_.” 

“You’ll regret this.” Lawrence says, shaking his head and genuinely looking lost for words. “And you’ll resent him.” 

Aaron stays silent as Lawrence goes towards the door.

“I’ll see you in court Aaron.” He says, cutting and cold as he goes out the door and leaves Robert standing there in shock. He’s so shocked by his own actions but he doesn’t regret them.

Aaron clearly looks like he doesn’t know what to say. His mouth hangs open and closes like he’s a fish as he shakes his head. “You can’t — you just _quit_?”

“Yeah I was here.” Robert says before walking towards the kitchen and hearing Aaron follow after him.

“You love your job.” 

“I know.” Robert hangs his head as he reaches for a can of beer and then stops himself. “I need to take my pills, could you get them for me?”

Aaron freezes slightly before nodding. “This. This isn’t over okay? We need to talk about this.”

Robert nods slightly and breathes in before watching Aaron run up the stairs. He sighs hard against it, rubs across his eyes and shudders. 

 

—

 

Aaron doesn’t drop it at all.

In fact he brings it all up the next day over dinner because he can’t help himself. He can’t just let Robert digest his decisions and move on with his life.

“So what, you’ll get another job then?” Aaron swirls his fork around the plate and then sighs when Robert stares at him blankly. “I can’t see you being a bus driver.” 

The thought makes Robert pale.

“I’ll figure something out.” He mumbles, “I will.” Aaron scoffs and then rubs a hand across his face. “Are we really doing this again?”

“Doing what?” Aaron hisses, “Talking.”

Robert sighs and then settles for a different approach, he leans forward and realises that he can just distract Aaron with his mouth and other body parts. He leans forward and bites his lip seductively.

“Maybe I don’t want to talk.” He whispers, licks his lip and dives towards Aaron who gasps against the intensity before moaning. “Get me?”

Aaron looks deeply into Robert’s eyes and nods his head slowly. “You sure you’re ... strong enough for —“

“Let me prove it yeah?” Robert stands and pulls Aaron towards him quickly. “Upstairs.”

 

—

 

He feels better for it, he’s missed sex a fucking lot and there’s a soft smile on his face when he looks towards the ceiling and catches his breath. Aaron’s laying on top of him and he runs a hand across his curly hair and then gulps as he sees that Aaron’s holding something.

He’s reached down and grabbed Robert’s ID badge from the night stand and —

He’s just staring down at it.

“Aaron?”

Aaron just blows out a breath and shudders. “You have to go back to London Rob.”

It’s so sudden, it makes Robert’s face fall and his heart begin to beat a little faster and he’s not exactly sure what’s going on with his head but it’s hurting. There’s like a billion warning signs suddenly and they’re all exploding. “You what?” He pretends like he hasn’t even heard and somehow that’s worse because Aaron actually has to turn and look at him and say it again.

And he does.

He says it _again_.

“Is this — did I — was it not —“ Robert looks down at the bed and there’s all this insecurity flooding to the surface.

Aaron tuts, shakes his head. “Of course it’s not that, don’t be daft.”

“Well we just had sex so forgive me for thinking .... I mean we haven’t ... in a while.”

“It’s not about that.”

“Then what is it about?”

Aaron looks at Robert, mouth half open and then he’s leaning over, grabbing his joggers and running out the room like he’s already regretting saying anything. Robert wants to leave him, let him come in later and apologise for saying something so random but he also knows he can’t.

It’s why he follows him downstairs and finds him in the kitchen with a glass of water in his hand. He steadies his breath as he sees Aaron’s back.

“You can’t just say something like that and run off? I agreed to stay, to —“

“Give your _whole_ life up for me.” Aaron turns slowly. “I can’t let you do that.”

“It’s not your decision to make.” Robert half shrugs, decides to front this out and ignore how upset Aaron is. “It’s mine and I made it so ... we don’t need to keep banging on about it do we.”

“Of course we do.”

“Why?” Robert raises his voice and then sighs. “Is it ‘cause you don’t want me to stay? Is that it? You don’t ... want me.” The thought makes his head spin and then he thinks about how much of a whirlwind this has all been anyway. It could make sense, loads of fucking sense actually.

It staggers him back a little until Aaron shakes his head, all this passion coming from places Robert had forgotten existed.

“Of course I want you, I always will.” Aaron chews his lip, sounds certain. “But that’s the problem Rob.”

And suddenly they have _problems_ and Robert loses hope.

“How can that be —“

“Because you’ll end up resenting me!” Aaron waves a hand out and he’s got tears falling down his face, he sounds terrified and Robert’s face falls against it. “Lawrence ... he was right. What he said was ... it was true.”

Robert shakes his head slowly. “I could _never_ —“

“How long have we known each other? Really?” Aaron whispers. “And suddenly you’re sacking off your _career_ for me and my son.”

“It doesn’t matter how long we’ve known each other.” Robert whispers, comes forward and tries to reach for Aaron’s hand. “You’re not being —“

“Suddenly you’re in a shit job and I’ve got my shit problems and Gabriel’s getting more and more attached and —“

“Why do you have to see everything so _negatively_?”

And Aaron looks so broken by it. “Because I’m not used to much else.” He shrugs, another tear falling down his face and making Robert wince against it. “And because ... I don’t want that. I don’t want you resenting me. I couldn’t ... I couldn’t bare that Rob.”

Robert sighs hard, “You’re saying it like you’ve trapped me somehow? You _haven’t_. I’ve chosen you.” He says, waves a hand out. “I took a bullet for —“

Aaron’s head yanks up.

“That’s how much you mean to me.”

Aaron nods, eyes flickering.

“I know that.” He shudders. “I do.”

“But you don’t want that?” Robert whispers, feels it ripping against his chest and aching. He tries to think of something else to say because suddenly he doesn’t want to think about it, he doesn’t want to hear an answer. He doesn’t. “Just — just please —“

“I can’t live like this.” Aaron says, rubs a hand across his nose and his eyes become wet again.

Robert blinks, waits for him to take it back and he doesn’t.

“Like _what_?” Robert hears the silence drag out. “We’re happy. Aren’t we happy?”

Aaron pulls his head up and nods. “For now.” He whispers. “But you’ll resent me Rob.”

“Stop _saying_ that.”

“It’s true.” Aaron extends a hand and shakes his head. “Don’t tell me it isn’t ‘cause you don’t know.”

“And you do?” Robert paces and then stops. “I couldn’t ever resent you, for what? Hmm? For making me happy?” He says, eyes flickering. “The happiest I’ve ever been.” He hasn’t admitted it before but it’s true isn’t it? It can’t _not_ be true.

Aaron steps forward, “For making you nearly _die_. For ending your career. I can’t do that.” He speaks so seriously, eyes filling with tears again and they drop across his hands and knuckles.

Robert fills the space between them close and then he steps back slowly. “So what ... what are you saying Aaron?” He doesn’t want to hear it but he has to doesn’t he? He needs to look Aaron in the eye and hear it.

Aaron gulps steadily, the darkness of the room seems to hide the look in his eyes altogether. “You know what I’m saying.” He says. “You have to go back and ...”

“What about _us_?” Robert says, the question that’s been hanging around in the air is heavy and Aaron looks away before he speaks.

“Maybe the ... the space would do us some good.”

Robert scoffs. “Don’t do this. Don’t push me away.” He shakes his head and he’s walking towards the living room, staring right up at the Christmas tree.

“I’m not doing —“

“Because you think I’ll piss off eventually ‘cause of your self harming? Well I won’t. You’re going to get help and we’re going to be okay and —“

“I think we just need some space.” Aaron says and it seems to come out of nowhere and rip through Robert’s chest. “To think about ... everything.”

Robert frowns.

“You can go back down and go back to work and I can ... sort my head out.”

He says it like it’s easy.

Robert shakes his head slowly and tries to speak. “It’s Christmas next week, there’s no point of —“

“Well then go and see Vic.” Aaron shrugs. “Settle in at home again.”

“I thought this was my home.”

“Robert please.” Aaron steps forward and gulps. “Please.”

“You’re ending it? Just like that?”

“I’m not —“

“You’re letting me _go_. It’s the same shit Aaron just said differently.” Robert moves away from Aaron’s hold on him and shakes his head again. “Well I’ll be out of your hair right now.”

“Rob it’s the middle of the night...”

“Don’t care.”

Aaron holds his arm and Robert sees him crying again. “I love you so much.”

Robert wants to hate him, more than ever before. “How can you _say_ that and then watch me leave you? Force me out of your life?”

Aaron gulps. “Because for now ... it’s for the best.”

“Because I’ll resent you? I never signed up for this? Anymore crap you want to spin?” Robert’s speaking quickly, he can hardly keep up and Aaron’s eyes flicker against it.

“Because I ... I love you.” He keeps saying stuff like that and he clearly can’t catch his breath. “And I’m terrified of that okay? Of what I’d do to you and ... and what you’d do for me.” He looks at Robert’s wound and then steps away slowly. He backs towards a wall and shudders. “Go to London Rob, go back to what you know.”

“And leave you behind? No.”

“I’m not asking.” Aaron’s trying his best to sound cold.

“You’re telling?” Robert is halfway up the stairs and he blinks quickly. “You really want me to go, to just — leave you?”

“Not forever.”

“What? Until it suits you that I’m back? Until you miss sleeping alone?”

“It’s not _like_ that and you know it.” Aaron chin’s wobbling and Robert struggles to stay angry at him. “It’s _everything_. We need space ... we need to deal with things.” He’s vague and the worst part of it all is that Robert understands. He always has.

It’s why he packs, it’s why it’s nearly half twelve in the morning and he’s getting into his car and ignoring the way Aaron’s looking at him.

“You didn’t have to go right this second you know?”

“You would have changed your mind by the morning ... we both know that.” Robert says, hardly looking up. “Suppose this is easier for you.”

“Not one single bit of this is easy for me.” Aaron says.

“Except you’re still watching someone you say you love leave you.”

Aaron blinks, pulls a face. “Because it’s for the best and — it’s not forever.”

“So I should be grateful that this is a temporary break up then?”

Aaron looks petrified suddenly. “I’m not — breaking up with you I’m just — I’m trying to put you first.”

“And I’m trying to put you first, all the time.”

“Maybe that’s the problem then!” Aaron’s voice strains and he sounds so frustrated. Robert looks away awkwardly and feels his eyes swell with tears. “We need time to ... heal on our own.”

“Whatever you say.” Robert shrugs slowly and then Aaron’s walking towards him and launching at his chest, holding him close and wrapping his arms around him. Robert can’t help but soften around it and sigh as Aaron strokes his back. 

“I love you so much.” Aaron mumbles and the worst thing is Robert believes him. He just can’t say it back for some reason. It makes Aaron frown slightly. “You still ...”

Robert looks towards the ground and then up again. “I still.” He settles on saying.

“I can’t — watch you go, I need to ...” Aaron walks towards the door and looks like he’s in pain suddenly. “Just ring me, as soon as you’re ... wherever you are okay?” 

“Like you’d care.” Robert says weakly, a joke, not a joke. Aaron looks crushed. 

“Of course I care.”

Robert bites his lip and looks up towards Gabriel’s room. His chin instantly wobbles. “Tell him ... I’ll miss him.” 

“Rob it won’t be —“

“For good yeah, you said that.” There’s an atmosphere again and Aaron closes his eyes. “Bye Aaron.” He whispers and the words feel weird on his tongue, he remembers their last goodbye, him turning the car around and staying.

He turns the engine on, gets to the end of the road.

He doesn’t turn back.

 

—

 

He thinks about sleeping in his car, sliding down and crossing his arms over and closing his eyes against how his heart aches, how he just upt and left. Well, been kicked out.

Well not kicked out but —

Aaron didn’t want him there, everything was suddenly becoming too much for him to handle and he understands that, he _feels_ that but so what if he thinks they could actually be stronger _together_ not apart. 

The feeling of it somehow takes over wanting to feel alone, it’s why he ends up on the phone to Victoria. His chin is proper wobbling and he tries to hold everything in but he almost can’t when he hears her down the line.

“You okay?” And the answer to that is pretty straight forward.

“Not really no.” Robert eventually says, eyes flickering as he speaks. “Could I — you got a spare room going?”

He hears her stand up, he almost can feel her apathy and he doesn’t want it but he won’t turn it away. He’ll hold it close, appreciate someone, appreciate her more than he ever has before because she’s suddenly all he has now.

For now.

Whatever Aaron wants to call it.

“Of course I do.” She says, voice kind and soft and almost too much for Robert to handle. He shudders against it and then nods. 

“Cheers. Thanks, I — I’m on my way.”

He gets there quicker than he thought he would, the roads aren’t as busy and he breezes through the motorway until he’s at Vic’s little cottage in the little village and it’s almost too much for him to deal with.

Emmerdale.

He’s back here once again.

And he feels the same, he feels that horrible pit in his stomach forming again but he almost doesn’t have time to think about it because as soon as he’s parked up Vic is running out and hugging him.

She’s squeezing at his side and looking up at him with big wide eyes and he can’t say anything to her yet. He can only stare at her until she’s pulling him inside and offering him some coffee cake that she’s just got laying around the place at half one at night.

He accepts, plays with it for a bit until he watches her look up at him with these worries eyes. “Are you going to talk at all?”

Robert lifts his head up and watches Vic shuffle down into the sofa before looking out the window towards his car. “There was a suitcase there. Are you — are you leaving?”

And he is, he just doesn’t want to say it and make her face look that way that makes him guilty. He nods slowly eventually and watches her frown at him. 

“Did you and Aaron have a fight? Is that it? Because —“

“We need ... Aaron thinks we need some space.” He says and when he looks up at her, she’s looking everywhere but right at his face. “No need to see if you agree then.” He snaps, and Vic looks towards the ceiling.

“I did say it could be for the best.” Robert holds his breath as she speaks. “Everything happened so ... quickly between you.”

“You hardly know anything.” Robert explains, hands across his face. “You don’t know how we felt about each other ... _feel_ about each other.” 

Vic cleans closer. “Then let me know.”

“Let you know what?”

“How you feel, what — what happened?” 

Robert has his mouth half open and he blinks heavily, his head feeling too heavy suddenly as he sees Aaron standing there crying in front of him. “It got too ... too much.” He shrugs.

“You had a fight?”

And really they didn’t, they didn’t really have a fight at all. It just built up to the moment where Aaron was telling him to _go_. 

“Not really.” Robert gulps. “It just got to the point where ... we had to stop pretending like everything was okay ‘cause it isn’t.” 

Vic runs a hand through her hair and blinks. “Could you be anymore cryptic.”

“Maybe I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You came here?” Vic snaps before sighing and shaking her head. “Did something happen? Something to —“

Robert frowns up at her and finds himself nodding, actually telling her about what the hell he’s thinking. “Aaron’s amazing, he’s — he’s the best person I’ve ever met but sometimes he ... he uh ... when things go wrong he turns them on himself.”

He doesn’t say it all but she gets it before her eyes widen and she looks proper gutted by it, like it’s making her rethink things or something.

“God I — I don’t know what to say.”

“Neither did I.” Robert bites his lip. “He needs to focus on getting better and — maybe seeing me doesn’t help everyday. Seeing the bloke who got shot in front of his eyes.”

“Or the man he _loves_.” Vic stands and hovers over her brother. “Because I’ve seen him with you ... he’s just terrified of losing you, he told me as much.” 

Robert looks up slowly and feels an ache inside. “Maybe that’s the problem Vic, we love each other too much and — sometimes things go wrong when that happens.” He says, holds his head up and then feels his body lean towards her as she strokes his hair.

 

—

 

The room’s a pokey one with flowery covers and a little lamp in the corner of the room glowing the place up a little.

He’s stopped his crying for now, instead he’s sitting on the edge of the bed and staring out of the window. If he really really concentrates he can see himself running away, running down the village road and just _leaving_. 

He wants to do the same now, because Vic’s silhouette is hanging by the door and she’s smiling softly at him.

“It’s not exactly your London pad but ...”

“It’s fine.” 

Vic blinks, comes into the room and leans against the wall. “Speaking of which ... what’s going on about your place then? Are you — are you moving back there or ...”

He doesn’t know, he doesn’t know anything. 

“Probably. Lawrence might tell me to do one but I’ll send a grovelling email in a bit.”

“It’s nearly eleven?”

Robert shrugs.

Vic sighs and comes closer towards him in the room, crosses her arms over and twitches her mouth like she’s waiting to speak. “Does Aaron know you’re here?”

“No.” Robert says. “Not him or ...” Suddenly thinking of Gabriel isn’t the best thing to do, it makes him hide his face. “Or anyone.”

“Right. And that’s how it’s going to stay?”

Robert looks down and then across at the wallpaper on his phone. “He said he needed space didn’t he?” He gulps. “So I’ll give him space.” He shrugs like it’s easier, like it won’t mean anything to him to not be near the one he loves.

Vic sees through it, edges closer and then walks back like she knows Robert doesn’t want to be smothered.

“I do love you Robert. You’re loved.”

He nods, he just nods until she’s out the door and he can cry all by himself.

 

 


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert faces reality and jumps to conclusions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am the worst but here’s the next chapter of pain for you all!

The next morning feels strange. He almost forgets about it all and tries to reach out for Aaron.

He ends up falling out of bed instead and then blearily looking at his phone. His eyes widen in anticipation, hoping to see if Aaron’s said anything and when he hasn’t he almost wants to get right back in bed and say fuck it. 

But then he sees Lawrence’s stupid email, he’s stupid smarmy way of saying that he can start tomorrow if he’s available. He adds a condescending Many Thanks too because he’s a fucking twat.

It’s thankfully all Robert is thinking about when he eventually gets down the stairs and sees his sister standing in the kitchen. He’s got the chance to actually look around and see the place now it’s not dark and the twinkling fairy lights are still on for some weird reason. It manages to properly hit him where it hurts but he’s getting used to that.

It’s just a Christmas tree.

But also more than just a Christmas tree.

“I made you some toast, heard you coming from upstairs.” Vic says, smiles a little as Robert sits slowly.

“You don’t have to look at me like that you know. I’m fine.”

He’s not but that seems to be besides the point. 

Vic frowns. “You haven’t been back in the village since ...” The toast is suddenly too dry in his mouth and he wants to wince but he fights against it. “Have you heard from Lawrence?” She changes the topic, tries to anyway and it makes him nod.

“Yeah I’m going back.” He says. 

“To London?” 

Robert gulps at the orange juice she’s put out for him and then he shrugs. “Where else?”

She folds a tea towel awkwardly. “Aaron perhaps.” She sighs as he shuffles. “I’m sorry I just thought that he’d —“

“I told you he said we needed space.”

“You also said he didn’t break up with ya.” Vic says, runs a hand across her hair and sighs. “So uh —“

“Anymore questions?”

She scowls at him and clearly doesn’t see the funny non existing side of Robert’s words. “How long after Christmas will you be going then?” She asks and for a second he imagines staying for the break,spending Christmas with her. It makes him smile.

And then feet thump through the door and he sees Andy’s face and everything changes.

 

—

 

He’s quiet at first, proper shocked look on his face and Robert wasn’t aware that he’d give such an impression. He’s not exactly sure what to do until Andy finally opens his mouth to speak.

“When did you get back?” He’s asking and Robert blinks quickly at him before he gets enough courage to speak.

“Last night.”

Andy comes further into the kitchen and looks at Victoria. “You said he was living with some bloke?” 

That makes Robert yank his head up in shock, it makes him almost forget how to breathe because _yeah_ he never told her it was some secret to keep but this feels a lot like betrayal for some reason.

Vic looks like a deer caught in headlights, her eyes flicker before she shrugs. “It’s complicated.”

“It’s nothing to do with you.” Robert pushes a hand through his hair and it makes Andy scoff, he almost chuckles and it’s low and dark.

“Don’t worry Vic. He was probably lying about it.” He says, he sounds like he’s dismissing him, his whole very existence and it hurts. It really hurts. “It’s not like it would be the first time.”

And Robert has a fiery tongue, he’s actually known for it but now? Now he is almost frozen and when he looks up he sees his dad’s cap on Andy’s head and it feels terrible.

“He’s not lying.” Vic sighs hard, “It’s complicated but ...” Andy pulls this face and waves a hand out.

“If you want to be a mug Vic then be one.” Andy turns to leave, his eyes missing Robert completely before Vic goes to speak again.

“Please don’t go.” She’s practically leaped forward just so she can stop her brother from turning away. She holds his arm and sighs before running a finger through her hair and almost bracing herself. “I thought we could ... we could all go visit dad together, considering we’re all here.”

Andy frowns, he looks almost confused and Robert for once doesn’t blame him. He doesn’t understand why exactly Vic expects them to just pile together and forget the real and damaging things that have been said and done. He gets that she’s lost too much already but she doesn’t seem to get all the pain that Andy’s caused him.

“I’m not here for much longer.” Robert suddenly stands, so quickly that he scrapes his chair and makes Vic jump. “I need to go back down to London ... I should get my things —“

The hand on his chest suddenly is enough to make him flinch, Vic’s practically on her tiptoes and looking at him with big wide eyes. “You’re not going now? It’s nearly Christmas.”

And apparently that means that life halts.

“Yeah I know Vic but —“

“Just let him go, let him run away — it’s what he does best isn’t it?” Andy’s voice is there again and suddenly Robert is thinking about slamming him right against the wall. Vic’s face makes him rethink it all though, she looks like she wants to cry. 

“Not after everything you’ve been through recently, look just stay until Christmas at _least_. I don’t want you on your own.”

Robert’s eyes flicker. “I can’t stay here.” And Aaron doesn’t want him around either does he? “I’m sorry.” He says, heart heavy right against his chest and he almost can’t breathe against it. It’s why he moves right past her, right past Andy and up the stairs. 

He needs to try and breathe, let go of everything else around him.

 

—

 

Vic almost doesn’t let him go, she holds at his shoulders when he hugs her and says that she’s furious with him. She keeps saying it over and over again too and then she says that she *loves him.

“I know you do.”

“Then why aren’t you staying?” Vic looks all glum suddenly. “I haven’t had the chance to talk to you about things, about me.”

It makes him frown, feel so guilty. “Are you — what’s wrong?”

Vic smiles faintly. “I met someone, he’s really nice and I wanted you to ...” She shakes her head. “I actually thought that you would be here for a while.” Robert looks away, holds his suitcase towards his leg and sighs. “Is this because of Andy?” 

Robert frowns. “It’s everything Vic.” 

Because that’s easier than really saying what’s wrong. 

“Rob...”

“I’ll call you when I’m in London. I’ll ring you on Christmas Day, I’ll —“

“I’m not having you spend Christmas Day alone!”

“I’ve been doing it for years.”

It’s like she’s forgotten and then it dawns on him, how much she properly makes herself forget just so she can pretend that her family isn’t broken.

“Don’t cry.” Robert whispers as he holds her against him. “I’ll be fine.”

He always is.

It’s what he thinks as he drives away, drives past Andy who’s walking out of some cafe that Robert doesn’t even remember. He’s always fine, in the end.

 

—

 

It takes an age to get back to his flat and when he finally does it’s the coldest it’s ever been. He remembers being that savvy anal sort of twat and turning off his heating before he went, not even thinking about what would happen if he came back to the Artic winds.

He kicks his suitcase into his room and looks towards his fridge which is bare, of course it’s bloody bare right? It’s all he can think about until he reaches into a cupboard and swipes a tin of beans, gets a frozen jacket potato out of the fridge and then tosses it all in his microwave and goes towards the living room. 

He lays down on the sofa like some sad loser and then gets another email coming through. It’s Lawrence asking him to come in and have a word and it’s sort of the last thing he wants to do but it beats sticking around here and hating himself.

Because that seems to be all he’s getting up to isn’t it? 

The thought swirls around in his head until he reaches for his suitcase and pulls out a jumper to throw on until the heating sorts itself out. He only pulls a face when he feels the corner of something and pulls it out. A picture. It’s clearly one that Gabriel’s drawn because there’s three people and he’s a little body in the middle of Aaron and Robert.

It looks soft. It looks bloody picture perfect doesn’t it? 

Only it’s not.

Robert stands as he looks at it, just stands and stares and thinks about where it all went wrong. He wants to know why exactly he’s freezing to death in his London flat and not with Aaron and Gabriel looking forward to their first Christmas together. It makes him gulp hard, heart race a little faster than he’s used to. It’s all he can do until he finally manages to try and understand how exactly he ended up with it in the first place. 

It’s not like he put it there in his haste to leave was it? No, he purposely didn’t want to do that, he didn’t want to take anything and be anymore reminded than he had to be. He’s not a twat. Not a big one anyway.

The sound of the microwave pinging is the only thing possible to make him stop thinking about it, he ends up being more grateful than annoyed by it’s stupid sound.

 

—

 

He saunters through the office like he’s just got a knighthood because yep his private life might be absolutely shit but everyone thinks he’s some sort of hero here don’t they?

He’s the guy that actually stood up to some psycho and got shot in the process. Somehow that makes him incredible doesn’t it? He doesn’t really understand but he also doesn’t really want to either.

Not when Harriet makes a beeline for him and winks. “If it isn’t the man himself.” And he didn’t even expect all this attention, he didn’t even really want it all that much but he likes Harriet and this is nice he supposes. “I think you’ll be pleased to know they’re setting a date for the trial, it should be in the early new year.”

And somehow that makes Robert freeze around it. It makes him almost stop dead actually. It’s just this sudden reality coming into existence isn’t it?

“Oh? Right.”

Harriet smiles. “You did good though, you’re the talk of the place.” She says. “You should be proud.” 

And she clearly doesn’t know everything then.

Because he doesn’t feel proud, not in the way that everyone keeps banging on about anyway.

He closes his eyes and sees Aaron calling him a superhero. It makes him ache now.

“Cheers.” Is all he manages to say.

Harriet nods and then looks towards the end of the office, looming big glass panels, Lawrence’s office. “He’s looking this way, you in for a chat then?”

Robert nods and watches Harriet go before he’s walking towards the office and knocking hard. Lawrence stands and actually opens the door to him.

“Afternoon.”

Robert blinks, feels bitter. “Afternoon.”

“I’m glad you saw sense.” Lawrence says abruptly, turning back towards his chair and sitting slowly as Robert hangs by the door in silence.

He feels himself getting worked up over it and he’s trying not to snap, not to think of Vic being upset, that fucking picture.

“You don’t have to be so smug about it.”

“About what? I’m _happy_ for you.”

Robert’s eyes become beady suddenly and he shakes his head. “For yourself more like.”

Lawrence frowns. “Well I suppose so, I wouldn’t have wanted to have to —“

“Blackmail me?”

Lawrence pulls this face as he picks up his pen. “Well no, you quit didn’t you? Why on earth would I have tried to blackmail you?”

Robert scoffs, still hangs by the door as he looks at Lawrence. “You’re unbelievable.”

“Perhaps.” Lawrence says, and then he smiles. “But so is your new case, should I send Nicola in to brief you?”

And suddenly the thought doesn’t make him excited. It makes him want to run and hide.

“No.” Robert says slowly and Lawrence almost looks annoyed. He says he needs to get out of this funk he’s in like the old man he is and Robert hates him. He lets it go until he hears Aaron’s name come out of his mouth though. “Don’t — don’t mention him.” He shakes his head slowly.

“Oh sorry. Should I call him Dingle to help you dissociate?”

“You really think this is funny don’t you?” Robert says.

“Not particularly no. I’ve just never seen you like this before.”

“Like what?”

“Weak.”

Lawrence is so blunt that it makes Robert’s mouth fall open, it parts and makes his eyes flicker and he doesn’t know what he’s supposed to say to that until he shakes his head slowly.

“I’m _not_ weak.”

“Who are you trying to convince?” Lawrence scoffs and then he leans back on his chair. “You know why you were so good?” Were. _Were_. “You didn’t have any ties. You were your own person and that made you reliable more than you think.” 

Robert just stares at him, he doesn’t even know what to say.

“And then you decided to swift loyalties, get swept up in a simple undercover case. You don’t seem to understand how much that has to be done to eradicate that.”

Robert shudders against how it sounds, like he’s Lawrence’s _pet_ which needs training or something.

“It starts with taking me away from him though doesn’t it?”

Lawrence frowns again. “I think you’ll find that you chose to come back. You quit and then you saw sense didn’t —“ he suddenly stops himself before Robert looks away from him. “Interesting.” He smirks. “Did _he_ tell you to go? Is that really why you’re here?”

And Lawrence is good at reading people sometimes, he didn’t read Robert faking interest when he first met him for some perks of the job but now suddenly he gets him. Perfect timing then.

Robert turns to go and Lawrence calls out for him, tells him to speak.

“It’s — that’s not any of your business.” Robert struggles with getting it out and Lawrence looks so disappointed in him.

“So just leave it.”

“Perhaps you should be the one leaving things alone. Like weakness, choosing your heart over your head like you tried to do before.”

It’s what Nicola said wasn’t it?

“Maybe then you’ll stop being so disappointing.”

It hurts, it’s why Robert looks up and stares at him and feels his eyes glazing over with tears. He goes before Lawrence can see.

 

—

 

It’s freezing, there’s no one about despite it being lunch time and somehow Robert’s thankful for the quiet, it means that if he wants to have another little breakdown there won’t be people standing around looking at him.

The thought runs through him, makes something freeze in his mind and all he can think about is his dad for some reason. He thinks about his dad being disappointed in him, really disappointed because he was a good detective once and now he’s a shell of that completely.

Or he feels like he is anyway, and Lawrence agrees.

His phone starts vibrating in his pocket over and over again but he can’t bring himself to even look down and see who it is. In his head he knows that it’s Victoria asking him to come back, begging him to not shut her out of everything.

It’s exactly why he ignores it.

Only it’s persistent and —

It’s Aaron.

“Hello?” Robert hears, Aaron’s voice sounds rough and strained but at the same time stronger than it did before. “Robert can you hear me?”

Robert gulps. “Yeah I can.”

“I’ve been ... I’ve been ringing. I —“

Robert blinks against all that concern in his voice and then closes his eyes completely to ask him why exactly he’s ringing him anyway and Aaron says it like it’s obvious.

“You didn’t let me know where you ended up. I haven’t slept.”

Robert feels something twist in his chest. “Vic’s.” He says. “I must have forgotten.”

Aaron doesn’t say anything for a second and then he shudders. “So you’re not far?” And Robert hates that he hears some hope in Aaron’s voice. He decides to break it.

“I’m in London. I got my job back.”

“London.” Aaron says slowly. “Right, well that’s —“

“I should go now.” He means to say he should hang up but Aaron doesn’t seem to think so, in fact he’s asking why.

“ _Why_?” Robert spits and he can’t help himself, he honestly can’t. “Why do you think?”

“Rob —“

“No, don’t.” Robert says.

“Don’t — don’t what?”

“Ring me up in the middle of the day and ask how I am like we’re old friends, like you didn’t chuck me out because we needed space apparently.” Robert says quickly and he feels his chin start to wobble.

“It doesn’t mean I still don’t —“

“Don’t want to mess with my head.”

“Of course I don’t —“

“So that picture of Gabriel’s just magically flew into my suitcase did it?” Robert spits, he can hear himself and how he promised to never be so cutting again, not to _Aaron_.

Aaron doesn’t say a word. “Maybe that was wrong.” He says finally. “I just wanted you to know that ...”

“That I’ll never ever get over you.” Robert says honestly. “Is that it?”

Aaron sighs down the phone. “How many more times do I have to say that we’re not broken up. We’re just ...”

“Miles and miles away from each other. We are Aaron, and you wanted that. So don’t try and ring me and make me feel so ... so —“

“So what?”

“Weak!” Robert shouts and he sees Lawrence suddenly in his mind. He hates himself and the way Aaron stays silent. 

“Weak?”

“Powerless. You have ... no idea.”

“It’s called being in love you twat.” Aaron hisses and Robert cowers under his anger like he’s standing right in front of him. “You know what ... I was ringing to let you know I have an appointment with my counsellor later, I thought it could be good news. That you’d be proud. But once again, you make me feel like a mug.”

“Yeah because it’s all about you Aaron isn’t it? Always has been, fuck what Robert thinks or _feels_.”

“Fine.” Aaron says and without Robert even getting the chance to say anything else the phone goes dead.

 

—

 

Ready meals for one used to be ironic at best, not really anything awful about them but now staring down at this carbonara, they have clearly been the invention of the devil.

There’s also absolutely nothing on so Robert can only really sit back on the sofa and think about what an arse he is which is soon becoming his most common pastime. He can’t stop thinking about if he made Aaron cry, if he made him miss his appointment and it _guts_ him completely.

Because he’s such a bastard and all he manages to do is make things worse for Aaron.

Something eventually comes on, some sci-fi shit that Robert can pretend to be enjoying for the whole two hours and twenty five minutes. It gets half way by the time he’s got a glass of wine nearly finished and he’s hovering over Aaron’s number.

It’s not like it’s late. It’s only half nine but he hesitates like he’s doing something bad.

Wine makes the decision for him. Wine and Aaron’s fit face staring up at him as he press the call button.

Aaron picks up on the fourth ring. “What?” He says gruffly and Robert almost melts as he hears him which is pretty pathetic and always been his problem.

“I’m sorry.” Robert whispers, the most sincere he’s been all day. “I love you so much.” It makes something tingle all the way through him as he hears Aaron shudder like he wasn’t expecting it either.

“I know you do.” Aaron says, just as softly.

“I keep making you cry though. Doesn’t matter how close I am to you. Still the same ... same result.”

“You’re not all bad.” Robert hears Aaron say and it makes him smile a little.

“I know why we need to do this. To get better without each other, but I miss you and it hurt ... when you said I had to go.”

He doesn’t know why he’s being so honest and open but he can’t help how he feels and what he needs to get out. He doesn’t want to be that same man walking around with years worth of bitterness. Not anymore.

Aaron gulps and clearly starts walking around the place because Robert can hear him. “My counsellor says it was brave. It didn’t feel brave when I watched you go ... it felt like ...”

“I know.”

Aaron sniffs. “But this way we can get better can’t we?” Robert nods along like an idiot. “Figure everything out and then we can —“

“Aaron you’re missing all the best bits!”

He hears it and he freezes against who’s voice it is.

He knows that voice.

He remembers that voice close to him and asking if Aaron was —

“Is that — you’ve got _Ed_ there?”

It’s not a question but it comes out like one and Aaron flaps like an old woman against it.

He says all the cliche shit as well.

“It’s not what you think.”

“Not shagged him yet then.”

“Robert of course I’ve —“

It’s like this switch, this massive defensive mechanism and Robert is nasty again. “So that’s what you’re figuring out, if I’m worth all the angst. If nice young Ed is better than —“

“I was upset and he —“

“Knew that. Swept in to cheer you up.” Robert shudders and he didn’t think it would hurt this much. “Don’t call me Aaron, you have fun figuring out things yeah?”

“Robert don’t be —“

Only Robert crashes the phone across the room and doesn’t hear anything anymore.

 

 


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert receives a shocking call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s the next chapter, it’s pretty long but I couldn’t stop writing. Also just a big thank you to everyone leaving comments. I haven’t had time to reply to them but they’re appreciated!

 

 

 

He ignores four calls, he listens to the start of a voicemail, Aaron saying that he needed a friend and that it was stupid and he didn’t think and then he ends it just as quickly because he doesn’t want to know what went through his head.

He’s in a foul mood and it’s fucking understandable in spite of what Nicola might thinks as he waltzes towards him waving a poster in his face.

“What’s this?” He says, peels it away from his monitor and tries to get back to doing his filing. 

“Christmas party tonight.” Nicola says and Robert just looks away from her completely. “You’re not still moody over ‘none of my business’ are you?”

And it’s been a grand total of two days since Ed’s stupid annoying quite deep and possibly sexy voice was able to cause this ‘mood’ of his.

Not even the new case he’s started to learn more about is making it go away so he knows it’s serious and so does Nicola. It doesn’t stop her having a go though does it?

“I am as it happens. So I don’t think some stupid Christmas party is going to do much good.” The thought of it makes him cringe all over to be honest.

It just makes Nicola rolls her eyes and before he knows it she’s pulling him up on his feet and walking him towards the canteen. “See you reckon I don’t know but it’s pretty obvious.”

And somehow that makes him feel even worse. He’s heartbroken and weak because of it and somehow that’s just obvious.

“Did you not think I would have asked what happened between the pair of you?” Nicola says. “The last I heard you were planning on ...”

“It’s complicated.” He settles on saying, shuffles slightly on the seat and then huffs. “Anyway, I don’t want to talk about it.”

“No you just want to sit here thinking about it all day I see.” Nicola looks all annoyed suddenly and he frowns at her.

“No one’s forcing ya to talk to me you know.”

“Did he?”

“Did he what?” Robert asks, more confused than anything now.

“Did he force ya to go? I take it you’ve broken up.”

Robert goes to stand and then Nicola holds him by the arm.

“For some daft reason he loves ya, he’s probably regretting it as we speak.” 

“Or sitting there with _Ed_.” He hisses as he looks down at her and she pulls a face.

“That’s pretty random.”

“Not considering he was round there last night.” Robert explains and it makes Nicola pull another face, a different one this time. She lets go of his wrist and he sits down anyway. “I rang and I heard him and Aaron said it was nothing but — it’s only a matter of time.”

Nicola twists at her lip and they sit for a while not saying much, Clive joins them and bangs on about this Christmas party thing as well until Nicola starts smiling.

“You never know, you might actually enjoy yourself.” Nicola says. “Help take your mind off things.”

He says he’ll think about it but somehow six hours later he’s in the middle of this hall in the downstairs of some posh pub and watching Bob trying to dance with a bowl of crisps in his hand.

“Told ya you’d be having fun.” Nicola shouts across to him, she’s got Jimmy waving his arms about next to her and Robert just shoots her a look.

“Time of my life this.” Robert waves an inflatable Christmas tree out of his face and sighs when Vanessa approaches him waving her arms about.

They’re mates but he could do without her drunken dancing right about now.

“You’ve always fancied a boogie.” She says, holding at his hands and dragging him closer. “I know that lad hurt ya —“

“How do —“

Nicola scurries off and Vanessa just looks sheepish. “But let’s have some fun? You’ve had a right year of it haven’t ya?”

And yeah maybe he does deserve to dance awfully and have some fun. Maybe he does deserve to forget about what a disappointment he is.

He grabs her hand.

 

—

 

He’s on the right side of tipsy when Vanessa gives him this really obvious wink and disappears. He frowns in complete confusion until he sees some man standing in front of him.

He’s got a shirt on, brown ruffled hair and when he says hi he’s clearly Irish. Robert can’t help but do a whole Sherlock Holmes on him within seconds and then he nods his head.

“Alright.” He says against the music and how it booms across them.

“Think we have a mutual friend.” The bloke says, looks over Robert’s shoulder towards where Vanessa is dancing. “She’s crazy.”

“Yeah.” Robert says, a finger traced around the rim of his bottle of beer.

“Well I mean probably not that crazy, she did say you were her fit friend who swung both ways.”

Robert eyes widen against the forwardness and then he looks down and up again. “That would uh — that would be me I think.”

“You think?”

Robert rolls his eyes a little and remembers what he used to be like before this year started out. He knows how to do all of this. “Robert.”

“Mike.” He introduces himself and Robert gets him a beer and finds out that he’s not half as bad as he thought he’d be.

“What are you even doing here? You’re not a copper are ya?”

Mike pulls a face. “My mam would end me if I was one.” He says and Robert laughs. They laugh. It makes him feel good. “I do gigs, I’m a musician. Or a chef during the day.” He says.

“Nice.” Robert says, leaning against the wall and feels Mike move in closer.

“So are you.”

Robert looks down and then up again.

“We could get out of here. I’ve only came to give Ness a lift. I’m sort of free as a bird now if you’re up for it.” Mike shrugs his shoulders and Robert feels something in the pit of his stomach. “We could go back to my place couldn’t we?” He leans even closer and Robert leans away.

He can’t even begin to do any of this can he?

“I don’t think so.” Robert frowns as he says it and then looks at Mike’s face. “I’m sorry but ... I’m not —“

Mike pulls a face as he leans away. “Shit, Ness said you’d got dumped and I —“

Robert sighs. “It’s complicated.” He says and then Mike gulps hard.

“So you don’t want to make him jealous then. Or her.”

Robert blinks. He feels Mike lean closer again and then his phone goes off in his pocket and he jumps right back. “No I’m ... good. Actually, I — I should get this.” He says, speaking louder now and Mike says sorry as Robert leaves and makes it outside.

He looks down blearily and holds his breath as he sees who it is.

Aaron.

He closes his eyes before opening them again. “I thought we said we wouldn’t —“

“Rob.” Robert catches his breath against the way Aaron’s breathing down the phone, it’s all ragged and awful and he knows that something’s wrong instantly. “Rob — I —“

“You what? What’s wrong? Can you —“

All he can hear is Aaron’s breathing. “Love ya.” He whispers down the phone and Robert feels something collapses in his chest before he hears scuffling down the line. “I love ya. I’m sorry uh — I love ya.”

“Aaron talk to me. Aaron —“

“Hello?”

“Who’s _this_?”

“Matty.”

Robert scowls. “What the hell’s going on?” He says, voice stretched as he hears the sound of sirens.

“Okay you need to calm first okay.” Matty says, obviously moving quickly as he speaks. “Aaron’s been attacked.”

Robert forgets everything else around him.

 

—

 

“Robert? Oi can you hear me?” Matty is practically shouting down the line and Robert finally stops seeing Aaron’s lifeless body and nods.

“Yeah I’m here. I can hear you.” He whispers, eyes suddenly swimming with tears. “What’s happened? Who —“

“I don’t know. I just ... he’s being taken to hospital now.”

Robert’s eyes widen a little. “ _Hospital_? So he’s bad.”

“He was well enough to call us so try and relax yeah.”

“How can I? I’m coming up. I’m —“

“Aren’t you in _London_?”

Robert freezes against it and wants to thump himself just as he sees Jimmy shimmying out of the office with Clive holding him up. “I’ll — I’ll be there. I’m coming okay.” He puts the phone down and races towards where Clive is stood.

“You haven’t had a drink.” He practically bellows at him and suddenly knowing all about his wife forcing him to go vegan or whatever and avoiding the booze is helpful. “I need you to drive me to Yorkshire.”

Clive scoffs and Jimmy giggles against his shoulder. “Are you sure?” He says, teasing.

“Clive it’s really important. We need to go like ... like now.” He panics and somehow he gets him to agree. “Please, I’ll do anything.”

Somehow Robert ends up driving all the way to Yorkshire and trying not to cry.

 

—

It’s the middle of the night by the time they get to the hospital and Robert shouts about Clive just settling on a parking space.

“Oi you’re not going anywhere until you calm down and tell me what’s wrong.” Clive has the nerve to say like Robert hasn’t been babbling on for almost two hours about it all. “You stopped making sense when we reached the motorway.”

Robert rolls his eyes and sighs. “Aaron got attacked.” He says. “And he might be hurt, he might be really hurt and I need to go and see okay?”

Clive turns the car off and then frowns. “So it’s not over then?”

“Didn’t realise you listened to office gossip so much.” Robert says, taking his seat belt off. “And even if he hurt me, broke my heart and it was really over — it doesn’t stop me caring.”

Clive waves a hand out. “Got it. Get out then, I’ll find a hotel nearby.”

Robert looks at him, looks bloody grateful because he is. Because he’s known Clive for years and sometimes that pays off doesn’t it. Sometimes mates can really drive you around the country in the middle of the night because you need them to.

Robert says thanks as he leaves the car and then doesn’t think of much else other than Aaron until he sees Matty waiting for him at reception.

“I thought I said calm down, you drove all the way here?” Matty says and Robert just shakes his head.

“I said I would didn’t I? Where is he? Can I see him?” Robert’s asking and Matty pulls this face like he isn’t sure and it doesn’t help matters at all. He shakes his head at him and walks towards a nurse, she’s a bit more helpful and guides them towards where Aaron is.

At first Robert just looks at him through the glass window and sees that two officers are guarding the door. It hits him suddenly that he’s still in danger isn’t he? He’s still not safe and he just left him.

“You can go in love.” A nurse says to him. “He’s not had a visitor yet if you don’t count these lot.” She looks at Matty and he smiles back at her and Robert doesn’t know what to say. “He’s been asking after someone too, I take it you’re him.” He gulps hard and nods as walks into the room slowly, he shudders as he watches Aaron’s eyes open and he sees the damage done.

His face is all bruised and he’s got a black eye, it’s not something that he can hide as he lays there. Robert sees the cut against his forehead too, the way his breathing is all shallow as he looks at Robert.

“You’re — is that you?” Aaron mumbles and Robert’s heart does something weird, it almost melts right against his chest and he can only move forward and grab at Aaron’s hand.

“Of course it’s me.” He whispers, blinking slowly as he tries to keep his eyes on Aaron. He doesn’t want to miss any movement. He’s already missed too much anyway. It’s been three days, going into the fourth one now considering the time and yet it feels like so much longer.

It feels awful.

“You rang me remember? I didn’t know what to think Aaron.” Robert’s not ashamed of the tears in his eyes and Aaron frowns up at him like he didn’t expect them to be there.

“Wanted to hear you.”

“Scare me more like. I thought you’d been ... I thought the worst.” He says quickly and then he grips Aaron’s hand tighter. “I thought that ...”

Aaron gulps and then he winces. “I’m sorry. I just wanted to hear you.” He mumbles, eyes filling with tears now. “I wanted you with me, by my — my side. I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry for what?” Robert comes closer and has a hand across Aaron’s hair softly. “This wasn’t your fault.”

Aaron doesn’t say anything and Robert supposes that he’s a little bit out of it, saying whatever comes to mind.

“You rest okay? We’ll talk when you’re awake properly.” 

Aaron nods and Robert steps away before feeling Aaron hold at his arm with more strength than he thought he had. “Please don’t go.”

Robert freezes around it and kisses Aaron’s head. “I’m not going anywhere.” He promises and Aaron closes his eyes.

 

—

 

Robert looks across at Aaron a few hours later and he shouldn’t still be here but yet he is because the nurses know he’s with the police in some way or other.

He’s more awake now and Robert stops biting nervously at his nails as he sees Aaron almost smile faintly at him and reach his hand out. “You look a lot better.”

Aaron nods. “Maybe I was just tired.” He mumbles and Robert smiles faintly.

“I reckon your face tells a different story.”

Aaron gulps hard, looks nervous suddenly. “Does it look bad?” He chews at his lip and winces slightly as he shuffles and Robert moves the chair closer.

“Not really no. It was a shock but — you’re still handsome don’t worry.” Robert rubs his hand over Aaron’s and tries to comfort him the best he can before he gets to the inevitable. “Do you remember what happened?”

Aaron sighs, he tries to sit up and Robert jumps to help him, he’s propping pillows up and making Aaron smile. “I didn’t want this.” He says unexpectedly. “You got shot and now you’re becoming my nurse. I’m sorry.”

And maybe that’s what he was sorry about.

Robert frowns harshly. “Please don’t be so stupid.” He says and Aaron looks away. “I got shot, if you try and milk a few cuts and bruises then honestly I’ll ...”

It makes Aaron laugh, and then he shakes his head and sighs. “I got lucky.” He says vaguely and Robert frowns, strokes his arm again.

“Tell me what happened.” He whispers and Aaron shudders against it before opening his mouth.

“I was in town, me and Pete were drowning our sorrows. Mainly mine anyway.” He shrugs and then huffs out a sigh. “When we left I said I wanted to walk home instead.” He looks up and Robert shakes his head. “Yeah I know. I was walking down the road and then all of a sudden I felt someone dragging me.”

“One person?”

“Maybe two.” Aaron mumbles. “I already told the police, I’m not too sure. All I know is that they kept punching me until I asked why, and they said his name. Simon.”

Robert was expecting it but it still drains the colour in his face as he sees the anger on Aaron’s face. “They said it was a message from him.” Aaron says. “That I should listen to it if I wanted to — to see Gabriel again.” Tears fall down his face but that anger is still there, it makes something collapse in Robert’s chest.

“Where is Gabriel?” He panics a little and Aaron shakes his head and explains that Chas took him away for a few days.

“Blackpool. See the lights.” Aaron mumbles. “I wasn’t all that fun without you.” He looks up and Robert shuffles on his feet like he’s not sure what to say. “Robert.” He says, like he wants his attention.

Robert looks up and nods.

“He shouldn’t have been there.” Aaron blurts out. “I was ... I was missing you and I just — I didn’t think, I just didn’t want to be alone.”

Robert doesn’t want to ruin this, in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t even really matter but he can’t hide how much it all managed to hurt him. “Out of everyone ... you could have called me, I would have been back in a shot.”

“Yeah and how is that fair? I tell you to go and then call you back days later like I’ve got you on a piece of string.” Aaron shakes his head. “I’m just ... I’m sorry.” He says heavily.

Robert closes his eyes. “But you didn’t ...”

Aaron frowns harshly. “Of course I didn’t.” He says, he bites his lip and then shudders. “Just come here.” He says, and Robert leans forward, feels Aaron practically melt around him. He’s clearly shaken by it all and he practically claws to get Robert closer to him. “I’m sorry, don’t leave.”

Robert pulls away and shakes his head before catching the tears that fall down Aaron’s face.

“Could you go back to mine, be there when I get back?”

Robert nods and feels awkward against it. “You want me to?” He says and Aaron just frowns at him. “Or is it ‘cause I look dead on my feet and you think I need a place to crash?”

Aaron blinks. “How about you stop trying to be a psychologist and do as your told.” He says and then he breaks down his wall a little more because this is Robert. “I love you so much you know.” He whispers.

Robert gulps hard around it. “I love you too.” He says, and he won’t ever feel like this about anyone ever again.

 

 

—

 

When he parks up at Aaron’s, there’s flashing lights and a police car parked right outside and it’s almost like experiencing deja vu when he sees who comes up towards him.

Ed.

He seethes inside when he looks at the shock written across Ed’s face. “I thought you were in —“

Robert steps out of the car and looks right at the twat. “I was, but Aaron rang me and here I am. I assume you’ve heard what happened. That’s why you’re here right?”

Ed nods quickly and looks back at the house. “It hasn’t been touched, seems like they were only after spooking him.” He says.

“They did a little more than that.”

Ed suddenly looks serious. “Is he okay?”

Robert just stares at him for a few seconds before nodding his head and putting him out of his misery. “He’s been lucky, no lasting damage.” He says and then he looks towards his house. “Officers need to be out here though, at least until they’ve been found.”

Ed nods. “Yeah. That’s the plan.” He says awkwardly and then he looks away.

“Right.” Robert says, locks his car and walks past Ed towards the house. The Christmas tree lights are on and yet the place still lacks any sort of warmth. It feels hollow.

He makes his way towards the kitchen and rubs at his eyes heavily, he feels like he could just fall asleep on the spot but instead he makes himself a cup of tea and sits on the stool. His eyes catch side of the number on the fridge, underneath it reads ‘counsellor’ and Robert feels something warm pool over his heart.

He’s trying.

Aaron’s trying to get better and he will do.

Something seems brighter.

—

He wakes up to someone nudging at his shoulder and his eyes widen when he sees that Aaron’s leaning over him.

“You looked like you needed that.” Aaron’s voice is warm and soft as he speaks and Robert rubs at his eyes in confusion as Aaron looks down at him.

“What are you doing here?” Robert asks as he lifts himself up. He sees that sunlight is streaming into the room and wonders how long he’s slept for.

“Got discharged didn’t I?” Aaron says, taps at Robert’s legs and moves them out the way so he can sit on the sofa. “What you doing on the sofa anyway?”

He didn’t want to sleep in the bed without Aaron but he’s not going to admit that.

Instead he just frowns. “Never mind that, why didn’t you ring me to come and get you?”

“Because it was well early and Matty offered to bring me home. I figured you’d be asleep anyway.” Aaron says, leans back and sighs. “I think I could do with a bit of a rest too, hate hospitals.”

Robert stands at that, brings Aaron up towards him and sees that he’s looking better already. His eye is starting to turn purple and the cut on the forehead looks a lot less scary than it did before. He holds Aaron’s hand until they’re laying on the bed upstairs and he closes Aaron’s eyes softly.

“Sleep.” He almost commands and Aaron gulps hard around it.

“I think we need to talk, don’t you?”

And of course they do but just not right now is the answer to that question. 

“Just sleep for now okay?”

And they do, Robert falls asleep in Aaron’s arms and to the sound of the younger man breathing heavily against him. He only opens his eyes when he sees that Aaron’s staring at him.

“I thought we were sleeping.” Robert mumbles and Aaron huffs.

“It’s almost midday.” Aaron shrugs and then sits up on the bed, wincing slightly before looking outside the window. “Have the police said anything?”

Robert sees how nervous he suddenly looks and shakes his head. “I’ll see if Matty’s text me. Sorry, I haven’t looked at my phone yet. I’ll go and get —“

“I think that can wait.” Aaron says, now looking right at Robert and biting his lip. “I missed you.” He blurts out, “My counsellor ... she reckons that I push people away when they matter to me.”

Robert gulps hard, he can’t argue with that. All he _can_ do is listen. 

“And you, you matter to me so much.” Aaron’s eyes flicker and he sighs. “Telling her everything, what you’ve done for me ... it made that even clearer.” He sniffs a little. “Made me realise that I want you here.”

Robert looks towards the ceiling and can’t open his mouth for some reason. His heart just thumps in his head. “Why?”

Aaron frowns. He goes to speak and then gets cut off by the sound of the door being knocked at. He huffs at it and then gets up, walks down the stairs clutching his side and Robert stays where he is until he hears it.

“Ed?” Aaron’s saying and suddenly Robert doesn’t mind going downstairs. He hovers on the middle of the stairs as he sees Ed looking all concerned and worried. “It isn’t that bad.”

“Isn’t it?” Ed steps forward and then Aaron steps back. And Robert just watches them. “It looks pretty bad from here.”

“Well I’m fine.” Aaron says and Ed nods his head along slowly before speaking.

“I just came to say ...” Robert watches as Ed suddenly stops himself and then starts speaking again. “Um ... the bastards were caught on CCTV weren’t they?”

Robert perks up by the sound of it and comes into view. Ed looks sheepish against him and Aaron gulps. “Really? Have we got them then?”

Ed babbles about not knowing everything and then waves a hand out. “Simon’s cell has been spot checked. Word is they found a mobile.”

“The sneaky bastard.” Robert says, mainly to himself and Aaron blows out a breath.

“Do you know if these lot are sticking around then?” Aaron says, looks at the two officers near his door and the car parked across the drive. Ed shakes his head and doesn’t know a thing clearly. Yet he still hovers and Aaron has to tell him he’s fine again. “You probably have something to be getting on with don’t you?”

Ed looks at him and then nods slowly. “Yeah I’ll be out your hair.” He says. “Bye.” The door closes and Aaron blows out another dramatic breath before walking up the stairs again and laying back down on the bed. Robert follows him, perplexed by the whole thing and Aaron sighs hard.

“Everything’s going to be fine with Simon. That weirdo isn’t helping himself but at least we can nail him for something else.” Robert explains, trying his best to ease all the tension on Aaron’s face. It doesn’t help all that much. Instead Aaron just sighs again.

“He’s trying to scare me into not testifying. How did I not see this coming?”

Robert blinks. “Neither of us did. I wouldn’t have left you if I thought —“

“I told you to go.”

“I should have fought harder for us.” Robert says. He moves his hands away from Aaron slowly and looks ashamed of himself. He is. There’s this sadness building up inside him. “You got hurt because you were out trying to —“ he frowns slightly. “Why were you out?”

Aaron huffs. “Pete wanted to cheer me up, because I wouldn’t leave the house.” He looks awkward. “I was missing you and ... he thought taking me out to a gay bar would do the trick.”

Robert’s jaw clenches and then he swallows. “My mate tried to do the same thing with some guy called Mike at my Christmas party. Cheer me up a little.” Aaron looks suddenly terrified and Robert just shakes his head. “But I couldn’t.” He frowns. “I couldn’t because ... because of you. It didn’t matter that we’d argued before, I still couldn’t —“ he’s babbling slightly and then he looks at Aaron’s face.

There’s guilt there.

 _Guilt_?

And Robert suddenly thinks the worst.

“Robert, I have to tell you something and you need to — to calm down.”

“I’m calm.” Robert says quickly.

Aaron rubs a hand across his face and sighs. “You won’t be.” He whispers and then Robert pulls this face, eyes blinking uncomfortably like he knows what’s coming next.

“You and Ed? You didn’t — did you sleep with him?”

It’s the worst question in the world and Aaron doesn’t answer quick enough so Robert’s already flying off that handle of his and going down the stairs. He gets to the living room and then he hears Aaron coming down the stairs following him.

“Robert _wait_.” Aaron pulls at his arm and starts breathing heavily. Robert feels like a twat for making him run all the way considering and yet he still scowls at him.

“For what? You to say it didn’t mean anything.” He feels like fucking crying and suddenly he wants his sister, the feeling takes over and makes his chin start to wobble.

Aaron comes closer towards him, holds his face. “I promise you I didn’t sleep with Ed.” He says. “I could never — I’d never do that to you.” He whispers and Robert frowns at him.

“But — something did happen?”

Aaron holds at Robert’s face and then lets go of it again slowly. “He kissed me.” He admits and Robert’s eyes widen.

“When?”

“When we argued that night. I told him to go, I practically kicked him out the door and told him he’d ruined everything. I tried ringing you back and it wouldn’t go through ... so I was crying and he was just still there. He said he didn’t want to leave me like that and then—“

“He put his tongue down your throat!”

Aaron huffs. “It wasn’t like that.” He snaps. “It lasted less than a second and then I pushed him out the door.”

“But if you hadn’t ...”

“What does that matter? I didn’t want him Robert. I just wanted _you_.” 

Robert scoffs, walks towards the window and then bites at his lip. “You chucked me out.”

“Are we doing this _again_?”

Robert spins. “You chucked me out and he comes in and you let him comfort you? You let him kiss ya.”

“Was I supposed to taser him?” Aaron snaps. “He got the wrong end of the stick and he’s sorry and I —“

“I wouldn’t have blamed you if you wanted him. He’s a lot less ... less messed up than me.” Robert blurts out and Aaron’s eyes flicker.

“Because being with me is a bed of roses?” He says, comes towards Robert and holds at his hand. “Don’t be angry.” 

Robert doesn’t even know what he’s supposed to feel. He just has Aaron’s hand in his and he wants it there forever but something always makes him let it go.

“For a second I thought you really had you know, slept with him.” Robert has a hand in his pocket, he keeps his head down and then he raises it again to see Aaron shaking his head at him. He looks angry and he tells Robert to shut his face. “Well that’s just ...”

“I _love_ you.” Aaron says, black hoodie falling off his frame as he gets ahead of himself. “You.” He waves a hand out and then sighs. “You know I didn’t know how bad it was ... when I rang ya. I was hurting everywhere and I just wanted to talk to you. Hear your voice.”

Robert closes his eyes. “I remember.” He says heavily. “You scared the life out of me.” He whispers.

“Remember what I said to you too?”

“That you loved me.” He says. It was the only thing that made any sense really.

Aaron comes closer again, rests a hand right against Robert’s cheek and smiles. “I always have.” He shrugs with a single shoulder and still manages to make Robert’s legs feel funny. Then he leans in, closes the space between them completely and kisses Robert hard on the mouth.

It takes Robert by surprise so his hands hang about in the air awkwardly until they find home on Aaron’s waist and they’re suddenly walking towards the stairs. Aaron keeps up the pace, kissing Robert like he hasn’t just been beaten up and Robert envies all his strength and bravery and will.

Aaron finally pulls away, has Robert against the wall as he shakes his head.

“What?” Robert whispers gently.

“You. You drive me crazy.” Aaron says in this really heavy way that Robert gets completely. Sometimes he can’t think of anything _but_ how mad they are about each other, all the terrifying things that have happened _because_ of the way they feel about each other.

“The feeling’s mutual.” Robert settles on, his hand now stroking Aaron’s waist slowly and his lips slightly parted.

Aaron gives him the eyes, and Robert wriggles an eyebrow.

“Aaron, we’re not having sex. You’ve just come out of hospital.” He’s so matter of fact about it that he half expects Aaron to duck his head and blush but he doesn’t get that. Instead he gets Aaron gulping hard and pulling at Robert’s blazer.

“Robert, I’ve missed you too much.” He says. “Take me to bed.” His voice is like gravel and Robert struggles against it when Aaron kisses him again, this time bringing Robert down and holding him by the back of his neck as it deepens.

“Okay — but we’ll be gentle.” Robert says like a fucking idiot and Aaron somehow is still interested in the idea.

It’s a miracle really.

“Whatever you say.” Aaron says, and then he’s leading the way.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron enjoy some well deserved time together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t beleive there’s 32 chapters of this, and more to come. Enjoy a nice angst free chapter!

 

“Sex in the middle of the day. Tick.” Robert breathes heavily and Aaron tosses his pillow at him.

“You nerd.”

“Oi.” Robert frowns. “That could have really offended me that.”

Aaron scoffs and scurries closer towards Robert’s arms. “Hope it did.” He jokes.

“You not chucking me out then?” Robert wriggles an eyebrow and smiles as Aaron’s face falls. “I’m joking.”

“I already feel guilty about that.” Aaron’s head dips a little and Robert shakes his head.

“Don’t be.” He whispers sincerely. “It’s forgotten.”

Aaron kisses lightly at Robert’s chest and Robert smiles down faintly, then feels Aaron’s hand running through his hair.

“Needs a good wash.” Robert mumbles, shaking his head dramatically and watching as Aaron pulls away and smiles.

“It’s perfect.” Aaron frowns. “Love that floppy hair of yours.”

“You do?” Robert teases, leans down a little closer and Aaron nods slowly. “Well that’s good.” He whispers, a hand across Aaron’s face. “I didn’t uh ... it wasn’t too —“

Because Robert was treating him he was made of sugar, barely doing anything and making Aaron buck his knees up and tell him to get on with it in the nicest possible way. 

“You stepped it up a little after the first few times of me telling ya to so ...”

Robert scoffs. “I didn’t want to hurt you.” He says, blinks out quickly as he reads Aaron’s face. “Are you ...”

“The way I’m supposed to be yeah.” Aaron mumbles. “It was perfect.” He whispers and he leans over and kisses Robert again. 

“When does Gabriel get back?” Robert ends up asking a few minutes later, he’s got Aaron pulled against him.

“Told my mum to keep him up there until the day before Christmas Eve.” He says, and it’s only two days away but Robert knows that he’ll probably look a lot better than he does now. Aaron turns towards Robert and gulps. “We should get up. I haven’t spoken to him today.”

Robert clears his throat. “Right. I’ll take a shower, I can order us something if you want?”

Aaron pulls a face at it.

“Or I could see what you’ve got in the fridge.”

Aaron smiles faintly. “It’s just I’ve been living off takeaways since you went so ...”

“I see.” Robert mumbles, a smile on his face as Aaron leans away from him and gets off the bed. “I’ll have to borrow some pants by the way. I hardly packed a bag.”

Aaron stands there, naked and soft and he rolls his eyes as he gets his trousers on again. “Go ahead.” He says as he gets out the door and down the stairs.

 

—

 

When he gets down the stairs after his shower, he’s hearing the end of Aaron’s conversation with Gabriel. He’s saying that he’ll see him soon and he loves him and he’s about to come in when he sees Aaron sighs hard and rubs a hand across his face.

He looks all troubled and Robert can’t help but come closer towards him, hold at his shoulder. “You okay?”

Aaron looks up and then sighs. “Nothing. I just —“ he opens his mouth again and then closes it before getting up and looking towards the fridge. “I’ve got some chicken and some ... there’s a pepper here. Could have it with some rice or something.”

Robert just stares blankly at him.

“What?”

“You know what.” Robert says. “You were upset after speaking to Gabriel and I want to know why.” He says.

Aaron closes the fridge, yellow pepper still in his hand as he looks at Robert. “If you must know ... he asked after you.” 

“And that made you ... upset?”

Aaron looks up towards the ceiling and then down again. “I didn’t know what to say.” He shrugs. “Because when you went ... I just said that you were away for a while and even that was hard so —“

“I’m back now.” Robert says and Aaron gulps.

“We don’t know for how long though do we? We haven’t spoken about that.” He says. “We’ve argued and had sex.” He finally puts the pepper down and rubs a hand across his face.

“Sounds like us I think.” Robert says and Aaron turns away.

“You took your job back.” Aaron explains like Robert doesn’t know. “You’re in London and I’m here and —“

“I don’t have to think about work until well after new year now. I was only going to get a feel of the new case.” Robert leans against the counter. “I’m all yours.”

Aaron half smiles like he can’t quite believe it. “So you’ll ... for Christmas you’ll stay here?” 

And it’s what he’s wanted for so long now isn’t it? Christmas with Aaron and Gabriel.

“I don’t want to be anywhere else.” Robert admits with a smile on his face. “So now we’ve got that sorted ... start cutting that pepper up and I’ll season the chicken.”

Aaron scoffs, his shoulders are suddenly lighter now. “You say the sexiest things Sugden.”

 

—

 

They’re in love so they’re happy and that’s just how it works for two whole days, they get to be together and they get to smile and laugh without thinking of anything else.

“I missed that the most.” Aaron mumbles, naked and soft across Robert’s chest, gentle strokes across the older’s man face. “You laughing.”

Robert tuts. “God, I touch you where you like for a few hours and you turn into goo.” Aaron is bright red and blushing and Robert doesn’t let him hide. Instead he kissed his shoulder and looks right into his eyes. “I love you.”

Aaron blinks. “I love you too.” He mumbles, and he says it without any hesitation these days.

It makes Robert grin.

He’s still smiling when Aaron offers him up his dinner, in the buff.

In the fucking buff.

He’s got the smallest little towel around him doing absolutely nothing and he’s managed to get one of Robert’s ties on.

Robert’s mouth is wide open when he looks at him.

“So uh ... I made dinner.”

“I think I just want dessert.” Robert says, mouth still wide open and his eyes flickering like mad.

“Smooth.” Aaron mumbles. “But I’ve slaved over this possibly overcooked casserole so you’re eating it.”

“With you like that?” Robert says and Aaron rolls his eyes and ruins it by putting on some joggers and shaking his head. “You’re no fun.”

“Neither are they.” Aaron goes all tense as he looks out towards the window and Robert sobers at the sight of the police car. They haven’t heard anything for two days and it’s been bliss this in a really lovely way but also agonising too.

“They’re only there to keep you safe.“

”I’m so sick of having to be kept safe.” Aaron snaps, and then he gulps hard and apologises. “I just want you and me, nothing hanging over us.” He says with a soft smile on his face that fades and turns into something sadder.

Robert comes closer towards him and kisses him gently. “And we’ll get that, I promise you.” He says, kisses the side of Aaron’s head gently.

 

—

 

Aaron shuffles into the bed and Robert holds his arms up for him to crawl into. It makes Aaron smile gently and kiss at Robert’s shoulder before he’s looking up at him.

“You haven’t told me about what it was like at Vic’s.” 

And they haven’t actually spoke about that at all, on purpose. 

Robert’s silence speaks volume and Aaron frowns. “Not good then.”

“It was fine.” Robert says slowly. “And then ... Andy showed up and it wasn’t fine.” He shakes his head as Aaron makes this small sign and strokes his arm. “You know, it’s been years. Years. And yet still he thinks I’m a liar.”

“What a dick.”

Robert scoffs, runs a hand through Aaron’s hair and then sighs. “Vic sort of told him about you as well, reckoned I was lying about that too.”

“He thought you’d made up a whole person?” Aaron says harshly. “What’s his problem?”

“Me.” Robert says heavily. “He looked so much like dad when he was speaking.”

“Rob...”

“Obviously he can’t ‘cause he’s adopted but he was wearing his old cap. Thought I’d kept that, obviously not.” Robert says, oddly calm as he opens up and sees that Aaron has tears in his eyes.

He cares so much and it’s almost unsettling to think about.

He’s not used to that.

“He doesn’t deserve you.”

Robert looks down at him, just holds at Aaron’s hand and swoops down to kiss him.

 

—

 

Robert’s first thought when he opens his eyes is that Gabriel’s coming him today and he gets to see him and he’s not exactly sure when he turned into this soft lad but it’s happened.

And he wouldn’t change it for the world if he’s being honest.

Aaron’s already downstairs, gulping down a tea and when Robert comes down the stairs he passes him a coffee with a nervous smile. The place smells like lemon and Robert’s confused until he spots the disinfectant.

“I want him to come home to a happy place.” Aaron says, before Robert can even begin to question his behaviour. “I wasn’t ... fun when I asked you to go so ...”

“He’s going to be happy regardless of if that island has been cleaned or not. Don’t worry about.” Robert teases, a smile on his face as Aaron rolls his eyes and sighs. “Stop worrying.” He whispers and then Aaron’s phone is going off and he watches his face fill with nerves until he hangs up.

“Is it Gabriel?”

“No the police.” Aaron says quickly. “They want me to come in, they’ve got stuff I need to hear apparently.” He runs a hand across his chest like it’s tight and Robert comes closer towards him.

“It’s probably good news.” He says. “It will be. Come on, let’s go.”

“What about Gabriel? He’s due back in an hour.”

“Text your mum, she can sit with him here for a bit.” Robert advises and nods along before he’s looking down at his phone. “It’s going to be fine.”

 

—

 

“So, we have two gentlemen in custody. One of them blamed the other so it was a piece of cake getting a confession out of them.” The officer says, leaning over the table like he wants to make sure Aaron’s understanding what he’s saying.

Aaron just looks at Robert and then blows out a breath. “So it was definitely ‘cause of Simon, I wasn’t just hearing that?”

The office leans back on the chair. “They seemed to blame him, said that Simon had promised to see them right if they did what he asked.”

“Which was what exactly?” Robert is saying now and Aaron looks like he doesn’t even want to know the answer to that question.

“We’re ruling out attempted murder. We believe it was to scare Mr Dingle out of testifying in court.”

Aaron rubs a hand across his face and shudders.

“We obtained a mobile phone hidden in his cell, after looking through the text messages delivered and received we’re pretty certain that the instructions were to ...”

“Frighten me to death.” Aaron says suddenly. “Because that’s what happened.”

“You’ve charged them then? Added it to Simon’s long list too?” Robert leans across and the officer nods.

“They’ll be dealt with, don’t worry. And don’t worry about it going to trial either, pretty certain that they’ll opt for the shortest sentencing possible.” The officer smiles faintly as if Aaron should feel better.

“So the police ... at my house?” Aaron frowns and the officer explains that they probably won’t be there when they get back.

It makes Aaron blow out a nervous breath and then nod slowly. The officer leaves them in the room, makes an excuse about having to get on with something and Aaron looks towards Robert.

“They won’t be hanging around over Christmas.” Robert says, smiles faintly. “And you won’t need to be scared about Simon trying anything now. He can’t hurt you again.”

Aaron wipes at his eyes and then nods. “Said that last time.”

“This time ... will count.” Robert mumbles softly, holds at Aaron’s hand. “Gabriel gets to come home to a normal environment doesn’t he?” That manages to get Aaron smiling a little and relief wash over his face.

“You’re right.”

“Say it one more time?”

“Piss off.” 

Robert laughs and Aaron brings him forward and wraps his arms around the older man, they stay like that for a little while.

 

—

 

When they park up outside Aaron’s, Chas’ car is there already and the faint smile on Aaron’s face is more than enough to get Robert mirroring him. He watches as Aaron turns the engine off and climbs out of the car before unlocking the door and Gabriel’s standing there waiting for them.

He waves a hand out, jumps up and down and then his eyes widen when he sees Robert. He shouts his name and Robert completely ignores Chas’ shocked face as he crouches on the floor and holds at Gabriel’s waist.

“I missed you loads.” Robert whispers, a hand rubbing against Gabriel’s back and then slowing down. “So much.”

Gabriel gives him a toothy grin. “Daddy said you had work things.”

“That’s over for now.” Robert says, “I’m back.”

Chas clears her throat and Aaron finally turns towards her, reveals the state of his face which actually isn’t even that bad anymore but she happens to go bloody berserk. Her throat does something weird and makes this sound and Gabriel turns to her and frowns.

“Gabriel, why don’t you uh — go and put all your toys away. I can come and help you yeah?” Robert says, and Gabriel starts climbing the stairs as Chas comes towards her son.

“You said it was a scuffle.” Chas says. “That you were fine.”

“I am.” Aaron says and then he looks away. “Now anyway.” He comes into the living room and then looks towards the stairs. “He completely ignored me, cheeky little —“

“Aaron.” Chas snaps. “What’s he doing here?” She clearly isn’t done with him so he blows out another breath and explains what happened. He only pauses because she interrupts and starts waving her hands about. “So they’ve definitely caught them?”

“Charged them and everything.” Robert says, hand in his pocket. “And before you say anything, I already feel guilty about not being here to protect him.”

Chas frowns though, sits slowly on the sofa and scowls at her son. “Oh I know how difficult it is to get this one to let you be there for him.” She looks worn out and Aaron comes closer towards her, looks guilty. 

“You look done in.” Aaron says, scratches at his shoulder and Chas tuts.

“You try entertaining a kid at Blackpool for more than a day.” She rolls her eyes and Aaron bites his lip awkwardly. “After a while he just wanted to come home.”

It makes Aaron smile faintly and then he shakes his head. “The police were outside mum, he’s already seen enough of that I think.”

Chas arches an eyebrow. “Well at least that’s been sorted love, now you can just focus on whenever they set an actual date. Right?”

“Right.” Aaron mumbles.

“And of course _Christmas_. I may or may not have gone a bit overboard for him this year.” Aaron’s eyes widen. “What? He deserves it.”

Robert watches as Aaron stays silent and then Gabriel’s shouting.

“Robert!” 

Robert scoffs. “I reckon he wants me.” He says and he climbs the stairs until he sees the mess that Gabriel’s made of his little room. He’s thrown all his dirty clothes on his bed for some reason and the clean clothes are on the floor so that makes sense. Robert shakes his head at his mess and thinks about Aaron and the state of their room. “Think you’ve made quite a mess in here don’t you think? Hmm?” Robert says and Gabriel just giggles at him. He’s playing with his teddy and bouncing it around the bed frame.

“You know it’s nearly Christmas? Like really nearly Christmas.” Gabriel looks so excited and Robert nods at him.

“Of course I do.”

“You’ll be here, won’t you?” He asks, all unsure and Robert doesn’t want him to be but he can’t blame him either can he? 

“I’ll be here. With you, and your dad.”

Gabriel nods happily at that and starts pulling silly faces before he comes closer towards Robert and hugs him unexpectedly.

“That will be the best Christmas wish ever.”

And Robert’s not really too sure when Gabriel started to see him as more than his incompetent teacher but it happened and he really does love him. Aaron wasn’t over-exaggerating about that in the slightest.

“You’re so soft you.” He says, because he doesn’t know what else he can say without getting emotional. “Just like your dad.” He says, as he pulls away and runs a hand through Gabriel’s curly hair. 

Gabriel frowns. “I’m not soft, I’m hard.” He says, frown getting bigger as Robert laughs at him.

“Whoops, I forgot. You’re hard as nails aren’t you?”

Gabriel nods at that and Robert tickles him as he holds him close.

He really has missed this.

 

—

 

Chas stays for tea and Robert dishes up lasagne. It’s not his best but Chas says it’s bloody divine and he doesn’t know where to put his face.

“Family recipe?” She says and Aaron holds at Robert’s knee under the table suddenly like he just knows to. It makes Robert smile faintly and then he nods.

“Yeah, my mum’s.” Robert says proudly, he hasn’t ever made it for anyone other than himself before which is why it’s weird to sit here eating it with people he loves.

His family of sorts.

Aaron and Gabriel with half of it over his face and bloody Chas. 

Family.

“Speaking of family...” Chas puts her fork down and looks towards Gabriel who is easily in a world of his own. “I was speaking to uncle Zak and Lisa and everyone, about you. I thought it would be nice if we go up there for Christmas.”

Aaron’s eyes widen and Robert remembers him wanting exactly that a few weeks go. It was why he wanted to testify in the first place wasn’t it?

“We could leave tomorrow.” Chas shrugs and Aaron’s eyes are still really wide, he gulps hard and then bites at his lip.

“That would be ... amazing.” Aaron says, blinks quickly and then twists at his lip before looking Robert. He hasn’t said anything, just forked his food for a bit and waited.

“Why am I sensing a but then?”

Aaron scrapes his chair and gestures towards the garden. “Rob, can we talk? Outside.”

“You don’t need to run it past me.” Robert says hastily. “If you want to go then we’ll —“

“I’d still like that chat.” Aaron presses and Robert sighs before following him out into the garden, cold air hitting his back.

“This is good, isn’t it?” Robert says. “This is what you’ve wanted?”

Aaron blinks. “Yeah but ... don’t make out like I don’t know that it’s close to the village you grew up. It’s what? Weirdly close right?” 

And yeah it is but that’s besides the point. It doesn’t matter. It only matters because it makes them a little more like star crossed lovers and Robert can milk it for all it’s worth. Especially in bed.

“Yeah.” Robert says heavily.

“So you could go and see them? For Christmas.” Aaron says. “If you wanted to.”

“What makes you think I do?”

“Nothing. I just —“ Aaron sighs hard. “My family is bonkers but I can’t wait to see them again and I can’t stand the thought of you not having that.” He says. “Vic loves you.”

He knows that, it makes him nod a little and he thinks about how heartbroken she was when he left so suddenly.

“Maybe I could ... ring her. Ask if it’s okay to pop by.” Aaron smiles instantly and Robert loves him.

“Good.” Aaron leans over and kisses him and Robert smiles against it.

 

—

 

He decides to ring her when Aaron’s in the shower and Gabriel’s tucked up in bed after Chas has gone home.

At first he’s nervous because she doesn’t pick up exactly when he starts ringing but when she does eventually he breathes out a little sigh of relief and his shoulders become loose again.

“You alright?” He says, and she doesn’t say anything for a few seconds. He worries and then she starts snapping at him.

“I’ve been worried about you. But I figured that messaging you wouldn’t make a difference.” Vic says and Robert starts picking at one of the cushions on the bed.

“I know. Things are going to change though, I’m not doing that to you. I’m so sorry.”

She obviously didn’t expect it because she stays quiet and then sounds stressed. “Are you ill?”

“Am I what? No I’m just — I wanted to say sorry. Do I have to be ill for that?” He has a smile on his face and he wants to keep it there, it feels good.

“Suppose not. So you’re okay? All down in London by yourself?” 

It makes something catch in his throat and he shakes his head slowly like she can see him or something. “I’m not in London.”

“So where are you —“ she pauses and then sighs. “Let me guess ...”

“He got attacked.” 

“ _What_?” Vic screams. “Oh my God, is he —“

“He’s fine. But it put a lot into perspective if you know what I mean. Made me realise how much I really do love him.” Robert says, eyes flickering a little as he relives all that panic. “We’re not just giving up on each other, we can get better ... together.”

“At least you won’t be alone.” She says and he can almost see her smile so he decides to add to it. “You know, for Christmas.”

“About that.” He stops and then starts again. “Aaron’s visiting his family for the first time in years because of everything and it’s pretty close to the village. I was wondering if we could ...”

“Of course you can.” Vic says. “Oh God that sounds amazing.” She sounds so excited and Robert grins.

“Does it?”

“Of course it does. When you coming?”

Robert bites his lip. “I’m not too sure, think Aaron wants to head off tomorrow so I’ll let you know.”

Vic sounds like she’s buzzing and Robert loves her for it, he can practically feel her energy from where he’s sitting and it only stops when he says she has to go.

“Okay I’ll — I’ll speak to you soon.” He says gently.

“Say hi to Aaron and Gabriel for me yeah?”

“Will do.” Robert says and he’s alone in his own head until Aaron steps out of the shower with a towel around his waist just because he can.

“Was that Vic?”

Robert nods, shuffles onto his side of the bed before smiling. “She’s made up I reckon.” He says and Aaron arches an eyebrow.

“Knew she would be.” Aaron says, whipping the towel off and looking around for his joggers. “Don’t get any ideas you.”

“Why not?”

Aaron scoffs, shakes his head and then his eyes flicker as he turns his head and sees that Robert’s helpfully rolled the covers off of himself, revealing his boxers.

Aaron starts laughing and Robert scowls.

“Uh you’re not supposed to laugh.”

Aaron bites at his lip and then shakes his head. “How could I _ever_ repay ya?” He whispers as he stalks towards Robert on the bed.

“I’ll think of a few ways, don’t worry.”

 

 

 

 

 

 


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert and Aaron enjoy Christmas Eve together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A very nice soft chapter for you all!

Travelling with a kid in the car on Christmas Eve isn’t the greatest idea but at least Aaron’s family live close enough so that they don’t have to stay on the motorway for too long.

Chas is taking her car and so Robert gets to be all handsy with Aaron in the front whilst he’s driving. He looks across at how nervous Aaron is starting to look by the time they’re surrounded by hills and greenery again.

They’re waiting for a flock of _sheep_ to past when Robert decides to say something because Aaron’s biting down really hard on his lip as the car stills. “Hey, you alright there?”

“Hmm? Yeah fine.” Aaron says, tapping the wheel and Robert’s eyes flicker a little and tries to drown out the sound of the Disney album playing. It’s a lot harder than he thought it would be.

“You’re also lying.”

Aaron stays silent and then he looks towards Robert. “It’s nothing.”

Robert knows better than to leave it so instead he thinks for himself and then he ends up overthinking, naturally. “Is it me? You’re worried your family won’t like me.” He’s not going to pretend that he hasn’t had the same thoughts whirling around his head because he has, like last night, Aaron presses against him, warm and soft. He’d held him close and wondered if they’d hate him.

“They don’t even know you. Why would you think —“ Aaron stops himself and then shakes his head. “They’re going to love ya.” Robert pulls a face and Aaron blinks quickly. “It’s just been a while, keep thinking they’d have forgotten about me.”

It manages to really cut Robert deep, make him feel angry and sad and upset. “Of course they wouldn’t.” He says. “No one could forget the great Aaron Dingle.”

The lights change and Aaron’s too busy smiling at him to notice.

“Green!” Gabriel shouts and it makes Aaron jump and starts moving again.

They’re there after another ten minutes and Robert’s stunned to see that they’ve ended up driving up to a bloody shack. Robert’s frown burrows as he sees ... pigs?

“Are they —“

Gabriel clambers to unlock the car door and slams at the windows. “Pigs! Pigs!” He says, well screams and Aaron’s relaxed suddenly as he looks around the place.

“I forgot to mention them.” He pulls this face and Robert’s seatbelt stretches a little as he leans across and takes in the view. It’s not in a village, it’s on the outskirts of a village and —

“And the fact that it’s a shack.”

“Oi. It’s called Wishing Well.”

“Doesn’t make it look less like a shack.” Robert scoffs and Aaron swots at his arm before he blows out a breath and gets Gabriel out the car.

“Daddy look, daddy there’s —“

Aaron crouches down and smiles sweetly at his son. “Listen, you remember why we’re here yeah?” Gabriel nods slowly and then looks unsure. “There’s so many people in there who love ya so much, they love both of us but they’ve not actually seen us for a while.”

“Have I seen them?” Gabriel frowns, clearly confused and Robert swoops down and tickles his tummy.

“You were a baby, don’t you remember?”

“Babies can’t think about things before silly.” Gabriel says and Aaron looks across and smiles thankfully at Robert. 

“Come on then, let’s go.” Aaron sniffs as he gets to his feet and Gabriel grabs his hand and walks them towards the front door.

And yeah, his family are crazy aren’t they?

—

 

There’s poppers? Like party poppers and balloons and Christmas trees and lights and —

“Welcome home!” Aaron’s gasp doesn’t manage to be any louder than the sound of some blonde woman screaming her lungs out and another older man and woman clapping their hands together. 

“Oh my —“

Aaron comes closer towards a bloke standing there with a can in his hand and sweeps him into a hug. It gets everyone making this soft noise and by the way the man hesitates shows that he isn’t a hugger.

Well he doesn’t look like it anyway. When Aaron finally pulls away, another lankier bloke opens his arms out and Aaron pulls a face before laughing and hugging him nearly as tightly. It makes Robert’s heart leap as Aaron picks Gabriel up and puts him on his hip.

“This is ... Gabriel. Gabe.” Aaron says, all choked up clearly and the blonde woman’s eyes widen and she waves her hand out towards him.

“God he’s a cutie isn’t he?”

“He’s not the only one.” There’s an older woman standing there with a glass of wine in her hand and she’s smirking as she eyes Robert. It makes him gulp hard and Aaron laughs nervously before looking towards him.

“This is uh — Robert.” He says, clears his throat and then smiles. “Robert, this is ... everyone.”

“You alright lad? Want a can?” The older man comes closer and Robert sees that he could totally pull of being Father Christmas if he wanted to. His white beard is quite something. Robert nods and accepts it with a smile on his face and then he relaxes.

Finally.

 

—

 

The blonde with the occasionally wide eyes is Charity and she’s somehow related to Aaron. He’s going with cousin because it’s the safest bet.

“So, you’re _Robert_.” She’s also a little far gone because it is Christmas Eve and yeah it’s only three in the afternoon but this lot can’t help themselves clearly.

“I am.” Robert says, he’s taken his coat off and happily sitting on the table whilst Aaron chats to the lanky bloke. He’s Marlon, he’s a chef. He seems absolutely harmless, so does Sam. He keeps going on about the pigs and Gabriel’s taken to him already because he keeps showing him all the animals.

“Chas said you’d made our Aaron all stupidly happy. Loved up.” She scoffs as she slumps next to Robert and smiles. “He left when he was still small and newly gay.”

“Newly gay?” Robert has half a smirk and watches her laugh into his shoulder. Aaron looks over at them and nods his head happily before Zak — the older guy who’s wife’s name is Lisa — offers him a mince pie.

“I mean ... he was all ... well he was never happy then. It’s like he’s a different person.”

Robert nods slowly. “He’s been through a lot. He gets to happy now.”

Charity smiles. “I was happy you know.” She’s starting to slur now and Robert pulls a face as she points to the hard man in the corner of the room. The one Aaron hugged first. “Him. Cain flipping Dingle. He had to ruin it.”

And yeah that means they’re related but that doesn’t seem to stop this family does it?

“As in Aaron’s uncle Cain?” Robert says, watches the man come towards them with a baby in his arms who he supposes is his own. He hears a Scottish woman take the kid from him and Charity mentions the name Moira and insists that she’s over him.

He takes her word for it as she stumbles up and Cain takes a seat in her place. It’s not like Robert is immediately intimidated but his eyes search for Aaron. He’s laughing with his mum who’s just slipped in and some girl. Belle? 

Cain sniffs, leans lower in the seat. “Now you don’t know me but I know you. I know what you’ve done.” He looks at him hard. “That you’re a copper.”

He says it loud enough for the lanky bloke Marlon to roll his eyes.

“Oh big deal. I’m a _chef_. We can’t all be criminal masterminds like you!” He says, antlers on and he shuts up as soon as Cain shoots him a look.

“I also know that you’ve made him happy. He wouldn’t be without you, for some reason.” Cain mumbles, quieter this time and Robert gulps hard.

“Well he uh ... he means a lot to me.” Robert says. “I love him, and Gabriel.”

Cain stares and then nods. “Heard that you even took a bullet.”

Robert looks away and then Cain extends a fucking hand out for him to shake. It makes Robert freeze around it and shake it quickly before it gets weird. 

He sees Aaron’s mouth wide open and everyone staring and then look away again once a new song comes on.

“You hurt him again though and you’ll have me to answer to. Got it?” Robert nods as Cain tightens his grip and lets go. “Good man.” He says and then he’s off again, getting another can in and patting Aaron on the back as he goes.

Robert leans to breathe again, swipes a mince pie and makes a grab for Gabriel when he sees him on the stairs with Samson. Sam’s kid. It’s all very original.

“Hey buddy, you having fun?” Robert says as Samson runs down the stairs as his dad calls him. Gabriel nods, smiles a little and Robert sits with him for a second before frowning. “What’s wrong?”

“They’re all new.” Gabriel says and Robert has never ever thought he was a shy child but he suddenly sees a bit of himself and he gulps hard against it.

“They all love ya.” He says and then he sighs. “I was pretty nervous too you know, when I first came in. But they’re nice aren’t they?”

Gabriel nods eagerly. “But what if we don’t see them again?”

“We will. You’ll see loads of them now that the bad man is —“

“Behind bars and anyway from us forever!” Gabriel does a little jump and Robert smiles faintly.

“You’re a clever little kid aren’t you?” Gabriel nods again and Robert shakes his knee. “Right come on, let’s have a dance yeah?”

—

 

They have a dance, and Robert becomes that awkward dancer who has kids bopping by his knees trying to get his attention and he didn’t know when he became this guy but he sort of likes it.

“Rob! Me! Rob!” It’s all he can hear until he looks across at Aaron standing there looking all flipping embarrassed and shaking his head. Sam’s partner seems to be complimenting his dancing skills and Aaron laughs it off.

“I don’t think Bruno off strictly has anything to worry about do you?” Aaron says and Chas starts laughing as well.

“I _can_ hear.” Robert teases, starts shaking his body around a bit and it makes Charity throw a tea towel at him.

“Oh well it’s good to see him come out of his shell. He’s a good little mover.” Lydia says enthusiastically, clapping her hands.

“Hmm he’s a good mover.” Faith, it’s the possibly sex starved gran of Aaron’s shimmying.

“Yeah, Aaron has he got rhythm or what?” Belle teases, holding Gabriel on her lap and tickling him as Aaron turns bright red and tells her to shut up.

“He’s definitely got pace.” Faith pinches at his waist and Aaron rubs a hand across his face.

“Didn’t think I’d have to tell my _gran_ to —“

“To what?”

“Keep your hands off his man!” Gabriel says, and everyone starts laughing at him, Chas’ eyes widen and she shakes her head.

“Honestly, a few hours with you lot and he’s starting to talk like you already.” Chas has hand on her hip and Gabriel points at Moira.

“The lady said it to her.” He says, points at Charity and the face Aaron’s pulling tells Robert that this sort of drama is a regular occurrence on Christmas Eve.

 

—

 

Nicola calls him about an hour later, it’s nearly dark outside and he’s wondering what she wants when he finally picks up and hears the last bit of her screaming for her kids to shut up.

It’s enough to make him punch out a laugh and then she shouts at _him_ for laughing.

“Charming.” He says. “You alright.”

“Oh that? Yeah I’m fine. Merry Christmas.” He hears a door being slammed and the sound of feet moving quickly and supposes she’s locked herself in her room or something.

“Not yet.” Robert says, pulling his coat across him a little more and then leans against the wall. 

“Well, thought I’d get it in early.”

“Escape from your kids more like.”

“What like you escaped London?” It makes his face drop a little and he clears his throat against it.

“Aaron got hurt.” He says quietly. “I didn’t think twice. I didn’t even think about what Lawrence would think.”

The thing is he didn’t even care either, it was hardly on his mind. He’d just about remembered to thank Clive and see if he got back alright. That was all.

“Yeah well, when he found out about Aaron being attacked he figured you’d ‘run back into his arms’.”

Robert pulls a face. “Smarmy little —“ he shakes his head as he hears laughing. “You know what, stuff him.” He’s holding the weird looking mixture Lisa is calling a snowball and he sips at it. “It’s Christmas and all of that can wait.”

“You spending it with Aaron then?”

“At his family’s farm. They have pigs.” Robert points out and he still can’t quite believe how Aaron forgot to mention that small detail.

“Yeah of course they do. They own a garage n’all.” Nicola says and Robert doesn’t get how she knows. “What? I asked about at the Hotten station and they’re quite ... notorious.”

Robert arches an eyebrow. “His uncle Cain looks it.”

“Hmm, well as long as you stay on the right side of them you’ll be —“

“I’ll be _fine_. It’s Christmas and I’m happy and —“

“You sound it.” Nicola says slowly. “It’s weird.”

Robert sips and then feels something stir in his stomach. “Yeah. But I want to get used to it.”

 

—

 

Aaron’s a little more pissed than Robert thought he’d be but he’s happy that he’s let his hair down at least. He joins him outside and holds at Robert’s waist.

“My gran can’t stop going on about how fit you are.” He mumbles into Robert’s arm and Robert laughs.

“Can’t blame her really.” Robert says and then he looks down at Aaron. “Neither can you.”

Aaron snorts and then looks up. “Hmm ...” he pretends to be thinking and then shakes his head. “Maybe.” He settles on and then leans up to kiss Aaron. “I think we should go and see Vic before lunch tomorrow.”

Robert bites his lip awkwardly. “Yeah that’d be good.” He says and Aaron holds his hand.

“It’ll be fine.” He insists and then he sighs. “Sorry for not introducing you to everyone by the way, I was a little ...”

“Overwhelmed? So was Gabriel. It’s fine.”

Aaron looks serious suddenly. “He alright?”

“Course. He just wasn’t sure he’d see them again after today, he’s good now.” Robert reassures him and Aaron smiles faintly.

“So everything’s ... good?” He almost can’t quite believe it and Robert kisses his head.

“Pretty much yeah.” Robert mumbles and Aaron holds him tighter before he leans away and pulls a face.

“Actually ...” Robert looks worried and Aaron pulls a face. “So Charity owns the pub, but she’s got her kids living there but she’s agreed to let Gabriel stay ... but uh well this place is full so —“

“So?”

“So, fancy blowing up some lilo’s with me?”

“ _Aaron_.” Robert groans and Aaron shakes his head.

“I’m sorry alright? My mum’s already sleeping on the sofa at the pub so we’re sort of out of luck.”

Robert gulps hard and then thinks. “Could be pretty cute, I suppose.”

“Yeah?” Aaron steps forward and kisses Robert slowly. “It really could be.” He whispers and Robert’s lips tingle.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought if you have the time!


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas Day has its ups and downs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s crazy to think this fic is still a thing! I’m surprised people are still reading but so very grateful for the support honestly.
> 
> Have another fluffy chapter because angst is on the way soon!

He wakes up to the sight of Aaron cuddle up close towards him and Zak hovering over the both of them with a Christmas mug in his hand. He smile and Robert’s eyes widen before he remembers that they’ve been sleeping on the living floor at wishing well. 

He jumps up a little and then rubs at his eyes to see that Gabriel’s just run through the door.

“Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!” He keeps saying, he’s got a massive coat on and a bobble hat and he looks pretty adorable as he jumps onto Aaron’s stomach. 

Aaron lets out a moan and then laughs dryly, holds at Gabriel’s back to prevent him from doing it anymore. “Yeah, think we heard buddy.” He says, and Zak laughs as they sit up against the sofa.

“Right now you two are up, you should put those up and the way so we can start opening presents.” Zak rubs his hands together as Chas comes through the door with charity and her kids and Robert gulps hard as he gets up from the floor and heads towards the bathroom.

It’s weird because he’s never been woken up like that before and he’s literally only known them for a day. He rubs his eyes as he gets the bathroom door shut and then he hears a knock and Aaron’s there pushing him against the tiles and kissing him breathlessly.

“Merry Christmas.” Aaron says, a little shy as he moves away and holds a hand against Robert’s chest.

Robert’s not even properly awake yet but his body reacts to it, dives straight back towards Aaron and holds him tightly by the waist as he kisses him. “Yeah, it is.” He mumbles and Aaron twists at his lip.

“Probably not the start you thought it would be.”

“Nah I always imagined your uncle Zak staring over at us whilst we woke up on Christmas Day.” Robert jokes and Aaron shakes his head before tilting it down. 

“I don’t usually ... it’s been a while since I spent Christmas Day with someone I love so ...”

Aaron blinks quickly, looks touched as he moves his hand over Robert’s chest and smiles. 

“So anything would have been perfect.” He shrugs. “This is perfect.”

There’s a sound of something smashing downstairs and Aaron sighs hard against Robert’s shoulder. “Really?”

“Yeah. Really.” 

 

—

 

Gabriel goes absolutely crazy with the amount of presents that he’s got and Robert warms at how touched Aaron is by the little present Lydia and Sam have got the boy. 

“Just a little something.” Lydia waves a hand out. “Merry Christmas chick.” She says and Gabriel is literally jumping up and down and smiling as he opens it.

Aaron has a hand on Robert’s thigh and looks awkward. “I didn’t get you ...”

“Me either.” Robert shrugs. “Guess we’re going to have to unwrap other things later.” He says like they’re not in a crowded room or anything. It makes Aaron turn bright red and Robert’s laughing until Chas come over, stumbling a little as she hugs Aaron tightly and kisses his head. 

“Mum, you’re drunk already?”

“Not drunk. Happy.” Chas says, shrugs a little and then Marlon’s coming in with a Turkey and she sighs. “It’s not even in yet.”

“Well we’re going to see Rob’s family soon so it doesn’t matter.” Aaron says, and Robert clears his throat awkwardly. 

“Alright, you won’t be long though right?”

“We’ll be back for tea.” Aaron says, looks towards Robert for confirmation and only looks away when he nods. Chas nods and heads off back towards the kitchen with Lisa and Aaron squeezes Robert’s knee. “We can go now if you want?” He asks and Robert freezes up against it. “Or ... or not. It’s Christmas, it’s up to you.”

Robert looks at Belle and Cain and Sam and feels something suddenly. He wants that, he doesn’t know them, Aaron might have spent half the night trying to explain who was who and everything and they’re probably all nightmares but they’re close. They’re close the way you want to be close to your siblings. 

“I’ll ring Vic, tell her we’re leaving soon.” 

Aaron nods, “I’ll get my coat.” He says, taps Robert’s knee as he gets up.

They decide to leave Gabriel where he is, he complains a little about wanting to see Vic again but Robert’s pretty adamant that he should stay put. 

“Why? You’re not going to have a punch up are you?” Aaron scowls at the thought as they head towards the car and Robert blinks. 

“Of course not but — you never know ... Andy could be Andy.” Robert shrugs as he gets into the car and Aaron shudders against the cold. “Thanks for coming with me.” He says, leans over and kisses Aaron slowly before Aaron starts the car and they’re on the way.

It’s closer than Robert ever really realised and the village is covered in a blanket of snow by the time they arrive.

“God, Gabriel’s going to be going mad.” Aaron says as he drives slowly into the village and looks around. “This place is proper picture perfect ain’t it?”

And it’s weird hearing someone else’s opinions on the place that he grew up in, the place that is filled with so many different emotions that make his heart hurt.

“Could say that.” Robert mumbles and then points to the little cottage near the cafe. “You can pull in here.” He says and Aaron turns the car off people looking at Robert and holding at his face with one hand.

“Come on then.” He whispers and Robert’s eyes flicker before he gets out the car and bounces coldly towards the door until Victoria opens it and welcomes them in.

“I made gingerbread men, thought Gabriel would —“ she frowns. “Oh is he not here?”

Aaron shakes his head as he gets his coat off in the hallway. “Nah, he’s too busy playing with his toys.” She looks disappointed and Robert feels guilty. “We can take some back for him though?”

“Course.” Vic says, she’s got a tea towel round her waist as she comes into the kitchen and Robert is met with an unfamiliar face. It’s a guy, against the cupboard, wearing a tracksuit and stirring something on the heat and he only looks up when Vic clears her throat. “So this is ... Ellis.” She says and Robert looks towards Aaron who’s already got a teasing grin on his face like he knows Robert won’t really know how to handle it. 

“Is he your —“

“Yeah.” Vic says quickly, comes towards Ellis and then rubs at his arm. “Ellis this is Robert.”

Ellis puts the wooden spoon down and shakes Robert’s hand eagerly. “Heard loads about you.” He says. “Vic’s been dying to get you over for Christmas —“

Vic slaps at his arm. “You’re acting like I’m desperate.” She says and Robert laughs.

“Of course you are, it’s me.” Robert says and Aaron rolls his eyes.

“Sounds about right according to you.” Aaron huffs and then Vic’s introducing him too and everything is really all lovely for a while. 

Vic’s not mentioning Andy at all and he wants to keep it that way as they sit in the living room and she beams about her new love. He seems pretty nice, pretty normal and Robert can’t really want anymore than that really. 

“So this is who you’d met.” Robert says, remembers her hints when he had left last time. He leans down and gets a biscuit before passing Aaron’s tea towards him and watching Vic blush. 

“Yep.” She says. “And we’re happy. We won’t be doing all that mushy stuff you two do mind.”

Aaron scoffs. “We are not mushy.” He says and Ellis leans forward.

“Well I mean I think she’s on about the eye thing.”

“What eye thing?”

Vic shudders playfully. “The way you look at each other all ... gooey eyed.” She tuts like she’s annoyed and Robert blushes red against it as Aaron shakes his head.

“Yeah well, you should just be happy that I’m not a cynic anymore.” Robert sips at his tea and reaches for a mince pie. He starts eating it when Aaron takes it from him, has a bite and passes it back. Robert laughs a little and then they both stare at Victoria and Ellis staring at them and shaking their hands.

“I am, don’t you worry about that.” Vic hasa hand through Ellis’ hair and smiles. “And it’s Christmas, and you’re here.” She sighs contently. “I didn’t think you’d come.”

“Well it’s Christmas. And I’m a pretty rubbish brother so …”

“You could say that again.” He doesn’t need to hear the voice twice to know whom it belongs to. It’s Andy. Andy’s there with Jack on his hip and Sarah by his side and —

Of course he had to ruin it.

Aaron’s a bodyguard within seconds and he straightens his back as Andy comes further into the room and lets Jack slide down his leg. The thing is, Aaron doesn’t even know what Andy looks like so he has to throw Robert this look and Robert has to nod slowly.

And then he’s frozen around his presence almost like always and he settles a hand against his thigh before blowing out a breath. He remembers the last time, he’d sat there silently and let Andy walk all over him because he was too stunned about it. He couldn’t, he just couldn’t do anything but now things are different.

“Don’t ruin this.” Robert says heavily, he looks right up and Andy has a hand on his waist before he looks at Vic and frowns.

“Ruin what? I didn’t realise that you were here.” Andy says, “As far as I was aware, I was having christmas lunch with my sister.”

Vic looks at her watch suddenly and panics. “I didn’t realise what the time was ... Rob,” She looks towards her brother and then shakes her head. “You don’t have to go.”

But Robert is already standing up, “He can’t be civil. He’s incapable.”

“Big word.” Andy says, jaw tightening and Aaron’s suddenly scowling at him.

“You’re a big something I can tell you that much.” Aaron says, leans forward in the chair and Robert sighs slowly as Andy properly spots him. 

“So this is the boyfriend is it?”

Aaron moves towards him slowly. “Yeah it is, that a problem?”

Robert clears his throat and Andy goes to speak when Sarah comes towards Vic and shows her the presents that she’s got. Vic’s voice goes all high and animated as Jack climbs on Ellis’ lap. 

“Please, Robert just stay for a little while longer yeah?” Vic says and Robert gulps hard around the way that Andy can instantly let go of that animosity and be soft in front of his kids when Sarah looks at him.

She seems interested in talking to Robert and he doesn’t know how to run out now because Jack looks up towards him too. He watches as Andy babbles about them remembering their uncle Robert. 

“I suppose I can stay for a bit.” Robert looks towards Aaron who still looks like he wants to thump Andy. “Hey, let’s go get a drink yeah?” 

Half an hour goes by and Andy stays on his side of the room, has Jack on his lap as he bounces him up and down and helps him open some more of his presents.

Robert watches, sees all that softness about him and doesn’t understand how his brother can still hate him for reasons so far beyond his control. Their dad hurt him, he needs to fucking get over it. It’s all he can think about until Aaron strokes his hand and asks if he’s doing okay.

“I’m fine.” He says, and yeah maybe he’s lying a little about that but it’s what he needs to say and feel isn’t it? Because it’s Christmas Day and he’s had a few mince pies and he’s got _Aaron_. So it doesn’t matter. 

It’s exactly what he’s thinking about until Vic comes back from the kitchen, stirs a hand through the air like she wants to get their attention and then she says what she says.

She mentions going to the grave, all of them, together. 

And he knows she’s trying her best, he really knows that but it’s like she still doesn’t get how raw it is for him. Andy clearly feels the same way, his jaw tightens and Robert shakes his head.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Wonder why.” Andy mumbles, and Sarah comes running from outside in the garden and asks if Jack can help her build a snowman. Andy nods his head. “Yeah we might be heading off soon though love.”

“Oh _behave_.” Vic says, swots Andy’s arm. 

“Yeah you don’t have to do that.” Ellis reasons. “She’s only —“

“Trying to get blood from a stone.” Robert mumbles, he looks up and sighs at the way Vic looks at him like he’s being unfair. “Vic ... I know you mean well but it’s not going to happen.”

“It’s Christmas.” She says, like that is supposed to mean anything. Robert shakes his head and Aaron sighs. 

“Like that would make him anymore selfish.” Andy rolls his eyes as he gets up from the floor and shakes his head.

And Aaron nearly bloody erupts. He gets up and scowls. “You’re the selfish one.” He says quickly. “Not him.”

“Aaron just leave it.” Robert says, because Aaron’s standing up like he’s going to do something. “Please.”

Aaron looks at him and instantly calms down. “Sorry.” He says but Andy doesn’t let up with the jibes and now he’s starting on Aaron. 

“You don’t know him. You _think_ you know him but he’s probably lied all about himself.”

It cuts deep. Maybe deeper than Andy even expected because he’s right isn’t he? Robert had been lying from the beginning with Aaron, he stopped, thankfully he stopped but —

“Because that’s what he does. Did he tell you that he lied about our dad be—“

“Enough.” Robert says suddenly, he steps out of the frame that Aaron’s holding him with and comes towards Andy. “How many more times eh?” He whispers, hurt, so hurt. “You’re still doing this?”

“Are you still calling our dad an abuser?” 

And he never did, maybe some people would call his dad that but he wouldn’t. He never ever thought that. 

“Andy!” Vic hisses, she looks desperate and Ellis holds at her shoulders. “Oh God, please don’t go there.”

“How can he not?” Robert looks at her. “It’s all he sees when he looks at me, a liar. Someone who could lie about *that. Well I’m not. I’m not lying!”

“I don’t believe you.” Andy says boldly. “After all this time, I don’t believe you. Because you’re a liar Robert. You’d do anything to make yourself look good.”

It hangs in the air for less than a second and then suddenly Aaron’s strutting towards Andy and pinning him against the wall hard. He’s got tears in his eyes and his face is bright red as he holds him there and Robert hates how he doesn’t even listen to him. He’s asking him to let go but Aaron’s almost shaking with anger. “Who do you think you are?” Aaron’s voice is strained, almost splintered. 

Andy is clearly shocked, his face pales before he shakes his head. “Not a liar.” He says. “Can’t say the same for your _boyfriend_ though can we?” 

Aaron’s eyes grow smaller and Robert wonders if he’s realising how pointless it is to get through to his brother. He lets him go roughly and then looks at Robert. “You know he’s spent years hating himself for your dad dying.”

“Aaron ...”

“He should. Our dad was so focused on _him_ that he had a heart attack.”

Vic runs a hand through her hair. “It wasn’t like that and you know it.” She sighs. “You sound like a five year old Andy!”

Robert nearly smiles as he sees his sister defending him. It makes something blossom in his chest and he’s wanted the feeling for so long. He feels deserving of it. 

“Nah, it makes sense. It always has.” Andy says defiantly, like he’s got his weird thoughts all perfectly worked out in his head and Robert frowns. 

“What does?”

“I killed mum and it broke ya, so you thought you’d do the same with dad.” Andy shouts, he looks so fucking angry and Robert is startled by what he’s saying, how warped he thinks Robert’s mind really is.

He staggers back a little and his eyes flicker. “You honestly think that I could —“

Aaron leans forward again, gets close and Ellis is there to pull him back and tell him to calm down.

“You’re _sick_ —“

“Don’t mention mum. How dare you mention mum.” Robert says, head down as he takes it all in and hears Aaron shouting. He’s just shouting and telling Andy that he’s crazy and awful and —

“He’s _ten_ of you.” Aaron shouts. “You take a look at the _liar_ you’re on about yeah? How broken and tortured he is about what happened to him _all_ those years ago. And you call him a liar.” 

He only looks up when he doesn’t hear Andy responding. His throat closes up as he hears Andy speak. “I think you should go. Both of you.” He clears his throat and Vic is standing there wiping her tears and he feels _awful_.

“Vic I’m so sorry.” He says, chin wobbling as he holds her close and stands by the door. “I never wanted this to happen.” 

Vic sniffs, shakes her head. “I shouldn’t have mentioned dad.”

“He would have. Regardless.”

“He’s an idiot.” Vic says, looks so frustrated.

“But he’s your brother.” Robert says kindly. “And I don’t want to ruin that. I really don’t.” He doesn’t want her to choose, it’s not a case of that at all and it shouldn’t be.

“That’s big of ya.” Vic says and Aaron comes from the living room, clears his throat and looks nervous.

“I’m really sorry about — the violence.” Aaron says awkwardly and Vic frowns at him.

“Wasn’t the greatest thing you could have done but ... you were looking out for him.” She leans towards Aaron and he hugs her as they say goodbye and she hands him the biscuits for Gabriel. “Tell him I said merry Christmas.” She smiles.

Aaron nods his head and they watch as Andy opens the living room door like he’s checking if they’re actually going.

“I’ll see you soon yeah?” Vic says as Robert looks at Andy harshly.

“Enjoy the rest of your day.” He decides on saying instead. “I know I will.” He says it a little louder as he holds at Aaron’s hand and they go towards the car.

 

—

 

 

 

Aaron holds at Robert’s shoulder and stops him getting out of the car when they get back to the farm. They haven’t spoken the whole way back because every time Aaron opened his mouth Robert sunk further down into his seat.

“Not so fast.” He says. “You haven’t said two words to me.” Aaron looks nervous. “I’m sorry for hurting him. I just couldn’t stand him saying all that stuff about ya.” 

Robert finally looks at him, gulps hard and Aaron’s hand against his face is enough to make him feel safe enough to start crying. He breathes out heavily and shakes his head and Aaron unbuckles his seatbelt, leans over and holds Robert close to his chest. 

“I got you.” Aaron says, “Okay? I’m always going to be here, always.” He kisses at Robert’s head until he looks up at him.

“I actually thought it would be okay.” He says, eyes flickering as he rubs at them and leans back into Aaron’s chest. “I was kidding myself, thinking that he could ... I don’t know ...”

“Be civil?” 

Robert gulps. “Just put it aside, agree to disagree.”

“You could do that?” Aaron asks seriously. “It’s not a case of agreeing to disagree Robert, he thinks you’re lying about something so bad.” 

It makes Robert nod his head and then he blows out a harsh breath. “You know what ...”

“What?” Aaron whispers gently.

“This time last year, I would have been so happy with where I am. In love with a fit bloke who cares so much about me, who’d be my bodyguard any day.” Aaron smiles softly and then laughs. “And having Gabriel and a mad family semi interested in my life.”

“Think my gran’s a bit more than semi interested mate.” He says, slowly stroking Robert’s hair. 

“He called me a liar and I am.” Robert whispers, it makes Aaron kiss his head and tell him he isn’t. “I lied to you.”

“I lied to you.” Aaron retaliates and Robert stays silent.

“But I’m happy.” Robert admits. “With or without Andy.” He says, leans up and kisses Aaron hard on the mouth. “So let’s enjoy the rest of the day yeah?”

 

—

 

Christmas dinner is more than interesting than Robert ever thought it would be. Marlon’s waving the turkey around on the plate and everyone’s whopping and clapping as he places it down.

Gabriel pokes his head up from the mess of the floor and settles on Robert’s lap when he calls him.

“Are we all having dinner now?” Gabriel says, and Robert squeezes at his side suddenly. He thinks of Jack, how they’re near enough the same sort of age and it makes something run through him. He kisses at Gabriel’s head and nods.

“Yeah buddy.” He says softly before Aaron sits down next to him and slides a hand against Robert’s thigh. Robert smiles at him faintly before cutting up Gabriel’s meat on his plate and smiling at Lisa as she slides him over another snowball.

“You’re liking those aren’t ya?” Aaron pokes at Robert’s rib and makes Robert blush a little before he lets Aaron sort out the rest of Gabriel’s little plate. Robert goes to sip at his drink and then Zak is suddenly standing up and Aaron is nudging him. 

“Now uh — I’m not going to make this long because I’m starving but ... it’s the first Christmas in a long time that we’ve had our Aaron here.” He says, a hand waving about a little, Robert smiles and watches as Aaron’s head yanks up. Everyone’s proper beaming at him and he watches him turn red. “But now he’s back with his lad.” Gabriel pops his head up and everyone laughs. “And someone who clearly makes him —“

“Turn gooey?” Sam says and Robert thinks about what Vic said as well. He didn’t realise but maybe it is obvious. The thought makes his heart leap. 

“Shut your face.” Aaron mumbles, but he’s clearly smiling. 

“I was going to say happy.” Zak says. 

“Why wouldn’t he, he’s _fit_ as —“ Faith interjects and Aaron hides his face with a napkin as his mum gasps and tells her off and Robert sits there.

She throws him a wink and then Zak carries on. “Anyways. It’s good to have you home lad.”

“I’ll cheers to that.” Cain says, leans over with his can of beer and it gets everyone up. 

Soon everyone’s wishing each other a merry Christmas and tucking in and Robert feels like he’s home. 

 

—

 

He’s stuffed, Chas is shrieking on the karaoke and Aaron’s laying on his stomach. He’s got another one of his snowballs in his right hand and his left one is stroking through Aaron’s hair. 

Robert watches Gabriel copying every single thing Samson is doing and it makes him smile. “Think he’s having a great time.” Robert says as he bends down.

Aaron’s stroking the family dog when he stops, looks up and nods his head warmly. “Thought about this for ages.” He mumbles, and Robert frowns against what exactly he means. It makes Aaron’s eyes flicker. “Him getting to have a proper big family to go on about, not just me and his nana.” 

Robert pulls at his lip the way Aaron usually does and then Aaron looks sorry.

“I didn’t mean for that to sound like …”

“Don’t be daft.” Robert says awkwardly and Aaron smiles gently.

“I always wanted this too.” He says softly.

“What?”

“Me and you, having someone to bring home to them.”

“You’re so soft.” He says and Aaron elbows at Robert’s stomach until he jolts. 

“ _Shit_ , I’m sorry. I completely forgot that —“ Aaron jumps up, strokes at Robert’s arm and basically just completely overreacts to the point where Robert laughs. 

“I’m fine.” He says. “More than fine actually ... it’s Christmas and I’ve got you.” Robert shrugs. “So stop looking at me like I’m all delicate. It’s not the look I’m going for ... considering we still have to exchange our own Christmas presents tonight.”

Aaron arches an eyebrow. “Do we?”

“Think so.” Robert mumbles.

“On the lilo’s?”

Robert bites his lip and comes closer. “Or in the B&B I booked.” He smirks. “It’s in Emmerdale but I think could go back for this.” 

Aaron shakes his head, clearly surprised. 

“Merry Christmas.” Robert whispers and Aaron all but pounces on him, lips hard against Robert’s as he kisses him breathlessly until Charity throws a tea towel at them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things crumble after a happy New Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta da! Surprise! It’s been so long but this fic is nearly done so if you’re still reading — thank you!

Robert wakes up to Aaron kissing down his chest and it’s so unlike him that he instantly perks up. Aaron’s usually the sort of person who wants nothing more than cuddles until he’s fully awake and yet here he is. He’s over Robert with curled soft hair and he looks beautiful.

“Jesus.”

“Nah focus on me instead.” Aaron mumbles and Robert turns to jelly as Aaron dives down and kisses him again. Robert grabs him, takes him by surprise and puts him on his back. 

“I aim to.” Robert says before diving down again and kissing Aaron before leading a hand down to his waist. 

After, when they’re blissed out and happy, Robert looks towards the window and sighs. “Oh, it’s stopped snowing.” He says. 

And Aaron kisses at Robert’s bare shoulder. “You sound like a proper kid.” He says and Robert turns towards him and smiles.

“Think we needed this.” He says. “Just you and me and —“

“A bed.”

“Yeah.” Robert laughs. “The best ending to Christmas Day I’ve ever had.” He says and Aaron nods. “I really love you.” He holds Aaron close to him and remembers when saying that used to scare him so much. Now it feels so natural. 

And Aaron says it back. “I love you too.”

And that’s really the best thing to hear in the world.

The softness continues when they eat breakfast downstairs and get some grumpy looking old man astonished that they wanted to stay here on Christmas Day.

“Fancied the quiet. My family’s pretty ... full on.” Aaron says before biting down on his slice of toast.

“Ah. I understand.” The man says before leaving them to it. Robert sips at his coffee and suddenly feels his knee bouncing as he looks out the window.

“Rob...”

“We should head off soon.” Robert says awkwardly, sipping his coffee again.

“Because you might run into Andy?”

Robert looks away and then sighs. “I don’t want the hassle.” He shrugs, and Aaron nods.

“Yeah I get that.” Aaron’s saying. “I do but this is your home.”

Robert scoffs. “It hasn’t feel that way since my mum died.” He snaps and when he looks up, Aaron looks heartbroken for him. 

He doesn’t want him to be. 

He leans across and holds at his hand and then smiles faintly. “Just don’t worry yeah? I wanted to see Gabriel anyway.” He shrugs.

 

—

 

He’s not sure what exactly draws him to the grave but he’s standing here with Aaron now. The wind bitter and cold against his skin as Aaron stands next to him and stays quiet.

“I can go if you want.” Aaron says slowly. “If you want to have a chat or ...”

“A chat? He’s not going to say much back.” Robert says, and he’s only being like this because he’s never stood by his dad’s grave and said anything like this before. Not the way he knows Vic and Andy do, the way normal people do. He looks down and sees that there’s a reef there, figures that Vic and Andy ended up going yesterday after all. He doesn’t know why but it makes him bitter. 

“I know that, but sometimes it helps.” Aaron shrugs, and Robert goes to speak when he sees Andy walking up towards him and then stopping dead. His eyes widen and his jaw tenses as he sees Robert.

“I don’t want trouble.” Robert says hastily. “I’ve just come to ...”

Andy doesn’t say anything, just keeps his eyes on Robert and Aaron steps forward, almost like he’s ready to thump him if he starts mouthing off. 

“Pay respects.” Andy finally says, he hugs at his coat a little and his teeth chatter. “And you haven’t … haven’t done that before now.” It’s almost like a question so Robert shakes his head slowly. He doesn’t know where Andy is going with anything yet so he keeps quiet and then watches Andy touch at the headstone. “I don’t see how you can, after what he did to you.”

Robert looks towards Aaron, shocked and stunted by his words and then he gulps. “Because things are more complicated than that. He was my dad at the end of the day.”

“That a dig?” 

“No. No it isn’t.” Robert says quickly, he sighs hard. “I’m done with ... all of that.”

Andy looks up, looks surprised. “You’ve grown up now yeah?”

“Think we both have.” Robert mumbles, and Aaron is still scowling at Andy, looking wary of the whole situation. “Maybe I was daft to think that you’d have ...” 

“What? Changed my mind, suddenly believed you over —“

“ _Yeah_. Like any good brother would.” Aaron hisses, Andy’s eyes flicker and then Aaron slowly sighs. “Sorry. I — I’ll leave you to it.” He says, looks towards a bench near the small church and squeezes Robert’s hand as he goes. 

“Vic does, believe me.” Robert says. “And I know it’s horrible, it’s horrible to find out but it’s also what happened.”

Andy blinks. “Then how comes I didn’t see it?” 

It’s sort of the most they’ve ever talked about this before and Robert steadies himself. “Because it happened once and I never spoke about it again. Because I — I wanted to forget it as much as you do.”

“But you’ve still had blokes.” Andy says, frowning slightly. “Couldn’t have been that bad if …”

“You’d be surprised.” Robert says quickly. “Before Aaron I ... I _never_ thought about settling down with a bloke. Dad made me feel bad enough for even wanting to have sex with one let alone …”

Andy looks towards the headstone again and then back at Robert. “Things clearly changed.”

“Yeah. I decided that I’m not letting him dictate my life.” Robert says boldly and Andy shakes his head.

“He wasn’t a monster.”

“I’m not saying he was.” Robert says. “But he did what he did Andy, admitting that doesn’t mean that I don’t love him.”

Andy chews at his lip and he looks on the verge of something. “Fine.” 

“Fine?”

Andy nods. “It happened, what you say … happened. But it’s in the past.”

Robert’s mouth gapes open and his eyes flicker as his heart stops. “You what?”

“You heard.”

“You believe me?” 

Andy looks towards where Aaron is sat and he nods. “Why would you lie?”

“You had reasons yesterday.”

“I was … out of line yesterday.”

Robert’s eyes widen against his brother’s words. “Have you hit your head?” He asks, “Because I don’t understand the quick turn around.”

“Vic.” Andy snaps. “You coming here. I thought you hated him, that it was your perfect way of hurting all of us.” It’s sick and Robert feels cold against it until Andy sighs. “I was wrong.” He says.

“I don’t know what ... to even say.”

Andy clears his throat. “Ellis doesn’t speak to his brother. At all. He’s got his reasons but ... didn’t sound all that much when he said them to me yesterday.” 

Robert looks up at him a little. “Yeah?”

Andy nods. “He said he sees him and his brother in ten years when he looks at us.”

Robert manages to scoff. “That’s charming.” He says and then he looks more serious and sighs. “So we ... whatdo we do now?”

Andy looks up. “It’s not going to be the same.” He says, and Robert knows that. “But we can try, can’t we?”

Robert doesn’t say anything and Andy clears his throat. “I’m not forcing ya.” He says, almost kindly. It’s weird. “I’m just ...”

“I know.” Robert says heavily, and the knowing is managing to race through him. “I know.” He says and Andy nods, backs away and leaves.

Leaves Robert stunned.

 

—

 

They get back to Aaron’s a few days later and promise to go back up for New Years and it’s actually the best decision for them.

They get to spend those weird few days together between Christmas and new year and it feels good to have someone, to have them and hold them and speak to about everything. 

They’re eating dinner when he finally mentions Andy and Aaron’s ears perk up immediately considering how long he’s been waiting to hear about it. Robert’s not been avoiding it but he hasn’t really been going into too much detail about what happened when Aaron left them.

Now though, Gabriel’s got a mouthful of pasta and Aaron is wolfing his down and Robert decides he should let him know. 

“He said he believed me.” Robert says, fork falling on the plate and seeing Aaron’s whole mouth as his blinks at him. 

“Shit.” He says and then Gabriel giggles and he spends a few seconds trying to convince him that he said lite. “Isn’t that good —“

“I suppose so.” Robert mumbles, half shrugs and his shoulder falls slowly. “It was just really weird, I was waiting for the catch.”

Aaron looks stunned but he at least speaks. “Maybe there isn’t one.” He whispers.

“He said that it was Vic and seeing me there at the grave, something that Ellis said too.” Robert explains. “But I don’t know ...”

“How to feel?” Aaron says, nods slowly and smiles. “It’s okay, that’s ... okay.” 

 

Robert gulps hard. “It’s clear we’re not going to be the best of mates but ... at least it’s done.” He says. “At least.” He reflects and Aaron leans closer and kisses him quickly.

“Good.” He says. “I won’t have to push him against walls anymore.” He says sweetly. 

“Just me then?” Robert smirks.

“Just you.”

 

—

 

New Years is a drunken blur of happiness. It’s Aaron barely standing and then gripping Robert close and snogging him as it gets to midnight.

It’s watching fireworks until their eyes are hazy and it’s too cold and Robert calls it beautiful and stares at Aaron’s face instead of the colours.

It’s all of that really.

And Robert has never been happier.

 

—

 

Of course what comes up must come down. 

And everything does come down, a day before Aaron’s birthday. 

There’s cards coming through the door left right and centre and Aaron happily picks them up when he sees one stick out and it’s the court. It’s a court summons.

“Hey.” Robert has a hand across Aaron’s back and waits until he turns around but he’s almost frozen on the spot. His hands are falling over the letter and he spins it before breathing out steadily. “Aaron ...”

“I mean, I don’t even know why I’m —“ Aaron rubs a hand across his face and gulps as he passes it to Robert. “But I don’t want to know the date.”

Robert nods. “We have to see Aaron.”

“Can you do it?” Aaron whispers and Robert steadies his hands before opening it up. He blinks, keeps blinking as he sees. “Well? When is it?”

“Next week.” Robert says. “Next Monday, that’s when it starts.”

Aaron gulps, eyes narrowing and he turns to go up the stairs by Robert his at his arm until Aaron’s crashing towards his chest. 

Robert holds him, keeps holding him as he cries.

“It’s going to be okay, we’re going to — to face him together.” Robert says, once Aaron’s eyes are on him again and the tears aren’t falling as heavily.

“He shot ya.” It’s all Aaron ends up saying and suddenly Robert feels like he’s staggering backwards into darkness.

“He isn’t getting away with anything Aaron. Not anything.”

Aaron’s chin wobbles. “What if he already has?”

“What are you —“

“Don’t pretend like you don’t still toss and turn, don’t have nightmares over it.” Robert is so taken aback that he just says silent and it’s the worst thing he could do because it proves Aaron right doesn’t it? 

But he’s gutted in this really silly way, he’s gutted that Aaron’s seen past the happiness they’ve been feeling and actually realised that the problems are still there.

It gets Robert bolting up the stairs.

 

—

 

Aaron leaves him for a bit, Robert can hear him pottering downstairs talking to Gabriel and he only hears him by the door over an hour later.

“I come in peace.” Aaron whispers, Robert turns slowly, sees that he’s holding Robert’s favourite mug and smiling. 

Robert keeps ahold of the cushion on bed and brings it further towards his chest as Aaron comes into the room and shuts the door. He sets the mug down and then he sighs slowly.

“Look I’m sorry.” He says, “I was just wound up, about everything and I know you. I know you’re trying to be calm about it because you’re trying to protect me.”

Robert holds his breath.

“But inside you’re ...”

“Of course I am.” Robert says quickly. “Because yeah sometimes I still see Gabriel in his arms being treated like some rag doll and I — I hate it. I’m sorry, I just —“

Aaron’s hand scopes close to him and he feels his boyfriend’s hand slip into his. “You don’t have to be sorry.” He says. “And you don’t have to protect me either. We protect _each other._ ”

Robert sniffs against it.

“I know neither of us are used to that but ...”Aaron bites his lip. “We’re a team.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. So deal with it.” Aaron pushes a hand through Robert’s hair and kisses him again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron’s birthday turns sour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is when the angst sets in again. Really not long to go now, I’m thinking maybe four more chapters and then that’s it! Thanks to all of those who are still reading, it feels like I started this decades ago lol!

 

 

He wakes Aaron up with breakfast in bed like everything is absolutely normal and they didn’t get the news yesterday. 

He kisses him down his chest and waits to see Aaron spring up and tell him to carry on and when he does, he makes sure he gets a good morning present until Gabriel’s running right into the room and nearly knocking the tray over.

“Happy birthday daddy!” Gabriel’s made him a card, or well it’s glitter and then some sort of card is underneath it all but of course Aaron melts and holds it towards his chest like he’s in awe of it. 

“Thanks buddy.” His throat is scratchy from screaming and panting and Robert feels like he’s very much earned the right to hear that voice. Gabriel smiles and then produces those pasta shell necklaces that every parent treasures. He leans over and puts it around Aaron’s neck and then grins. “Oh my — you’re a little designer aren’t you?”

“Hmm, think he’s got Armarni _shaking_ in his boots.” Robert says as he looks at the necklace. Aaron shakes his head at him and then lays back against the headboard. He looks content, Robert wants that feeling to stay.

He leans over towards him and kisses him on the lips, before pulling away and watching Aaron’s eyes flicker like he’s in awe of him or something. The look never gets old. “Happy birthday.” He whispers.

“Think you said that a lot ... earlier.” Aaron says, face blushing red at the memory obviously.

“I’ll say it a lot more later too.” He says, “Because nothing is ruining today.” 

Aaron nods against the certainty.

 

—

 

Of course Chas summons them up to Charity’s pub, they walk in expecting to see nothing more than Chas and Marlon behind the bar but quickly realise she’s invited everyone.

Like everyone Aaron’s ever spoken to in his life.

She runs around the bar and holds him tightly and he’s clearly shocked because Aaron’s arms just hang loosely for a few seconds before his brain obviously kicks in.

“Uh ... a quiet ... get together?” Aaron whispers to her over the sound of Stevie Wonder wishing him happy birthday. It’s mayhem. Gabriel’s eyes flicker around the place like mad as he takes it all in and Robert holds him on his hip.

“Just some family, some friends. I haven’t been able to go mad about your birthday for years.”

“Yeah and I’ve liked it like that.” Chas’ face falls as her son speaks. “But this is ... different.” He says with a smile and then shoots Robert a look, gets him over towards him before Chas says anything else. “Don’t leave my side.” Aaron mumbles, and Robert laughs out a nod.

Soon they’re stuffing their faces and Gabriel’s got ahold of some bubble machine and he’s having the time of his life with the other kids. 

Robert watches Aaron speaking to everyone, giving polite nods to faces he clearly hasn’t seen since he was a little boy. He introduces Robert and they all seem interested in him but he isn’t sure if it’s him or just the fact that Aaron’s gay now and has a boyfriend and everything.

One who wears blazers. 

“Right, presents and cards time.” Chas says and Belle heaves over a flipping sack. 

“Just little things from everyone.” She says, turning red at the weight of it. 

Aaron shakes his head. “Look, no one had to —“

Zak hits him lightly over the head and passes him another pint. “Get opening.” He says and Aaron begrudgingly agrees.

Robert watches on and sees that it’s mainly small things, things for around the house or socks or shower gel but then Marlon shoves another one in front of him and this one is clearly different. It gets Robert’s eyebrow arching.

“This is from ... well everyone chipped in. Including your mum.” 

Aaron looks suspicious as he opens it and then he sees that it’s a solid gold wrist band sitting neatly in a box. His mouth falls open in shock as his mum looks all emotional. 

“What —“

“It’s got your name on the back son, Dingle, see? So you’ll never be far from us again.” Zak says, pats Aaron’s back and Robert watches the tears prickle Aaron’s eyes. He watches his face turn puffy as he nods his head and leans towards Zak to hug him.

“God pass the sick bucket.” Cain says as he sips his pint and then Chas hits him hard and Robert sees that underneath it he’s nearly as emotional as Aaron is.

“This means ... a lot. Cheers.” Aaron manages to say after a few minutes and everyone claps for him. They bring out the cake and Aaron gets to make new wishes, Robert gets to see this year.

 

—

 

What goes up, must come —

“There’s one more card here babe.” Chas waves one out towards her son as he sits at the bar with Robert. She’s interrupted their flirty time but it’s fine because she disappears just as quickly when she passes it over towards him.

Aaron frowns down at it. “Could it be the one from you eh?” He says. “Sort of noticed I haven’t got anything yet.” Robert goes to speak and Aaron shakes his head. “Sex doesn’t count.”

Robert rolls his eyes. “What’s the world come to.”

“Well if this isn’t yours then —“ Aaron opens it up and stares down at the generic message. He sees a bunch of balloons and when he opens it up further, he sees it. His face turns pale and he scrapes the seat far back as he shakes.

“Aaron? Aaron, what’s —“

“Him. Simon. He’s sent me a card, telling me to — to enjoy my day with Gabriel because I won’t be seeing him this time next year.” 

Robert’s eyes widen a little and he feels it knock him back because nothing was meant to spoil today. Nothing, and now — 

“Alright, okay it’s —“ Robert’s trying to speak but Chas’ voices gets over his completely.

“Oh God.” She says, eyes flickering as she watches her son stand there with tears in his eyes. Lydia does the decent thing, gets Gabriel out before he can hear anything properly. Robert’s grateful that he’s in his own little world away from this pain.

Robert jumps from the stool and holds at Aaron’s arms. “Hey, it’s —“

“ _How_?” Aaron’s scowling, voice ragged and everyone around him seems to be silent. They don’t do anything other than stand there with their mouths open. “How could he do that? How is that even —“

“I don’t ... know.”

“You’re the _copper_.” Aaron spits, “Shouldn’t you know how?” He says, Robert watches him pull away, rub a hand across his face and then he’s darting towards the back room.

Robert follows him, undeterred as he kneels and looks up at Aaron who’s breathing funnily. He puts a hand out on Aaron’s knee and gulps. “Breathe with me.”

“Can’t.”

“Of course you can.” Robert says, he holds Aaron’s hands up towards his mouth and blows, in and out, hard and fast until Aaron’s doing it by himself and the colour returns to his face a little. “Aaron ... I should ring Lawrence, let him know about this.”

Aaron sniffs. “He’s never going to stop.” 

It cuts through the air and the half eaten birthday cake on the table manages to mock them now as they try to manoeuvre their way through yet another upset. It isn’t fair, that’s all Robert can think about until Aaron’s crying again. 

“He’s behind bars and he’s still getting to us.” Aaron wipes hard at his face. “He got me beaten up, and now he’s —“ He chews at his lip and gulps. “He’ll never stop.”

“He will.” Robert says, and his voice tightens as he thinks. “He will Aaron.”

Aaron scoffs against it and Robert ducks his head. “He’s won.”

“Stop it.”

“It’s true.” Aaron says and then he stands abruptly and Robert’s eyes widen as he heads towards the back door.

“You’re not going off on your own.” He says defiantly and Aaron stops himself. He blows out a breath and then he clears his throat. 

“I won’t be long.” He says, closes the door behind him and Robert sits slowly on the sofa. He waits until Chas comes in with a weary look on her face.

“He won’t ever stop.” Chas says, “As long as Aaron’s got Gabriel, he’ll never stop.”

And it’s exactly what Robert wants to hear.

He comes back eventually, but he’s subdued and pale and Robert hates just how much the twat has managed to ruin Aaron’s birthday. But he can’t do anything about it.

“I didn’t.” Aaron says, voice thick and croaky. It makes Robert’s shoulders settle slightly and he gulps hard. He doesn’t need to say anything else because he understands, he believes him.

He drives them back, and Gabriel falls asleep in the car so they can’t have a row, or words, or even try and talk. So they don’t. Aaron just sits there staring out the window until he has to get Gabriel out from the back of the car and he carries him up the stairs.

It gives Robert time to tell Lawrence about everything, he promises to get the right people on the task, get them talking to Simon about it. But he says what Robert was afraid of hearing, that they could lack evidence.

“Yeah well thanks.” Robert says, blinks quickly as he ends the call and puts the phone back into his pocket before he climbs the stairs.

Aaron’s there, standing over Gabriel’s bed and stroking his hair. He clearly hasn’t moved for over fifteen minutes and Robert sighs as he hangs by the door and watches. Aaron finally looks up and then gulps hard, goes towards their bedroom instead and sits on the bed with his knees to his chest.

“I didn’t do anything to myself.” Aaron says, eyes flickering and Robert nods slowly as he sits next to him.

“Then how come you can’t look at me?” He asks, because it hurts to think they’re miles away from each other like this. It hurts and Robert can’t bare it.

“Because none of this … none of this will last.” Aaron speaks so calmly that it’s almost unnerving. A tear rolls down his face and he shudders. “How could I ... believe that it could.” He says. “I’m so stupid.”

“You’re not stupid.” Robert says quickly. “I’m not going anywhere Aaron.” He whispers, holds at Aaron’s hands but the younger man just puts his head down.

“He won’t stop until you’re gone, and Gabriel’s gone and I have ‘no one.” Aaron looks down at his hand, at his knuckles and Robert breathes in. “I wanted to ... I wanted to hurt myself so badly.”

“But you didn’t?”

“I spoke to my counsellor, just over the phone. It helped a little. I just rode it out until the feeling stopped.” Aaron bites at his lip and Robert brings his forehead towards Aaron’s. “I’m so scared.”

And Aaron doesn’t admit to things like this, hardly ever. So Robert knows that this is coming from the heart, that Aaron’s almost _broken_.

“I know you are.” Robert whispers. “So am I. I’m shit scared.” Aaron almost laughs and Robert wipes at his tears. “But we’re a team.” He says, “Aren’t we?”

Aaron nods against Robert’s forehead and then shudders. “Can you just ... lay down with me?”

Robert peels off his blazer, kicks his shoes away and then gets onto the bed, has Aaron’s head in his chest as he strokes his back. “Sorry if this wasn’t ... what you expected.” Robert says, because he has to, because they were meant to be rolling around having fun right about now.

Aaron tilts his head upwards and shakes his head, grips onto Robert tighter. “Don’t be silly.”

Robert gulps hard and then he gets a card out of the drawer and passes it to Aaron. Aaron rubs at his eyes and gets up a little to open it.

“This your card?” He mumbles and Robert just nods as he watches him open it up and then sees what falls out. There’s three tickets. Aaron snaps his head up. “Rob...” Robert smiles faintly as he watches Aaron pull a hand across his face. “ _Orlando_?”

Robert bites his lip nervously. “For the summer. Nothing but the three of us, and good weather and Disneyland. Don’t tell Gabriel about that though ... it can be a surprise.” 

Aaron has tears in his eyes and he shakes his head. “I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything, you deserve it.” 

“I don’t deserve you.” Aaron blurts out and then he leans forward and grabs the back of Robert’s neck. He kisses him, and then he’s moving across Robert’s lap and things are getting more heated than Robert thought they would. 

“Aaron ...”

“It’s my birthday yeah?” Aaron mumbles, moves a hand down towards Robert’s zip with shaky hands. “Fuck Simon.”

And once again, Robert’s in awe of his bravery.

”Or you could fuck me instead?”

Aaron catches Robert’s mouth and kisses him harder and Robert melts against him.

 

—

 

“That was needed.” Aaron pants, his hand is practically imprinted on Robert’s chest and the older man nods slowly as he tries to get his breath back. 

“It did get a little wild.” Robert sits up on the floor and scoots towards the radiator, Aaron moving with him and laughing a little. “In a good way.”

“You were more than willing mate.”

“Not your mate.” Robert says, “Thought that just proved it?” 

Aaron blushes, holds at Robert’s cheek. “I love you.” He says heavily. “I just don’t want to ever lose you.”

Robert blinks quickly. “You won’t.”

“I already nearly have.” Aaron whispers, face reddening as he speaks slowly. His chin wobbles slightly. “And I can’t ... can’t do it again.”

Robert gently pushes a hand through Aaron’s hair.

“We’re going on holiday aren’t we? This summer, no school or commitments.”

Aaron gently places his head on Robert’s naked chest again. “That’s all I want, me and you and Gabriel. Together. But he keeps trying to ruin it.” He says angrily, it courses through Robert’s veins and he kisses him gently. 

“Come on, let’s go to bed.” Robert stands, holds the pillows towards his chest until he’s laying down and Aaron’s closing his eyes against him.

He waits until he’s asleep, until Aaron’s mouth is slightly parted and there’s a soft snore escaping him. He gulps hard as he climbs out of the bed and takes his phone from the side table. 

The moon radiates through the hallway as he checks in on Gabriel, tucked up in bed with a soft look on his face and no worry there. He smiles before he gets down the stairs and comes into the kitchen. He takes his time to answer and Robert nearly ends the call but then he finally picks up.

He holds the phone to his ear and clears his throat. “Yeah, long time, I know. Look I need you to do me a favour.” Robert stops right at the fridge, Gabriel’s drawing of them is hanging proudly and he gulps. “You need to get a warning to someone inside. Simon Redding.”

 

—

 

A few days go by without anymore issues getting in the way of anything. Aaron goes back to work and Robert works from home on the London cases because Lawrence doesn’t get to tell him what to do.

Not when he’s hardly dealing with Simon and all the little games he’s playing. 

“You alright?” Robert pokes his head up as he sees Aaron come into the door with Gabriel, he looks exhausted as he sits down next to Robert on the sofa and buries his head in the older man’s shoulder. 

“Tired.” Aaron mumbles slowly. “Forgot about how tiring it is, April and the kids send their love by the way.”

It makes Robert freeze a little and he only nods, a smile on his face. “Surprised they remember me. Isn’t their teacher back yet?”

Aaron nods and Robert doesn’t know why he feels gutted. He looks away and Aaron pokes at his ribs. “They remember the superhero though don’t they?” He says and Robert nods, decides to smile and not say anything until Aaron leans over and kisses.

“You seem like you’re in a good mood?” Robert says and Aaron moves a hand across Robert’s thigh.

“I am. I just feel ... lucky. I’m sorry I’ve been all over the place.” Aaron says and Robert can’t possibly be any prouder of him. He shakes his head and then sighs.

“You’ve had Simon being Simon haven’t you? And you didn’t do anything.” Robert says, looks at Aaron’s stomach. “I think I’ve uh ... examined everywhere.”

“Really?” 

“Yeah.” Robert says. “I could give you a once over again though?”

Aaron rolls his eyes. “I just said I’m exhausted.”

Robert nods, leans back on the sofa and brings Aaron towards him by his jumper, arches an eyebrow. “A nice long soak could sort that out.” He says. “I’m fighting fit again...”

“You’re not so bad.” Aaron settles on saying and then Gabriel’s running into the room and complaining about being hungry. “Robert will make you your tea soon, won’t you?” He says. “If you want to be on a promise?”

And oh, he really does.

 

—

 

Gabriel has to settle for fish fingers and chips and Robert bungs in some peas and tells him they’ll make him a giant. Gabriel’s eyes widen in surprise as he wolfs it down and Aaron comes into the room.

“Yours is in the oven.” Robert says, taking a chip from his own plate and watching Aaron frown at him.

“See you put effort into the meal then?” Aaron says, as he comes into the room and sits down at the table with Robert and Gabriel. 

“Maybe I’m planning on putting effort into something else.”

Aaron shakes his head as he picks up a chip and gets the ketchup. He moves his shoulders up and down and then tenses. 

“I forget to say, Diane said it’s fine with me having time off for the ... trial.” Aaron says, head down as he speaks and Robert blinks quickly at him. It’s starting in a few days and he’s not going to say he isn’t worried, because Simon’s an unpredictable little twat isn’t he? He fronts it out though and nods. 

“Great. One less thing to worry about.” Robert looks for the positive and Aaron tries to smile.

“Hopefully it’ll be over soon.”

“Hey, it will be.” Robert smiles gently. “You’ll see.”

Aaron nods again and then the door goes and Robert gets up to answer it with a frown on his face. He doesn’t expect to see the police standing there.

“Is Mr Dingle in?” Robert looks towards Aaron who’s coming towards the door and asking what’s wrong. “If you’d like to come down to the station with us, we’ve got a few questions we’d like to ask you.”

“You haven’t said what it’s about.” Robert says. “That’s what he’s asking.”

One of the officers looks at him. “You Mr Sugden?” He asks and Robert nods hesitantly.

“Well we’d like you to come too.”

“ _What_?” Aaron’s eyes widen and he comes further towards them. “You going to tell us what this is about or what?”

“Simon Redding’s made a serious accusation of assault. He reckons someone paid a prisoner to attack him.”

Robert’s face falls a little and his heart thumps in his chest.

Aaron frowns. “He’s been assaulted?”

The officer nods.

“What fantastic news.” Aaron folds his arms and the officers look at each other.

“Aaron shut up.” Robert hisses, only Aaron doesn’t take the hint at all. He says he isn’t going to apologise and that’s when they ask them one last time. “Fine, okay fine, we’re going.” He says. “Ring your mum.” He says. “She’ll have to watch Gabriel.”

Aaron scowls and then gives in as he gets his phone out and rings her.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Robert argue over Simon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s officially 40 chapters in this fic, so not long to go at all.
> 
> This is angsty but I just can’t help myself tbh

Aaron’s in a foul mood. He’s scowling over the table, arms folded over as he looks at Robert. They’ve been left waiting whilst the officers get themselves cups of tea and Robert taps his foot nervously.

“The cheek of ‘em.”

“At least they’re letting us get interviewed together.”

“Interviewed?” 

Robert gulps. “Well yeah, don’t worry about it.” He says, keeps the pace up as they come through the door and sit down.

The woman does most of the speaking, she mentions that her name is DS Hart and that she’ll be asking them a few questions before she finally starts speaking. 

“Simon Redding was attacked in his cell late last night.” 

Robert frowns. “He’ll live?”

DS Hart nods suspiciously. “We’re quite certain of that, he’s had to stay in hospital for the night however. It was pretty serious.”

“And we’re supposed to care because?”

“Because...” She leans forward and squints. “Guess who he’s blaming?”

Aaron doesn’t even seem bothered, he scoffs and then nods his head. “Of course he is, Robert shopped him over the birthday card he sent me. He’s only saying this for revenge.” 

And Robert likes how it sounds, nice and plausible. He keeps saying it over and over in his mind until Hart speaks again. 

“Or. Here’s my theory. He sends you this card, and you send him a warning. One that tells him not to do it again.”

Robert stays quiet, his hands shaking under the table and then he frowns up. “Sounds just about right that.”

Aaron shoots him a like and he pulls a face.

“A theory. That’s all you’ve got.” Robert sits forward, “Right?”

Hart tightens her jaw and clears her throat slightly. “For now.”

“He’s bitter and twisted and out for revenge. He’d say anything.” Robert reasons, crosses his arms over like Aaron’s and then waits. 

“You know he shot him?” Aaron jumps up. “And he’s been torturing us for so long, he’s meant to be behind bars, we’re meant to be safe.”

“So you took the law into your own hands then?” Hart fishes and Robert knows this game way too well. 

“All you’ve got is a half baked accusation from a bloke out for revenge.”

“A quite scared one actually.” Hart pulls a face and Robert frowns at her. “Pretty shaken up after it all, was that the plan?”

“There wasn’t any plan.” Robert snaps. “So if that’s all you’ve got, then I think you should let us go.”

Hart frowns. “You’re free to leave at any time sir, you’ve just assisting our enquires.” She smiles faintly and Aaron suddenly stands and leaves.

 

—

 

Aaron doesn’t say anything as they get through the door and Chas is sitting there on the sofa with a cup of tea in her hand.

“Arrested? Did they actually arrest the pair of you?”

“Of course not.” Robert says as he takes his coat off. “They didn’t have anything on us did they.”

Chas looks at her son, looks almost as suspicious as Hart did and then she bites her lip and scratches at her head. “Love ...”

“No.” Aaron says, blinks and then looks serious. “Before you ask, it had nothing to do with us.” 

“Love, I just —“

“I’m going for a shower.” He waves a hand up in the air and then sighs. “Thanks for looking after Gabriel.” He disappears up the stairs and Chas turns towards Robert.

“I’ll uh ... I’ll see you out.” He says before she can have the chance to question him at all. He closes the door on her and then gets up the stairs, sees that Aaron’s already out of the shower, running a towel through his hair and sitting on the bed.

“Sorry, I’m getting the bed all wet.” He sighs hard and drops the towel as Robert comes closer towards him. 

“Don’t worry.” Robert says. “About anything.”

“Pretty hard not to.” Aaron looks like he’s in pain as he speaks and Robert winces underneath his voice. “It’s always _something_ isn’t it?”

“This wasn’t your fault.”

“It’s just typical him.” Aaron hisses. “He turns it around on us?” He scoffs, gets under the covers and then brings the pillow across his chest. “How?”

“Like I said ... he’ll do anything.” 

“What if he ruins the case?” Aaron panics and Robert’s face falls a little. “It’s possible, if he carries this on.”

“He’s a _liar_ Aaron. No one’s going to believe him, not after everything he’s done.” Because he’s kidnapped a child and shot someone and got Aaron beaten up. He’s done it all. 

Aaron nods his head nervously. “You hope.”

“I know.” Robert says. “Let’s go kiss Gabe goodnight?” Aaron rubs a hand across his face and gets up.

 

—

 

Robert’s making some toast the next morning when Aaron slides into the room with a dark look on his face. Robert turns towards him and frowns. 

“What’s —“

“How didn’t I know?” Aaron says, keeps shaking his head. “How didn’t I see, it’s so obvious now.”

Robert puts the butter knife down and shudders. “Look...” He says, tries to think of way to explain it all and then Aaron’s coming further towards him and sighing.

“It’s typical him.”

“Him?”

“Cain of course.”

Robert’s face falls and he bites at his lip, feels something settle in his stomach again. “Right.” He says. “Cain?”

Aaron bounces on his feet. “You know what he’s like, well actually you don’t but — he’s got connections inside. It wouldn’t be that hard for him would it?” He says, slight panic in his voice that Robert latches onto. 

“So he did it to ... protect ya?” Robert says, trying to gauge Aaron’s voice and failing. “Right?”

“Yeah but he’s stupid.” Aaron snaps. “Because if they link it to him then that’s it.” He says. 

Robert comes forward. “They’ll never have enough evidence Aaron. Don’t worry about it.” 

Aaron blinks quickly and Robert hovers a hand out on Aaron’s shoulder, squeezes down and smiles encouragingly. “Now, bacon sandwich do you?”

“I’ve got to go to school.” Aaron says, picks up his car keys and kisses Robert lightly. “See you later.”

 

—

 

Lawrence sets up a Skype call and after Robert recovers from the shock of the old man knowing how these things work, he nods at the screen.

“Have you got news on the birthday card?” Robert says, leans closer to the laptop and Lawrence grumbles about something before he gives a straight answer.

“Shockingly he’s denying it.” Lawrence says, crosses his arms over.

“Well have you spoke to that woman, the one who was visiting him?”

“Out the country. She wouldn’t have been able to deliver it for him.”

Robert rubs his hands together. “Well he would have got someone else. He can’t get away with this.” He hisses and then Lawrence stares at him through the screen.

“Is that what you were thinking when you had him beat up?” 

Robert’s mouth hangs loose and he shakes his head slowly. “Uh, what are you —“

“I know he spent the night in hospital.”

“It had nothing to do with me.”

“So they questioned you and Aaron for fun then.” Lawrence snarls and Robert is so annoyed that the idiot has the upper hand isn’t he? It makes him tense his shoulders. 

“We were let go.” Robert rubs his hands together and Lawrence scoffs.

“For now.” 

“They can’t prove anything.” Lawrence tilts his head and then arches an eyebrow. 

“Maybe not about that, but Simon could start talking and they’ll have to listen.” He says, and Robert doesn’t need him to say anything. “If he says what he knows about you and Aaron.”

“We’d deny it.”

“And the pictures he took?”

Robert’s jaw locks and he shakes his head. “I’ve got to go.”

“Reading up more on your case I hope ...”

Robert forces a smile and then closes the laptop down. He feels something banging in his mind and he can’t get it out of his head until the door opens and Aaron’s coming back home with Gabriel. He sets his keys down and kicks his shoes off and Gabriel runs out into the garden.

Robert sees it all happening but he doesn’t react until Aaron’s waving a hand in his face. “— so he’s getting his bike.” 

Robert frowns. “Sorry, what?” 

Aaron tuts. “Gabriel’s sleeping around Josh’s house, his mate, he’s getting his bike.”

Robert nods, blows out a breath as he sits up. “He got his pyjamas and toothbrush?” He asks and Aaron’s eyes widen, gets up the stairs and appears again a few seconds later with a bag for him. 

Gabriel’s got his bike, holds on to the handles and looks up at Robert. “April said hello.” He says and somewhere that manages to make Robert feel worse than he did before. It makes him feel guilty. 

“Did she?” He says. “You got your teacher back don’t ya? That must be nice.” Gabriel nods quickly. 

“It’s different than when you were there.”

“You do work now.” Robert laughs and Gabriel pulls a face.

“We don’t have fun.” 

He goes to speak and then a car outside beeps and Aaron shuffles Gabriel out. “Right let Josh’s mum put this in boot, if it’ll fit.” He scoffs. “Say bye to Robert.” Gabriel turns and waves before he’s running towards the car and Robert watches him go.

He falls back within himself, holds at his stomach as it churns and then Aaron comes back through the door and frowns. He asks him what’s wrong and all Robert can think about is what he’s done.

“It was me.” He blurts out, and Aaron needs clarification and it makes it worse. “It was me Aaron, I’m to blame for Simon getting hurt.” 

Aaron just stares at him, shakes his head slowly and then blinks. “No, you wouldn’t.”

Robert tilts his head up and sighs. “I thought it would help.”

“Help?” Aaron snaps, and Robert sees this anger in his eyes that he hasn’t seen for so long. “How? How could it help, it just gave him the chance to get us looking like the bad guys.” He rubs a hand across his face and Robert’s eyes flicker.

“Aaron —“

Aaron closes his eyes. “I had a right go at Cain. I said he was stupid and reckless and — and it was you?”

Robert stands up suddenly and sniffs. “I did it for _you_.”

“Well cheers for that.” Aaron has a hand on his hip and he scowls. “What were you _thinking_?”

“That my boyfriend was scared out of his mind and I could do something about it. I could help.”

Aaron rolls his eyes. “But you didn’t.” He snaps. “You did the opposite.” He says, and then he’s going towards the kitchen, getting a can out from the fridge and Robert follows him. 

“I know you’re angry ... I get that. But I was trying to help.”

“Trying.”

Robert shudders slowly. “They can’t prove anything. Aaron please, trust me.” 

It manages to hit a nerve doesn’t it? Trust. Them. And trust. It might always hit a nerve. Because Aaron stuck his neck out and trusted Robert after everything, when he didn’t have to.

And now Robert’s back to making him angry again.

Aaron’s jaw locks and then he gets his car keys. “I won’t be too long.”

“Where you going?” The panic rises through Robert as he watches Aaron get to the door.

“Clear my head. Have a drive around.”

He’s out the door before Robert can say anything.

 

—

 

He comes back, two hours later and Robert’s bitten down on his fingernails from waiting for him. He jumps up from the sofa as he comes in. 

“Where did you go?” 

Aaron freezes, eyes flickering. “Cain’s. To apologise.” He says, “Tell him it was you instead.” Robert winces. “Don’t worry, he reckons you did good. So well done, you’re part of my crazy thug family now.”

Robert looks up suddenly, looks hurt and Aaron blinks heavily. “Sorry.” He says slowly. “You’re not a thug.” He blinks. “You were ...”

“Just trying to protect you.” Robert says, comes slowly towards Aaron who’s taking off his coat. He hangs it up and goes towards he kitchen, puts the kettle on and then he bites his lip.

“What if they keep digging?” He says, sniffs a little and holds at the mug once the tea is made. 

Robert’s gapes his mouth open and doesn’t know what exactly to say. “I’ll sort it.”

“You’ll off the judge will ya?”

Robert gulps. “I deserved that. I deserve you thinking I’m a twat too but I tried to do what I could ... to help you.”

Aaron’s eyes feel with tears. “This could ruin anything.” He says. “And I know you thought you were helping but you didn’t.” 

Robert tries to come closer and Aaron pushes back. “I’m going for a bath, don’t wait up.” He chucks the rest of the tea down the sink and Robert feels hollow without Aaron to hold. 

“Should I take the sofa?” He dares to say as Aaron turns away from him.

Aaron pauses like he’s thinking and then he shakes his head slowly. “Up to you.” He says before he climbs the rest of the stairs.

 

—

 

They’re frosty when they shouldn’t be, when they should be more united than ever because the trial is starting today. 

Aaron stands by the mirror and tries to put his tie on but his hands are too shaky and Robert winces as he watches. He pulls a face and then comes in slowly.

“Gabriel’s off to school.” He says. “Josh’s mum was fine doing it for us.” He thinks of Gabriel, how little he knows about everything and how they want to stay that way. 

Aaron looks at him through the mirror and nods before attempting again. 

“Here.” Robert comes closer and holds the tie in place, loops it round before stroking it slowly when it’s done. “There. All done.”

Aaron smiles. “Cheers.” He says faintly and Robert sighs slowly. 

“Aaron I know you’re mad.” Aaron sits on the bed and gets his shoes on. “I get it, but we need to put it to the back of our minds and focus on this.”

“Even when it’s about this?” Aaron says, he hasn’t really spoken to Robert properly for what feels like forever and it makes Robert’s eyes flicker.

“We’re a team.”

“Until you lie to me again.” Aaron says and Robert closes his eyes softly. The door goes and Aaron stands. “That’ll be my mum, she’s coming with us.”

“Am I still allowed?”

Aaron looks up suddenly and Robert waits. “You’re allowed.” He says, passes Robert and gets downstairs.

Robert taps his foot outside the door, as they wait to get it in and he sticks a hand in his pocket as he hears Chas coming towards him. He freezes, expects her to say something, wallop him around the head. 

But instead she sticks her hands in her pocket and frowns, huffs and then stops. “I’m not condoning what you did.” She says, and she looks towards Aaron who’s standing by the window. “He told me everything.” She sniffs. 

“I was only —“

“I know, which is why I’m not walloping ya. You did it for him, you just better hope it doesn’t cost him the trial.” Chas leans forward and then back again and Robert wants to disappear under the weight of her blame.

Instead, he sticks his chin out and has a ghost of a hand over Aaron’s when Simon comes out from the gallows. He hears Aaron shudder, a gasp come out of him as he sees the state of Simon.

Robert even has to look away for a second. He’s clutching his ribs and breathing deeply and he hopes he’s just milking it. He really does.

“Jesus.” Aaron says, bites at his nails as he pulls his hand away from Robert’s. Robert’s head dips and he feels like some sort of monster.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’ve heard.” Aaron whispers back. “Doesn’t change the state of his face.” He says.

And maybe Robert doesn’t have the right to do this now but he doesn’t seem to care. “You say it like you’re sad? Like I’ve had Pete beaten up and not the thug who —“

Chas leans over and shoves at his arm, tells him with her eyes to zip it.

Robert’s eyes flicker and he tries to but Aaron stares harshly at him. “You’re really not getting this are you?” Aaron bites back and then he rubs a hand across his face and shudders when it all starts up.

The most part of it is the boring stuff Robert doesn’t like coming to see and it stays like that. Aaron’s on edge when he doesn’t have to be and when Robert tries to reassure him he ends up getting his head ripped off. 

Aaron’s kicking off his shoes and slumped down on the bed by the end of the day and Robert hovers over him, tries to get his hands on Aaron’s shoulders.

“I could give you a massage.” Robert whispers gently, he tries to waver on his words and Aaron looks up at him. 

“You think that can fix things?”

Robert bites at his lip and turns towards the door. “I’ll take the sofa tonight.” He says, grabs a few blankets and then makes his way downstairs. It’s colder than what he thought it would be, the blankets wrap around him tightly until he hears Aaron’s feet against the floor.

He watches him crouch down and shudder. “I don’t want to keep being horrible.” He says, rubs a hand across his face. “I’m sorry.” 

“I did the bad thing.” Robert gets up a little and Aaron nods.

“For me.” 

“You didn’t ask me to, I get that you’re angry. I just don’t want us to be like this.” Robert reasons. “Hardly speaking.”

Aaron sniffs. “You’re still an absolute idiot.” He says and Robert looks down. Aaron raises his head by his chin and blinks. “But we’re a team. We’re against Simon, we’ll uh … get through.” 

Robert leans over and his arm tighten around Aaron’s frame. 

 

—

 

The thing is, they’re good. They’re this united front against Simon until his lawyers starts talking

And he won’t stop talking, won’t stop banging on about ridiculousness that has nothing to do with the trial and the fact that Simon is an absolute head case. 

“We have to understand how exactly this has all been created. Yes. I said the word created and that’s exactly what this defence will be exploring.” He’s speaking, this large man with the stupid wig on and Robert feels Aaron’s hand in his grow clammy suddenly. 

“Why’s he saying that for?” Chas says, eyes wide as Aaron gulps and shakes his head slowly.

“A fabrication of truth created in order to keep this man away from the child he helped raise.”

“What the fuck are they saying that for?” Aaron’s got tears in his eyes, they fall pretty quickly and Robert frowns.

He has the audacity to try and brush it off. “This is what they do.” He reassures and he keeps trying to until he’s mentioning everything that makes Robert want to run. 

Photos.

And relationships.

And conspiracies.

It makes Aaron practically bolt out of the room as soon as he’s finally finished speaking. 

 

—

 

Aaron’s sitting there in the dark by the time Robert gets home. It’s horribly eerie, makes Robert feel like he’s going to be sick as he sees the shadow of his boyfriend in the living room.

He’s hunched over, eyes hidden alongside any expression on his face. It twists something in his chest, makes Robert step forward and then back again before he holds his breath. 

“Aaron ...”

“I knew this would happen.” He’s clearly been crying, Robert can’t exactly see his face but he can hear it in his voice and he shudders into the air. “I knew it.”

Robert holds his nerve, thinks about Chas having a go at him before storming off and leaving him standing there feeling like the most guilty man in the world.

“I promise I’ll put it right.”

Aaron scoffs. “You can’t promise that.” His voice breaks and he stands up, comes into the light and Robert instantly ducks his head. 

“I’ll do — I’ll do whatever it takes —“

“You can’t go back in a time machine and make sure we didn’t meet can you?” Aaron shouts, he waves a hand around and Robert shudders against the weight of it. It knocks him back, he’s waiting for Aaron to take it back. Only he isn’t. 

“I — Aaron —“

“Your job ... you ... making me fall in love with you — it’s ruined any chance of Simon getting sent down.” Aaron’s chin is wobbling, eyes flickering and Robert’s heart breaks against it.

“No it hasn’t, Aaron, of course it hasn’t.” Robert tries to move closer, tries in vain. 

Aaron gulps hard, wipes at his face and closes his eyes. “I could lose this.”

“Aaron.”

“Me and Gabriel, everything we’ve been through could be just — just chucked away because you came along and —“

“I got shot by the bastard!” Robert shouts, his hands point towards his chest and he has tears in his eyes as Aaron winces. “Remember that?”

Aaron blinks. “And it wouldn’t matter. Because — because me and you have broken it all.”

“Aaron, we’re a team.” Robert says. “You said ... you said last night — that — that we were, that we’d get through it together.” 

“How can we when —“

Robert feels something churn. “When its all my fault? When you wish I hadn’t come along and given Simon something to —“

“Use against me? Yeah.” Aaron snaps, and he doesn’t take it back.

Robert frowns. “You’re making out like I tricked you into this? Like you didn’t stand there and tell me that you forgave me and that you wanted me. I didn’t force you to take me back.”

Aaron blows out a breath. “I know.” He barely says.

Only it’s almost like he doesn’t. He’s bitter and twisting everything and Robert hates it because Aaron’s supposed to love him.

“We’re supposed to love each other.” Robert’s chin wobbles, eyes flickering as he waits. He’s really saying, you’re supposed to love me but it isn’t coming out right. 

Aaron looks away. He doesn’t say anything.

“And you’re standing there saying you wished we never ...” He holds his breath and goes towards the bedroom, stuffs a few things in his bag before taking his toothbrush and coming down the stairs again. 

“Where are you ...”

“Vic’s. Away from you, because that’s what you want.” Robert says, pain across his face as Aaron holds his breath, face turning red. “Because this isn’t just some ... argument.”

Aaron clears his throat and sniffs. 

“This is you saying things you can’t take back, don’t want to take back. So I’ll ... I’ll go.”

“Go?”

Robert closes his eyes. “No point pretending you need me here.” He says, shakes his head before getting out the door and hearing Aaron come out towards. 

“I shouldn’t have said —“

Robert looks at him. “But it’s what you think.” He says. “Deep down.”

“It isn’t, I’m just stressed and ...”

“I’m not your punching bag.” Robert shouts, makes Aaron’s eyes flicker. Maybe he shouldn’t have said that. 

“Well then you should go then.” Aaron’s whole demeanour changes, he crosses his arms and bites hard on his like he’s trying not to cry. 

Robert goes to speak again and then sighs. “What’s the point?” He says before getting into his car.

 

 

 

 


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trial continues

 

 

He wakes up with Ellis offering him a cup of tea and only thinks of Aaron. He thinks of Aaron getting ready for the next day of the trial and he wants to ring him but then he goes and thinks of everything Aaron said the day before.

All of that pain.

“Aren’t you due in court?” Robert hears Ellis say as he sits in Vic’s loud flowery armchair.

“Not today no. I start tomorrow.”

“And you’re not supporting Aaron because?”

Vic comes back in and gives him these eyes, it gets him up and out the room in no time and Vic takes his place. “I know you don’t want to talk about it but ... I take it you had a fight?”

Robert closes his eyes. “Pretty big one yeah.” He says, and he admits to what happened and how much of it was his fault. “I get it, I get why he’s mad but ...”

Vic pulls a face and shuffles on the seat. “You both fell for each other, both knew all the risks and everything.” She says. “This can’t all be your fault.”

“He said meeting me ruined everything.” Robert winces as he remembers it, he’s not thought of much else and Vic huffs.

“He didn’t mean it.”

Robert thinks about what he said, about not meaning it. He sighs. “He hardly chased my car down.”

Vic blinks, scoots closer and frowns. “You know what he’s like, he pushes people away when he needs them most.” He’s stunned by how much she knows him, how much he’s told her. Robert blinks, brings the pillow towards his chest.

“Well maybe I’m sick of being pushed away.” He says, feels his throat collapse a little as he tries to breathe against it all.

 

—

 

He sends him a text, he says he hopes the day went well and it’s clear why he stayed away. 

Then he heads to bed and tries not to think about any of it. 

 

—

 

Lawrence is there to meet him when he gets to court the next morning, it’s his turn and he’s not going to be able to avoid Aaron but he’ll try his hardest. He doesn’t want them to have another fight, he doesn’t want to hear anything he has to say because it’s going to hurt.

And for once, he’s going to try and protect himself. 

Vic’s made him feel that way, she spent the whole of last night trying to make him think about things differently. Her hands stroking his hair and a soft smile on his face as she tried to make him feel better. For a second, she was his mum and yeah it’s not ideal to still have all these issues about your mum and how she never got to see him grow but he has Vic.

And Andy. Somehow. 

Lawrence has come from London to see the case play out and he looks like some sort of panto villain as he stands there looking at Robert.

“I hope you’re ready to be grilled.” Lawrence says, his face blank and eyes beady. Of course it gets Robert’s back up and he pulls at his tie before tightening it again and shrugging his shoulders. 

“I know what to say.”

“You could get it wrong.” Lawrence says, because he’s just the best?

Robert shoots him a look. “He shot me. That happened. He can’t hide from that.” He says angrily, because yeah this is bigger than what happened to him but it _still_ happened and he deserves his own justice for that. It’s something that courses through his veins as Lawrence leans against the wall and nods. 

“Perhaps not.”

And Robert is sick of all his three words per sentence bullshit so he turns to leave, only he ends up bumping right into Aaron who’s standing there looking stunned. He looks shattered, eyes red and small and face pale. Robert tries his best to look against it, but he can’t.

And anyways, Aaron speaks. “Hiya.” He says, and it’s too much, Robert gets himself as far away as he can. He ends up in the cafe, spending nearly a fiver on a coffee and a muffin and hating himself. But it’s away from Aaron until it isn’t. Until Aaron’s slowing sitting on the chair next to him and playing with his hands.

“Where have you been?”

And Robert blinks slowly, they’ve spent two nights away from each other and now Aaron wants to know where he’s been.

“I already said ... Vic’s.” 

Aaron gulps hard. “I was scared you’d gone back to London.” 

“Probably what you’d want right? No actually, me never coming here in the first place would have suited you better.” And yeah he’s being sharp but he’s also been sitting on this for what feels like forever and there’s only so many times he can bother Vic and Ellis with it.

It’s meant to be directed at Aaron and now he’s finally here, he can.

“Well I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t ask to — to move my life up here and persuade some bloke to testify for something I didn’t even know a lot about.” Robert picks at his blueberry muffin and then sighs hard as he sees Aaron’s shocked face.

“Yeah ... yeah I know. I didn’t mean —“

“You did.” Robert says. “I know you did.”

“I don’t regret falling in love with you, I can’t believe I said that.” 

Robert hangs his head and thinks. “You knew that would hurt me the most. You turning around one day and saying that this has all been some mistake, after _everything_.”

“I was _angry_.” Aaron rubs at his face. “At you, at myself.” He twists his lip. “Blaming you was easier than blaming myself.” Robert looks up and frowns at him. “If I just _testified_ when they asked me to, all those years ago...”

Robert closes his eyes. “We’ve been through this. It wasn’t your fault. You weren’t to know that —“

“I’d meet you, I’d fall in love with you and you’d get shot and ... still want me when I push you away all the time.” Aaron shakes his head. “I’ve ruined us.” He says, “What I said —“

“You weren’t lying. Neither was I, you don’t need me Aaron.”

Aaron frowns harshly, looks offended. “Of course I do! Too much maybe, we’re messes without each other. Yeah we get by but ... it’s not the same.” He says, voice thick with emotion and Robert feels him hover a hand over his. He slowly moves it away. “Rob.”

“You hurt me so much. And I hurt you, they could twist everything in there. I could lose it all for you.”

Aaron wipes at his eyes. “But I’d still have you.” He frowns as if Robert doesn’t get it. He leans closer and nods. “Sleeping there without you made me think about how much has changed. Him behind bars was everything I wanted once but now, there’s you and Gabriel.” He gulps hard and his breath shakes. “My family.” 

Robert’s shocked by how open he’s being, how emotional Aaron is and it makes him soften completely. It makes him half smile. 

“We can’t keep fighting.”

“It’s not us, not really. It’s all of _this_.” Aaron winces, sniffs gently. “Me and you ... we’re good for each other.” He holds at Robert’s hand and squeezes. “I didn’t mean it. I swear. I’m _sorry_.”

“I’m sorry too.” Robert whispers. “For ruining —“

Aaron just comes forward and kisses Robert, hard and fast and then he smiles gently. “I _love_ you.” He mumbles, clearly a little shy in front of everyone. It makes Robert gulp and nod. 

“I love you.”

“We’re a team.” Aaron says, turns back towards the court. “So we’ll do this, together yeah?” He whispers. 

“Together.” Robert smiles warmly, against it all.

 

—

 

Aaron’s got a hand in Robert’s when they start up, they’re running through the basics for a longer time than he wants to be there for but he manages to stay where he is. He breathes gently, then more ragged as someone arrives and tells Robert that he needs to get ready for questioning.

He needs to be isolated in this room and Aaron panics at the thought of it, it’s written all over his face and Robert doesn’t know what to do. He just smiles gently and then nods.

“I’ll be fine.”

“Will you?” Aaron blinks quickly and then his eyes flutter. “They’ll try and —“ 

Robert knows what he’s getting at but he decides to stop himself. He decides to just nod and kiss at Aaron’s head and head towards the room. He’s bouncing his leg for what feels like forever before he suddenly hears a knock at the door.

“They’re ready for you now.” Some woman in a grey suit tries to smile at him but she’s hardly reassuring and he just nods blindly until he’s on his feet and out the door. He sees Lawrence standing there with a look on his face.

“I didn’t expect you to be standing today.” Lawrence says, and Robert didn’t either but they did say that didn’t they? To be ready at any time because there’s never a set time for any of these things.

“I didn’t know I’d be called either.” Robert shrugs a little and then he gulps hard. “But you know, it’s fine.” He says. 

“Fine?”

Robert’s jaw locks. “I’ll handle the questioning okay?” He says, and with that he pushes past Lawrence and keeps his head down until he’s standing there and seeing Simon.

He’s closer towards him now, he’s slouching a little, shoulders falling and eyes full of wide eyed amusement. He looks likes ready to watch it all play out, like he’s got the upper hand somehow. 

And the thing is, he really doesn’t. Because Robert got fucking shot.

“God knows what would have happened if I didn’t get there in time. If — if Gabriel struggled too much and _he_ got too mad.” Robert’s chin wobbles and he watches Simon look away. “I think about that a lot, about what he’s done, and what he could have done. How is it fair that I’m thankful I’m the _only_ one who got _shot_?”

The jury mumble, and Robert watches a woman look uncomfortable as she sits there and he breathes out steadily against it. He feels like something is opening up in his chest and he feels okay as he sees Chas sitting there with Aaron, nodding along. 

Robert blinks quickly. “He shot, and he was planning on kidnapping Gabriel. What more is there to say?” 

But there is more apparently, because the defence lawyers have there say and it only sets Robert on edge. 

“Why don’t we talk about why you were there in the first place. In the school.”

Robert shakes his head. “That shouldn’t have anything to do with it.” He says quickly. “Imagine if I _wasn’t_ there.” 

The lawyer tilts his head a little. “But let’s just focus on that for a second shall we? Because I think that’s important, I think it’s important for the jury to hear about you coming in to seduce Mr Dingle into testifying against the defendant here.” 

There’s a rumble of something and Robert’s throat clears.

“That’s not what my job was. I was a undercover.”

“So you admit to that? That you were undercover.”

“I’m not on trial here.”

“No, you’re not. That’s quite right. But you have played a part in this haven’t you? In us being here today.” The man with the stupid flipping wig starts aching his head.

“I didn’t force Simon to do _anything_.” 

“Maybe not directly. It was with Mr Dingle though wasn’t it.”

“Objection.”

Robert doesn’t hear anything got a few seconds, his eyes roll back and he feels a little sick before he hears the man’s voice again and it’s being directed towards him and he’s allowed to keep probing.

“Are you or are you not in a relationship with Mr Dingle?”

“I don’t see what that has to do with Simon terrorising him.”

The man huffs. “ _Really_? You don’t think that you’ve influenced matters here at all?”

Robert looks up towards Aaron and immediately regrets it. He looks down again and gulps hard. 

“No.”

“Not even as a detective. Hmm? A detective who has _connections_ within the police service.”

Robert doesn’t know where he gets all his anger from but it rushes out of him. “That could make him shoot me? I planned that did I?” He stands up straight and then shakes his head. “He can create all the conspiracies he wants but he’s nothing but a liar.”

“Worth getting worked up about though? Could that be because he presented you with photos? Photos of you and Aaron Dingle _together_ and then suddenly.” He waves a hand in the air dramatically. “Suddenly you need to shut him up.”

“No.”

“Suddenly he _shoots_ you, he shoots you and it’s easy to add other charges isn’t it?” He looks down at his paper. “Assaulting Mr Dingle? Adding even more charges than he already has? Isn’t it right Mr Sugden that you did everything you possibly could as a police officer to get him behind bars so you could keep playing happy families with Mr Dingle?”

“ _No_.” Robert stresses, he feels the heat rise through him, his face turns bright red and he has to compose himself as he straightens his tie. “I’m not a bent copper, I didn’t have to do anything ‘cause he did it all himself.”

“By using fake phones in prison and sending ‘threatening’ letters, that sort of thing right?”

“Terrifying us, yeah?”

“Us.” The man latches on to, an eyebrow raised and Robert shudders. “That would be you and Mr Dingle?”

Robert looks up again and sees that Lawrence is standing there, he doesn’t know what to say until he decides that he isn’t letting anyone rule over him. He nods. “You know it would.”

“Surely that would explain you wanting to help him then. Go above and beyond?”

Robert goes to speak and then he wavers. 

“No further questions.” 

 

—

 

Robert runs a hand through his hair as Aaron passes him a cup of tea and sits down slowly. He doesn’t even want to look at him but Aaron nudges at his side and jolts Robert.

“You can look at me you know.” Aaron says, he blinks a little encouragingly and then sighs. 

“I did my best in there. They’re pretty much running with this whole vendetta thing though aren’t they?” Robert runs a hand across his hair and huffs again. “I’m —“

“If you’re about to say that you’re sorry, then shut up.” Aaron holds at Robert’s arm. “You tried your best. You did amazing.”

Robert closes his eyes around it and then he blows out a breath and tries to smile through it. “Yeah?”

“You did me proud.” Aaron whispers, he leans over and kisses Robert, cups his face and smiles a little as he pulls away again. “You know ... I’m not scared of him anymore.” He says, with an ease that makes Robert’s insides melt as they lean against the sofa. “He’s just a ... stupid twat.”

“A really stupid twat.” 

Robert bites at his lip and closes his eyes a little as he leans closer and kisses Aaron again. “And he won’t win.” He says. “They can say anything they like but it doesn’t change the fact that he is what he is.” He says, and Aaron leans his head against Robert’s shoulder, they fall asleep like that.

 

—

 

Gabriel doesn’t know what’s going on and they want to keep it like that for as long as possible because it’s easier. They both drop him to school and wave him goodbye before they head off to court again and Robert doesn’t feel as nervous as he did a few days ago because he’s not the one up on the stand. 

Instead it’s Aaron’s turn finally, and it’s thankfully going to all be over soon. No matter what the outcome is, they don’t need to be spending their days up here and they can focus on Gabriel. Being happy.

Robert straights Aaron’s tie as they wait and he sees Chas walking up and down, she’s talking to some random woman she’s probably made friends with in the midst of this. She’s a flipping character.

Aaron blinks quickly, bounces as Robert holds onto his tie and smiles at him. “Hey, you’re going to be brilliant.”

“Am I?” Aaron whispers, “I just don’t want him getting into my head.”

“You look at me when you need to.” Robert says seriously, nods along. “It helped me, and I’ll — I’ll just be up there okay?” 

Aaron nods nervously, and his face remains that way until he’s getting his chance to speak. He’s getting his say and Chas looks on, looks emotional. She even grips Robert’s hand for half a second when it sounds like her son is wavering. She pulls away when he looks up and they both pretend like it never even happened.

“He thought Gabriel was his. We all did. But he _wasn’t_ and I stepped up for my son and that’s — he hated it.”

“Why was that?” 

Aaron rubs at his eyes and Robert holds his breath, he waits to see if Aaron will start crying and then smiles faintly when Aaron holds himself and nods. “Because he didn’t have no one else? Because he was alone. But I had to go, I had to leave and then when I saw ...”

“Go on Mr Dingle...”

“What he was doing to Daniel. Thompson.” Aaron rubs a hand across his face and then sighs. “He was _killing_ him and I had to go, I had to — I couldn’t let my son around that. I had no choice.” 

He nods a little and there’s bravery within him that makes Robert’s heart burn. And it stays that way until the idiot from the defence starts speaking. He tilts his head and pulls a face and drills into all the facts that he can. 

He tries to dig all these holes.

“See I’m finding it hard to really understand why Mr Redding would continue to find you, seek you out after what you’d seen? Him apparently killing Mr Thompson.”

“He did. He killed him.”

“And yet he then spent his days running around looking for you, really?”

“I had his _son_ , in his eyes.” Aaron shoots Simon a look and Robert can see that he wants to throttle him but he’s holding back. “That’s all he was after, he wanted him back, away from me.”

“Why would that be?”

Aaron scoffs like he knows what’s coming, like he knows exactly what the idiot is going to throw at him. “Because I wasn’t the ... the best kid.”

Robert looks towards Chas who has her head down suddenly.

“A few run in’s with the police, a drug problem?”

“That was Holly.” Aaron blurts out. “That wasn’t —“

“So you’ve never tried drugs before?”

Aaron’s eyes flicker, and Robert looks gutted. He tries to hide his panic as Aaron looks up towards him with wide eyes. 

“When I was a kid.” Aaron mumbles, and he looks devastated.

“So maybe there was reasoning behind Mr Redding trying to find you. You weren’t fit enough to look after Gabriel were you? And he was just trying to do his best for a child involved here.”

“By shooting someone Gabriel loves?” Aaron snaps, his face reddens and his nostrils flare as he looks at Simon. “He doesn’t seem to get that when he hurts me, tries to scare me out of testifying against him, he’s hurting Gabriel.”

Simon’s head snaps up, it’s the first sign of any emotion on his face since Aaron’s started speaking. 

“He’s hurting Gabriel and all that little boy wants is a big happy family.” Aaron smiles faintly and Robert finds himself getting stupidly emotional, not as much as Chas though. He has to fish out a tissue for her. 

“For you, and your son, and Mr Sugden?”

“Don’t mention him.” Aaron says and the mood shifts. Robert sighs a little against Aaron’s protectiveness, doesn’t know what to do. 

“Why not? He’s involved isn’t he?”

“Not in the way you want to spin it.” Aaron says. “All he’s ever done is try and protect me and my son.” He looks hard at Simon. “And he’s tried to ruin that one too many times. But it’s not happening anymore, because he can’t touch us. He can’t.”

And Chas nearly gets asked to leave because she flipping _whoops_ when he speaks.

 

—

 

Robert clings onto Aaron as soon as they’re out the room, he holds him tight and kisses his forehead and calls him bloody brilliant and Aaron looks so in love with him.

He sees it. He really sees it and it takes his breath away.

“You did amazing.” Robert says, pats down on Aaron’s chest and then he’s kissing him again, properly, and Aaron’s holding at Robert’s waist and smiling into it. He keeps smiling until he moves away and Aaron’s bright red.

“I did my best.” He says, nods a little and then smiles. “I tried, I just wanted to — to show him how I’m not scared anymore.”

“You’re not scared because he’s a —“

“Stupid twat. Yeah.” Robert nods as Aaron speaks and then holds at his hand. 

“Now we just wait.” Robert whispers, because this might be the worst part of it all. The waiting, the waiting around to see what is going to happen and if he’s getting sent down for it all.

Aaron nods and then he suddenly looks awkward and Robert turns to see Ed standing there. He’s out of uniform and his guns manage to look even bigger than normal. It’s fabulous.

Robert huffs as he turns to look at him.

“What you doing here?” Aaron eventually asks, he doesn’t sound angry, just confused and he walks a little closer to Robert like he needs to hold him back. 

“I thought I’d see how it went.” Ed says, waves a hand out. “Matty wanted to come too but he’s working.” He smiles faintly and Robert scowls.

“Well I’m here.”

“I didn’t know you would be ...”

“Well I am.” Robert says, and Aaron tuts and tells him to chill out. “Sorry if that’s ruined your plans to get into my boyfriend’s pants. I can only apologise.”

Ed looks bloody floored and Robert likes it that way. He watches him look towards Aaron.

“I didn’t mean to get in the middle.” Ed says. “I’ve already said sorry.”

Robert sticks a hand in his pocket and scowls a little. “Right well, we better be off.” He says, “We’ve got celebrating to do.” 

Ed clears his throat awkwardly. “It went well then?”

“He was brilliant.” Robert says shortly.

“Thanks for uh coming and checking.” Aaron says awkwardly.

“And not trying to kiss him.”

Aaron rolls his eyes and keeps them like that until they’re by the car again and Robert is asking him what’s wrong. 

“You. Being all ...”

“He kissed ya.”

Aaron sighs. “Tried to.”

Robert scoffs and Aaron comes closer to him, kisses him hard. “Look who I’m kissing now though.” He says.

Robert arches an eyebrow. “Hmm. I like that a bit better.” He whispers before Chas appears and tells them to get their arses in gear.

 

—

 

Gabriel’s complaining that he’s sick of seeing his daddy in a suit and not being at school and it’s enough to make Aaron look all sorry like it’s his fault or something.

Robert shakes his head against his upset and brings Gabriel up on his shoulder and decides that parading him around the place is probably going to make him smile again. 

And it works, it keeps working and then Aaron goes and mentions going to the Zoo in the middle of January. It makes Robert’s eyes widen and he thinks about the chance of snow but Gabriel’s already heard everything. 

“It’s a good distraction.” Aaron says, half a smile on his face. “Better than going to court and hearing him lie through his teeth about everything isn’t it?” He says, a hand on Robert’s waist and big blue eyes making Robert weak. 

“When you put it like that...” Robert doesn’t even get to finish his sentence because Aaron’s already looking at the best way to get there and Gabriel’s running around the place. 

The thing with zoo’s though, is that kids and animals are naturally everywhere you look and Robert doesn’t see the fun side until they’re in this underground tunnel looking at the sharks and Gabriel’s come down from the high of that candy floss Aaron waved in his face.

“Wow!” Gabriel’s got his nose pressed right towards the glass as Aaron holds him up, his little feet dangling as he tries to stay upright against his excitement.

“Careful bud.” Aaron whispers, strokes through his hair and Robert catches him thinking. Properly thinking, probably about the trial and what’s going on as they try and forget all about it. But he doesn’t mention it, he allows him to be in his own head before Gabriel’s playing by the monkey bars and they’re watching from some overpriced cafe.

“I know you’re thinking about it.” Robert says, playing with an empty packet of crisps and looking at Aaron who is in his own world again.

“Physic now yeah?” Aaron says, shoulders slumped and eyes flickering, there’s no heat there but Robert still debates whether to just shut his mouth and forget it. Something makes him press on though. 

“You were right, we’re better off freezing ourselves here than sitting there and hearing him lie.”

Aaron nods slowly but it doesn’t meet his eyes. “I know. It just would have been — I would have wanted to see how the jury reacts.” 

Robert frowns. “What, those bunch of poker faces? You’d be guessing at most.” He says, blinks out as Aaron zips his coat up a little more.

“Maybe you’re right.” Aaron says, rubs a hand across his face and then gulps. “I forget to tell you that Vic rang by the way.”

“Forgot?” Robert arches an eyebrow and watches Aaron look towards the bench they’re sitting on and start stretching the wood. 

“She wants to come over, with Andy.”

Robert’s face falls. “Not now. Not in the middle of — and anyway, why would Andy want to ...”

Aaron shrugs, looks at suddenly and then shakes his head. “I’m not sure. She just wanted to know if you’d be free ...” he looks down again and then up. “Tonight.”

“Tonight?” Robert stretches the word out as far as he can and Aaron rolls his eyes.

“I want you happy.” He says simply, looks like he’s been trying to say this all day.

“What makes you think I’m not?”

Aaron’s mouth gapes for a second. “I know you are, with me and Gabe but ... they’re your family Rob.”

Robert’s eyes flicker. “So are you.”

Aaron blushes, and then he leans forward. “Should I say you’re not then? I could say we ... we’re going out.”

Robert closes his eyes and hates how he’s almost suspicious about what Andy would want to talk about. It doesn’t make all that much sense so he nods.

He agrees and finds himself sitting down opposite his brother a few hours later. He’s not bought his kids with him and Robert doesn’t know whether it was a conscious move or not.

He’s thinking about the awkward hand shake by the door when he first arrived when Vic and Aaron come walking in with bowls of curry. He’s got naan bread and mango chutney and he’s basically making Robert all proud. Aaron rubs a hand down his jeans messily and Robert half smiles before he sits down next to him and sighs.

“So this is ... this is nice.” Aaron says, he sips his beer and looks at Andy. “You want one?”

Andy clearly doesn’t know where to put this face and he hasn’t really opened his mouth yet but then he does. He nods and Aaron disappears to come back with one and then he clears his throat and says thanks. 

“Thanks for this.” Andy says eventually, blinks out and looks at Aaron. “We haven’t exactly got on so far.”

Robert looks over and Aaron’s face locks a little as he crosses his arms. “I was only ever sticking up for Robert, for the truth.” He says coldly, eyes hardening a little as he speaks.

“Yeah I get that. I get it now. I — I do.” Andy gulps hard. “I was wrong, I’ve said that. I have, haven’t I?”

Robert nods slowly and keeps his mouth shut.

“I know I can’t change what I said and did, I know that —“

“He still gets to be angry at you, you know?” Aaron says, eyes flickering. “He didn’t have to agree to this.”

“Aaron.” Robert leans his arm across Aaron to pull him back a little and Aaron huffs before sipping at his beer again. “This is getting cold.” He looks down at his curry again and starts eating, watching Vic from the top of the table staring at them all like some sort of referee.

“What uh ... how’s the case then?” Andy says. “I know you’ve already had to testify and everything, Vic filled me in.”

Vic smiles falsely and Aaron nods his head slowly.

“We’re okay.” Aaron sniffs a little. “It’s ... it’s nearly over now anyway.” 

“Why you here Andy?” Robert hears himself blurt it out and he can’t put it back in. He just has to watch the shifting tone of the room and wait until Andy smiles faintly. 

“I know we’re not ... we’re not there yet.” Andy looks at Vic and she’s smiling shyly. “But I’ve ... I’ve met someone and we’re sort of getting married.”

“Sort of?” Aaron arches an eyebrow.

“Well yeah we are. I asked her to.” Andy bites down on his lip nervously and Robert is stunned. Stunned by how much of a kid he looks suddenly, all of that anger seems to be melting away from him and Robert wonders if all the hate Andy hate for him was actually some sort of long lasting resentment he had for _himself_ , the way his life has gone.

He’s got two kids with the same woman and yet they aren’t married. 

Katie ended up breaking his heart long ago and running off with some rich bloke called Declan. 

He’s probably had not a lot else to do but to be angry and bitter for so long and now he just ... isn’t?

“I uh ... wow.” Robert says, he puts his fork down and blinks out quickly. “That’s ... you’re happy I take it?” Andy nods, turning redder and making Robert feel something rumble around in his chest. He doesn’t know what it is, what to call it either. 

“Yeah. I mean ... it’s been a bit of a whirlwind and we’re not ... that alike but —“

“He’s nearly as happy as you and this one.” Vic says, big proud smile on her face. “Although she is flipping _barmy_.” 

“Oi.” Andy says, “She’s just a teacher, she’s not that weird.”

Aaron leans over the table. “Where’d she work?”

“Elmhurst. Round here I think.” 

Aaron’s eyes widen, “That’s where I work.” He says, and Robert sees it ticking around in his mind and he can’t but he’ll but think about it either. 

Who’s barmy? 

Robert scoffs suddenly. “It’s not Bernice Blackstock is it?” 

“Of course it wouldn’t be, she’s a crazy —“

“Yeah.” 

They just so happen to speak at the exact same time and Vic has a hand across her face to stop from laughing. Andy’s back straightens and he scowls.

“She’s not barmy or crazy.” Andy says. “She’s amazing.” He looks all soft and Robert actually laughs, he sees Aaron laughing too and maybe Andy getting engaged to Bernice after a grand total of one month of even knowing each other’s existence is enough to make them forget their own troubles.

It’s needed.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will probably be a little shorter than usual to make room for the very last one. Thanks for still reading!


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trial reaches its climax

 

 

Aaron has a hand across his face as he switches the kettle on and waits. He stares at it vacantly until he hears Robert coming down the stairs and he tries to act like he’s not freaking out. 

“You don’t have to pretend.” Robert settles a hand against Aaron’s waist and kisses him gently on the cheek. “I know you’re scared.”

They’ve been good, they’ve actually enjoyed having time not thinking about the case but now it’s happening. Now it’s all over and it’s the last day. 

Aaron sighs gently and turns towards Robert. “I just want it to go well.” He says. “As well as it can be.” He mouth twitches and then he sighs. “So we can just be ...”

“Happy?” Robert says gently, his voice wavers slightly as he sees the tears forming in Aaron’s eyes. “I’ve never been happier, you make me so ...”

Aaron closes his eyes. “I ruin shit for you. I get you drudge up into this _trial_.”

Robert frowns. “Sorry, you just interrupted me being really very romantic and soppy.”

Aaron shakes his head lightly. “I’m being serious.” 

“So am I. You’re my family. I _love_ you and we’re happy.” Robert says. “Aren’t we?”

Aaron nods his head. “I really love you too.”

“Really really?” 

Aaron is sort of in awe of how his mind has altered, how it’s not as dark as it was a few minutes ago.

“Really really.” Aaron whispers.

 

—

 

Robert watches Aaron’s surprise as he sees Zak and Lisa and Cain with Chas at the court house. 

“What are you all —“

“Family support.” Lisa practically squeezes at Aaron’s cheek and envelopes him into a hug. “Everyone else sends their love.” She says and Robert almost melts around how much he knows that will mean to Aaron. 

The thought stays until they’re inside and Aaron’s gripping onto his hand hard. “It’s okay.” He whispers, faint and hardly there really because he’s almost stunned by how Simon looks.

He’s got this stare about him, he’s looking right up at them and he doesn’t look away. Not even when the prosecution team start absolutely shredding him to pieces.

“Simon Reading is a coward above all else, a coward who has attempted to escape justice countless times. For what? A child who — not too long ago — was frightened of his very existence. Simon already admits to shooting a serving detective, and although the defence will try and present this conspiracy accusation to you all ... it is yet another lie. Another attempt to get away with murder, attempted murder amongst the plethora of other crimes he has committed.” 

He goes on, but Robert hardly hears him because Aaron’s trying not to cry next to him and the hand he’s clasping down on is getting tighter and tighter. It only manages to get worse when the defence team start up and they try their best to defend him.

Zak loses his temper against it. He starts shouting that Aaron’s not a thug and it only gets Cain dragging him back and telling him to shut his face. Aaron gives a smile to Zak though, a little thanks for his words and he looks like he’s trying to block out the bullshit as much as he can.

Robert squeezes down on Aaron’s hand and smiles as the defence finally stop. “Hey ... I think we deserve a cuppa.” 

Aaron nods faintly and then Robert watches as Simon’s eyes remain fixed on them. “Come on.” Aaron mumbles and he gets out of there as quickly as he can.

The thing is though, all they have to do it wait around now. Officially the trial is over and Simon’s verdict is going to be any time now, it could take hours or days but they’ve opted to go to the cafe and sit it out for as long as possible.

“I don’t want to have to come back here another day.” Aaron looks exhausted, he has a hand over his face as Robert looks at him and nods. “Gabriel’s been through enough.”

“So have you.” Robert frowns, he leans a hand across and Aaron nods. 

“So have you.” Robert heads Aaron say and he rolls his eyes against it. “I don’t know how I’d have got through this ... without you ... with me.” 

Robert doesn’t say anything, he just leans his head away and then shakes it before eventually smiling. “Aaron you’re the strongest person I know, you could have done ...”

“How many times have I pushed you away?” Aaron asks. “But you’ve stayed. You’ve come back. You’ve ...”

“Well you know why ...”

Aaron gulps hard and looks almost overwhelmed by how much Robert does love him. “Yeah I really do.” He whispers. He leans across to kiss Robert when he hears the sound of shoes and sees that Lawrence is approaching them.

“Sugden.” Lawrence says and Robert looks up and leans away a little. 

“Boss.” Robert says, he clears his throat and Lawrence asks him whether or not he is happy with how things have gone. “Well we don’t know the result yet.”

Lawrence arches an eyebrow. “Precisely. We should know soon enough, where we stand.”

“We?” Aaron frowns, he goes to sit up a little and Robert is just as confused as he looks. “What’s this got to do with you? It’s me and Rob who have had to go through all of this.”

Lawrence nods. “Sure.” He waves a hand out. “But Robert is a detective Aaron. So what he goes through, finds its way back onto me unfortunately.” He says and then he looks back at Robert. “I need a word.”

“Say it here.” Aaron blurts out but Robert just stands and tells Aaron not to worry. 

They end up just at the end of the cafe, and Lawrence looks angrier suddenly. “If he doesn’t get sent down, you know what that means right?”

Robert doesn’t actually, because he’s not allowed himself to think about the dick getting away with _everything_.

“Well no because he won’t. He shot me. He’s going down for a long time.” Robert sticks a hand in his trouser pocket and expects Lawrence to do one but he doesn’t.

Because it’s all about the details isn’t it?

“What about the other charges? Attacking Aaron? Sending that letter in prison? The small ones are going to be the make or break ...”

“For who?” Robert’s eyes widen and then he gulps hard. “Me then.” He says, his head dips and he isn’t going to pretend like he wasn’t already waiting for this to happen. He shouldn’t be this annoyed really. “What will happen?” 

Lawrence shrugs. “An investigation into his ... ideas about a conspiracy against him. We’d have to go over everything with a fine tooth comb.” He still looks angry, pissed right off and Robert doesn’t get it. He doesn’t deserve it either to be quite honest. 

“But you know there isn’t. I haven’t set him up.” 

“No you’ve had him beaten up.” Lawrence snarls and Robert looks away. He straightens his blazer and then clears his throat. “You just better pray that it goes your way, because if it doesn’t ... it’s not looking good for you.” 

Robert blinks quickly and misses how Aaron comes up towards them and then hangs back. “Something tells me that it already isn’t.” He whispers.

Lawrence seems to have some sort of satisfaction in the way he sighs. “You know how gossip spreads.” He says. 

“Got a big black mark against my name then?” Robert feels something flatten against his stomach as he thinks about it, as he realises that he’s probably not respected as he once was. 

Lawrence blinks. “It’s in your best interest not to make it any worse.” He nods his head all officially and then walks away and leaves Robert standing there feeling worthless. 

The hand against his shoulder is enough to shake him back to life and he turns around to see Aaron with a small wary smile on his face. 

“Don’t bother trying to protect me. I heard.” 

Robert gulps hard. “I was bound to have my name through the mud.” He says. “All the stupid conspiracies he fired at me.” He grits his teeth as he speaks and Aaron just looks so sorry. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Say sorry or anything.” Robert is uncomfortable with even the thought of it. He wriggles his shoulders and pulls a face. 

“Robert this is your career.” Aaron says. “If he doesn’t get found guilty of all that ...” 

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.” Robert says. “If we get to it. Which we won’t.” He doesn’t know that but he has to keep his head on straight and comfort Aaron. He envelopes him into a hug and they only part when Cain makes an appearance.

“The prosecutors seem pretty certain this is an open shut sort of case.” Cain folds his arms over. “I wouldn’t worry.” 

“Wouldn’t ya?” Aaron says dryly, “Because I mean ... if he doesn’t ... Cain it’s going to ruin everything.” He blurts out and not even his mum coming towards them and throwing him into her arms is enough to stop him worrying.

“You and Gabriel will be fine.” Chas reassures him. “He’s getting sent down.”

“What about Robert through?” Robert watches on, he doesn’t say anything until Cain glares at him like he wants him to say something. “He’s already tried telling me it’s fine but ... if this conspiracy shit sticks then ...”

“Then I break his legs, what about that eh?” Cain says, he frowns a little and then nods. “We look after our own, don’t we?” 

Aaron looks up suddenly, looks touched and his mouth forms a smile. “Yeah.” He says, looking towards Robert and then back at his uncle. 

“So we’ll sort it.” Cain says, “Whatever the outcome, you’re not going through anymore bullshit. Understood?” 

Aaron wipes a tear from his face and nods. “Yeah understood.” He whispers.

“Good. Sick of seeing you crying like a little girl anyway.” Cain has to say, because the tears forming in his own eyes are there too. 

Chas squeezes Aaron and then laughs and they all stand there in the cafe trying to think of anything else. 

 

—

 

A few hours go by and nothing happens. It starts raining outside and Aaron starts talking about how Gabriel must be feeling. 

“He probably misses us loads.” Aaron whispers, he looks at Robert and then parts a hand through his hair. “I miss him too.”

“Yeah well ... we’ll be home soon.” Robert says, although he doesn’t know anything. Zak and Lisa have gone back to their farm and Cain’s sticking around mainly to entertain Chas because Aaron keeps saying he wants to be alone.

Robert’s found him near the small bench area at the back of the building and the air smells of damp as they stand and wait. 

“Could really do with a fag.” Aaron says and Robert can’t help but smile. “What?”

“Never knew you used to smoke.”

Aaron arches his eyebrow. “Thought it made me hard.”

“Maybe it makes me hard.” Robert says suggestively and Aaron stifles a laugh, tells him to do one. “I know you wanted to be alone but ... but I couldn’t.”

“Worried I’d hurt myself?” 

Robert sighs. “If I’m honest yeah, do you blame me?” Aaron shakes his head slowly and then looks lost in thought.

“Can’t say I didn’t think about it. Held your hand for dear life instead though didn’t I?” Aaron turns towards him. “Because you make it bearable.”

Robert comes closer towards Aaron and kisses him gently. Aaron shudders against Robert’s skin and his voice wavers as he speaks. “I’m scared Rob.” He whispers.

“So am I.” Robert says, “But it’s going to okay.” He whispers. “Eventually.” He adds because Aaron doesn’t look convinced. He goes to kiss him again when he hears the sound of heels and Chas is waving her arms around.

“Love, they’ve reached a verdict.” Chas says, her eyes are wide and alert and she almost looks pleased like she knows it’s going to be good news.

Aaron frowns. “It’s only been ... what? Four, five hours?”

“Good thing we stuck around then.” Chas smiles.

“Is it?” Aaron whispers, and Robert takes his hand is he leads them inside and they take there seats again.

And it happens.

They start reading out everything and all Robert can hear is the word ‘guilty’ being said over and over again.

Then he can hear Chas clapping her hands, she’s elated, he can see her shadows jumping and then he can feels Aaron’s hand clammy in his.

Guilty for shooting him, attempted murder.

Guilty for kidnapping a minor.

Guilty for GBH.

He’s guilty for it _all_ and Robert can’t help but feel this wave of relief rush through him as he hears Aaron.

“It’s over.” Aaron’s saying, Chas over his shoulder squeezing him and Cain smirking at him. He only has his attention on Robert for now and he says it again. 

Robert nods, still overwhelmed with everything. “I love you.” He says, because that much is true in all of this.

Aaron goes to say it back when Simon shouts up to them.

“I just wanted my son! You’ve ruined — you’ve taken everything.” Simon starts scrambling about, leaning towards the barriers and snarling. Some members of the jury turn away and Robert just stares at him.

He watches, with this overwhelming sense of relief, as Aaron smirks down at Simon and takes Robert by the hand.

“Let’s go.” He says, almost like a new man.

 

—

 

Chas insists on them coming up to Charity’s pub so they can celebrate but they politely decline. Aaron’s buzzing but he just wants to be around Gabriel.

“Mum, no fuss or anything like that.” Aaron turns his nose up as he has Gabriel on his lap. Robert comes in with a tea and Chas pulls a face.

“God, we deserve something stronger than that after everything.” Chas frowns a little and Aaron takes the tea from Robert and then smiles.

“Have a drink on us ... at the Woolpack.”

Chas clears her throat and suddenly looks awkward as Gabriel reaches out for Robert and tries to jump on his shoulders. He’s been full of excitement too just because of Aaron’s happiness and Robert can’t help but find it adorable. He carries him on his shoulders around the room when Chas eventually starts speaking today.

“Look. I know today has been a whirlwind. If it hadn’t gone your way then ... then I wouldn’t even be saying this but ...”

“But what?” 

“Charity’s asked if I want to invest. In the Woolpack.” Robert watches Aaron face. “Which means ... I wouldn’t be down the road anymore.” 

“You’d only be a twenty minute drive away.” Aaron says. “Go for it.”

“Really?”

Aaron doesn’t hesitate. “You put your life on hold for me for so long. If you want to do this, do it.” 

Chas looks all emotional and she suddenly wraps her arms around her son and squeezes tightly until he says he can’t breathe.

“Why’s nana hugging daddy like that?” Gabriel whispers into Robert’s ear as he bends down.

Robert smiles. “She just loves him.” He says and then he feels Gabriel squeezing onto him and he feels all warm inside.

 

—

 

Robert lays in bed and feels Aaron smiling at him before he turns around and faces him head on. 

“I’m so glad you’re happy.” Robert mumbles, he wraps a hand around Aaron’s waist and kisses his shoulder.

“It’s really over.” Aaron says, sounding almost unsure. 

“It is.” Robert says passionately. “He’s spending the rest of his life behind bars.”

Aaron chews his lip. “I though I’d flinch if he spoke to us ... but I didn’t. I just felt ... he was _nothing_.” He looks at Robert. “And you’re ... you’re everything you know?”

Robert’s mouth twitches and he gulps hard. “Think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“Yeah?” Aaron says, his eyebrow wriggling.

“Yeah.” Robert whispers. “Come here.” He says and Aaron moves closer until his lips are pressed against his boyfriend’s. 

Robert can’t help but dream of only the good as he closes his eyes.

 

—

 

They get to be in a bubble for a few days and no one can rain down on their happiness. 

Gabriel finally gets to enjoy being back at school properly and Diane welcomes Aaron back with open arms. Apparently all the kids have missed him badly, it only makes Aaron blush like mad.

“Where do you want this?” Aaron’s asking, he’s carrying his third box to the pub whilst Robert observes and makes sure the door is opened wide enough for him.

Chas is all happy and giddy and tells him to put it with the others. The others are all in the back room of the pub piled high and Robert frowns as soon as he seems them all.

“You reckon Charity’s got space for all of this?” He says as he settles on the sofa and Aaron staggers in all out of breath. Chas pulls a face at him.

“Uh _yeah_ , I am digging her out of another financial hole so she can put up with it.” 

Aaron laughs a little and then leans down until he’s got his legs on top of Robert’s. “Whatever you say mum.” He shakes his head. 

“Speaking of ... you know there’s that Mill place up for sale here.” 

“Speaking of what exactly?” Aaron frowns and Robert knows her game, she wants Aaron to move with her because she loves him and it’s sweet really. 

“Things.” Chas wriggles her shoulders and then starts opening boxes. “Hey Robert, this village is near your sister’s isn’t it?” She smiles and Robert just nods, Aaron scowls at him and then Chas gets out the room when Marlon calls her. 

“Think she wants us to come up here.” Robert says.

Aaron scoffs. “That would be a nightmare.” He says, and then he looks up shyly. “Wouldn’t it?”

Robert goes to speak when his phone goes and he groans. 

“It’s Lawrence.”

He takes the call outside because Chas comes back in talking about decorating the place and changing the colour scheme.

The long short of the call is that Lawrence wants him back in London. Robert’s head aches a little as he closes his eyes around the way Lawrence is speaking to him.

“We have to do some damage control. Obviously.”

“Damage control?” 

Lawrence clears his throat. “You’ll have to come back for that. So when will that be?”

And maybe Robert is never going to get over the idea that he’s wanted, that he is a fine detective in demand. He doesn’t really know what to say though because him and Aaron haven’t spoken about being apart from each other since before Christmas.

They said they’d have a blissful time together and then Aaron has his birthday and then the trial happened.

They haven’t had time to speak about the whole what next thing.

“I have to speak to you later.” Robert says because he can see Aaron coming towards him. He ignores Lawrence’s voice as he ends the call and smiles at Aaron. 

“You alright?” 

Robert nods. “Yeah, you?” 

Aaron bites his lip and then gulps. “Cold out here, you fancy a beer?” 

Robert doesn’t know how he’s supposed to pretend like he isn’t being called back to London. “No, look Aaron ...”

“She scared you off.” Aaron says, he looks scared himself and he tuts hard. “She’s in an idiot, obviously it’s ... it’s a lot to ask — buying the Mill is — _obviously_ a big step and yeah we love each other but —“ 

“Lawrence wants to know when I’m coming back to London.” 

Aaron gulps hard. “Oh.” He gulps hard. 

Robert scratches at his head. “I said I’d ring him later.” 

“Right.” Aaron says, bites his lip. “So when are you then?” He says and Robert is shocked into silence until he gulps hard and breathes out. 

“I don’t know what to do Aaron.” He decides to just be honest and see how that goes. 

Aaron just nods. “You wanted to stay here last time because of ... how I was. I needed you even though I pushed you away.”

“And because I love you.”

Aaron nods again. “I’m not denying that, I’m just saying ... things are different now.”

“Now he’s behind bars.” Robert kicks the ground and then frowns. “Still hear you having nightmares about him though.”

Aaron looks indignant, embarrassed. “Could say the same about you. At least I’m seeing someone about it.”

Robert looks away quickly and brushes it off in favour of getting back to what’s important. “Aaron ...” he goes to speak and then Marlon is waving them down and saying that he’s made them fish and chips.

The moment seems to die around them and they only get to say anything about it again when they’re back at Aaron’s and Gabriel’s in bed.

Aaron’s leaning against Robert’s chest and they’re both watching some shitty detective show. Robert’s hardly paying attention it when Aaron starts speaking. 

“We can make it work.” He says and Robert instantly knows what he’s talking about it. He gulps hard around Aaron’s words though because he’s scared.

“What if we can’t?” The thought of them falling apart is there, it’s settled in his mind and it won’t shift.

Aaron looks up. “We’ve been through so much, a little distance won’t ruin anything.” 

“I was going to transfer Aaron.”

“You didn’t really want to.” Aaron says, “If you’re being honest.” Robert gulps hard and says that he would have done it for Aaron. “You’ve done enough for me.”

“Don’t say it like that.”

“It’s true.” Aaron says, and then he sighs a little. “You’ve put your life on hold. You love your job and you nearly gave it all up.”

Robert tugs at the inside of his cheek and twitches slightly. “We do a ... like a trial run. For a bit.” 

Aaron goes to speak and Robert stops him. 

“A trial run.” Robert repeats. “And I come back ... all the time. When I can.”

Aaron sighs. “I know it ain’t a normal nine to five job Robert, you can’t ...”

“But I will.” Robert combs a hand through Aaron’s hair. “And you can come down too you know.” 

Robert suddenly thinks about Aaron leaving though, waving him goodbye. It hurts. 

Aaron seems to have the same thought flashing through his mind because he gulps hard around it and then nods. “Of course.” He says.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one last chapter now :(


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert contemplates his future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter right here ... it’s been a journey

He goes a few days later and they try not to make too much of a fuss about it but it’s hard. It’s hard because Aaron tugs at Robert, squeezes and lets go like he doesn’t want to.

Gabriel doesn’t really get it, he just knows that Robert isn’t disappearing. He’s going off to fight crime and they’ll still see him loads. He cries though, because he just sees Robert leaving and he’s too young to know the complexity of it. It doesn’t help with Aaron though, it just gets his chin wobbling and Robert has to get to the car before he starts too.

“I love you.” Robert says, he leans a hand out the window as he waves and Aaron holds onto it and says it back. He says it but his voice wavers and Robert loves him _so_ much.

It feels almost unnatural to end up back in his old flat, alone. It’s suddenly cold and uninviting and it’s scary how comfortable he used to feel here. Now it’s too clean, there’s no toys on the floor or drawings on the walls. 

It’s not home.

 

—

 

“Hello?” Robert sits up in bed, crossed legged and smiling as he hears Aaron’s breathing.

“Hiya.” Aaron says. 

Robert gulps hard. “How are you?” 

The conversation is stilted for all of two seconds before Aaron laughs and tells him to stop being weird.

“What? I’m just asking how you are.”

“How do you think I am?” Aaron says. 

Robert shudders. “I miss you too.” He says because he knows that’s what Aaron’s trying to say. “A lot.” He sits up. “I’ll come and visit soon. This place isn’t home without you.” Robert says. He thinks he can hear Aaron smile.

“Could say the same about here.”

“Could?”

Aaron sighs and then he laughs. “I _am_ saying the same thing.” He says. “Gabriel’s talking about you non stop.” He says.

Robert smiles. “Tell him I miss him yeah?”

“Of course I will.” Aaron yawns. 

“Am I keeping you up?”

“No I just haven’t been sleeping great.”

Robert suddenly feels guilty. “Aaron …”

“I’m fine. Don’t worry.” Aaron says quickly.

Robert wants to.

“Anyway, what’s the next case Sherlock?”

He smiles against it.

 

—

 

Nicola gives him what for, she says he needs to make daily announcements about what direction his life is heading in.

“It’s true.” Nicola says, she’s briefing him on this case in the car and when they pull up to the crime scene she’s still going. “How’s Aaron feel about all this?” 

Robert doesn’t like hearing about him when he isn’t the one doing the talking. It hurts, it catches him off guard and yeah they FaceTime a couple of times a day and he gets to see him but it isn’t the same is it? 

He misses just touching him, his head in the crook of Aaron’s shoulder, breathing him in.

“He’s fine.” Robert says as they show their badges and get closer. He thinks about it for a second though and can’t help but realise how tired Aaron seemed the night before. Maybe he isn’t sleeping that well either.

“Lovely.” Nicola says, a smile on her face all sarcastically and Robert rolls his against it and the way she clearly wants more out of him.

They’ve got more important things to be focusing on. Like the dead body at their feet.

Only when they’re leaving, Robert can’t help but notice someone else being relentlessly annoying. Brian Jones. He’s another detective, only he’s an idiot who just keeps shaking his head at Robert and being a general arse. 

“Just ignore him.” Nicola says, waves a hand out and he tries to kid himself that Brian’s the only idiot who’s going to have a problem with him.

 

—

 

Robert needs to see Aaron’s face so when he finally does he can’t help but smile, a proper wide one that gets Aaron laughing at him.

“Someone’s happy to see me then.” Aaron says, voice thick with sleep. 

“Someone nearly fell asleep on me.” Robert looks at the time and frowns. “It’s not even late.”

“Yeah well Gabriel’s been having trouble sleeping.” Aaron pauses. “He misses you.” He says, and Robert feels guilty suddenly. The thought of messing up Gabriel’s life is enough to make him rethink everything. “So when he’s asleep, I sleep. It’s like back when he was a little baby again.”

Robert nods down the phone and then bites his lip. 

“He’ll be fine.” Aaron says, like he knows it will ease Robert’s worry. It does, a bit. “So what’s new?” 

It feels weird, but Robert starts talking. “Got a new case, some local businessman was shot in the head.” He says. 

“Bet it was his ex wife.”

“How do you know he has an ex wife?” 

Aaron pulls a face. “I don’t, just guessed. It usually goes that way.” He shrugs and Robert scoffs at him and then starts laughing. He feels lighter for it when Aaron does the same.

“I miss you.” He says and Aaron gulps hard. 

“Don’t.” He says firmly like he doesn’t want to start crying and then he sighs. “I miss you too.” He whispers, “So much.”

 

—

 

It turns out that the bloke did have an ex wife but she’s in Lanzarote so it can’t be her. Robert smirks when he finds out and Nicola doesn’t get to see the funny side.

He’s just got back from interviewing the guy’s daughter when he gets a further ribbing from Brian. He doesn’t need it. 

“See, here he is.” Nicola says, she shoots a look at Brian and then calls Robert over. 

“What’s the problem?” Robert asks.

“Nicola here didn’t know where you’d gone and people maybe or maybe not started to wonder ...”

“Wonder what?” Robert doesn’t understand, he’s caught up in his confusion when Brian folds his arms over and frowns.

“If you were up to something dodgy.” Lauren from downstairs chirps in and even though Nicola shoots her a look too she doesn’t seem fazed. She’s not even a detective, she’s a normal officer and she doesn’t even get to be this bloody rude to her senior. “What? It’s what everyone was saying less than a minute ago.”

Robert keeps his head down and then looks up again. “Well I’m not dodgy.” He says. “So you can run along.” He looks right at Brian. “And you can shut your face too.”

“Can I?” Brian says, folds his arms over and sighs. “Because I think I have the right to be a little wary considering everything that’s happened. That Simon bloke had a _lot_ to say.”

“Yeah. A lot of lies, sort of why he was found guilty.”

Brian smirks. “Very lucky there.”

“Uh he got shot by him, I wouldn’t call that luck.” Nicola says, and he shouldn’t be as happy as he is over her defending him but he can’t help but smile. He can’t help but feel grateful that he has a friend.

“I’d call it something else.” Brian says, that stupid smirk is still plastered on his face. “What? Like Lauren said, everyone’s thinking it aren’t they?” He stands, makes some big show of it all and then looks at Robert again. “Doubt you’re the great big shot you once were now Sugden. What a shame.”

It shouldn’t hurt but yet it does. It gets his back up and he hardly gets through the day by the time Aaron is calling him. For a second he wavers when he sees his name on his screen. It’s almost as if it would be easier to just pretend like everything is okay. 

But he can’t. He misses him too much. He’s not strong enough.

Aaron’s face lights up the screen and Gabriel’s waving too. Robert doesn’t expect to see him so his chin starts wobbling like mad.

“Hiya mate.” Robert says, and Gabriel starts babbling on about school and all the silly reading he has to do. “Well it’s to help you, I should know shouldn’t I? I was your teacher wasn’t I?”

He watches Gabriel nod eagerly. “When will you be back?” He speaks with an effortless tone about him and it’s almost a little shocking. He didn’t expect it and now he’s got to try and explain, or think of something as quickly as he can.

“I’ll come and see you soon.”

“But when will you be home _proper_ —“

“Gabriel mate, say night night and get up to bed now okay?” And somehow Gabriel does reluctantly, he kisses the phone and slopes up the stairs and Aaron sighs hard. “I’m sorry.”

“Why?” Robert whispers. “It ain’t your fault is it?” 

Aaron gulps. “I thought I’d explained everything to him.” He says slowly. “Obviously he doesn’t get it.”

“He’s only five.” Robert plays with his hands, “He’s bound to be confused, as long as he knows that I love him.”

Aaron smiles. “He knows.” He says gently. “So ... how’s work?”

Only he really doesn’t want to speak about it does he? Not when it feels like he’s back at school again, the stupid kid getting picked on. He used to be fucking respected and some idiot has managed to ruin it all with pathetic lies and made up conspiracies. 

“Fine.” Robert says, “How’s uh ... how’s work for you?”

But Aaron seems to know him better than that. “What’s happened?” 

“Nothing’s happened.”

“You’re lying.” 

“I’m choosing not to ... talk about it. That’s different.” Robert snaps and Aaron takes it, it only manages to make Robert feel worse. “Look, I’m sorry.”

“Was it bad?”

Robert gulps. “Just some twats being ...”

“Twats?” 

Robert almost smiles and then he winces. “It’s just shit.” 

Aaron looks like he wants to run though the screen and wrap his arms around Robert. He bites his lip and sighs. “Rob...”

“I’ll be fine though.” Robert says. “Always am.”

He always is.

 

—

 

He gets through another few weeks before all the shit comes to ahead. Him and Aaron aren’t spiralling but he misses one call and he feels so fucking guilty over it. 

And then Aaron’s out with Pete the next night so they only text.

Robert scrolls through his phone and reads over the few texts as he waits for Nicola to come out of the cafe. She chucks him a sandwich and he just about catches it.

“You happy we’ve nearly solved this then?” Nicola asks and yeah he is happy about that, his work life, well the _case_ is going well. He’s found out that the victim was in a lot of debt, he owed his best mate and the mate has suddenly been off the radar. It’s all pointing towards him. 

“Of course.” Robert tries to smile.

“But ...”

“Brian’s still on his little crusade.” Robert says, annoyed by it all clearly because Brian’s still being a snide bastard. “I heard him tell Lawrence that he didn’t think I was up for the job.”

“Well he’s wrong.” Nicola says, she folds her arms over and they get back to the office just in time to see Brian right in Lawrence’s office again. “Urgh will he gave up?”

The answer to that is no, they get the bastard and his accomplice and a few days later he’s charged by the CPS and everything is grand. 

But Brian voices his theories. “So when you found the documentation, was Nicola with you?”

Robert is flickering through papers on his desk when Brian starts going on about it in front of everyone. “No.” He says shortly. “I found it. Myself. I am capable.”

“Of not tampering with evidence? Think Simon would have something to say about that?” 

Robert loses it slightly, he comes right up towards Brian. “Listen to me right now you slimy idiot. You have no idea who you’re messing with you okay? So if I was you I’d keep my head down and stay out of my way before I make things really difficult for you.” He says. “Really _really_ difficult.”

Brian almost crumbles and he really is just a stupid little boy isn’t he? He just gulps hard and ducks away, avoids everyone whispering about him as he goes.

“Reckon he just needed me to scare him.” Robert says, it’s just gone nine and he’s got Aaron on the phone. “Stupid idiot.”

Aaron half smiles but he looks distant, “Knew you could handle him.” He sounds even more distant.

“You alright?” Robert asks and Aaron just smiles and nods. 

“So my boyfriend solved a murder?” Aaron says and Robert almost grins.

“It’s what I do.” He leans back suggestively and Aaron bites his lip. “Turning you on?” 

“Thinking about a dead body?”

“Thinking about me solving his murder?” And when Robert says it aloud he has to admit that it isn’t the most sexy thing he’s ever said. He laughs against it and Aaron blinks. 

“You’re happy aren’t you?” Aaron says, “Work makes ya happy.” He gulps. “I’m so glad.” 

“Aaron you sound weird.”

“You’re happy.” Aaron says again. “You’re happy ...”

‘Without me’ is left unsaid but Robert gets it. 

“Aaron, don’t be daft.” 

Aaron plays with his hands and gulps. “Gabriel needs a story. I should go, love you —“

“Hang on.” Robert says quickly. “Hang on, look Aaron I —“

“I’m being stupid and selfish.” Aaron says quickly, his cheeks redden and he’s clearly embarrassed. “I’m so glad that you’re happy there, honest.”

Robert blinks, believes him. “I know that.”

“It’s just something my mum said ...”

Robert can only dread.

“About me and you, you seeming happy down there. You are.”

“I’m happiest with you.”

Aaron blushes against it. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

 

—

 

He finally speaks to someone about everything. The police force him and Aaron prods but it’s him who accepts, who ends up sitting opposite some well meaning man called Freddie. 

He looks too young to be a counsellor but that’s besides the point really. 

Robert breathes out, waits and then decides to speak. “Just always felt like ... like a liar. That I couldn’t be anything other than that.”

“And now?”

Robert’s scared of how much he wants to be. He wants to be everything to Aaron, to Gabriel, he wants to hold hands and walk down the street with Aaron for years and years. It makes his eyes get all shiny as he thinks about it. “I see more than that.” He settles on saying for now.

It feels like a breakthrough. 

It feels like a damn opening or something and he lets it all rush out. 

He feels good until they broach the shooting and he freezes against it. He doesn’t accept that what he did was brave. He doesn’t understand until Freddie starts speaking.

“You risked your life? For Gabriel, and for Aaron.”

Robert nods. 

“Tell me about them.”

He slips back into something more comfortable, smiles warmly. “They’re special to me. Really special. Didn’t expect them to be but ...” Robert lifts his head slowly. “They’re family now. It hasn’t even been that long you know? It’s crazy actually.”

“What is?”

“How I feel.” Robert whispers. He leans forward and starts bouncing his knee. “I’d do _anything_ for that little boy.” He scoffs. “When I met him, I didn’t get kids but he’s amazing.” He smiles faintly.

“And they are your family.”

Robert smiles. “Hopefully it stays that way.” He rubs his hands together. “Don’t want to mess it up again.”

Freddie frowns. “Has Aaron said that?”

“God no. He probably thinks the same ...”

Freddie nods slowly and Robert gets it. He dips his head and then nods. 

He leans that it’s fine to have such worries. He learns to welcome his bravery. 

 

—

 

He’s happy. He wakes up with a smile on his face because the case is being praised all around the station and him and Nicola are swimming in all the attention it’s getting them.

Lawrence even pats him on the back, says it’s a job well done.

He’s happy. 

He’s really happy.

He sits down at his desk, wheels the chair closer towards it and flicks the computer screen on. Whilst he waits, he gets his phone out and stops as he sees the screen saver. For the first time in a long time, it’s not filled with messages and emails and reminders for him to look at it.

It’s just Aaron, and Gabriel on his shoulders poking his tongue out and Robert is kissing at Aaron’s cheek. They’d taken it at the zoo that time, it was still messed up and they were in the middle of the painful trial but they were happy. 

In amongst the pain of everything, they were happy.

Happy.

Robert suddenly realises what he has to do. He straightens his tie and blows out a breath before he knocks on Lawrence’s door and waits.

“Ah Robert, what can I do for you?” 

 

—

 

He doesn’t tell him, he doesn’t tell anyone really. He just stays exactly where he is and does everything in secret. He doesn’t want anything going wrong. 

They struggle, Aaron feels so far away and Robert wonders if he’s going to realise soon but he doesn’t. 

Robert goes through it all. He gets referenced, takes it all on and yes it takes time but the day finally comes.

“I must say, I didn’t see this day coming.”

Robert smiles, “Me either. I can hardly blame you.”

“But this ... it’s what you want?” 

He closes his eyes around the question and think about how he’s got to this point. He remembers first being assigned the case, remembers being so far out of his depth that it was an absolute farce. He remembers and remembers until he remembers meeting Aaron and how much he has changed his life.

He can’t think of anything but how happy he made him, how happy he was then. 

“I’m sure.”

“Well then, off you go.”

He smiles, closes the door and then finds himself standing in the hallway looking around. He’s suddenly really nervous, and then he sees Aaron standing in the classroom. 

He’s waving his arms about dramatically and all the kids are laughing at him and then he sort of just stops and looks at Robert. His mouth is wide open and he has ever right to be shocked because he’s supposed to be in London isn’t he? 

He’s not supposed to be here. 

But he is.

Aaron comes out of the door slowly, shakes his head and then his eyes get even wider. “How — what are you doing here?” 

Robert gulps and then Aaron shakes his head and just comes closer towards him. He has this soft smile on his face.

“Thought I’d come and surprise you.”

Aaron scoffs. “Well consider me surprised. You were coming down this weekend.”

Robert pulls a face as Aaron has hand against his blazer. He can probably hear his heart pounding. “Changed my mind.”

Aaron scoffs. “Well we could go for lunch, I’ve got an hour. But you’ll have to wait for me to show around this new teacher.” 

“New teacher?” Robert says. 

“Yeah.” Aaron nods and he keeps his eyes on Robert, he looks like he’s just soaking him in and Robert is almost shaking because it’s been so long since he’s held Aaron like this.

The kids start to poke their heads out of the classrooms and Robert bites nervously at his lip. “You better start then.”

Aaron frowns at him, tears in his eyes. “You what?”

Robert gulps hard and smiles. “I’m Mr Sugden. The uh ... the new teacher.” He says nervously and before Aaron can get anything out, April’s running towards them with all the other kids from Robert’s class.

“Are you back? Are you really back?”

Robert nods down at them, “Yeah.” He says. “I’m not going anywhere this time.”

They all start cheering like he’s the greatest person in the world and Aaron just stares at him in awe. “Are you serious?”

Robert nods, “I’ve never been more serious in my life.” He says over the sound of them running around near him. 

Aaron frowns. “So that’s what all the secret stuff was about? You were training ... Robert. You love your job? You were _happy_.”

“It didn’t compare.” Robert says honestly. “I mean how could it?” He whispers, face tilted towards Aaron’s. “Which is why ... I think we should buy that place your mum is going on about.”

“Mill?” 

Robert nods. “And be happy.” He whispers.

Aaron starts crying because he’s Aaron and Robert cups his face. “I love you.” He says passionately. “I’m not going anywhere, it’s ... you and me and ...” 

He spots Gabriel jumping like a loon and he picks him up, puts him on his hip and Aaron’s wiping tears away from his face. 

“God I love you.” Aaron grabs Robert by the back of the neck and kisses him hard and all that pain and that misery of theirs seems to melt away. All the kids start clapping and they laugh at them like they’re in some movie and they get to be happy.

Aaron pulls Robert’s hand in his when it all dies down. “Come on, we’ve got a fancy new coffee machine in the staff room that you’re going to love.” 

Robert smiles. “Lead the way.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started this fic so so so SO long ago that it’s unbelievable that it got this big. The 30th of October (I was still 18!!) and now it’s June lol. I just have to thank every single one of you who have left a comment of encouragement, shared this story around, shown me support and basically just carried on reading after all this time. 
> 
> I hope the ending did the fic justice, I always like to deliver a little happiness and it was dedicated to all of you who have kept with this fic right until the end. Thank you!!
> 
> As always comments and feedback are appreciated if you have the time. And once again a massive thank you for reading another massive multi chapter mess of a fic I’ve produced!


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